Thursday, July 3, 2008

Getting to Know You (well... Me)

Hey Folks (as of now "Folks" may not actually BE anyone. I am just going to assume that as my blog sweeps the nation, people will want to read past posts, and they'll feel more included if I say "Folks" as opposed to...well...something less inclusive.)

Wow... a whole parenthetical paragraph right off the bat. Strap on your seatbelts. I am out of control.

Anyway, I feel that I should tell you a little bit about myself. With that, I bring you:

The Beefy Muchacho's 10 Most Important Facts About Himself!

-- I have a B.A. in Drama from Thomas More College. I am literate, even though I colleged in Kentucky. I do contribute to society, even though I am also a shiftless actor. Oh..and I often feel like a sellout, and will perhaps discuss that very thing right here.

-- I am pretty much the epitome of "Nice Guy". This is not a thing to brag about. I think a lot of people confuse "Nice" and "Pussyish". Probably for good reason. Listen ladies...I want to be a dick. I just feel too bad after. I'm fielding suggestions. I am starting to think I need someone literally telling me how to behave. Like effing Cyrano.

-- I have a really terrible mouth. Like...really terrible. You'll note in the previous paragraph I said "effing". This is not to censor myself. I have no issue saying "fuck". In fact, I say it often. I just think "effing" is funny. Some people say that using profanity is lazy, because there are better words. Those people can go fuck themselves.

-- I am a snob. It's true. I embrace it. I am (in my mind) someone who is awesome enough to judge others. That's just how it is. I said earlier that I'm a nice guy, and that's true. But I can also be fairly critical. It's not personal. If I see my friend in a show...they may not like to hear my opinion. Of course, it helps that I typically don't befriend untalented people. So feel special!

-- I have had a ton of jobs, and at least one of them will almost always be applicable for an anecdote. Before I'd graduated college I'd worked at a camp, delivered pizza, worked for 2 different Blockbusters, made sandwiches at Subway for 3 years, been in several professional theatre productions, torn tickets at a movie theater, done golf course maintenance, worked at the Zoo for 2 years, made bagels, worked retail for Warner Brothers, and bartended. I value all of the experience I've gained. People may think that the 6 months of pouring coffee at Starbucks would be somehow below them, but few places have prepared me for dealing with assholes better than The Bux. And I've never worked with more people that I'd wanted to, and have, become friends with. Good people.

-- I have 2 heroes in my life. My Dad is one. He may read this, so I'm just gonna say that he's the best person I know. I hope that I can one day be half as accomplished, half as generous, half as kind as him. The other hero is Walt Disney. In my opinion, no person has ever shaped popular culture more than he did in the 20th Century. He INVENTED feature animation. He INVENTED the modern theme park. He basically created 2 whole cities. (Orlando and Anaheim). Before him, they were swamps and orange groves respectively. He was a true innovator. An artist. A visionary. If I could meet one person living or dead, he's who I'd pick. No question.

-- This is sort of an extension of #5, but I LOVE Disney. I mean... I love it. I love the artistry of the old movies. I love the parks. I love the absolute capitalistic commercialism. I know that makes me a bit of a Republican (I'm really not), but I don't care. The way I see it...there are 2 primary goals of the company. 1) Make artistically interesting movies. 2) Make boatloads of cash in order to justify potentially disappointing box office results for the products of goal #1. I think #1 is addressed these days mostly by the Pixar division, but God-Damn is it addressed. Has Pixar made a bad movie? #2 is addressed by the High School Musicals and Hannah Montanas and whatnot, and I'm good with that.

--I had bypass surgery nearly 6 months ago (will be 6 months on the 9th of July) and I have, as of today, lost 146 pounds. I only mention this, because a blog may include discussion of vomiting, or my insides exploding, or even food related daydreams I have. This will make more sense if you keep in mind that I am in a perpetual state of hunger and deprivation. I do not complain about it...I brought it on myself. Just another piece of the puzzle.

--I have an up-and-down relationship with my mother. I love her. I think she's one of the 5 smartest people I know. (That's a fun, and possibly divisive blog right there.) She's got a great heart. I also think she's totally insane and sometimes completely irrational and narcisistic. I probably don't help the situation sometimes, and I'll own that. In any case, it's volatile sometimes, and that will probably come up occasionally.

-- I'm perpetually torn between my desire for different types of lives and loves. I desperately want to move away from Cincinnati. I have for years. Florida is a constant option in my mind. Dallas came up briefly this Spring. Denver. Chicago. Las Vegas. That said, I also love it here. It's the only home I've ever known (aside from a couple of Summers in Summer Stock). Almost everyone I love is here. I also wrestle with the pull of art, of theatre versus the pull of my full time job. My security. My lack of confidence that somehow prevents me from just going and doing. This is why, as I mentioned earlier, I feel like I sellout sometimes. I think I've got the ability to go and do and be wherever I want. On the other hand, I have a good, secure corporate job that I really enjoy and's comfortable. I'm a pussy basically. (Like how it all comes around again and again?)

So...that's me. Or at least a snapshot. If you asked me to come up with the same list tomorrow, I wouldn't be at all surprised if many of these didn't appear. I'm mercurial. One thing you can be certain of is that these topics will all appear in my blog at one time or another. Well..these topics...and cunnilingus.


Samantha said...

a) Your blog cannot not sweep the nation with only one post. b) It's starting to weird me out how alike we are. c) You're not stalking me are you? d) AirChef sucks.

Ok thanks for your time.

Beefy Muchacho said...

a) I'll be adding more entries from my past blogs. Sort of a "highlights" type thing. b) I think that cool people gravitate toward eachother. c) No...not currently. d) I'm sorry to hear that. I really love Delta AirElite (and if I didn't, I'd never say so even remotely publicly.