tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9500971460749683952023-12-04T02:05:02.071-05:00The World's Beefiest BlogBeefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.comBlogger287125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-63404007730819041922015-02-12T01:57:00.000-05:002015-02-12T01:57:56.758-05:00No Vaccination for Stupidity<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwCLGF0aynw3fiiVNuY3DkrDYOIh8TexZaIr2IYuf8zZRpKKOhgwkh4pcYBoL6R1oLsldYpbwfAl1v3C3JFUfnUF0npyPxNeeQJ9WU8gb40jkv3BG-rre6sYri8BGBqAbCGQSlL-osmdCM/s1600/AlCohen.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwCLGF0aynw3fiiVNuY3DkrDYOIh8TexZaIr2IYuf8zZRpKKOhgwkh4pcYBoL6R1oLsldYpbwfAl1v3C3JFUfnUF0npyPxNeeQJ9WU8gb40jkv3BG-rre6sYri8BGBqAbCGQSlL-osmdCM/s1600/AlCohen.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Al Cohen</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />Al Cohen contracted Polio in 1939, at the age of 15. Only 1
out of 200 people who get the disease show severe symptoms, and Al was one. He
spent time in the hospital, and in an iron lung. He lost muscle strength, and was
unable to move. <br />
<br />
Even after recovering, he never fully regained strength in his arms and
shoulders. From 1939, until his death in 2006, he couldn’t raise his hands over
his head. When World War II broke out, he was unable to enlist in the military,
and was instead confined to a department store window, where he read the war
news to passersby. <br />
<br />
Jonas Salk developed the first truly viable vaccine for Polio in 1952. Too late for Al to have lived a normal life.<br />
<br />
It wasn’t all bad for Al. One could certainly make the argument that were it
not for these events, he’d have never met Marilyn Melnikoff, and would have
never become the man I knew as “Grandpa”. He was a warm, funny guy. Brilliant, and ahead
of his time, in many ways. I loved him a
great deal, and one of the most memorable things about him was that he never
let his physical impairment define him, or really even limit him much of the
time. He did what he wanted, and he did it on his terms. Except for having
green towels. Marilyn wouldn’t allow that. <br />
<br />
Still… I can’t help but wonder what his life would have been like had that
vaccine been available to him. Maybe he doesn’t marry Marilyn. Maybe he joins
the Army and dies in Northern Africa. Either scenario would have made it very
difficult for you to read this blog right now, since I would never have been
born, but even as much as I love my life, a part of me is sorry he never had
those options. <br />
<br />
Whenever I read about people opposing vaccines, I think about my grandfather,
and what he’d say today if he heard someone willingly rejecting the very
treatments that could have completely changed his life. <br />
<br />
I have to believe he’d feel as I do… That the anti-vaccination movement is
ridiculous and baffling and really damned scary.<br />
<br />
Some claim that vaccines cause autism, and those people are <a href="http://www.iom.edu/Reports/2004/Immunization-Safety-Review-Vaccines-and-Autism.aspx">wrong</a>,
but even assuming for a second it was true, the idea that tetanus (deadly), or
polio (potentially crippling), or smallpox (deadly) are preferable to autism is
patently absurd. I know that Autism can
be very challenging to manage in some cases. Some kids have a true difficulty
communicating. Some have impairment when it comes to relating to the world. Autism
is not something to be taken lightly, but even if it were caused by
vaccinations, Autism isn’t deadly. Is
the completely mythological chance of your child maaaybe developing autism with
potentially exposing them to measles or diphtheria or polio?<br />
<br />
Some folks are philosophically against vaccines for a variety of reasons… because
they don’t think it’s right that “big pharma” gets rich off of them, or because
they don’t want the government or pesky doctors telling them what to do, or
because they read somewhere that homeopathic remedies were better… You know
what I say to that? Express your convenient, hipster libertarianism on your own
time, and stop risking the lives of others. No matter what you can think of,
someone is getting rich from it. Your toilet seat? Someone patented that
design. If you don’t like taking the
advice of doctors on a public health matter, about what else is it okay to
ignore them? If your kid had cancer, would you give them chemo? It’s real easy
to roll the dice with the measles, because who fucking gets measles anymore,
right? <a href="http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs286/en/">Well… as
it turns out, more people all the time, because of dumbasses like you</a>. <br />
Read that link. Read those statistics. It’s NOT FUNNY, and yet we have websites
like <a href="http://vaxtruth.org/2012/01/measles-perspective/">THIS</a>
pretending that it’s no big deal because hardly anybody dies from it.
Seriously. That’s what it says. Only read it if you plan on getting furious. By
the same logic, let’s just throw 3 million kids in a tank with sharks, because
only 500 of them will die, so what’s the big fucking deal?<br />
<br />
When I was a kid, I remember that we weren’t allowed to show up to school
without proving that we were vaccinated. Nowadays, every state has their own
list of exemptions, ranging from religious to philosophical, allowing parents
to bring their unvaccinated children to school. My aunt posted a meme on
Facebook that essentially said “If my kid can’t bring peanut butter to school because
your kid is allergic, why can you bring your unvaccinated child to school?” It’s
not often that I see a meme and think “Damned right!” but that’s what I
thought. How in the world are schools allowing potentially infected kids to
come to school. Freaking Disneyland was the epicenter of a fucking measles
outbreak. DISNEYLAND.<br />
<br />
“Well, it’s not even 100% effective in all people, so why risk the side
effects?”<br />
<br />
Good question… There’s something called “<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herd_immunity">Herd Immunity</a>” and it
works for everyone, vaccination resistant or not, as long as a large enough
portion of the population has been inoculated. <br />
<br />
“Oh, well then… I’m good, right? Because even if I don’t get vaccines, enough
other people have!”<br />
<br />
Well, no. That’s not how society works. There are enough uneducated rubes like
you running around to ruin it for everyone. All a virus needs is one hospitable
host to keep perpetuating its life. When the community is 99% vaccinated, even
with varying degrees of efficacy, the chances of that virus finding that 1% are
very low. As it is now, we’re at 84%. That means that out of every 100 people a
virus comes in contact with, it can infect 16. Now say those 16 people go to 16
other groups of 100… Now we’ve got an EXPONENTIAL exposure, and FUCK YOU.<br />
<br />
“Well… my kid got some unexplained illness, and she was vaccinated shortly
before she got sick, and even though doctors insist they’re unrelated, I know
in my gut they are connected. They have to be, because there’s no other
explanation.”<br />
<br />
Let’s talk about coincidence for a minute… well, not really coincidence as much
as the obsession with “Why”, and our inability as a society to accept that some
things have no explanation. The inability to accept coincidence. This belief is
not based on evidence, but rather the lack of evidence of anything else. That’s
not the way science works. That’s the way religion works. Do not endanger
everyone else, because you can’t accept that coincidences happen. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">------<br />
<br />
The more I think about it all, and the people actively deciding to go without
vaccinations for themselves or their children, the angrier I get. Well… Angry
isn’t the right word. Embarrassed. <br />
<br />
There’s that joke since 9/11 where whenever we Americans do something
particularly decadent someone says “this is why the terrorists hate us”. Well…
This actually IS why the terrorists hate us. Have you ever heard of a more
American thing than actively rejecting preventative treatments that millions of
people in the world, not only have no access to, but would do anything to get? <br />
<br />
That is embarrassing. <br />
<br />
It makes me ashamed to live in a place so privileged that people would even
think to reject all scientific advancement in exchange for a quick spin around
WebMD message boards, and the arrogance to believe we’re somehow immune just by
virtue of our wealth and national comfort. </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;">We’ve lived in a world free from these illnesses for so long that we’ve become complacent in our privilege, and if you’re not going to vaccinate your kids, you’re rolling the dice for all of us. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">One of my dearest friends, Melissa,
send me </span><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/jennifer-hibbenwhite/anti-vaxxers_b_6661014.html" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">this
link.</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"> I encourage you to read it, but there’s one passage I want to share,
because this (understandably terrified) father says it perfectly.</span><br />
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
<br />
"You have stood on the shoulders of our collective protection for too
long. From that high height, we have given you the privilege of our protection,
for free."<br /><br /></span></span>Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-75545835232970599332014-08-20T13:38:00.000-04:002014-08-20T13:38:08.898-04:00Weeping for Clowns<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSXLO0v15hZ2wgdZC-GkOeblediXTBAajKxpdiMd9IOSBBQcrmGS0y0NCZO7Vgl3KXph5zuqKyqFmes51VSgUalf52ykT4rqcGlpT-QUHaVTgI232LfgZetFJiyiQdzE28iV-AXQrxr2wA/s1600/Robin_Williams-Esquire.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSXLO0v15hZ2wgdZC-GkOeblediXTBAajKxpdiMd9IOSBBQcrmGS0y0NCZO7Vgl3KXph5zuqKyqFmes51VSgUalf52ykT4rqcGlpT-QUHaVTgI232LfgZetFJiyiQdzE28iV-AXQrxr2wA/s1600/Robin_Williams-Esquire.jpg" height="320" width="244" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From Esquire Magazine</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />My
whole life I’ve looked for exceptions to the “comedian who’s secretly in pain”
rule. I’ve always wanted to be the funniest guy. When Chris Farley lived,
I delighted in his self-effacing style and his willingness to lean into his
physicality, so to speak, and embrace that he was a big dude.. I appreciated
that acknowledgement of the obvious. Yeah, I’m a big guy, and I can be funny,
and THAT’S why people will like me. It’ll be funny when I fall or break a
chair... When he died, even at age 15 or 16 I saw a little too much of myself
in the fat guy who would do anything for a laugh, and I even got scared when my
eyes were opened to the relentless abuse he inflicted upon himself through
drugs and booze and all manner of things. He was clearly a guy who wasn’t as
confident or happy with himself “Chris Farley the Funny Fat Guy” as I’d always
wanted him to be. I’m sure another generation felt the same about John Belushi.<br />
<br />
I probably didn’t think about Robin Williams all that much over the past 10
years, but when I heard about his death, from an apparent suicide, I was struck
with sadness I couldn’t have predicted. I was saddened over his death, but
especially so over the manner. And, if I’m honest, not entirely shocked.<br />
<br />
It’s nothing I’d ever said to anyone. Mostly because I don’t think people sit
around talking about the funny guys who are most likely to off themselves. I’m
sure there’s someone somewhere who would have guessed drug overdose (Robin
Williams’ struggles with addition were well known), but suicide always comes
out of left field, even when you look back and say “All of the signs were
there.”<br />
<br />
There was something desperate about his comedy. Someone on Grantland said as
much during one of the tributes, and they put it perfectly… he always seemed
afraid of losing the audience, even as they were erupting with laughter over
one of his bits. While many were brought to tears of laughter by his antics, I
was always at least a little unsettled. There was something about the
incredible, relentless drive of words and consciousness that always made me
uneasy. I used to watch Letterman pretty regularly, and when Williams would
come on, I’d watch the first couple of minutes in hopes that he’d tone down his
spitfire stream, and usually would flip channels halfway through the interview.
I just couldn’t ever get past the idea of how incredibly tiring he must have
been being so ON all the time.<br />
<br />
He was clearly the most talented guy in almost any room he was in, but there
was never a moment he didn’t seem to be begging for everyone’s approval. It makes
me unbearably sad to think that this man, who made millions of people laugh,
and cry, and feel, and *<b>seize the day</b>*, was able to do those things so
powerfully and magically for everyone around him, but couldn’t connect those
reactions with the reality of how truly loved that made him.<br />
<br />
It’s not uncommon for addicts to talk about how they lacked *<b>something</b>*
or couldn’t get enough of *<b>something</b>* and the drugs were a surrogate for
what they really needed… I have to wonder what it was that Robin Williams
couldn’t get.<br />
<br />
Of course, it never really matters how much other people love you if you can’t
love yourself. What a trite and annoying cliché, but also perhaps tragically
true. I just wish that every kid who fell immediately in love with the mania
and genius that was Genie in ‘Aladdin’, or Peter in ‘Hook’ … every teenager who
wished they’d had a teacher as dynamic as Mr. Keating in ‘Dead Poets Society’,
or a nanny like Mrs. Doubtfire, or a therapist like Sean Maguire in ‘Good Will
Hunting’ … I wish all of those people whose lives were so profoundly enriched
by his talent and warmth and empathy and just… utter goddamned fire… were able
to transfer just one pinch of that back to him, so he could truly feel it. So
maybe that could have penetrated the inscrutable shell that is depression and
isolation that he apparently felt through a lot of his life. Unfortunately my rudimentary
understanding of that kind of depression tells me that the more you’re told how
much you’re loved, the deeper your own hole can feel. “Why don’t I feel about
myself what other people say they feel about me?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It
makes me unbearably sad to think that this man, who made literally millions of
people laugh, and cry, and feel, and *<b>seize the day</b>*, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>was able to do those things so powerfully and
magically for everyone around him, but couldn’t connect those reactions with
the reality of how truly loved that made him.<br />
<br />
Looking back you see it… He was always searching for that key to whatever
riddle he believed he was, and all of his roles were just new attacks at his own
personal Rubicks Cube. He never quite found that key, so he kept manically
plugging away and plugging away and I guess he finally just decided to peel off
the colors, and solve himself that way.<br />
<br />
I sincerely hope that, if there’s an afterlife, he’s found the peace and
fulfillment that eluded him in life. I’ll continue to find joy in his
performances. To revel in the unbridled perfection of Genie. To well up at his
warm, passionate, inspiring Mr. Keating. And I’ll wish he’d taken to heart the
words of his own, Oscar Winning role in Good Will Hunting:<br />
<br />
“</span>You'll have bad times, but it'll always wake you up to the good stuff
you weren't paying attention to.” <span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-507180671074270062013-07-23T00:42:00.000-04:002013-07-23T00:42:27.698-04:00No Joy in Mudville<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrlMPVQV4sde1jT7UCAp6oSr36S27M_VLETCTC4JNIkkZ0souqLWvlW2OkiJrpbiHe2y6uPE42H0DOiZ9uJY9U9PgdsKcZuy8IJlUxTOi011pplrRNlKxRcVrtyAx8ZtunfoGGh6OIRj3t/s1600/Braun.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrlMPVQV4sde1jT7UCAp6oSr36S27M_VLETCTC4JNIkkZ0souqLWvlW2OkiJrpbiHe2y6uPE42H0DOiZ9uJY9U9PgdsKcZuy8IJlUxTOi011pplrRNlKxRcVrtyAx8ZtunfoGGh6OIRj3t/s320/Braun.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Liar. Cheater. Scumbag.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I remember when I was a kid, I loved to listen to my dad tell stories about all manner of his memories from when <i>he </i>was a kid.<br /><br />He'd tell me about the amazing powers of The Green Lantern, and about playing pick-up basketball at the old JCC with the road teams who were in town to play the Cincinnati Royals, and about how he accidentally shredded his brother's foot in the spokes of his bike.<br /><br />I loved all of them. I ate them up. I soaked them all in...<br /><br />My favorite stories were always about baseball. Probably because I was utterly <i>obsessed </i>with the sport. <br /><br />I made my dad help me recite the top home run hitters of all time. "Hank Aaron 755. Babe Ruth 714. Willie Mays 660. Frank Robinson 586." He used to tell me that Johnny Bench could hold a million baseballs in his hand. He would tell me about how getting Joe Morgan for Lee May made the the Reds the greatest team of the 1970s and among the greatest teams ever.<br /><br />I remember watching TV when Pete Rose came back to town to re-sign with the Reds. I was 4 years old and I remember seeing the footage of Pete's car coming across the bridge. I will never forget going with my mom to the game BEFORE Pete broke Cobb's record. I made a sign. Pete went 0 for 4.<br /><br />The first poem I ever wrote was about the 1994 strike. The Reds winning the 1990 World Series still, 23 years later, counts as one of the 10 greatest moments of my life. Maybe that's sad, but I guarantee I'm not the only one.<br /><br /> I would throw ball after ball against the wall of my grandparent's house. Always aiming for the small square my grandpa had drawn in blue crayon. Always pretending to be Mike Schmidt, who was, in my opinion, the greatest third baseman ever. I held that opinion even then, because some time in 1984 or 85 my dad and I were watching the Reds play the Phillies, and my dad pointed out Schmidt at the plate. He said "This guy is really good. He hits a lot of home runs.". Then Schmidt homered. It was like he could do it on command. It was like my dad <i>made it happen</i>. Baseball is magical, I guess.<br /><br />No... I don't guess. Baseball IS magical. There's no 9 part Ken Burns documentary on Football... As much as we all love football, it isn't (and will never be) baseball.<br /><br />And now, I'm not sure baseball is baseball.<br /><br />Look... I realize I'm late to this party. The McGwires and Sosas and Bonds and Palmeiros and Giambis and all of those guys who stood there and pointed and pretended to not speak English and dissembled and claimed ignorance... they are the ones who put doubt in the mind of every fan. They are the ones who shattered the sacred records and spat on the legacies of Roger Maris and Hank Aaron and every other player who achieved their astronomical records legitimately.<br /><br />Then... after all of those bombs dropped over and over... Starting with Raphael Palmeiro (outed while I was driving back from the Baseball Hall of Fame induction weekend with my dad and the Brawny Hombre) and capping off with Barry Bonds, there were swaths of legends felled by allegations, assertions, and often direct evidence of their cheating. It was a dark time, to be sure. We had a single-season and career homer champion whose numbers are questioned. In 1998 there was this incredible home run race to 62 homers by two separate men, often regarded (along with Cal Ripken's longevity streak) as the moment baseball resurrected herself from the ashes of a horrible players strike. Only 5 years later that same chase could arguably be seen as nothing more than a slap in the face to Roger Maris and his family.<br /><br />Numbers we hallowed our entire lives were being surpassed by these hulking behemoths with clubs, and as quickly as they shattered the records, they were outed as being cheats. Baseball fans everywhere could no longer hold on to the one thing they'd always had as an advantage over the fans of other sports. The statistics. The beautiful, simple statistics.<br /><br />I thought we were going in a better direction. Power numbers went down to more historically consistent levels in conjunction with new drug testing policies. More and more players were openly in favor of cleaning up the sport.<br /><br />And yet... Here comes Ryan Braun. A player with prodigious power and offensive polish who'd tested positive late in his MVP season and <i>insisted </i>he was innocent. He dragged the name of the tester through the mud. He pulled out all of the legal stops on his league-allowed appeal, and HE WON. He won his appeal on some very nebulous technicality, and he returned to the field none-the-worse for wear the next season. Don't even get me started on the "coincidence" that the owner of the team for whom Braun plays also happens to be the commissioner of baseball. How that's not a conflict of interest I'll never know.<br /><br />Now, today, he was suspended for the rest of the season based on some apparently damning evidence in some report and it must be pretty clear, because the Great Appealer isn't appealing. He's now admitting to some "mistakes". <br /><br />Apparently he's just the first domino in a long line of suspensions and bombs to come. Alex Rodriguez is on the list. A-Rod is currently 6th on the all time homers list, and was up until last year the single biggest contender to pass the other cheater, Barry Bonds for the record. It's very likely now that he'll never come close, and maybe won't ever play again.<br /><br />You know... none of this is news. None of us are surprised anymore. I'm certainly not.<br /><br />I'm just sad. I'm sad that the stories my dad told me as a kid are somehow laced with asterisks now. I'm sad that every number has to be questioned and scrutinized. I'm sad that heroes like Hank Aaron and Roger Maris are no longer the official holders of those iconic records. I'm sad that when the dads of my generation tell their kids about the great players they watched growing up, that the most exciting ones were cheaters.<br /><br />I love Tony Gwynn and Greg Maddux as much as anyway, but the players who I pretended to be on the diamond, the ones who drew me to the game I love, were the mashers and the flame throwers and a lot of those guys are liars.<br /><br />Baseball better figure it out fast, because this shit bums me out. It's gotta end. We've gotta have the purity of our game.Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-25332700952645996372013-02-23T22:12:00.003-05:002013-02-23T22:12:55.129-05:002013 Oscar Predictions<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXnY-OlEgzBvTiLs2Wb_KW5-i4egRTr9NrltjhO92DXI2hoyw-_fElpe2a3E81HfdVY5SyLFp8-sOBOtJIiVO6KYNXTd-blx77QhoI3tfUb7KeEAUfJA-o_RZtIhki2qwA4L3aT40nxAB4/s1600/Oscars.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXnY-OlEgzBvTiLs2Wb_KW5-i4egRTr9NrltjhO92DXI2hoyw-_fElpe2a3E81HfdVY5SyLFp8-sOBOtJIiVO6KYNXTd-blx77QhoI3tfUb7KeEAUfJA-o_RZtIhki2qwA4L3aT40nxAB4/s1600/Oscars.JPG" /></a></div>
I have all kinds of things I want to blog about, and as sometimes happens in those kinds of situations where I have a ton of stuff to say, I find myself not blogging at all. <br /><br />It's very frustrating.<br /><br />I decided that with The Oscars on tomorrow night, and me having seen an inordinate number of the movies involved this year, that I should weigh in. Of course, with only having until tomorrow to make the predictions, here's what I'm going to do... I'm going to get those out of the way, and then once I feel like I have the time I'll talk about things like:<br /><br />"Why the girl from Beasts of the Southern Wild is the most impressive marionette in history, but decidedly not an actress."<br /><br />"Why Les Miserables is a hugely impressive movie that had absolutely no chance to make everyone happy."<br /><br />or<br /><br />"How I'd be fine with 7 of the nominees for Best Picture actually winning. Also Hell is frozen over."<br /><br />Those are for another, simpler time.<br /><br />Without further ado, my Oscar Predictions along with who I believe <i>should </i>win. <br /><b><br />Best Original Screenplay:<br />Should Win: Django Unchained<br />Will Win: Django Unchained</b><br />Comments - Tarantino is a master on the page. I love his turn of phrase. There will be people who are turned off by the profanity, but.. you know... fuck 'em.<br /><br /><b>Best Adapted Screenplay:<br />Should Win: Lincoln<br />Will Win: Lincoln</b><br />Comments - I love Tony Kushner, and while some people didn't love how densely written Lincoln was, it takes an expert touch to write period dialogue that also conveys a lot of ideas without getting boring. Kushner nails it.<br /><br /><b>Visual Effects<br />Should Win: Life of Pi<br />Will Win: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey</b><br />Comments- A lot of folks didn't like The Hobbit, but the effects are great. They're also probably the only thing that doesn't suffer a little from the 48fps. Still... Life of Pi had a ridiculously lush feel, and also featured a CGI tiger that was extremely convincing. Also...a better movie, by a lot.<br /><br /><b>Animated Short Film:<br />Should Win: Paperman<br />Will Win: Paperman</b><br />Comments: It's one of the most romantic shorts I've ever seen, and has a great visual style to boot.<br /><br /><b>Best Original Song:<br />Should Win: Skyfall<br />Will Win: Skyfall</b><br />Comments... c'mon.. It's Adele.<br /><br /><b>Best Score:<br />Should Win: Life of Pi<br />Will Win: Lincoln</b><br />Comments: It's a toss-up for me between the two, really, but I absolutely loved the Life of Pi music throughout, and John Williams' music from Lincoln is only the 10th or 11th best thing about that movie.<br /><br /><b>Best Foreign Language Film:<br />Should Win: I have no idea<br />Will Win: Amour</b><br />Comments... Think about it... The movie is nominated for Best Picture. It's not gonna win that, but doesn't that sort of automatically make it the best Foreign Language movie?<br /><b><br />Film Editing:<br />Should Win: Argo<br />Will Win: Lincoln</b><br />Comments- I wouldn't be surprised if this goes to Zero Dark Thirty, because that movie has much snappier editing, but Argo was so well cut together, I don't think anything else was close this year. Heart-beating. Still... Lincoln's gonna take it, because I'm basically predicting that Lincoln's gonna take a lot of these close calls.<br /><br /><b>Documentary Feature:<br />Should Win: I dunno<br />Will Win: Searching for Sugarman</b><br />Comments: I have no idea... i'm a bad Cinema Junkie who didn't see any of these.<br /><br /><b>Directing:<br />Should Win: Steven Spielberg<br />Will Win: Steven Spielberg</b><br />Comments: Had Tarantino or Affleck been nominated, this might be a different discussion, but since they're not I have to believe Spielberg has this in the bag, and probably should.<br /><br /><b>Cinematography<br />Should Win: Django Unchained<br />Will Win: Lincoln</b><br />Comments: Look... this is very close, but I personally prefer the more stylish Django to the more epic/cinematic Lincoln. If Lincoln wins, I won't be bummed, but I'd be more excited about a Django win.<br /><b><br />Animated Feature Film<br />Should Win: Wreck-it Ralph<br />Will Win: Wreck-it Ralph</b><br />Comments: If it was just about the animation itself, I'd be totally down with Paranorman or Frankeweenie, but I just found the story and writing of Wreck-it Ralph to be so well done, that it wins. It's not like it looked shabby, either. It was really beautifully realized. (PS... i loved Brave also, but no chance.)<br /><br /><b>Supporting Actress<br />Should Win: Anne Hathaway<br />Will Win: Anne Hathaway</b><br />
Comments: Seems like this one is already done, because she's won (and annoyed) at every award show so far. I am a big Amy Adams fan, and I'd love to see her win for something some time, because I think this is now the 3rd nomination for her, but it's not her year. The Master was too bizarre, and Anne Hathaway just crushes too hard.<br /><b><br />Supporting Actor<br />Should Win: Christoph Waltz<br />Will Win: Tommy Lee Jones</b><br />Comments: Man... what a field, huh? All former winners. DeNiro!! I liked all of these performances except maybe Hoffman (I just hated The Master, kinda). Still... the real show was Christoph Waltz playing a truly memorable character. I loved his performance. Tommy Lee Jones was great, too, though and for the bigger winner overall. I'd be shocked if he doesn't win.<br /><br /><b>Best Actress<br />Should Win: Jennifer Lawrence<br />Will Win: Jennifer Lawrence</b><br />Comments: I'm fine with any of these women winning except for the kid. That's a whole other blog. Jennifer Lawrence is awesome, and definitely the best part of the movie. I kinda feel like she's got the momentum, and she's as deserving as any of these ladies.Except the kid. She's more deserving than the kid.<br /><br /><b>Best Actor<br />Should Win: Daniel Day Lewis<br />Will Win: Daniel Day Lewis</b><br />Comments: This one is tough for me, because I could definitely make a real argument for 2 of the other guys. Joaquin Phoenix was by far the most interesting part of The Master, and he is one of my favorite kooky actors out there. Hugh Jackman was almost unsung (ha!) in Les Mis, but as the Beefy Padre said "Oh yeah? Well YOU do it." That guy did a very strong job with an unbelievably difficult character. Still.. Daniel Day Lewis gave a performance that, if you ask me, is a one-in-a-generation performance. Years from now people will still talk about that performance in that movie.<br /><br /><b>Best Picture<br />Should Win: Lincoln<br />Will Win: Argo</b><br />Comments: As I mentioned at the top, I truly believe that 7 of the 9 nominees are excellent enough that I wouldn't be mad if they won. Any one of those 7 would have easily been the top choice ahead of The Artist last year. (The 2 others being Amour and Beasts of the Southern Wild, one of which just has no chance, and the other isn't really all that good respectively. ). <br /><br />Still... When all is said and done, I say that the argument can truly only be made for 3 of these. Lincoln, Argo, and Django Unchained. In 30 years, these are the 3 that'll be debated as being "All timers". And if I'm being honest with myself I just have to go with Lincoln. It was affecting, beautifully acted, and tightly written. It was directed by a living legend, led by a performance by another living legend, and written by one of the great playwrights of our generation. It's as close to a no-brainer as I can think of, and yet...<br /><br />I think Argo will win. It's got the momentum. It's a movie that gives a giant tip of the cap to the movie industry. It's exciting, smartly directed, and is just super in its own right. Do I think it should win? No. Will my feelings be hurt? No. It's awesome.<br /><br />Now... Let's see how wrong I am tomorrow.Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-56491456003472510492012-12-14T22:19:00.003-05:002012-12-14T22:19:45.955-05:00Our Rights and What's Right
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwi8Jt-_PnX3InQkNPuln2na0AyaZGpcvezx50z_VQca40Q9YS1_9iHUnTKDvqvGjDe5Dk-aQu5UkvcHOshfnrf98YoBULvYY89xaS3VQaXBy6Ldz4nClo71355Lz59frBP4bSP7n3ccsN/s1600/Gun+Control.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="186" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwi8Jt-_PnX3InQkNPuln2na0AyaZGpcvezx50z_VQca40Q9YS1_9iHUnTKDvqvGjDe5Dk-aQu5UkvcHOshfnrf98YoBULvYY89xaS3VQaXBy6Ldz4nClo71355Lz59frBP4bSP7n3ccsN/s320/Gun+Control.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I apologize for the time I've taken
away from blogging. I moved across the country and found a new job
and blah blah nobody cares... Anyway, nothing seemed all that
important to talk about, but then today a young man made a little
visit to a grade school in Connecticut and shot a whole mess of
innocent people.<br /><br />Now I have something to say.<br /><br />The other
day, after Bob Costas was nearly lynched for having the audacity to
suggest that guns shouldn't be so easy to get sometimes, I went on
Facebook.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I found a discussion between two of my
friends. One suggested that guns don't kill people any more than cars
do, and that ultimately it's the people doing it, and why don't we
take away the cars since they're also deadly... The other friend said
something that I wholly agree with in equating cars and guns is a
false equivalency, because while cars (or knives or ropes or whatever
else) can be used to kill, they ultimately have a different primary
purpose, whereas the purpose of a gun can only truly be one thing. To
wound, maim, or kill.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
He's right, of course, and that's the
reason I don't understand the people out there laboring so adamantly
to fight against gun control. <br /><br />I simply don't see how a
logical, evolved person would in good conscience hold out this
“right” to have guns as this completely impregnable thing that
can't ever be questioned. <br /><br />Oh wait... I should be totally
clear.<br /><br />I like guns. I am not opposed to private gun ownership.
I have considering purchasing one of my own on numerous occasions,
even recently. I've gone to shooting ranges. I've enjoyed popping off
a few rounds targeted at silly paper plates.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I'm not advocating taking guns away
from sane people. Guns, themselves, aren't the problem. It is
possible to own a gun safely and responsibly.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />Still... I think there are some big
things to talk about here that go beyond my personal preferences and
freedoms. The public good is at stake here. <br /><br />So what about
that good old 2<sup>nd</sup> Amendment?</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Essentially the amendment itself says
that the people have the right to bear arms, and that this right
cannot be infringed upon. <br /><br />Seems pretty cut and dry, but
there's also this part about militias. Oh, and this other part where
it's about it being a right only when crucial to the security of a
free state. <br /><br />Really, it's not all that clear what it all
means. You know what IS clear?<br /><br />The US Constitution, along with
the first 10 amendments were ratified in 1791.<br /><br />Here are some
facts about guns in 1791...<br /><br /><b>Guns in 1791 WOULD</b></div>
<ul>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
...be made by a gunsmith.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
...have rudimentary <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rifle#Origins">rifling</a>.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
...be <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pistol#Single-shot_pistols">single-shot
weapons</a>.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
...be loaded <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flintlock#History">through
the muzzle</a>.</div>
</li>
<li>...fire by means of a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flintlock">flintlock</a>.<br />
</li>
</ul>
<br /><b>Guns in 1791 WOULD NOT</b><br />
<ul>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
...have <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eli_Whitney#Interchangeable_parts">interchangeable
parts</a>. <i>(Popularized in 1798)</i></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
...be <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revolver#History">revolvers</a>.
<i>(Invented in 1835)</i></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
...be <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flintlock#History">breachloaded</a>.
<i>(Popularized in 1810)</i></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
...use <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smokeless_powder#History">smokeless
powder</a>. <i>(Invented in 1885)</i></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
...use a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cartridge_%28firearms%29#History">percussion
cap</a>, necessary for modern cartridged bullets. <i>(Invented in
1842)</i></div>
</li>
<li>...load bullets from a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clip_%28ammunition%29#Types_of_clips">clip</a>.
<i>(Invented in 1890)</i><br />
</li>
</ul>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />Had the 3 guns carried by the
shooter in today's violence been the “Arms” our founding fathers
had in mind, he'd have killed 3 people at most. That's assuming the
guns didn't malfunction. That's assuming he wouldn't have missed
otherwise. That's assuming he walked in with all 3 guns loaded and
ready to fire. <br /><br />Once those 3 shots were done, he likely would
have been subdued by one of the many bystanders while he tried to
re-load the muzzles and that would have been that. A horrible tragedy
to be sure, but nothing like what transpired today.<br /><br />My point?
<br /><br />The founding fathers didn't have 9mm automatic handguns in
mind when they gave everyone the right to “bear arms”. They
weren't governing based on the possibility of a sociopath with a
Bushwacker opening fire in a kindergarten class.<br /><br />So you know..
maybe we don't lean so hard on this 2<sup>nd</sup> Amendment? Maybe
I'm wrong.<br /><br />But let's just say I am wrong, and Thomas Jefferson
and everybody else would have been totally cool with assault
rifles.<br /><br />Should WE be okay with them?<br /><br />I know that some
guns are cool, and some guns are fun to shoot. I get it, totally. I
get that it's fun to go to a gun show and buy a .50 caliber sniper
rifle, you know... just to have it. <br /><br />You know what, though?
<br /><br />Maybe YOUR fun isn't what matters. Or mine. Or anyones. Maybe
the safety of the people as a whole is more important than your
desire to own a cool gun. It's all just dick measuring, right? The
need to own a bigger and badder gun than the person next door.<br /><br /> </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You
want to “protect” your family? I'm down with that. I just don't
think you need an AK-47 to do it. A simple .38 revolver can do that
just fine if a gun is the way you want to do that. <br /><br />What? You
need more than 6 shots to protect your family? What fucking gang did
you piss off? If we're being honest here, if you're in a situation
where 6 shots isn't enough, maybe you're into some shit a little
deeper than you should be. I dunno.<br /><br />So okay.. lets say that
Glock is really necessary for your protection. Do you need 5 of them?
You only have 2 hands, and maybe you should consider using one of
them to open the back door and run like hell. <br /><br />That's really
what I'm getting at here...<br /><br />I'm not against guns. <br /><br />I'm
against owning a dozen guns. I'm against the ridiculous loophole that
allows people to buy a gun from a gun show without a background
check. I'm against people making a big deal about those background
checks, because it infringes on your rights to wait a couple of
fucking days for your “recreational M16”.<br /><br />I'm sad that you
need to take classes before they give you a license to cut hair, sell
real estate, drive a car, ride a scooter, and bartend, but you don't
need to take a gun safety class before you can buy one. <br /><br />A lot
of people are going to blame a lot of things for this shooting, and
you know, we'll probably never know whether the guy got a little too
bored killing digital people in a video game, or if he was listening
to too much metal, or any of the other bullshit things that are
always blamed. One thing we do know? If he didn't have easy access to
guns, those people would still be alive.<br /><br />I think it's time to
look at ourselves. Just because we may have the right to bear arms,
does that mean we should bear like... all of them at once?
<br /><br />I'm sure there are people who will argue that the government shouldn't have this kind of say over what we do. That tightening up on gun control will simply start the ball rolling and give the feds the foothold they need to start taking away other rights.<br /><br />It's a risk I'm willing to take to prevent another day like today. </div>
Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-23534824966430215952012-08-12T00:33:00.000-04:002012-08-12T00:33:03.517-04:00Something about Lolo<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZIQ3ZOYI7VyhHQn3wC6VjncO0B4uAXQZloDeMXZFxL0PjeD5ehUm6rIBKNMV1k_YZs7IoHCAZMTI8fnG87uQNljZ73A5Kn8WBZ8w01vYBypNljAQiRenvyJvkUc-9yR5K2MVOHRpikniI/s1600/lolo-jones.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZIQ3ZOYI7VyhHQn3wC6VjncO0B4uAXQZloDeMXZFxL0PjeD5ehUm6rIBKNMV1k_YZs7IoHCAZMTI8fnG87uQNljZ73A5Kn8WBZ8w01vYBypNljAQiRenvyJvkUc-9yR5K2MVOHRpikniI/s320/lolo-jones.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
I don't know if you've been following the Olympics, but if you have, you likely know of Lolo Jones. <br /><br />There are probably at least a couple of things you know:<br /><br />1) Lolo Jones is very, very attractive.<br />2) Lolo Jones didn't win a medal.<br /><br />There are probably at least a couple of things you've heard:<br /><br />1) Lolo Jones is a product of the USA Marketing Machine.<br />2) Lolo Jones is not a very good hurdler.<br /><br />The things you know are 100% true. Lolo is extremely attractive. Like... crazy good looking. She's in phenomenal shape, and she's pretty too. She also didn't win a medal for the second Olympics in a row. The first time she was leading with one hurdle to go, and she fell. The second time she ran cleanly but was beaten and came in fourth.<br />
<br />The things you've heard are another story. <br /><br />It's probably true, at least to some degree, that Lolo has enjoyed a distinct level of fame reserved for exceptionally pretty athletes in glamor athletic events. If I'm thinking about marketing US Olympians to the American people, I'd probably see her and think about featuring her as well. This is, decidedly, not her fault, and not her issue. If McDonalds wants to pay me to be in their ads, I'm taking their money too.<br />
<br />What isn't true in the very least is that she's not a very good hurdler. <br /><br />If you're making that statement as a simple reaction to her lack of a win, that's an insane exaggeration. This isn't Highlander. There can be more than one very good, world class, hurdler. Not only does it disrespect her, but it disrespects her opponents as well. Just because she wasn't the best on this particular day, or even if she's never been the absolute best, to say that she's not any good is patently insane and stupid. <br /><br />Factually, it's also just wrong. She's a multiple time indoor track champion. She runs the 100 Meter Hurdles in under 13 seconds regularly, and the 100 meter dash in under 12. That's really fucking fast. <br /><br />Just because there are women who are faster (the total number of which could be counted on 3 fingers) doesn't mean that her skills or her abilities are less impressive.<br /><br />The frustration comes, I believe, out of the fact that someone along the way decided to bring her to our collective attention as a superstar, and for the most part those people usually are superstars. The fact that she is merely exceptional and not the best has seemingly turned the media, and in turn many people who aren't paying attention or thinking about her actual achievements, against her. <br /><br />Let me be clear on this point... That is NOT on her. That's on us. That's on the media. It's not her responsibility to "live up to" the hype. She may not have discouraged the hype, but what track athlete would? Track stars are, by nature, insanely confident. Personally, I think it's a shame that we, as a culture, feel the need first create stars, and then tear them down if they don't entertain us the way we want.<br /><br />Lolo Jones is the 4th fastest hurdler in the world. That's pretty fucking amazing.<br /><br />While we're talking about how fucked up our world is (with the Olympics as the looking glass), let's talk for a minute about Gabby Douglas.<br /><br />Again, I assume that if you've been watching the Olympics, you know who Gabby Douglas is... For those of you needing a reminder, she's a 16 year old girl who also happened to have won the women's gymnastics all-around gold medal. <br /><br />This Gabby Douglas has now been criticized by 2 groups within the American people (at least) that I'm aware of...<br /><br />I saw her criticized on Fox News (...) because during the individual all-around competition she wore a pink outfit as opposed to something representing America. She was essentially accused of having some sort of American self-loathing, or something. Or that she was embarrassed to be an exceptional American, so she subconsciously wore "unAmerican colors". <br /><br />This?? Is total, fucking, bullshit. It is. It's just sitting there LOOKING for something to criticize. Last I checked, nobody was unsure of where she came from, and she stood and held her hand over her heart during the National Anthem. The fact that she wore pink doesn't make her a commie. In fact, I'm fairly sure commies hate pink. . Nastia Liukin, the actual Russan-born American, won the 2008 all-around gold wearing... PINK. Did anyone mention this? I don't know why people are looking for reasons to criticize this amazing teenager.<br /><br />The other point of criticism came from a much more disappointing place. <br /><br />Gabby Douglas has been criticized in the black community, because she didn't fix her hair "black enough". Oh... did I forget to mention that Gabby Douglas is black? Instead of being proud of her a a teenager who won a gold medal for her country, people can't leave the poor girl alone. I don't want to get into the history of black women's hair in the US. I don't much care. I don't care if she shaved her head. I don't care if she wore braids. I don't care if she added a weave. I don't care if she straightened it. It's 100% irrelevant. She's an exceptional athlete, who seems to handle herself in an exceptional manner, and her hair is totally fucking beside the point. <br /><br />I am so sad that we have a girl who can potentially serve as a role model for Americans everywhere. Boys, girls. Anyone. She's a teenager who can be held up as a success as opposed to being famous for being on some horrible MTV show. <br /><br />I'm offended that we're not celebrating her success more.<br /><br />This isn't my last blog about the Olympics. Over on Facebook, I made the statement that Michael Phelps is clearly the greatest Olympian ever, and while many people agreed, other people vehemently disagreed. Or at least felt like it was a fun debate (It totally is!), so....<br /><br />Over the next couple of days I'm going to formulate my own little greatest Olympian tournament, and we'll break it down. I hope that I can be open enough to not crown Phelps automatically.Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-43503811069202066452012-07-31T21:28:00.003-04:002012-07-31T22:18:15.719-04:00Talkin' Broadway with The Muchacho<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguE54XldMta8Aqw8www8WMNuqD5k0h56MDZRNzrGBhc8iTV-qnCiCfQySmvnRn1mhFOwYYNrKVJmBh98-Br1Q51VwGpZu9WnhdXuSLSwosTHs1zuSSmP1Bfwt3tRv1YSj1jgN2Z_Jg93YA/s1600/Robbins_rehearsal61.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguE54XldMta8Aqw8www8WMNuqD5k0h56MDZRNzrGBhc8iTV-qnCiCfQySmvnRn1mhFOwYYNrKVJmBh98-Br1Q51VwGpZu9WnhdXuSLSwosTHs1zuSSmP1Bfwt3tRv1YSj1jgN2Z_Jg93YA/s320/Robbins_rehearsal61.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><u><b>"George! Get this mother effing spider off me!!!!"</b></u></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
There was a time when I was one of
those musical theatre people. You know the kind I’m talking about.
I was ALWAYS debating what the best musicals were. Or at least what
my own personal favorites were.<br />
<br />
That was a long time ago.
These days, I don’t hang with many musical theatre folks, so I’m
relegated to talking extensively about drywall, and corning wear, and
wet willies, and how fucking hot it is outside. It’s not that none
of my friends like musical theatre. Maybe it’s just that making
unnecessary lists is a thing we all do in our early 20s and after a
while it just gets old. Maybe it’s because there hasn’t exactly
been a huge number of game-changing musicals over the past decade or
so. <br />
<br />
My theory? At least for me, the two most prominent venues
for glorifying musical theatre have done the exact opposite. Glee and
Smash are both horrific television programs which intend to show how
awesome musicals are, but mostly just show how awful people can be.
It’s kind of forced me to take a bit of a break from the greatest
American art form.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
NO LONGER!<br />
<br />
After having a brief
conversation with the Tofu Muchacha (and perhaps more with myself
than anything), I’ve decided to revisit an old discussion I used to
have and list my favorite musicals. My list is weighted toward the
modern. There’s not a lot of obscure stuff. It’s just a
straightforward list of shows that mean something to me, and have
kick-ass music, and sometimes I just dream about being in them.<br />
<br />
So…
Without further ado..<br />
<br />
The Beefy Muchacho’s Top 10 Favorite
Musicals.<br />
<br />
Honorable Mentions:<br />
<b>Bat Boy –</b> I was
first introduced to Bat Boy about 10 years ago while I was teaching
at a local high school. We were really interested in doing it, but we
couldn’t get the rights, so we ended up doing Godspell. That turned
out really well, but I was always a little disappointed we couldn’t
do Bat Boy. It’s just so weird and quirky and fun. It has a huge
helping of “silly” in there. Also it’s twisted and perverted.
It’s totally awesome. Hidden under all of that silliness and quirk,
though, is a very challenging score with some exceptionally fun songs
to sing. My personal favorites include the quartet at the end of Act
1 and this really beautiful section of a song toward the end of the
play where the mother and father sing this gorgeous harmonic duet for
about 4 measures. It’s just a neat piece of music. People should do
it more. <br />
<br />
<u><b>Hair </b></u>– I was in Hair a couple of
years ago, and I spent most of the time thinking “This is the
dumbest, weirdest show ever. Why do people like this?” Of course, I
was in the unenviable position of playing “The Man”, and I wasn’t
part of the tribe and I didn’t have a ton of fun stuff to do. I was
playing the square over and over. It wasn’t until the show started
to really come together, and I had a chance to really listen to the
songs, and really pay attention to what was happening in the scenes I
wasn’t in to appreciate Hair for what it is… It’s an
archeological piece. It’s a time capsule. It’s a perfect window
into an important, altering moment in our country’s history. Yeah,
it’s bizarre. Yeah, some of the songs are really stupid (The
musical version of Hamlet’s “What a Piece of Work is Man”
speech is especially ridiculous), but there are also some really
interesting moments. The song “Frank Mills” where this sweet
hippie girl sings a love song to this dirty biker she met once for a
minute is one of the sweetest songs in musical theatre. Oh… also?
It fucking rocks. There are some great, great rocking musical theatre
songs. “Aquarius”, “Hair”, “The Flesh Failures”, “Let
the Sun Shine In”…. those songs are extremely catchy, and really
fun. I’m especially fond of the titular “Hair”. That song is
badass. <br />
<br />
<b>Chidren of Eden -</b> I’ve always felt that
there’s this unspoken thing where you’re either a Sondheim person
or a Schwartz person. They are the two most successful composers of
musicals of the last 50 years (along with Webber). I think that I am
one of the few people who fall somewhere in the middle of the two.
The thing I love most about Stephen Schwartz are his harmonies. He
creates some of the most soaring, beautiful choral harmonies, and I
think Children of Eden has the best ones. I played “Father” in
Children of Eden a while back, and while it was a lot of fun, and a
huge challenge, I was always a little disappointed, because I didn’t
get much opportunity to participate in the great harmonies. The
finale is such a lovely song, and the build into the a capella
section is one of the prettier pieces of music in all of musical
theatre in my opinion.<br />
<br />
<u><b>Godspell -</b></u> I really had
a hard time choosing between Jesus Christ Superstar and Godspell. I
realize there’s no rule that says I have to choose just one, but to
me they’ll always be compared because they came out around the same
time, lay people confuse the two, and they are so clearly telling the
same story but from different world views. I think that ‘Superstar’
would be amazing to be a part of (there are like… five parts I’d
love to play), but ultimately the thing that sets Godspell apart for
me is that there’s just this way that it manages to connect with
the audience on an emotional level. It’s one of those shows where
the actors become very close if it’s done right. That closeness
comes through. It’s a team effort in a way. I also think the music
of Godspell is just so much fun, and has so much life. It doesn’t
hurt that I’ve been a part of two productions of it that were both
particularly positive experiences for me. It’s just a great
show.<br />
<br />
<u><b>South Pacific</b></u> – Rogers and Hammerstein
has a tendency to be viewed as passé for “inside” theatre
people, and I think that’s like an art student saying they like
Picasso, or a musician saying that The Beatles are their favorite
band. They might be dinged for being unoriginal, and they might be
snickered at by their fellow art and music majors, but you know what?
The reason those things are passé is because so many people for so
many years listed their work as being their favorite. They’re just
good. That’s all. South Pacific is a classic. It’s Rogers and
Hammerstein at the top of their games, churning out a dozen
memorable, enduring songs (“Some Enchanted Evening”, “Wash that
Man Right Outta My Hair”, “I’m in Love with a Wonderful Guy”,
“Younger Than Springtime”, “Carefully Taught”, “There’s
Nothing Like a Dame”, “Bali Hai”.) I mean… these songs are
all musical theatre classics. The show is powerful, and entertaining,
and a damn lot of fun to be in. The production I was in at Jenny
Wiley Theater was one of the most fun times I’ve had on stage. It
was just a great time.<br />
<br />
Okay… and now the tough part. Ranking
my 10 favorite musicals of all time... In order ending with my all
time favorite musical.<br />
<br />
<b><u>10 - </u><u>The Last 5 Years</u> –</b> It’s
certainly on my list of shows I’d like to be in. I love Jason
Robert Brown’s music. I love his lyrics. I love that he writes
pretty much exclusively for the Baritenor in his lead roles. I could
have picked a few of his shows, but this one stands out to me as his
best, and also his most heartbreaking. He has this great knack for
infusing great emotion into his work, and it’s obvious he was
conflicted when he wrote this auto-biographical work about his failed
marriage. The most creative part is that it shows the progression of
the relationship from the perspective of both characters (man and
woman) but their stories go in reverse. At the beginning of the show,
the relationship is starting for the man and ending for the woman.
There are so many good songs here, but it’s hard not to fall in
love with “The Next 10 Minutes” where the stories of both people
intersect and they sing the one and only true duet of the 2 person
show. It’s a very powerful theatre experience.<br />
<br />
<u><b>9 -
West Side Story</b></u> – If I were a dancer, I’d probably have
West Side higher. If I were a tenor, I’d probably have it higher
too. I’m definitely bitter that I have a tough time singing Tony’s
songs. Look… This is probably the most technically perfect musical
ever created. It’s got the score by Leonard Bernstein. The Lyrics
by Sondheim. The source material by Shakespeare. The original
choreography by Jerome Robbins. It's just spectacular. The only real
downside is that this show tends to be mounted by people who don't
quite get how difficult it is, and don't quite get how important all
of the factors are. The music is very difficult to sing, so sometimes
groups will cast it with the best singers, and the dancing suffers.
There are people who cast it to showcase dancers, and the music
suffers. The acting almost always suffers. Believe me, though... As
soon as you see a cast that can sing, dance, AND act the show. It's
amazing. <br />
<br />
<u><b>8 – Little Shop of Horrors</b></u> – I
distinctly remember singing “The Dentist Song” while playing on
the playground in 2<sup>nd</sup> or 3<sup>rd</sup> grade. For
whatever reason, Little Shop spoke to me from a young age. I think it
was the first time it registered to me that a musical could be funny
and dark. It’s possible that The Dentist is the first role I ever
wanted to play. I remember riding around in my mom’s car and
listening to the cassette tape of <i>Little Shop</i> over and over
and over. Clearly my mother loved me a lot, because damn. I knew
EVERY word of that show. It’s just so funny and smart, but at the
same time, the tunes really stick with me. Far more than other
“funny” shows. Not that those shows are bad, but I feel like
Little Shop really paved the way for a slightly more irreverent
strain of Broadway musicals. If you follow me… I’m essentially
saying that without <i>Little Shop of Horrors</i>, there would be no
<i>Urinetown</i>, <i>Avenue Q</i>, or even <i>The Book of Mormon</i>.
It’s absolutely classic.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<u><b>7 – Assassins</b></u> – I
know it’s blasphemous to many, but I’m not a huge Sondheim fan. I
mean… I like several of his works, and I acknowledge the skill he
has, but it’s mostly not my thing. I far more gravitate toward the
melodic rather than the wordy. There are a couple of exceptions,
though, and easily my favorite of all of Sondheim’s shows is
Assassins. It’s the perfect combination for me of my love of
history, my love of musical theatre, and my love of dark material.
There’s nothing to dislike about Assassins. It’s clever, it’s
got some truly touching and emotional music. It’s bitingly funny.
It has provided me with more than one victory at a trivia night,
because who else would know who the hell Samuel Byck was? The scene
in the Dallas Book Depository is one of the most chilling scenes in
all of theatre, even if it’s playing fast and loose with one of the
worst moments in our country’s history. I’m not as fond of the
cast of the more recent revival with Neil Patrick Harris and Mario
Cantone and Michael Cerveris. I much prefer the version with Victor
Garber and Terrence Mann. It’s one of the better cast recordings
ever.<br />
<br />
<u><b>6 – Big River</b></u> – Man… this is getting
really, really tough. I think it’s safe to say that on a given day
I could potentially list any of these next 6 as my favorite all time
musical, and I likely wouldn’t argue…with myself… Anyway, Big
River is awesome for several reasons… First, the source material is
one of the most important, entertaining, and touching books ever
written. (The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn). Second, the songs are
uniformly either catchy as all hell (“I, Huckleberry Me”,
“Guv’ment”, “Hand for the Hog”, “When the Sun Goes Down
in the South”) or beautiful (“River in the Rain” “Waiting for
the Light to Shine”) just plain moving (“Worlds Apart”, “You
Oughta Be Here with Me”, “Leavin’s Not the Only Way to Go”,
“Free at Last”), or even exciting (“Muddy Water” “Waiting
for the Light to Shine (Reprise)”). It’s probably the only
soundtrack I own where I’ll listen to it straight through every
time. I never want to skip a song to get to another. Third, I think
it provides some of the most interesting visual possibilities of any
show. It’s perfect for outdoor stages. Fourth, it’s got a lot of
personal, emotional connection for me as it was one of my all-time
favorite experiences in a show as a teen. It’s just a wonderful
show. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing several wonderful
productions, and even being in one of those. <br />
<br />
<u><b>5 –
Carousel –</b></u> This breaks my heart, because I honestly
expected it to end up higher. I have some very sentimental reasons
for loving <i>Carousel</i> so much, but I first want to talk about
the more factual reasons for it being great; I don’t think anyone
would deny that Rogers and Hammerstein were one of the great musical
theatre writing teams of all time. They created several of the truly
great musicals ever. Some were very, very broad and commercial
(<i>Oklahoma!, The Sound of Music, Cinderella</i>), some were more
political (<i>The King and I, South Pacific</i>), but one was the
perfect combination of a beautiful story, a little serious
message-delivery, and insanely gorgeous music. That, of course, is
<i>Carousel</i>. From the very beginning, Carousel is a masterpiece
of music. The opening sequence where the overture plays and the
carousel is assembled on stage in a dance is one of the most
beautiful sequences in anything. There are so many great moments and
memorable characters, but of course, none greater or more memorable
than Billy Bigelow, who is arguably one of the more unsympathetic, or
at least… morally ambiguous… main characters in Broadway history.
I remember seeing the national tour in Cincinnati around 1995. It was
the revival staging and design, and I went into it thinking I would
be bored, and I was the absolute OPPOSITE of bored. It was magical.
<br />
<br />
On a personal note, when I needed to write my senior one-act
about a figure in theatre history, I chose Broadway legend John Raitt
(Bonnie’s dad). He was the original Sid in <i>The Pajama Game</i>.
The 2<sup>nd</sup> Curly in <i>Oklahoma</i>, and famously the
original Billy Bigelow. I couldn’t find any information on him at
all, really. This was before Wikipedia, and there were no biographies
about him like there was about Ethel Merman or Sondheim. There was
just… nothing. I wasn’t sure where to turn, and I was getting
close to changing streams and choosing another person entirely. I had
one final recourse, and I had no expectation of it yielding anything
close to a result. I called Information and asked for “John Raitt,
Fullerton, California”. <br />
<br />
I was connected and an old man
answered the phone. <br />
<br />
I said “Can I speak to Mr. John Raitt,
please?”<br />
<br />
He said: “Speaking.”<br />
<br />
I said: “Is this
John Raitt the actor?”<br />
<br />
He said: “I prefer to think of
myself as a singer.”<br />
<br />
After that, a lot of the conversation
was a blur, but I can tell you that it lasted 3 hours. I explained to
him my project. I asked him a million questions, many of them pretty
personal. I asked him what it was like to work directly with Rogers
and Hammerstein. I asked him what it was like to sing their amazing
music. He was unbelievably gracious. It was truly one of the more
amazing experiences of my life. At the end of the conversation, he
asked me for my address. A couple of weeks later I received a letter
from him, wishing me luck on my project, and a signed headshot. <br />
<br />
How
could I not love <i>Carousel</i> just a little bit extra after an
experience like that?<br />
<br />
<b>4 - Ragtime.</b> This one is a
little simpler, I guess. The first time I saw Ragtime, with the
original cast in their pre-Broadway run in Toronto in the Summer of
1997, is the single most insanely awesome production of something
I’ve ever seen. Audra MacDonald. Brian Stokes Mitchell. Marin
Mazzie. Peter Friedman, Mark Jacoby. All of them really. It was a
truly incredible show. And one of the great, most special things
about that experience was that because it was so new, nobody knew a
thing about it. How often can you go into a show completely unaware
of what you’re about to see? It could have been tragically bad. It
could have been unwatchable. Instead, I got one of the most
arresting, moving theatre watching experiences I’ve ever had,
featuring what is easily the most stacked cast of performers I’ve
ever witnessed in person. I loved it so much, and talked about it so
incessantly for the next 10 months that when my Dad, Dee Anne, and I
went to New York the next Spring, there was no way we couldn’t see
it. I got to see the original cast TWICE.<br />
<br />
Of course, as with
everything with me, I have personal connections to this show. I was
in a production of it in the Fall of 2003, and while I was woefully
too young, I had the privilege of playing Tateh. For a multitude of
reasons, it was among the more memorable shows I’ve ever done, and
while not all of those memories are entirely positive, it was a show
I felt honored to be in at the time, and it just felt like we were
doing something really cool. It was. <br />
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>3- Les Miserables</b> - Listen… I
know that at least to some degree, loving <i>Les Mis</i> is a bit of
a cliché along the lines of loving <i><span style="text-decoration: none;">Phantom
of the Opera</span></i> (I don’t, particularly.) There’s just a
huge swath of musical theatre nerds who grew up listening to <i>Les
Mis</i> over and over and over again. I’m absolutely one of them.
It’s become one of those things where every person has sung every
song. A lot of Musical Theatre programs and companies won’t allow
you to sing a song from <i>Les Mis</i> for auditions, because for a
while there that’s all they heard.<br />
<br />
Here’s the thing,
though… It really is something spectacular to behold. Of all of
those big spectacle shows from the 80s, I believe that <i>Les Mis</i>
holds up the best. Better than <i>Cats</i>. Better than Phantom.
Better than <i>Miss Saigon</i>. It’s got these huge themes and huge
set pieces, and every song ends on a 30 second glory note that will
PROVE that Colm Wilkinson is a fucking MAN damnit. Like, for real.
If I told you that I didn’t spend a good amount of my youth
dreaming about one day playing Javert and singing the absolute shit
out of ‘Stars”, I’d be lying to you.<br />
<br />
It’s the ultimate
“Singers Musical”. While “A Chorus Line” is the ultimate
dancer musical and <i>Avenue Q </i>is the ultimate puppetry musical,
and “The Life” is the ultimate hooker musical, Les Mis is the
absolute peak of Singing Masturbation. Not to be lewd or anything,
but there’s not a girl on this Earth who didn’t drop everything
to sing “On My Own” or “I Dreamed a Dream” if they ever
wanted to be on Broadway. It just didn’t happen.<br />
<br />
Frank
Wildhorn attempted to make a cottage industry around
singer-masturbation shows, but <i>Les Mis</i> is the all-time
champion. <br />
<br />
That is not, in any way, to diminish what it does
exceptionally well, and that is make the audience totally melt at
about 9 different points. It’s an incredibly moving show, with
moving music, and if performed by talented people who do it justice,
it’s one of the best things to go spend 4 hours seeing. It’s
great.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<u><b>2 - Rent -</b></u> It’s
possible that I’ve spent more time thinking about Rent than any
other show. I’ve debated the merits of it with people I respect,
and I’ve discussed the sticky-wicket that is mounting new
productions of it. I’ve thought about that original cast and how
almost all of them have moved on to being big stars because of it.
<a href="http://beefymuchacho.blogspot.com/2011/04/legendary.html" target="_blank">I’ve blogged</a> about it at <a href="http://beefymuchacho.blogspot.com/2008/10/lease-options.html" target="_blank">least twice</a>.<br />
<br />
The thing about Rent
is that it speaks to us. It features music that is visceral and kind
of dirty, and slightly unedited. (much like this blog), and it was
born of a genius who died too soon, and ironically NOT from the virus
that Rent talks about so candidly. It is THE musical of my generation
in terms of what it meant to be a musical theatre nerd in the mid
1990s. I’ve talked about how it was a given that if it was put on
the radio at a nerdy musical theatre party that without exception
every person there would BLAST out the words to every single song. It
means a lot to us aging Generation Xers. It tells the story of
struggles and being an artist and dealing with losses in a positive
way. Remembering the good. In a way it’s the opposite of Slackers
or Reality Bites where the whole thing was centered on this malaise
and apathy. The characters in Rent FEEL everything around them.
They’re all raw nerves. It’s a very youthful, hopeful, idyllic
show, and it makes me remember that time in my life. <br />
<br />
I said
last year, after seeing CCMs insanely good production of it, that I’d
always been of the opinion that it should never be done. No
production can reasonably expect to be favorably compared with the
original, and that there was no show in Broadway history where the
original was so KNOWN. So memorized by every person who would care.
It could be argued that <i>The Book of Mormon</i> is headed down that
road. <br />
<br />
I’m starting to move away from that a bit, in that I
do think it can be done, and maybe even SHOULD be done. It’s a time
capsule from that time in our lives, so it’s important. I just hope
that the next one I see does something totally out of left field.
That’s what I crave now in my musical theatre viewing. I want
someone to take a look at Jonathan Larson’s brilliant piece of art
and say… <br />
<br />
“I can do this in a new way. I’m going to make
people think about this show differently than they have for the last
16 years.”<br />
<br />
I hope it happens soon, because it’s too
amazing a show to let it sit on a shelf.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<u><b>1 - Spring Awakening</b></u>…
Weren’t expecting that, were you?<br />
<br />
I’ve seen<i> Spring
Awakening</i> two times. The first was a national tour where I wrote
two long, wordy-ass blogs about how blown away I was. Considering I’m
so succinct most of the time, you have to know how much I was set on
my ear by <i>Spring Awakening</i> the first time I saw it. It was a
revelation for me. <br />
<br />
I’d listened to, and LOVED the
soundtrack for a solid 6 months before I saw it, but I think that
more than any other show I can think of, you can listen to the songs
and have no real idea of what’s happening in the show without the
visual context to support it. In a way, I love that about it. It’s
the evolutionary grandson of shows like <i>Oklahoma!</i> Which
famously integrated the musical for the first time 50 years before.
By “integrated”, I mean that it was really the first major
production to have the songs progress the story. Before that, most
musicals were a hodgepodge of popular songs by Cole Porter or George
Gershwin where something happens… a character sings a semi-related
song… and then things happen some more.<br />
<br />
<i>Spring Awakening</i>
is the first musical I can recall where the lyrics forward the story,
but ONLY when taken in as a smaller part of the whole. The dance, and
the staging, and the full performances. It’s the MOST integrated
show I can think of in that way.<br />
<br />
That’s all very technical,
I guess, but what can I say? The show moves me. <br />
<br />
In another
way, <i>Spring Awakening</i> is the next generation’s <i>Rent</i>.
There’s this exciting, innovated portrayal of youth that talks
about another side of growing up. It’s so much about the unknown
and how dangerous half-truths can be. It takes on large themes like
those, and makes me think about them in a different way.. . It also
handles tiny moments, and it does so in this painful, elegant manner.
It’s crushing to see how the small, seemingly minor choices of
people have repercussions. <br />
<br />
The second time I saw it, (in a
production at CCM), I realized that what I loved most about it was
the intimacy of it. We watched it in the studio theater where I could
see every facial expressed the pain and confusion and wonder and love
of the characters. It’s a show that is meant to be done in a
closet. It’s works on such a personal level when you can see every
crease of an eye or flick of a grin. The scenes between Melchior and
Wendla, especially, take on this whole other feel when you can see
the trepidation and excitement in their faces as they discover that
they love each other.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
Honestly, I could go on and on
about it. I have done so in the past. It’s just a wonderful show
with killer music and innovative dancing and staging. I truly love
it.<br />
<br />
If you asked me tomorrow what my favorite musical is, I
may or may not say<i> Spring Awakening</i>, but as I went through
this exercise today, that’s the show I landed on, and I am pleased
with my choice.<br />
<br /></div>Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-65150864686123004282012-07-23T09:01:00.000-04:002012-07-23T19:43:05.337-04:00It's a "Gut" Thing.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVJsnAQKVEPUmkLqOnrvo2Tf74B63NMJPQvO6q4rCdTHXbxredc2oarPk_P4Rphrw9XpVHX10CS0gGG1prc3iPeINsymWMBow5sW8oJudzwiGruAsA1x1K64C-WCvFQjybyNGO9_rPDy4Y/s1600/Barry+Larkin.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVJsnAQKVEPUmkLqOnrvo2Tf74B63NMJPQvO6q4rCdTHXbxredc2oarPk_P4Rphrw9XpVHX10CS0gGG1prc3iPeINsymWMBow5sW8oJudzwiGruAsA1x1K64C-WCvFQjybyNGO9_rPDy4Y/s1600/Barry+Larkin.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=950097146074968395" name="_GoBack"></a>I’m 32 years
old. <br />
<br />
There are very few people who’d say that is “Old”,
but I feel it sometimes, nonetheless. I rarely think about that in
most of my life. You know… aside from the occasional “Wow… the
kids who start high school this year were born the year I graduated”,
there aren’t a lot of real life reminders.<br />
<br />
The one thing
that always gets me, though, is sports. I’m confronted with
reminders every day. I think about how if I were a major league
baseball player (my short-lived childhood dream), I’d likely be
declining out of my prime by now. I think how I vividly remember the
1992 USA Basketball team, and how that was 20 years ago, and how
every single one of those players is long retired. I remember guys
like Allen Iverson, Shaquille O’Neal, Jeff Bagwell, Mike Piazza…
where I remember their entire careers from beginning to end.<br />
<br />
And
now…<br />
<br />
Barry Larkin is in the Hall of Fame.<br />
<br />
Barry
Larkin was my favorite Red growing up. He was the best (or 2<sup>nd</sup>
best) player on every Reds team for my entire childhood. His career
spanned, almost exactly , the same years I spent in school. I started
1<sup>st</sup> grade in 1986, his rookie year. I graduated college in
2002, his 2<sup>nd</sup> to last year. I saw him play more games in
person than any other player. He was the most recognizable player of
the only championship team of my lifetime.<br />
<br />
Now… he wasn’t
my <i>first</i> favorite Red. That honor goes to Johnny Bench or Pete
Rose or maybe Mario Soto, but those guys weren’t my players. They
were my Dad’s players, and since I want(ed) to be like him, I
adopted the players he admired. Pete Rose’s rookie season happened
when my dad was 9 years old. Pete Rose was my Dad’s Barry Larkin.
<br />
<br />
Barry Larkin was the first favorite Red of MY time as a
baseball fan. <br />
<br />
I’ve had a long running argument with my best
friend (The Brawny Hombre) about whether Larkin deserved to be in the
Hall of Fame. I always took the “Pro” in that fight, and maybe
aside from the overwhelming numerical support for my argument, there
was always something else. Something unquantifiable. <br />
<br />
The
Brawny Hombre always made the statement that it was more of a “gut”
feeling that told him Larkin wasn’t a hall of famer, and I made the
same argument for him. <br />
<br />
You see, for me…Barry Larkin WAS
baseball for me, growing up. He was the guy I wanted to hit like. He
was the guy who carried me through the dark end of the Marge era. He
was the guy who led the most exciting teams of my life, the 1990,
1995, and 1999 Reds teams. He was the guy who ALWAYS got on base, who
ALWAYS made right base-running decision, who ALWAYS got to the ball
in the hole. He was Barrrrrryyyyyy LARK-innnnnnnnnn. Through all
those years, the Reds had other good players. Eric Davis was
electrifying. Chris Sabo was a fun flash. Jose Rijo was a reliably
strong starting pitcher. Rob Dibble was Aroldis Chapman before
Aroldis Chapman... and was completely insane. Reggie Sanders…Paul
O’Neill… Ken Griffey Jr… Sean Casey. God forbid, Adam
Dunn.<br />
<br />
None of them held quite the same place of esteem in my
heart and mind that Barry Larkin did… Does.<br />
<br />
It’s a sign
that I’m getting older that a player came up, rose to greatness,
declined as all players do, retired, and achieved his place in the
Hall of Fame, and I remember it all. I loved it all.<br />
<br />
I can’t
think of a player I’ve rooted for as hard as I rooted for Barry
Larkin. Maybe, one day, another player will come along to grab my
imagination. It’s going to be difficult. I’m a jaded old adult
now. I’m not as prone to idolatry. <br />
<br />
Maybe that’s as it
should be. When my dad talks about his favorite baseball moments, he
invariably talks about The Big Red Machine. The team of his youth.
Baseball is a kid’s game afterall. My teams were Larkin’s teams.
My favorite player was Barry Larkin.<br />
<br />
And now Barry Larkin is
in the hall of fame, validating the 10 year old kid who would scream
and yell and cheer for his hero at Riverfront Stadium all those
times.<br />
<br />
And damn… I’m old.
</div>Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-66217840190023374272012-07-12T08:53:00.004-04:002012-07-12T08:53:51.616-04:00Not So Magical<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwMvv4tg1EQFjap7XvVvXzG24GstLyVHiC2uq1AKWr6KuwASYM2k1NV8aKsE9ziWdh7a_Vz4SM7uqfBW-N5__Z0no6RBFXKQJQ9WZYFDTIsmxIMvj1fB5ruwHeMqC6yMAhS08MXkExhrM9/s1600/MagicMike.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwMvv4tg1EQFjap7XvVvXzG24GstLyVHiC2uq1AKWr6KuwASYM2k1NV8aKsE9ziWdh7a_Vz4SM7uqfBW-N5__Z0no6RBFXKQJQ9WZYFDTIsmxIMvj1fB5ruwHeMqC6yMAhS08MXkExhrM9/s1600/MagicMike.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><b>One of the more nuanced moments of Magic Mike</b></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />I went to see Magic Mike. <br /><br />Alone.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="" name="_GoBack"></a><br />My period
didn’t spontaneously begin.<br /><br />That is not to say that I would
go out of my way to see it again (I wouldn’t), but I want to talk
about it for a bit. I also want to talk about the looks I received
when purchasing my ticket, the snickers I got from the hoard of teen
girls in the audience (for a Rated R movie!) as I walked in to the
theater, and the looks of amusement and/or the audible surprise from
literally everyone I’ve told about my experience. <br /><br />First,
let’s talk about this movie… It wasn’t that great. Not because
it was chock full of greased up, mostly naked dudes. I mean.. it
absolutely is chock full of greased up, mostly naked dudes, but I
feel like those greased up, mostly naked dudes are not why the movie
isn’t great. <br /><br />The movie wasn’t great because almost all of
the characters are dicks (figurative ones… sheesh). <br /><br />The
dramatic arc is pretty weak. The 2 major conflicts are both
telegraphed from miles away. (What? The girl who they identify ONLY
as trouble actually IS trouble? You don’t fucking say.) Neither of
the major conflicts are particularly concerning, because one of the
main characters you are mostly supposed to dislike, and the other is
better off anyway. <br /><br />They try to establish the Channing Tatum
character as this care-free playboy, jack of all trades, artist or
whatever. Instead, he’s written as clingy. You never actually see
him creating his art. You never see him being good at his other
various jobs. They do their best to establish him as a dude getting
his life together, but for all the money he supposedly makes in all
of his jobs, his well-established nest-egg is pitifully small.
Basically, the character you’re supposed to like the most for all
of these reasons is really only likeable because he’s Channing
Tatum. <br /><br />The first love interest, played by Olivia Munn, is an
amoral “free spirit” who starts off fairly likeable and gets to
be a cartoon. The second love interest, played by the daughter of
newly appointed Disney Studios head Alan Horn, starts off overly
stern and officious, and then just seems to change her mind. (I
especially liked how her “boyfriend’ is immediately established
as a douche. Like… you don’t like him immediately, and that
seemed cheap.<br /><br />Some stuff happens. <br /><br />Then it just ends.
It’s supposed to be cheeky (no pun intended), and naughty, and all
“whatever, we’re rated R”. It mostly just comes across as an
excuse to display the undeniably impressive abs of several 2<sup>nd</sup>
tier Hollywood actors. <br /><br />The main laughable thing is that
Matthew McConaughey is getting some sort of bizarre “best
supporting actor” buzz. That’s totally insane, and a clear
attempt to try to bring legitimacy or… something…. to a movie
that really should just embrace the silliness.<br /><br />I feel like if
the movie was directed by someone else, I wouldn’t be cutting it
down as much. If it were directed by Joe Johnston or some anonymous
rom-com director, I think my issues would be framed a little
differently. It really is just a silly movie full of eye candy for
both sexual preferences (there are a lot of boobs in the movie, and
it is my suspicion that there are even more that will be in the
unrated version). <br /><br />Unfortunately, the movie was directed by
Steven Soderbergh. The same guy who directed Traffic. Ocean’s
Eleven. Contagion. Movies with real points of view. Movies that are
more than just a bunch of greased up dudes showing their asses
(literally). The man was the first person in 60 plus years to be
nominated for Best Director twice in the same year. I had higher
hopes is all. Unfortunately, something got in the way, and I’m not
quite sure what it is. There’s a nugget of a good movie somewhere
in there. Maybe we just needed Don Cheadle to show up and cause some
trouble. In an inexplicable British accident.<br /><br />Overall… I
give the movie a C-minus. Could have been much better.<br /><br />Let’s
talk for a minute, though, about the way the movie has entered our
collective consciousness. Somewhere along the way, it’s been
adopted by horny women (it’s really the era of Horny Women, isn’t
it? What with Magic Mike and 50 Shades of Grey ) and gay men. That’s
cool, you know… Everybody needs a movie to grab their attention. I
just can’t think of another movie in my memory that has been so
completely coopted that literally any other demographic of audience
member risks ridicule.<br /><br />I’ve gone to dozens of movies by
myself. In fact, I mostly prefer it. Also, I don’t care if people
think I’m gay. The people who need to know my sexual preference
know it, and the rest of the world is free to speculate. I just
think it’s weird that something as silly as a movie could even at
all inform my sexuality.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Let me pose a question for you… <br /><br />If
there were a sports movie about a male swimming star… would that be
off limits to sports fans because of the dudes in speedos? What about
a movie about Greco-Roman wrestling?<br /><br />I understand that some
gay men and straight women might like to check out the greased up
dancing dudes, and that’s cool. What if I just wanted to see a
movie by the director of one of my favorite movies of the past 12
years? What if I have a thing for Olivia Munn? If a movie is good, I
have no problem with seeing naked guys. It’s no different than
straight women and gay men being subjected to the naked women who
have proliferated movies for like… ever.<br /><br />I hate it when I
ramble… Here’s my point.<br /><br />I think it’s time to stop
assigning movies, people, songs, whatever to various groups. If I
want to enjoy a Judy Garland movie, I should be able to without jokes
and giggles. If a woman wants to go by herself to see some movie
about football (Not a rom com that features football players) she
should be able to without people throwing her a sideways eye. If a
gay man wants to write a blog about hockey, he should be able to
without fielding the numerous “but… I thought you were gay”
questions. (Is that even a question?)<br /><br />Of course, to make
strides, we all have to play the game. We have to break down the
walls of taboo. <br /><br />We must go see fluffy ab-porn movies if they
look remotely entertaining.<br /><br />Just maybe not this one. Because
it was dumb.
<br /><br />Coming Soon to the Blog: My Top 10 Broadway Musicals (I'm really throwing that gaydar for a loop today, I bet.</div>Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-91969982591118743022012-06-18T16:14:00.000-04:002012-06-18T16:14:42.240-04:00Flip It!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQj900jHcVH8kwg1mcYt-tC58qIWPvHCtlgoAkZaUzlYepYTc3iYBawL87kr5K5ypiPpCdeJ14iGLpkL67kLbi3MEEnJ-xYHhUBq8k0C7Rt_wjFxQgAtwpPk4qsd94tAgInd0kBwuJFhpT/s1600/CheesecakeFlip.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQj900jHcVH8kwg1mcYt-tC58qIWPvHCtlgoAkZaUzlYepYTc3iYBawL87kr5K5ypiPpCdeJ14iGLpkL67kLbi3MEEnJ-xYHhUBq8k0C7Rt_wjFxQgAtwpPk4qsd94tAgInd0kBwuJFhpT/s320/CheesecakeFlip.JPG" width="217" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The other day the TM and I were invited
to an impromptu gathering at the home of some friends. We were lured
with the promise of beer and fire and good company, and that’s
pretty much all we need to clear our schedules, so we accepted.<br /><br />The
day before I got a text asking if we could provide the desserts, and
as any long-time reader of my blog will know, this was right up my
alley. So much so, the TM had purchased a special cookbook called The
Joy of Cheesecake for Christmas this past year. <br /><br />I quickly
responded back that I would be glad to bring a cheesecake. After much
perusing of the cookbook and keeping in mind the audience (one of the
friends has a severe gluten allergy)… I was at a loss. Then the TM
suggested a crustless blueberry cheesecake. It looked fairly
straightforward, and I like blueberries, so I was sold. <br /><br />This
cheesecake presented a few firsts for me. It was the first cheesecake
I’d made that didn’t call for baking. It was set using gelatin
instead, which I’d never used before. It was the first crust-free
cheesecake I’d ever made. It was also the first one that uses
cottage cheese as well as cream cheese. It also didn’t use any
flour at all.<br /><br />I should mention a couple more things… First,
The TM decided to go to bed immediately after we purchased the
supplies, and she’s the expert baker in the house. I’ve utilized
her advice throughout all of my previous baking adventures. I was
flying solo.<br /><br />Second, there was an additional, optional level
of difficulty in that the cheesecake was designed to be flipped after
it sets, so that the berries are on top. <br /><br />It’s possible that
I bit off more than I could chew.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
After much discussion, the TM suggested
that I use wax paper or parchment paper to line the pie pan, thus
making the cheesecake easily flappable when the time came. <br /><br />Did
I listen? That would have made far too much sense. My need for
aesthetic won the day, and I felt that the crinkly paper would make
the cake look messy after the paper was peeled away.<br /><br />So with
that, she went to bed, and adrift on a sea of dairy I went.<br /><br />The
very first bit of instruction the recipe gave was to put the cottage
cheese through a sieve. I immediately began thinking to myself “Do
we have a sieve?” and “I’ve never seen a sieve in the house.”
And indeed, we don’t have a sieve, so I started to brainstorm.
<br /><br />After a cursory look through the kitchen, and dismissing
things like the cheese grater and garlic press as either too messy or
too time intensive respectively, I settled on a wire colander. I
poured the cup of large curd cottage cheese into that colander, threw
on a rubber glove, and started pressing it bit by bit through the
drainer. I can’t say this was a fun task. The colander wasn’t
ergonomically designed to have cheese pressed through it, and my hand
started seizing up before long. That may be the saddest thing I’ve
ever admitted, but you know.. there it is.<br /><br />I also had this
sneaking suspicion that the drainer didn’t quite make the cottage
cheese as smooth as it was supposed to be. When I relayed this
portion of the story to the TM later on, without missing a beat, she
was all “Food processor. Duh”. <br /><br />I’ll just sit here being
ashamed.<br /><br />The next step in the process was to combine the
sugar, egg yolk, milk, and gelatin in a double boiler until it was
all dissolved.<br /><br />Do we have a double boiler? Nope. <br /><br />This
wasn’t as big a problem since I’ve improvised them before for
melting chocolate and whatnot. I ended up using 2 separate sauce pans
of different sizes. The biggest problem I had during this step was
that I didn’t realize that the main light that illuminates the
stove area was out, and I had a really tough time determining the
progress of the concoction. This wasn’t really that big an issue,
but it was at least a challenge in the moment. <br /><br />The next steps
were pretty straightforward. You know.. the usual:<br /><br />Mix the
cream cheese and cottage cheese and lemon juice until smooth and
“fluffy”. <br />Mix in the gelatin mixture. <br />Whip the egg white
into stiff peaks and incorporate.<br />Whip the heavy cream into stiff
peaks and incorporate.<br /><br />All of those things are easy, and
nothing new. In fact, the remainder of the assembly went
smoothly.<br /><br />I buttered the pie pan as instructed (as preparation
for the later flipping) and spread an entire carton of blueberries
around the bottom. This was, in fact, the “crust” of this
crustless cheesecake. The concept here was that once the cheesecake
set, I’d be able to seamlessly flip it over, and have this
beautiful cheesecake with this amazing topping of blueberries
somewhat embedded into the top, and also a bit softened and sweetened
by the process. <br /><br />I went to bed with at least middling hopes
that I could pull it off. I had a fairly lofty expectation that that
aside from the strange grainy texture of the entire thing (created by
the improper smoothing of the cottage cheese), the cheesecake would
be a hit, much like most of the confections from my past. Some of
which have been immortalized right here in print. <br /><br />I even
tasted the “batter” off the spatula, and was at least relatively
optimistic that the flavors and the flipping would win out.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Anyway, cheesecake sat, and it chilled,
and the gelatin set. All overnight.<br /><br />The next evening, we made
preparations to head over. The TM was all “alright.. let’s flip
this bitch.” And I was all “Uh… I… uh… I don’t think we
should yet. Maybe [The Burly Amigo] will help when we get to their
house.”<br /><br />The TM looked at me skeptically, but shrugged, and
was all “Alrighty.” I could see the disappointment in her eyes.
That look where she’ll forever know I’m a pussy when it comes to
flipping cheesecake. <br /><br />I believe in that moment she knew we’d
never be flipping any damned cheesecake that night. And she was
right.<br /><br />By the time we got over to the [Burly and Gluten-Free
Amigos (GFA)] home, the cheesecake had softened a tad, and warmed,
and my courage had entirely dissipated. I talked it over very briefly
with Burly Amigo (BA from here on) and BA was all… “Yeah… maybe
we better not. I’m sure it’ll be good as is.”<br /><br />With that,
we ate dinner, had some beer, and sat around the bonfire for a while.
Maybe a little too long, as by the time we got around to wanting the
dessert, the cake had softened a bit more, and it didn’t hold shape
well at all. Certainly this made the notion of flipping it a
laughable one, but even more disappointingly it made the integrity of
each piece fairly tenuous too. Gloopy even.<br /><br />I’m not gonna go
through the play by play from here. The cheesecake was consumed
politely, mostly. The BA didn’t seem to like blueberries (I could
KICK myself because it certainly could be pretty much ANY berry),
and I was completely put off by the texture. And the GFA seemed to
choke some down, but let’s be clear. Nobody, including me, clamored
for seconds of any kind.<br /><br />I’d call it the worst attempt at a
dessert I’d ever made. Certainly, the texture was unappetizing. It
was a failure of execution, made worse by my pussery. I believe that
had I made an attempt at flipping it at home, and failed, we would
have at least successfully made it to the grocery for a replacement.
If I’d unsuccessfully flipped it at the home of the Amigos, I would
at least have had a good story. <br /><br />As it is, I had a fairly run
of the mill cheesecake with decent flavor, but fatal texture. Like…
seriously, it’s no good.<br /><br />At least in the future I’ll know
to use the food processor. Or maybe we’ll by a fucking sieve.<br /><br />And
lord willing I’ll have the balls to flip the bitch.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-59913049029778543582012-05-29T23:50:00.001-04:002012-05-29T23:50:23.014-04:00Sports Fans are Dumb<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgThqmLgDjqUrNc0kIZA2S3pU7UVGPn66rGpMW6ZmoEAXF08V8lm9WujkBO6WaOuI4Wl9meW-uwYWfY2ktKLE1cRWPpEfcrFA3daaF_0PL-KqUJYKlFq-O0-TMD7kMd431pYzN8wRL3cHL6/s1600/DumbFan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgThqmLgDjqUrNc0kIZA2S3pU7UVGPn66rGpMW6ZmoEAXF08V8lm9WujkBO6WaOuI4Wl9meW-uwYWfY2ktKLE1cRWPpEfcrFA3daaF_0PL-KqUJYKlFq-O0-TMD7kMd431pYzN8wRL3cHL6/s320/DumbFan.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Anyone who has ever read this blog will know that I'm a big sports fan.<br />
<br />Sometimes I think maybe that's a bad thing, and other times I am pretty sure I'm not nearly as big a sports fan as some people. Sometimes both of those are true at once.<br /><br />And then sometimes I'm embarrassed for sports fans everywhere, and I think that maybe we should all take some stock in our lives.<br /><br />I was just reading an article about how a football recruit to The University of Michigan tweeted a picture of himself setting fire to a recruiting letter sent to him by Ohio State University. <br /><br />If the actions of this kid make you angry, you should just stop reading, and reevaluate what matters to you. If the actions of this kid make you want to kill him, you should stop reading, and seek help. If the actions of this kid make you not only want to kill him, but feel the need to let him know that... Please... PLEASE stop reading and turn yourself in to the institution. They're looking for you. <br /><br />Sound crazy? It is crazy, absolutely. And yet... according<a href="http://espn.go.com/college-football/story/_/id/7985194/michigan-wolverines-commit-logan-tuley-tillman-unapologetic-burning-ohio-state-buckeyes-mail" target="_blank"> to this article</a> the kid is receiving death threats from enraged Ohio State fans. This is patently insane. There are so many things wrong with it that if I have to enumerate them, I'll be here all day (and really, should I need to?).<br /><br />Of course Ohio State has come out and denounced the death threats. Oh wait... no they haven't. That's fairly typical for OSU who (if you'll excuse me, oh friends to the North) are not typically good about things like contrition and common sense. <br /><br />I think my favorite part about the article is the OSU recruit who was all "Well... he doesn't need to have his life threatened, but... he DID post that picture, so...."<br /><br />Lame.<br /><br />Sports fans are insane idiots most of the time. <br /><br />And listen... this isn't an post designed to bash the silly OSU fans. My very own Reds have some of the craziest fans I've ever heard of. The Reds can go on a 10 game winning streak and the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd callers to the local sports radio show will be complaints. <br /><br />The Reds traded for a young pitcher named Mat Latos in the off-season (a smart trade, by the way), and Mr. Latos went out and got beat up a bit in one of his first starts. First off, there are NO pitchers who haven't been hit hard on occasion. Second... Latos is a notoriously slow starter, but like.. baseball is a damned marathon, not a sprint. <br /><br />So anyway, after this bad start, his wife was harassed on Twitter. His WIFE. That would be like you having a shitty day at your job, and some random person you've never met calling your wife and talking shit to her about your shitty day. There is absolutely NO logic to it. I don't give a shit if you are cousins with Yasmani Grandal (one of the Reds traded for Latos), there's no reason to talk shit to a dude's wife. Really, there's no reason to talk shit to anyone, Mat Latos included. Incidentally, Latos has been fucking NAILS the last 5 weeks, so all that hand-wringing and dick-baggery was for naught. Good job.<br /><br />Oh, and this isn't a state of Ohio thing either. <br /><br />One of the most interesting stories from the past couple of years in sports is about the insane person who was a big enough University of Alabama football fan to name his kid BEAR. This idiot decided to take it upon himself to ruin one of the great and long-standing traditions of Alabama's rival Auburn University. <br /><br />For a hundred years, after every Auburn victory, the entire fan base on campus convened around this piece of real estate on the Auburn campus and celebrated around these two ancient and giant oak trees. <br /><br />Well, this Alabama douchebag poisoned the trees. <br /><br />And then he called and bragged about it on the radio.<br /><br />And then, in case you were wondering how the average Alabama fan feels about him, he was a guest of honor at a dozen Bowl parties this past January while the Crimson Tide won another National Title. <br /><br />I should mention he's currently getting ready to stand trial for the felony he committed (and somehow pleaded "Not Guilty" to despite his recorded, unsolicited confession on the fucking radio).<br /><br />Listen... I just don't get it.<br /><br />When the Reds won the World Series in 1990, it was the greatest moment of my young life to that point. It's still high on the list, despite the fact that it's essentially a foggy memory at this point.<br /><br />When Kenyon Martin broke his leg, I was devastated. When the Bengals lost to the Niners in 89, I cried. I LOVE my teams. I care about my sports. Anyone who watched my Facebook posts this past March when I had several Near-Breakdowns at the hands of my UC Bearcats will know that I care about my teams.<br /><br />I'd never threaten to kill a 17 year old for torching a recruiting letter. I'd never light a cop car on fire *Cough* UK fans *Cough*. I'd never kill my rivals special trees. <br /><br />If you're a fan that would, I'm just gonna go ahead and tell you to maybe sit the next one out, Champ. <br /><br />You make me sad.Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-3214300381323368412012-05-24T00:49:00.000-04:002012-05-24T00:51:35.591-04:00The Making of The Muchacho<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDKKT2D3ZhLvC1pLdf24XODYEaYTxGzDSSv9JWMaBDCNgJNDvkK6LZ9OAngvZQUd4dZWQOHINbnsIne7Azwaa_ozt50eEN8scQC0keAHrdtbvd4md2pxyddk8yk32oXLUfGCLgQ_9Mfu9j/s1600/muchachotattoocolorfinal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDKKT2D3ZhLvC1pLdf24XODYEaYTxGzDSSv9JWMaBDCNgJNDvkK6LZ9OAngvZQUd4dZWQOHINbnsIne7Azwaa_ozt50eEN8scQC0keAHrdtbvd4md2pxyddk8yk32oXLUfGCLgQ_9Mfu9j/s320/muchachotattoocolorfinal.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" />
Many have asked what the origin of "Beefy Muchacho" is, and I must admit... <br />
<br />
It's not all that glamorous.<br />
<br />
From 2003 to 2006 I worked for a "Do-it-Yourself" web design company as a tech support associate. One of the things we were tasked with as IT guys was to create our own websites in order to both familiarize ourselves with the system, and also help with troubleshooting problems.<br />
<br />
My buddy Alan had an e-mail address that involved the name "Brawny Hombre". This is essentially an ironic self-glossing, as he's wiry (sinewy?) and very, very white. So, you know... calling himself the Brawny Hombre in an e-mail address was funny to him. Still is.<br />
<br />
Anyway, when it came time for him to make HIS website, he thought it through for a grand total of 30 seconds and settled upon BrawnyHombre.com. This made me laugh, and we were good pals, and we thought it would be cool if there was some sort of internal consistency. I mean... nobody would ever see these websites besides us. So, I went to a thesaurus and searched for synonyms for "Brawny". <br />
<br />
"Beefy" seemed to be the funniest choice (and less ironic for me than Brawny is for him), and I thought it just went well with "Muchacho". <br />
<br />
BeefyMuchacho.com was born. <br />
<br />
That's... pretty much it. I just thought it was funny, and I've sort of built it from there, and run with it far more than any truly sane person. In the meantime, I've created logos and personas and had my car personalized, and my shoes...<br />
<br />
Alan and I were talking earlier (Still very good friends), and he brought up how funny it is how it started with his lark of an e-mail address, and it really doesn't have any hidden meaning.<br />
<br />
It could have been him.<br />
<br />
I then made the analogy that he's like the Winklevoss twins, and I'm Mark Zuckerberg. He maybe had the idea, but I ran with it. <br />
<br />
Maybe perhaps I've run with it past a sane degree... Evidence of that? <br />
<br />
I just got my Beefy Muchacho tattoo. <br />
<br />
I figure that being the Beefy Muchacho has been very good to me, so even if it fades into obscurity at some point, I'll be glad to remember the days of The Beefy Muchacho.<br />
<br />
Here's a time lapse film of the tattooing itself. Enjoy!<br />
<br /><embed height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/PddRYfVBj_o&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="320"></embed>Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-5198021688788016972012-05-12T20:39:00.000-04:002012-05-12T20:39:07.835-04:00It's About People<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtDmt6ch7wnJZ4Lh7OFyBkepy5prybvtFVtz1Ssh8W6VJkxJda6KbKHFvST7AUhhrgw5msLog5BgcdjJlhgftFlbGfL7ogphl-1yWmLR2HXkS-yR8x_u5rIaWLBdHjEokirl47CPdbOgo-/s1600/humanrights.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtDmt6ch7wnJZ4Lh7OFyBkepy5prybvtFVtz1Ssh8W6VJkxJda6KbKHFvST7AUhhrgw5msLog5BgcdjJlhgftFlbGfL7ogphl-1yWmLR2HXkS-yR8x_u5rIaWLBdHjEokirl47CPdbOgo-/s320/humanrights.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /><br />I had a thought earlier that went a
little something like this:<br /><br />“Muchacho… It’s been a while
since you riled folks on your blog. Why not tackle the subject of gay
marriage?”<br /><br />I guess I may as well start with the crux of it,
right?<br /><br />I am unequivocally in favor of gay marriage. I am also
straight. <br /><br />I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot in the
past week or so, because first the state of North Carolina banned gay
marriage, and then President Obama spoke out in support of it. Here’s
what he said:<br /><br /><b>"I have to tell you that over the course
of several years as I have talked to friends and family and
neighbors, when I think about members of my own staff who are in
incredibly committed monogamous relationships, same-sex
relationships, who are raising kids together; when I think about
those soldiers or airmen or marines or sailors who are out there
fighting on my behalf and yet feel constrained, even now that 'don't
ask, don't tell' is gone, because they are not able to commit
themselves in a marriage, at a certain point I've just concluded that
for me personally it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that
I think same sex couples should be able to get married.”</b><br />Really,
I think this is beautifully said. I had someone say to me on Facebook
that President Obama would say anything for votes, and you know…
maybe that’s true, but I also think that he could find better
quotes to work toward that goal. Far more people would be swayed by
him coming out in support of looser gun laws, or by him stating that
he’s “pro life”, or by him.. you know… turning white. (Should
I delete? Naaahhhh). I’m not sure that being an advocate for gay
rights has ever really been a swing issue. Overwhelmingly, the people
who are FOR gay rights are already going to be voting for him. It’s
actually conceivable that he LOST votes from the conservative,
Christian African Americans.<br /><br />All that is fine, but you know…
for the life of me, I’ll never understand why people are so
adamantly against Gay marriage. Or why they care. Or why people are
so threatened by the very idea of it. So much that republicans made
it a ballot issue in every swing state in 2004.. You see, they knew
that the best way to get people to come out to vote was to cater to
their most basic bigotry, and you know.. while they were there they
may as well vote for the Republican. <br /><br />I do try to understand.
I try very hard. <br /><br />Most people saying they’re against it say
that it’s a religious thing. Or they’ll say that it “destroys
the institute of marriage” or that “legalizing gay marriage would
open the door to other deviant behavior (such as bestiality and
polygamy).” or that “allowing gay people to get married will
encourage people to be gay” or that “the bible condemns
homosexuality” or that… well, that’s enough for now.. Let’s
tackle them, yes?</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /><u><b>“Gay Marriage Destroys the
Institute of Marriage”</b></u><br /><br />I actually heard a different
variation on that. A guy I worked with long ago once told me that he
was against gay marriage because that would make his marriage less
special, somehow. That he viewed marriage as a special club, and that
if they started letting more people in, it wouldn’t be as
exclusive.<br /><br />I see this as essentially the same argument, at
least in spirit. What I’ve always failed to understand is that
folks are more than happy to hurl the “wrecks the institution”
bomb at just about the drop of a hat when it comes to gay people
getting married, but they always seem to conveniently ignore all
those straight people who constantly slap the precious institute of
marriage right in its face. Like Britney Spears who’s been married
twice, (Including once for just a shade over 2 days), and is engaged
for a third time. Or Kim Kardashian who was married for a hair under
3 months, and essentially admitted it was a stunt for television. I’m
just bringing up famous people because we all know the stories, but
there are just as many people who run off and marry a stranger in Las
Vegas after a night of heavy drinking, or they get married and
divorced within weeks, or you know.. all kinds of real tributes to
the institution of marriage. <br /><br />I can understand why people
would prefer those paragons of heterosexual virtue over two committed
individuals who truly love each other. Totally makes sense to
me.<br /><br />Rush Limbaugh recently said “"We've arrived at a
point where the President of the United States is going to lead a war
on traditional marriage." <br /><br />I can see his point, you
know.. Rush is, after all, a huge supporter of traditional marriage.
He’s been married four times. <br /><br /><u><b>“Legalizing gay
marriage would open the door to other deviant behavior such as
bestiality.”</b></u><br /><br />To make this argument, you have to make
the presumption that homosexuality is a perversion or a deviance on
par with bestiality. That is… dumb. I’m sorry, but it is. The
biggest difference between these two acts is, or should be obvious.
It’s consent. A dog can not choose to have sex with a human. A dog
is a creature of instinct. Humans have the free will to choose.
That’s, essentially the reason pedophilia is illegal too. A child
can’t make that decision. That’s why it’s abuse and not love.
Two adult men or two adult women can choose just as easily and
logically as one of each.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Secondly, to say that gay marriage is
somehow some sort of gateway to perversion is completely baseless. I
know gay men and women, and to my knowledge none of them have ever
wanted to sleep with their dog, or marry their cat, or say naughty
things to their parrot. Gay marriage presents no more a precedent for
marrying a dog, than does so-called traditional marriage. It just
doesn’t. Do you know why? Because we’re talking about things that
aren’t connected. It would be just as logical to say that reading
the obituaries every Tuesday will make it rain in
Syracuse.<br /><br /><u><b>“Allowing gay people to get married will
encourage people to be gay.”</b></u><br /><br />That makes perfect
sense. In fact, I can’t believe I never thought of it before, but I
need to go hang out at the ballpark. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m
throwing a perfect curveball in no time. Don’t worry.. the fact
that my knees aren’t any good, and the fact that I haven’t played
baseball in 15 years is totally irrelevant. If I hang around some
pitchers, I’m sure I’ll end up in the majors soon enough.<br /><br /><u><b>“The
Bible Condemns Homosexuality”</b></u><br /><br />Well… That’s true.
The bible also features:<br /><br />The Earth is created not once, but
twice.<br />God (the omnipotent being) gets tired<br />Talking snakes,
<br />Bushes that catch fire, speak, and do not burn.<br /> Rivers
turning to blood<br /> Men of insanely old age (Noah was 500 when his
sons were born)<br /> Giants roaming the Earth.<br />People getting
turned into salt.<br /><br />That’s all in the first 2 books. <br /><br />“Wait
Muchacho… Wait wait wait… Those are all <i>stories</i>.
Allegorical or metaphorical. They’re not intended to be taken
literally. But the LAWS. The LAWS are clear.”<br /><br />Oh… well
that changes everything. <br /><br />Yes, according to the Book of
Leviticus, it is forbidden for a man to lie with another man.<br /><br />It
is also forbidden to eat the fruit from a tree that is younger than 3
years old. It is also forbidden for a man to cut his hair or shave
his beard. There’s a passage that says that if you “curse your
father or mother “ you should be put to death. There’s a passage
that goes into detail about how if a person is a witch or wizard and
sends out their spirit that they should be put to death (This
particular section is the actual support of the puritan witch
trials). Also it says<br /><br />- Grow two different crops in the same
field<br />- Wear clothes made of different types of fabric<br />- Have
sex with a woman on her period<br />- If a priest’s daughter is a
whore, she should be killed (This also presumes that priests can have
children)<br />- People with deformities or handicaps can’t go to
church.<br />- You can’t eat a beetle, but you CAN eat a locust. <br />-
If a guy has a wet dream while in the army, he has to leave camp
until he re-purifies himself. <br /><br />My favorite- If a guy is
getting beaten up, and his wife stops the fight by grabbing the other
guy’s balls… you’re supposed to chop her hand off. Seems oddly
specific. I wonder if Moses was in need of a bag of frozen peas.<br /><br />For
anyone who says they’re against gay marriage because the bible says
it’s against the rules..I would urge please go to their closet and
check out how many poly-blends they have hanging on the racks. <br /><br />Who
is the one to determine which rules are valid and which rules are
old-fashioned? <br /><br />This is a fairly straightforward question. If
the bible is to be taken literally, as many Christians believe, I
wonder why I don’t see more heavily hairy men wandering around. If
it’s to be taken and then interpreted, who’s to say whose
interpretation is correct?<br /><br />In the end, we can argue about
religion or whatever forever, and because there are a million
religions with a million different views, we’ll never get anywhere.
I believe what I believe, and you believe what you believe.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The question regarding why it should be
YOUR religion that dictates what other people do is a valid one, and
one for which you don’t have an answer. A Baptist will say the same
thing as a Catholic, and they’ll say the same thing as a Jew.
“Because we’re right”. Well… Prove it. There’s no unifying,
official faith. People’s religions are as varied as grains of sand,
and therefore governing based on religion is impossible.<br /><br />If
only we lived in a country founded on other principles… <br /><br />Oh
wait…<br /><br />We live in America where there’s a very specific
division of religion and government. Despite what many people
believe, the USA isn’t a Christian country, at least not
governmentally speaking. Some people argue that the Founding Fathers
built this country upon Christian values, and they may have
personally held certain beliefs, but they were very specific
regarding the nature of the USA.<br /><br />From The Treaty of Tripoli
(Ratified in 1797, less than 10 years after the drafting of the
Constitution.):<br /><br />“<b>the Government of the United States of
America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion”.
<br /></b>Thomas Jefferson was the first to overtly discuss
separation of church and state when he wrote: <br /><br />“<b>America
shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or
prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”</b><br />There’s also a
section where he talks about how religion is between a person and
their God, and only them. This is essentially my position regarding
prayer in public schools. There’s a great distinction between being
against prayer and being against public school mandated prayer. This
is a distinction that is often ignored… I’m digressing. (Full
disclosure… I had 12 years of Catholic school. 8 of which included
multiple daily prayers.)<br /><br />My point of all of this is that
marriage being legal in the United States business isn’t REALLY an
issue of religion, or at least it shouldn’t be. There are two
kinds of marriages, and the law is only concerned about one.<br /><br />If
the Tofu Muchacha and I went to a Shawnee medicine man and had him
“marry us”, the only folks who need to recognize that marriage
are Me, The TM, and the Shawnee people. On the other hand, if the TM
and I went to the courthouse and had a judge marry us, the only
people who need to care are me, the TM, and the Government of the US.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Do you see the distinction?<br /><br />You
see… when people get all upset about gay marriage being legal or
not, I don’t understand, because it has absolutely nothing to do
with them. It doesn’t have to do with their religion. It doesn’t
have to do with the sanctity of their religious marriage. It doesn’t
have to do with them in any way. It would be like me telling my
neighbor he wasn’t allowed to put up a basketball hoop in his
driveway because I hate basketball. <br /><br />It only has to do with
those two people having the same LEGAL rights in the United States as
any other 2 people. The United States is a country founded by folks
who rebelled against an unjust governing body. People who were not
given the same legal rights as their countrymen across the Atlantic.
Oddly, I see a lot of connection.<br /><br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Look… My stance Is this:<br /><br />If
your religion forbids gay marriage, fine. That’s on you. If you
think it’s an abomination, fine. That’s also on you.<br /><br />The
laws of the United States are adjustable exactly because our founders
had the foresight to know that times change. They knew that the
people writing the laws were human, and could not possibly be
expected to be exactly just at all times. They created avenues for
course correction. <br /><br />- Married women were not legally permitted
to own property under their own names in all states until 1900. <br />-
It wasn’t until 1975 that married women could have credit in their
own name. <br />- Interracial marriage wasn’t allowed in many states
until the 1960s. It was illegal in the state of Alabama until the
year 2000. <br /><br />Times change. Laws should correct to become MORE
just, not less.
</div>Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-14089812821805389292012-05-03T08:38:00.000-04:002012-05-03T08:38:21.153-04:00My Titanic Blog<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5nw_KFFwnkKqtUiIw9Y5j6NwH56_stawH5SQnXvlLMkz08i-lDY9QhyphenhyphenWTWmIGmVMUUulnAoYJ6fDDbcImcFPu20PrCrRxV7N6ekI5zSl0gaJn5JBUaaqTc1VMt2OJIH1CFQpMgzcs_3C3/s1600/godzilla-vs-titanic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5nw_KFFwnkKqtUiIw9Y5j6NwH56_stawH5SQnXvlLMkz08i-lDY9QhyphenhyphenWTWmIGmVMUUulnAoYJ6fDDbcImcFPu20PrCrRxV7N6ekI5zSl0gaJn5JBUaaqTc1VMt2OJIH1CFQpMgzcs_3C3/s320/godzilla-vs-titanic.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;">
<i> <span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>The makings of a much more interesting film.</b></span></i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[Editors Note, written immediately
before posting]<br />I haven’t seen </i><i><b>Titanic</b></i><i>
since December of 1997. That’s on purpose. I’ve accidentally seen
random scenes here and there on TV, but other than that, my memory of
the film is ENTIRELY based on my recollection from that one, single
viewing. I wrote this blog over the course of a couple of weeks,
and I discussed some of my points with some known </i><i><b>Titanic</b></i><i>
fans throughout the process. I’ve come to realize that some of the
details of my arguments (specifically relating to the ins and outs of
the specific plot) are possibly not entirely accurate. I’ve decided
to leave the points as-is, and am planning a follow-up post where I
re-watch the film in its 2D entirety, and adjust my opinions as
needed. I promise to be honest with my re-assessment. </i><br /><br />Okay,
so it’s no secret that I think <b>Titanic</b> is just about the
worst. I’ve stated it on numerous occasions. I’m not trying to
hide the fact. <br /><br />I guess I just always assumed that I’d
established my full argument as to WHY I feel that way, and looking
back through the blog, I realize I never really have.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
My friend Annie, who has appeared as a
guest blogger here before when talking about Disney, has thrown down
the gauntlet, and essentially accused me of hating it only because
it’s popular.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Being a Muchacho of honor, I have
decided to finally and officially break it down. I assure you that
<b>Titanic</b>’s popularity is only a small reason I hate
it.<br /><br />First off… I don’t hate Justin Bieber. I don’t hate
Miley Cyrus or Katy Perry or <b>Avatar</b>. At most, I have no real
opinion at all of Bieber. I can’t name a song of his, I didn’t
see his movie. My only thought about Justin Bieber is that he makes
me feel old. I always have this sneaking feeling that if I were 17 I
would understand his deal, and I feel like I’m so far removed from
knowing his deal that it sort of depresses me.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Avatar</b>… If I’m being honest,
I have to say I don’t get it. I mean… I liked it as much as the
next guy, but I don’t get why this movie earned more than any
other movie ever. Despite that disconnect, I have no real negative
feelings about it. If it had beaten <b>The Hurt Locker</b> for Best
Picture, I’m fairly sure my perspective on the movie wouldn’t
change. I’d certainly yell and rant that it didn’t deserve to win
Best Picture, but I do that with <b>Chicago</b> also, and I like
<b>Chicago</b> just fine.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I guess the heart of this first point
is that I’m not anti-populist. I am no hipster who intentionally
seeks out only the most obscure and off-the-beaten-path movies to
like. Shit… My favorite movie of 2012 so far was <b>The Hunger
Games</b>, which is arguably targeting the same people that Titanic
targeted 15 years ago. <br /><br /><b>Titanic</b>’s popularity isn’t
what makes me hate it, and more importantly, it’s not what makes me
argue that it’s actually not good. It’s part of what makes me
argue that it’s the worst movie ever made, but I’ll get to that…</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I guess I have two separate arguments,
really… The first is that <b>Titanic</b> isn’t a good movie, and
the second is that <b>Titanic</b> is the worst movie ever made.
<br /><br />That sounds like varying levels of the same premise, but
really they’re very different, because while there are a million
terrible movies made every year, there’s rarely a movie, no matter
how bad it is, to merit consideration in the “Worst of All Time”
race.<br /><br />Let’s start off with why I think it’s a bad
movie…<br /><br /><b>1) The main characters are almost entirely
unlikable.</b> <br /><br />Jack Dawson is a smug little d-bag who you’d
likely want to punch if you met him in real life. He’s the guy who
sings “I Gave My Love a Cherry” and says all the right things,
and offers to draw her. Amazingly he’s awesome at guitar and he’s
awesome at drawing, but certainly that is merely coincidental to his
volunteering. <br /><br />The Kate Winslett version of Rose is okay I
suppose. Sure, she’s flighty, but she’s young and it’s Kate
Winslett, so it’s to some degree forgivable. Although, the fact
that she tolerates Billy Zane for even a half a second makes her
unlikable by association alone. HOWEVER… that old lady version of
Rose is the absolute WORST. Think about this for a second… That
old crone dragged a whole team of scientists out into the middle of
the North Atlantic to search for “The Heart of the Ocean”, when
she really had it the whole time. And then, once they decided it was
a lost cause, she tosses it! How many millions of dollars did that
damned expedition cost? Just so she could hitch a ride to say
farewell to the love of her life who she knew for two whole days.
Blech… I hate that old lady. Thank god Britney Spears’ astronaut
boyfriend retrieved it for her, or that priceless artifact would
still be at the bottom of the ocean.<br /><br />Oh… and maybe it’s a
personal objection, but I feel like the relationship between Jack and
Rose could have existed just as easily without the existence of Billy
Zane at all. They could have given her some other hoity-toity rich
girl issue that Jack breaks down, but instead they just make her a
girl who cheats on her fiancé (odious as he may be), and that seems
unnecessary and unseemly.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>2) The tertiary characters aren’t
much better.</b><br />The Italian guy who might as well go around
the whole movie going “Thatsa bigga pizza pie!”, or Kathy Bates
as Molly Brown, the most broadly painted character in history. Or the
aforementioned Billy Zane, who may as well have been wearing a
Snidely Whiplash mustache he was so fucking evil. There’s no grey
area with any of the characters. The Italian guy is merely Italian.
Molly Brown is a damned quote machine. Billy Zane is only missing the
railroad tracks and rope. <br /><br /><b>3) The movie is way too
long.</b><br />I’m sorry… but it is. Three hours and fourteen
minutes. We’re not talking about <b>The English Patient</b>, a love
story that spans years. We’re talking about a movie that lasts
longer than the actual sinking of the ship. If the writing was good,
or if the characters were super charismatic, I’d give it more
leeway, but it isn’t. Don’t get me wrong… I don’t shy away
from an epic. I love all three <b>Lord of the Rings</b> movies, and
they’re all longer. Again, though… the justification for that is
that the story spans months of time. It takes place in a hundred
locations. The books are hundreds and hundreds of pages. What it
always struck me is that Cameron was TRYING to make something big and
long and epic. It was a show-off thing. It was also a lazy thing,
because maybe a couple fewer loving shots of the boat (that look like
matte paintings anyway) and maybe one or two fewer annoying scenes
between Rose and Billy Zane… You may have yourself the start of a
picture. Oh… and the framework scenes with Bill Paxton, at his
absolute worst, talking to the old lying lady… terrible. I don’t
care. <br /><br />In the end, the only explanation for it is that Cameron
is overly self-indulgent (Also potentially explaining <b>Avatar</b>’s
GIANT run time. I mean… learn to use AVID for fuck’s sake.)<br /><br /><b>4)
There are a lot of manipulative movies, none quite as overtly so.</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I’ve often said that the movie is
manipulative, and I stand by that. There was a counterpoint made that
a lot of movies are manipulative, and yes… that’s totally true.
<b>The Pianist</b> is a decent movie that loses points because a lot
of its emotion stems from it being set during the Holocaust. That’s
like hitting a ball off a tee. It’s easy to make people cry about
one of the worst things to ever happen on the planet. One of my
favorite movies, <b>Saving Private Ryan</b>, includes a scene at the
end that is acutely designed to make a person weep. The primary
difference is that while there are manipulative scenes in most
movies, <b>Titanic</b> seems to be set to manipulate and steer
through every scene from start to finish. One would argue that this
is called “Directing” and as a theatre director myself, I can see
that logic, but sometimes the better choice is to let the material do
it’s own talking. Presenting something simply can be just as
powerful, and not quite as overtly manipulative. I’m talking about
watching Thomas Andrews setting his clock, or the old couple cuddling
on the bed as the water fills the cabin, or the all of the lingering
shots of the poor people drowning. I get that many of those things
happened (poor people dying) or may have happened (nobody fucking
knows about Andrews, besides that he went down with the ship, like
most men on board, and those old people are pure fiction.)… That
leads me to…<br /><br /><b>5) Something about it feels gross to
me</b>.<br /><br />The Titanic was a real ship. With real people. Who
really died. <br /><br />“But wait, Muchacho… What about: Glory,
Gettysburg, Saving Private Ryan, EVERY WAR MOVIE EVER?”<br /><br />Yeah,
that’s true too. Except that I kind of feel like every one of those
movies is primarily about those events, or honoring those events in
some way. I have always felt like <b>Titanic</b> was James Cameron’s
project ABOUT a love story that happens to take place on The Titanic.
I just feel like it’s somehow disrespectful. And when you lionize
fictional (and unlikeable people) while there are real, and powerful
stories to actually tell… it just feels like you’re talking out
of both sides of your mouth. On the one hand, you want to show off
how historically accurate you made the ship, and how much you care
about deep sea archeology. On the other hand, you ignore a hundred
compelling TRUE stories and completely make one up about a slick,
boyish con artist and a overly privileged rich girl who also cheats
on her fiancé. <br /><br />Maybe I’m wrong, but it just feels icky.
<br /><br />In fairness, I also felt that way about <b>National Treasure</b>
when Nic Cage was tossing the Declaration of Independence around, and
shooting up Liberty Hall. It just gives me the willies. <br /><br />So
anyway… that’s the primary thrust of part one of my argument that
<b>Titanic</b> is not a good movie. I have other, more petty, less
reasoned…um… reasons, but I don’t want to like…go on and on
when I’m maybe only about halfway
through.<br />__________________________<br />Now, on to how I can
possibly call this movie, even if we’re all accepting that it’s
bad, the Worst Movie of All Time.<br /><br />This is a more complicated
premise, because, well… there are some horrific movies out there,
and it’s very difficult to make the argument that <b>Titanic</b>, a
movie with undeniable technical prowess, and clear talent can be
worse than a movie like <b>Manos: Hands of Fate,</b> or <b>Plan Nine
from Outer Space</b>. Both measurably bad movies.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
In fact, almost all evidence regarding
<b>Titanic</b> would lead me to the counter argument, that it is, in
fact, the GREATEST movie ever made. It won Best Picture and Best
Director. It made something like 650 million dollars at the box
office. Meaning that it was both critically poplular and popularly
popular, which I will grant makes my argument possibly silly. Well…
it’s my argument, and I’m gonna make it.<br /><br />Obviously, in
order to buy into my opinion that it’s the worst ever, you have to
first accept that my primary premise is correct.. that the movie is,
in fact, bad. So I’ll assume we agree on that point. Or at least
that I swayed you. Hooray!<br /><br />As I said before, there are a ton
of bad movies. My buddy Brawny Hombre would argue that Bad Movies are
actually the best movies. He would also argue that movies like
<b>Armageddon</b> are bad, and while that may be true, I don’t
<i>think</i> he’d argue that it would be in the conversation for
worst ever.<br /><br />What is the difference, then? <br /><br />Well… in
the case of <b>Plan Nine From Outer Space</b>, it’s the sheer,
willful, almost GLEEFUL way Ed Wood ignored every facet of the
production. Writing. Continuity. Acting. Direction. These were all
secondary to “Getting the movie made” and that showed in every
frame. When Bela Lugosi died during filming, he merely hired his
dentist to walk around with a cape over his face and simply believed
nobody would notice. Scenes change from Night to Day to Night
depending on what angle he’s shooting from. It’s a train wreck.
It’s really, really bad.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="" name="_GoBack"></a>In the case of a
movie like… <b>Showgirls</b>, the production value was largely
fine, but the writing and acting completely sunk it, as did it being
fully lacking in even a modicum of self-awareness. It’s so goofy
and weird and badly written and acted, but you know that they
believed they were making art. It’s the obtuse self aggrandizement
that makes it especially bad. <br /><br />For <b>Titanic</b>, I believe
that it boils down to 2 major things.<br /><br />1) James Cameron fully
believes it is the greatest movie ever made, believed it when he was
making it, and made it with the intention of it ultimately being
that. The mere fact that he set out to do it, and it ended up being
bad (as we accepted) puts it in the conversation. I have a problem,
as a director, with directors in general overstating their own
importance, brilliance, talent, genius, etc… The sort of shameless
self promotion turns me right off. Even 15 years later, James Cameron
re-released Titanic and acted like he was gifting it on us or
something. <br /><br />I can just picture him saying something like : “I
know you’ve been slogging your way through year after year of
marginal movies by marginal directors… you know.. aside from my
very own <b>Avatar</b>, but not to worry… I’m here to solve your
boredom and lift you out of the doldrums of film watching by
presenting you… with a movie you’ve already seen a million times.
You’re Welcome.”<br /><br />The whole attitude is off-putting.
Michael Bay makes explosion vehicles. He knows it. We know it. He
accepts that’s his lot, so when he makes a clunker, we laugh and it
goes away, and then he makes another movie with explosions, and we
either like it better or worse than the one before. Michael Bay knows
who he is. James Cameron insists on telling us what kind of genius he
is, and it pisses me right off. The primary vehicle for him touting
his genius is Titanic, which… as I already explained, isn’t even
any good.<br /><br />2) The main reason I believe it’s the worst ever,
is because “Worst’ is relative. And <b>Titanic</b> has the
greatest (by a country mile) disparity between actual quality, and
purported quality. <br /><br />Ed Wood liked <b>Plan Nine</b>, but he
never said it was a masterpiece. Oliver Stone would never call
<b>Alexander</b> his best film, unless he was just being belligerent
(a real possibility). <br /><br />There are many movies that, in a
vacuum, are far worse than <b>Titanic</b>, but the claims to
greatness… the utter insistence from the legions of fans that it’s
the BEST MOVIE EVAR, the willful ignorance of any type of
disputation, the OUTRAGE and SHOCK when a person even deigns to
suggest it isn’t the GREATEST movie ever made automatically makes
the chasm between actual quality and purported quality so great that
no other movie can match it. <br /><br />So that’s my argument. <b>Titanic</b>
is the worst strictly in terms of proportion. If <b>Titanic</b> had
simply been presented without comment, and had lived a fairly quiet
life, I may have very different feelings of it. Even if it wasn’t
quiet, and still made a crapload of money, like <b>Avatar</b>, but
didn’t hold itself out there as being so fucking fantastic…<br /><br />You
could say that part of this argument is that the popularity of it
makes me not like it, but that’s a real oversimplification, because
there are tons of movies that I love that are also popular. And
books. And TV shows. I love <b>Pirates of the Caribbean</b>. I love
DISNEY movies. I love <b>The Hunger Games</b>. None of those would
lose a popularity contest. <br /><br />I hate that <b>Titanic</b> is so
popular because it is bad. I don’t think <b>Titanic</b> is bad
because it is popular. So I dunno… Maybe it is exactly what it
looks like.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-80835458362231893552012-04-25T08:34:00.001-04:002012-04-25T08:34:08.940-04:00Blogging About Blogging.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDK-_1p_k85YslnL4Zslx1a8uX0naWXFhzjpcp-5dklTwSAjf6lZvx_1HegJ_FqUpHhgeOrWKs7C2NjYM9Qo0uhZyZ3fj_LXkWwOZJg4s5vA7fp9UgcCMoBAhcEe6GsnhgZ9lhKhQqmoX4/s1600/shouting2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDK-_1p_k85YslnL4Zslx1a8uX0naWXFhzjpcp-5dklTwSAjf6lZvx_1HegJ_FqUpHhgeOrWKs7C2NjYM9Qo0uhZyZ3fj_LXkWwOZJg4s5vA7fp9UgcCMoBAhcEe6GsnhgZ9lhKhQqmoX4/s320/shouting2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
What’s strange about this particular
lapse in blog updates is that I’ve been blogging my ass off. <br /><br />I
mean, the first and most obvious location I’ve been blogging is my
Disney Blog, where I recently talked about all the latest news
surrounding the closure of Epcot’s Test Track for refurbishment.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Most of my blogging has been behind the
scenes, though, where I’ve been working on three huge movie blogs.
It’s just that none of them are ready for print yet, so I thought
I’d put a little interim blog together… about the 3 blogs I’ve
been working on.<br /><br />Blog 1 is the second half of my “BEST Best
Picture” of the past 20 years. As of now, I’m down to eight
finalists, and I’m still not totally sure how to pair them up. I
think it’s gonna end up being a random tournament where I draw up a
bracket and have essentially 3 more rounds of competition ending with
a final round pitting to top two “Best Picture” winners. The idea
is that.. there’s not really a good or bad draw for any movie,
since the quality of the movies don’t change based on the matchups.
If Movie A is better than Movie B, it will always win. That also
would mean Movie B would not EVER win this tournament.<br /><br />In
fact… Let’s announce the bracket now… (The matchups were
randomly determined by a co-worker who didn’t know what he was
picking.<br /><br />Schindler’s List vs. No Country for Old
Men<br />Unforgiven vs. Forrest Gump<br />The English Patient vs. The
Return of the King<br />American Beauty vs. The Hurt Locker<br /><br />So…
stay tuned for the final half of that tournament.<br /><br />Blog 2 is my
explanation of why I hate the movie “Titanic” so much. This one
is taking a while for two reasons. Partly because I feel like I’ve
made this argument so many times over the past 15 years that I almost
feel like my points are too plentiful at this stage, so I’m working
on narrowing it down to just a couple of key reasons. I’ve been
accused of hating it for reasons that I don’t hate it also, so it’s
important that I focus on my actual reasons, and not worry about
refuting. <br /><br />Partly, and more importantly, I keep debating
whether I want to go see it in 3D in this recent re-release in order
to a) give it one more chance and b) to better pinpoint the exact
things I hated. I’ve only seen it one time, after all. It’s hard
to believe, isn’t it? The movie I tout as being the worst of all
time, and I’ve only seen it once. <br /><br />What I find most
interesting, though, is that people seem to be less enthralled with
it in this re-release. I’m kind of curious as to that too.<br /><br />Blog
3 is a new one that my friend Alan (The Brawny Hombre) got me started
with last night. It’s probably the longest winded one of all, and I
have absolutely NO idea how this is going to work in practice, but
he’s so intrigued by the Best Picture blog that he’s encouraged
me to write a whole separate blog about the Best Movie Overall of
that same time period. <br /><br />That’s an insanely daunting task. So
far we’ve started by listing our top three movies for each year,
beginning in 1990 (Goodfellas, Edward Scissorhands, Total Recall) and
going all the way through to 2011. We spent the whole night (He also
has a third shift job, so we regularly bounce e-mails back and forth
when our shifts line up), and we only made it through 2003 (Return of
the King, Pirates of the Caribbean, Seabiscuit). Not only do we have
3 movies listed for each year, but we have a huge list of “Also
considered” movies, which is currently almost 70 movies all on its
own. The idea is… once we’ve determined the best 3 for each year,
and we have the giant pool of also considered, we’ll go through and
see if there are any things that have to be swapped out. Then we have
a good old 64 movie extravaganza.<br /><br />It’s all very scientific,
I assure you.<br /><br />So far, some quotes from the discussion
include:<br />Me regarding the possible inclusion of “Contact” in
the best movies of 1997:<br /><i>“Absolutely, unequivocally, no.
Contact is not ever in the top three movies of that year. I’m
almost positive that Jodie Foster would agree.”</i><br /><br />Alan
regarding the fact that the discussion lasted through till
morning:<br /><i>“We should probably table this for now. It's
hitting the busy morning period when the buffoons begin waking up and
inflicting their ineptitude on the world around them (i.e.,
me). “</i><br /><br />I’m already finding a glaring hole in the
matrix (Not ‘The Matrix’), which is that Royal Tennenbaums
neither made the final cut for 2001, nor was it mentioned at all.
Mistakes all over the fucking place. Embarassing.<br /><br />So… You’ve
all got those blogs to look forward to, in some order. Almost
certainly the Best Movie Tourney will be last, and potentially in a
series of posts as opposed to one 50,000 word monolith. Maybe I
should just compile the discussion and make a book out of it. <br /><br />I
have every intention of writing about something other than movies at
some point, but until The Crucible is done (next week), I’m pretty
wiped out creatively. <br /><br />I was considering writing a blog about
the HBO show ‘Girls’, which I find bad, almost to the point of
being repugnant.
</div>Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-75069468824593152222012-04-09T08:42:00.000-04:002012-04-09T08:42:08.576-04:00A Battle Royale<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuU5TIoBq5fAiFYv-yVZcEHIHKDhttGwomWfquVg1-ci9gzxhUulCKgjYa4jP4-c45UVZRAIMHnP7eJpoaL783awkaBW_B9LjA_5DVzSHPDqoWhAgNVkBD7f8i5eL9u9S1LU8OLI7cqfIz/s1600/oscar-awards-2012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuU5TIoBq5fAiFYv-yVZcEHIHKDhttGwomWfquVg1-ci9gzxhUulCKgjYa4jP4-c45UVZRAIMHnP7eJpoaL783awkaBW_B9LjA_5DVzSHPDqoWhAgNVkBD7f8i5eL9u9S1LU8OLI7cqfIz/s320/oscar-awards-2012.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />I recently blogged very briefly about
The Oscars, and during that I mentioned the idea of having a “Best
Picture Tournament” where I very scientifically determine the BEST
Best Picture winner of the past 20 years. <br /><br />By “scientifically”
I mean “based on my own very special criteria that varies by the
day, and generally boils down to my personal taste.”, but I realize
that my just saying so doesn’t make for a good read, so here’s my
thought process..<br /> <br /><u><b>The Movie Enema (aka The First
Eliminations)</b></u><br /><br />The criteria for this level of
elimination comes down to this: How does the winner compare to the
other movies nominated that year? If the movie shouldn’t have won
its own year, it is immediately disqualified. Seems fair right? Glad
we all can agree…</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<u><b>Titanic, 1997.</b></u> <br />Look…I
could write a whole blog about why this is the worst movie ever made.
I probably have. This is an unpopular opinion, but it doesn’t make
me wrong. Let’s talk about Titanic for just a second… Bad script?
Yes. If someone tried to make the argument that they were going for
period camp… I could possibly get behind it if everything else
wasn’t taken so seriously, or if for that matter, it wasn’t about
a horrible tragedy, which isn’t exactly fertile ground for
campiness. Manipulative? Yes. Any time you show old people embracing
in bed as the ship goes down… there is literally no purpose behind
that other than to make people cry. Bad acting? Yes. Sorry Leo fans…
he’s just not good in this one. Flawed premise? I just can’t get
past the part where the old lady drags all of those people out there
to search for the big diamond, and she had it with her the whole
freaking time. I can’t get past it. That lady would have gone
overboard. <br /><br />It’s all too much to take. And it’s the worst
movie ever made because the actual quality, when compared to the
overblown opinion people have of it, creates the largest gap between
reality and perception. That’s what makes it bad. If people
accepted it for just being a fun (as fun as trivializing the deaths
of hundreds of innocent people can be) spectacle, I’d have far less
issue with it. In this case, it was a Best Picture winner, beating
more deserving movies like L.A. Confidential and Good Will Hunting,
both of which had better stories, better acting, and better writing.
L.A. Confidential, had it won, might have made a run in this
tournament.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<u><b>Shakespeare in Love, 1998</b></u><br />I
could go on about this one too, but I won’t. I’ll simply say…
In 50 years people will be talking about one of the nominated films
from this year as being among the greatest films ever made. That
movie isn’t Shakespeare in Love. <br /><br />Saving Private Ryan was so
definitively a better movie in nearly every way. <br /><br />The only
edge I’d give Shakespeare is with Tom Stoppard’s very clever
script. <br /><br />Saving Private Ryan revolutionized war movies (a
longtime anchor genre in film history). I know this doesn’t really
mean a lot to many people, but Steven Spielberg made war movie that
makes every war movie made prior to it seem watered down in
comparison, I think the most amazing thing about it is that you’re
never once thinking “wow… that was gratuitous” (as opposed to a
movie like… The Passion of the Christ where I spent most of it
thinking “Wow… that was gratuitous”).<br /><br />I’ll also say
that when you have a movie about a war, where the actual veterans of
the war view it as a historical document rather than an
entertainment, you’ve got something important on your hands.
Sometimes (Not always) historical significance needs to be
considered. Especially when compared to something as silly (albeit
entertaining) as Shakespeare in Love.<br /><br /><u><b>A Beautiful Mind &
Chicago, 2001 and 2002 respectively</b></u>.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
These two movies are grouped together,
because they’re out for the same reason. They beat the first two
Lord of the Rings movies for no reason aside from the fact that the
Academy was “holding back” to reward LOTR after the 3<sup>rd</sup>
installment. That’s a terrible reason. <br /><br />There’s nothing
particularly wrong about A Beautiful Mind or Chicago. They feature
great production values, and excellent performances. In fact, I
believe Russell Crowe should have won Best Actor for A Beautiful
Mind, and NOT won for Gladiator (another day, Muchacho… Another
day…). Chicago was being touted as the return of the big movie
musical (except that nothing since then has been as good, and then
they stopped again.) They’re both really good… I’m not denying.
<br /><br />Sorry, though… Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers
are both JUST as amazingly crafted as their Oscar-Winning brother,
The Return of the King. Some would argue that they’re more tightly
edited, since everyone seems to point out the silly multiple endings
of ROTK. If you stated that Two Towers was the actual best of the 3
movies, I’d have a tough time disagreeing. <br /><br /><u><b>Million
Dollar Baby, 2004</b></u></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
This is a tough one for me, because I
like Clint Eastwood (more on that later), and Hilary Swank was
definitely great, as was Morgan Freeman. Million Dollar Baby is a
really excellent movie. This just happened to be a year where there
were a ton of excellent movies out there, and if I’m being honest,
I don’t think it was the best one.<br /><br />In fact, I’d say that
it was the 3<sup>rd</sup> or 4<sup>th</sup> best of the nominees,
overall. <br /><br />The Aviator should have won. This is the DiCaprio
Epic that stands out for me. His performance is great. Scorsese’s
direction is great. The Cinematography (by the same guy who just won
for Hugo) was beautiful. It’s an interesting story, about an
interesting guy, featuring several high profile performances of a
high quality. It’s a period piece. It hits all the buttons. It’s
a great movie. <br /><br />Oh, and if the Aviator doesn’t win, Sideways
should have. Or Finding Neverland. I see the arguments against
Finding Neverland as being the most valid. They took pretty
significant liberties with the actual person of James Barrie, and
glossed over a good bit of the strangeness of him. I guess if you’re
making a Biopic of someone, you should probably be truthful. Either
way, I readily admit it never fails to make me cry. Also, and this
may be blasphemy coming from a Disney fan, but this is Johnny Depp’s
greatest performance of the past 10 years. Jack Sparrow is a close
second. <br /><br />If you realllllly pushed me, I’d concede that if
you put Million Dollar Baby, Finding Neverland, and Sideways in a hat
and pulled out one winner, I’d be fine with any of the three, but
The Aviator is clearly the best of the bunch.<br /><u><b><br />Crash,
2005</b></u><br />I won’t even dignify this with discussion.
Brokeback Mountain should have won. Perhaps it’s become a bit of a
punchline for homophobes everywhere since then, but this was Heath
Ledger’s true break-out film. He was phenomenal in it. It’s a
great movie. Sorry.<br /><br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<u><b>Slumdog Millionaire, 2008</b></u></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I really don’t get why everyone loves
Slumdog Millionaire so much, and in fact… it sure seems like there
really isn’t all that much love for it. Nobody really talks about
it anymore, except for Aziz Ansari, and he only mentions it as part
of a joke about how awesome it must be to be white.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I really believe that The Curious Case
of Benjamin Button is a better choice, ultimately, even if it was a
little long, and the weird framework surrounding Hurricane Katrina
was…well.. weird. Brad Pitt gave my favorite of his performances.
Cate Blanchett was equally excellent. The story was appropriately
sweeping, the effects were always effective and never too showy.
There were parts of great emotion, and humor, and pathos.
Interestingly, I think I like it more on 2<sup>nd</sup> and 3<sup>rd</sup>
viewing than I did on the first. It really grows on me the more I’ve
seen it. <br /><br /><u><b>The Kings Speech, 2010</b></u></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I’m just going to chalk this one up
to the apparent yearlong blow job to the United Kingdom. We may as
well have just re-upped as a colony, since the Brits made the Oscars
their bitch this year.<br /><br />I’ve seen most of the TEN films
nominated this year, and of them, here are the ones I thought were
better than The Kings Speech:<br />The Social Network, Toy Story 3, and
True Grit. <br /><br />The Academy seems to have a thing against Aaron
Sorkin, so The Social Network had an uphill climb. If you couple that
with the idea that The Social Network was very much a film of NOW
(in that it’s not timeless), it seemed unlikely to win. I think
sometimes, when convenient, the Academy takes it upon them to give a
nod to posterity, and I’ll grant that The Social Network wouldn’t
age well, necessarily. Except that it’s amazingly written, and
expertly acted. Toy Story 3 was a sequel (strike one) and animated
(strike two). True Grit was a remake of a beloved John Wayne movie,
and if there’s anything Hollywood loves as much as the British?
It’s old Hollywood. As evidenced by The Artist. Oh… that brings
me to…<br /><br /><u><b>The Artist, 2011</b></u></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
If there’s ever been a movie designed
to win an Oscar in today’s environment, it’s The Artist. It’s…
French, which is sort of the “in” thing (See: Midnight in Paris,
Hugo, and War Horse which all at least in part take place in
France). It romanticizes old Hollywood, which is like sweet, sweet
kitten blood for the aging Academy voters. It features a cute dog. It
features a handsome French star that eliminates the language barrier
by never speaking. <br /><br />I’m not saying The Artist is bad. In
fact… I’d not say any of the movies I’ve mentioned are actually
bad, except for Titanic. I just think it’s a silly, trivial movie
that happened to find the exact perfect atmosphere to flourish.
Probably the most telling thing is that it may have spoken to voters
in some way, but generally it didn’t speak to audiences equally.
It’s one of the lowest grossing Best Picture winners ever. (even
adjusted for inflation). So… what deserved it more? The
Descendants and Moneyball definitely. Probably Hugo, too, though I
didn’t see it.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
----<br /><br />So there we go. I’ve
already eliminated 9 of 20 eligible movies and we’ve barely broken
a sweat. <br /><br /><u><b>Elimination Number Two. (Too Easy)</b></u></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
My next “weed-out” involves Best
Picture winners who rightfully beat the movies it was up against, but
weren’t as good as another un-nominated movie that came out that
year.. I’ll grant this opens up the discussion, potentially to a
huge number of movies, so I’m limiting the “other movies” to
ones that were nominated in at least one other category. <br /><br />So…
let’s see… We can now eliminate:<br /><br /><u><b>Braveheart,
1995</b></u><br />Sorry Mel Gibson, but even though I prefer your film
to the other Best Picture nominees, I found at least 2 other movies
that each are better than Braveheart. I have to believe the Academy
was totally on crack this year, because here are some of the movies
that were nominated for at least one Oscar, but not for Best
Picture…<br /><br />Toy Story (!!!!) I know… It’s an animated
movie, so it stood about as much a chance as I did, but if you
consider it was nominated for Best Original Screenplay (that’s a
huge one), and if you also consider it was the first major Pixar
release, which maybe makes it more of shame in retrospect since Pixar
who has completely owned the animated feature category unlike any
other group in any other category. How the Academy couldn’t
recognize a revolution in animation and storytelling is beyond me…
I don’t know… Being a Walt Disney fan, I think a lot about
animation and its evolution… Maybe it should have won something
like those Seven Dwarfs statuettes they gave Walt when Snow White
came out.<br /><br />The Usual Suspects. This movie has one of the
greatest endings in the history of movies. It also boasts an acting
Oscar for the previously lesser-known Kevin Spacey. Oh, and it has
about 20 great scenes. Also… One super awesome slo-mo coffee cup.
<br /><br />Many people would also argue Casino was better, and I won’t
stop them, even if it’s not my favorite. <br /><br />Honestly, this
came out in a period of 2 years where I paid very little attention to
The Oscars. Maybe it’s because I was a teenager, and it wasn’t
cool or whatever, but I just wasn’t all that aware of what was
happening… I don’t know what it was about Braveheart that
captured everyone’s attention. Just seems like 1995 was a good year
for movies, just not nominated ones.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /><u><b>Gladiator, 2000</b></u></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I’ll admit that if taking in just the
field of Best Picture nominees, Gladiator takes it hands down.
However, to this day, I can’t understand how Almost Famous didn’t
get nominated. It won for Best Original Screenplay, and had 2 acting
nominations in the same category. Almost Famous is one of my favorite
movies of the past 10 years, as I discussed in more detail on my
January 2010 post where I talked about my favorite movies from that
decade. <br /><br />One could potentially champion O Brother Where Art
Thou? As another more deserving film, but I won’t. I love it, and
it makes me laugh, but it’s got a lot of problems.<br /><br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<u><b>The Departed, 2006.</b></u><br />Wha?????
That’s right.<br />I love The Departed, but there are two movies from
2006 that I believe were clearly better.<br /><br />Pan’s Labyrinth.
Somehow the Academy decided that a win in the Best Foreign Language
category somehow makes up for the insane slight of not putting it up
for the big award. It’s an absolutely engaging, amazing story with
beautiful imagery, haunting cinematography, spectacular acting and
art direction, and one of the most indelibly creepy performances of
all time (Sergei Lopez as The Captain). <br /><br />Children of Men. When
I wrote that blog about the best movies of the “Aughts”, I
proclaimed this one the best. It wasn’t nominated for Best Picture,
which is a total joke. I can’t really even get into the many, many
reasons. It’s got an intriguing story. Excellent performances. My
favorite soundtrack of any movie ever. One of the most insane
tracking shots ever filmed. Then a whole other insane tracking shot
that would take the title if not for the first. It’s really got
everything. It’s emotional, political, lyrical, fluid. To this day,
I don’t understand how it wasn’t nominated. Until I get an
answer, The Departed’s win gets a big fat asterisk. <br /><br />That
about wraps up round two.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
So… we now have a more manageable
field of films to work with…The Semi Finalists are:<br /><br />
</div>
<ul>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Unforgiven</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Schindler’s List</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Forrest Gump</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The English Patient</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
American Beauty</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The Return of the King</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
No Country for Old Men</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The Hurt Locker</div>
</li>
</ul>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />To be continued… maybe next week?
I’m not sure, but I do need to come up with a more clear set of
criteria to start eliminating these final eight movies, all of whom
were the deserved winners in their respective Oscar races.
</div>
<br />Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-50985377216251561262012-04-02T08:49:00.001-04:002012-04-02T08:49:35.704-04:00Harried Muchacho<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDKKT2D3ZhLvC1pLdf24XODYEaYTxGzDSSv9JWMaBDCNgJNDvkK6LZ9OAngvZQUd4dZWQOHINbnsIne7Azwaa_ozt50eEN8scQC0keAHrdtbvd4md2pxyddk8yk32oXLUfGCLgQ_9Mfu9j/s1600/muchachotattoocolorfinal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDKKT2D3ZhLvC1pLdf24XODYEaYTxGzDSSv9JWMaBDCNgJNDvkK6LZ9OAngvZQUd4dZWQOHINbnsIne7Azwaa_ozt50eEN8scQC0keAHrdtbvd4md2pxyddk8yk32oXLUfGCLgQ_9Mfu9j/s320/muchachotattoocolorfinal.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I’ve been so consumed with the
production of The Crucible I’m directing, that I’ve found it
difficult to get fired up about anything enough to make a blog out of it, and when I do think of
something to write about, I’ve been having a difficult time really
pinning it down in a logical way. For this blog alone, I’ve thought
about the following:<br /><br />- Favorite fictional characters from
Television<br />- Favorite shows I watch while working overnight.<br />-
Things I hate about renovating.<br />- The weird feeling I have when
people I know, or have known for years, show up in national
commercials, or when they show up in movies. This has been happening
quite a lot lately. Enough, in fact, that the TM keeps asking me “Do
you know that person?” whenever I perk up at a thing on TV.<br />- A
Reds season preview/another meandering blog about baseball and the
importance of it in my life.<br />- The phenomenon of celebrity.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I mean… some of these have legs, and
some of these don’t, but I’m not super inspired by any…so in
true Muchacho tradition, I’ve decided to write a quick update about
various things in my life. Nothing like culling my day to day for
material, right?<br /><br />Vegetarian Stuff…<br />In case you wondered,
I am still a vegetarian. I’m still allowing myself
fish/shellfish/seafood so it’s sort of a loose vegetarianism, but I
haven’t had red or white meat for a full 3 months now, and I
actually no longer even remember what the last meat I had was… <br />Do
I miss meat? Sort of… I miss it more as an idea than I do in
practice. I haven’t been a big meat eater for several years, but I
find myself frustrated by not being able to even have most “Soups
of the Day” or having to pick off the delicious bacon that comes on
the top of cream of potato soup. (Not loaded baked potato soup, where
you’d expect bacon). That was sort of heartbreaking…to
fastidiously remove the bacon. I’ve been careful to ask beforehand
now, because that was fairly torturous, and was certainly the closest
I’ve come to saying “fuck it.”<br />When we’re at home, the TM
and I are pretty good about making various vegetarian foods and
keeping it pretty interesting. She’s developed a fantasic recipe
for bean enchiladas that continues to evolve. I made some pretty
decent vegetarian chili. I’ve eaten tofu hot dogs at least a couple
of times without wanting to kill myself. <br /><br />Progress…<br /><br />Could
I do it forever? I dunno… I think I could definitely do like…
80-90%, but damnit do I miss bacon. It’s not even that I had bacon
that often, but the prospect of bacon is appealing in itself. It’s
also pretty depressing to go to the local barbeque places and not
even be able to enjoy the fucking baked beans because they’re made
with ham hock. <br /><br />Wood Working Stuff…<br /><br />I succeeded in
completing my first project in February… a manly as hell workshop
light that wasn’t particularly complicated, but definitely required
some muscle. It took me a solid 2 days to make it, and I really do
like it. It’s created a very bright workshop for future projects.
<br /><br />As for those future projects… I feel like it’s a bit of a
cop-out to even say this, because I should have spent more time
researching the hobby ahead of time, but damnit is this an expensive
way to pass the time. Tools are really pricey, and it seems that each
project requires like… 5 tools that are specific to that one kind
of project only. I had been registered for a dovetail joint workshop,
but ended up having to drop out, because even though the workshop was
listed as being 110.00, which I paid… once I started reading more
about it, I realized that I also had to bring like… 4 pieces of
equipment I don’t already have. It would have ended up costing
about 300.00 to do this 100.00 workshop. So…I canceled. It,
admittedly, has taken the wind out of my sails at least a little,
though I am working on something now that I hope to be completed by
the end of the month. At this point, I’m a month behind on my
projects, and maybe some of my readers were right… 11 pieces was
optimistic. Not in terms of workload, but in terms of cost. <br /><br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
House stuff…<br />The TM and I have
spent the last 3 months having stuff done to our house, and I’ll be
honest with you…. As nice as many of the things are, and as
necessary as the rest was… I’m so fucking tired of having people
in the house. No offense at all to the contractors who are super nice
and very professional, but I just want to sit around the house on my
off days without my pants on, and your presence has hindered that a
great deal.<br /><br />That said, though… We have at least 3 super
fantastic upgrades to the house that will increase the value if we
ever decide to sell, and will certainly increase the enjoyment we
have while we stay. <br /><br />First, we re-did the deck in the
backyard. This was a huge deal, since the old deck was nice, but was
also rotting and falling down. The new deck is a good deal bigger,
and has some cool features like a cutout for a tree in the middle,
with a great bench surrounding it. I LOVE the new deck.<br /><br />Also
in the backyard, we removed all of the pieced –together sections of
fencing and installed a 6 foot privacy fence all around the yard.
This sounds so isolationist, but we’re getting a dog in the fall,
so dog-safety is paramount. Also it does look so nice compared to the
old fence.<br /><br />Lastly (of my favorite upgrades), we knocked out
the windows in our dining room, and had French doors installed in
their place. These open up onto the deck, which now extends over far
enough for that to actually work. Previously, the deck ended a good
10 feet to the left. <br /><br />I guess what I’m saying is that our
back yard is now really fucking awesome. We managed to take a largely
forgotten space (also featuring some of the most hellacious weeds on
the planet), and turn it into a really nice, extra living space that
will be great for us, for our future dog, and for future residents if
we decide to leave.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I mentioned the weed issue… well…
through no real fault of anyone, and largely because last Summer was
so insanely busy, the back corner of the yard (more like the back
right QUARTER) became completely overgrown. Like… unpassable. So
last Wednesday, I also managed to adhere to one of my resolutions,
and did some house improvement work by tearing that shit down. It was
hard, and it was hot, and I may have dulled the blades on the lawn
mower, but I have to say I’m pretty pleased at the result.<br /><br />I
can also wager a guess that this corner of the yard will continue to
be problematic. The yard slopes downward toward that corner, and
water seems to flow that direction. Away from the house, which is
good, but toward that corner… tending to make it a muddier, swampy
area. This is bad for walking and enjoying, but really really good
for plants. Those irksome weeds especially. Expect more updates on
this once the play is over, and we’re back from our vacation.<br /><br />Oh…
That blogging thing.<br />My other resolution was that I’d be
blogging more this year… I am pleased to say that I’ve pretty
successfully stuck to my one-blog-per-week routine, though I’ve
been delayed in posting until later in the week a couple of times. I
am giving myself a pass on that.<br /><br />In fact… I have basically
committed to blogging EVEN MORE because of my new Disney-themed blog,
which launched last week. If you’re interested in just my Disney
blogs, check it out. I’ll post a link here every time I blog over
there, so don’t worry… but if you want to add it to the blog roll
now, the URL is:<br /><br /><a href="http://beefydisney.blogspot.com/">http://beefydisney.blogspot.com</a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />This has turned into a lot of
babbling, so I’ll cut this off now… Some blogs to look forward
to:<br /><br />Imagineering Disney - A (hopefully) recurring segment on
rides or attractions I’ve thought up. To be posted on
BeefyDisney.<br /><br />The Muchacho Tattoo… My resident Muchacho
Artist, Tony Doench has completed my tattoo design, so now I just
have to find a time to schedule the session. I’m hoping Jake (the
tattoo artist) will let me time lapse the process. Either way, I’ll
blog about it.<br /><br />The Reds/Baseball blog. I just have to think of
a good angle.<br /><br />I’m always thinking about posting serialized
original fiction as I write it…sort of like a workshop. We’ll see
if that comes together.<br /><br />Happy April!</div>Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-21921744299403954252012-03-26T14:14:00.000-04:002012-03-26T14:14:27.702-04:00Presenting the Disney Blog<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEBVU95903jeccVY7M0BsMny2mN6CSJjYhIgM9UjoBOCYvZm0Z5TKeDziFecCKM8uZDsE0HzVM7E1ZS9WYgPArWZiTVzpW7SuGYQU8TTDk3Twjn-oZHJMIpvhNf_lU19tsiC7mWpJ1KzYD/s1600/Me+mickey+and+walt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEBVU95903jeccVY7M0BsMny2mN6CSJjYhIgM9UjoBOCYvZm0Z5TKeDziFecCKM8uZDsE0HzVM7E1ZS9WYgPArWZiTVzpW7SuGYQU8TTDk3Twjn-oZHJMIpvhNf_lU19tsiC7mWpJ1KzYD/s320/Me+mickey+and+walt.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Hey Folks-</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">I invite you to visit my all new Disney Blog. </span></b><br /><br /><b><a href="http://beefydisney.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Just click here!</span></a></b>Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-13648090074919368022012-03-23T04:01:00.001-04:002012-03-23T19:55:30.306-04:00Pardon Our Dust<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvKqEtjrqteDdPmz5vkLCz7yGT7vF23sPikEnK0_gkK5bY3sMWdpYb9QV2Iizt8N7KAgltkL66g4st6I6yp6ZctupUdw20BajtLOt7koJAGXVM_CxdVel4F0A5c6jSyenAhuKxoO3TSfex/s1600/Pardon+Our+Dust.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvKqEtjrqteDdPmz5vkLCz7yGT7vF23sPikEnK0_gkK5bY3sMWdpYb9QV2Iizt8N7KAgltkL66g4st6I6yp6ZctupUdw20BajtLOt7koJAGXVM_CxdVel4F0A5c6jSyenAhuKxoO3TSfex/s320/Pardon+Our+Dust.jpg" width="249" /></a></div>
<br />
Hi everyone!<br />
<br />
I'm sorry for the lack of post this week, but I've been working on getting my Disney blog up and running.<br />
<br />
I fully expect to simulcast my first Disney post this week.<br />
<br />
I sincerely hope you all tune in to the launch. I've rarely been this excited for a completely inconsequential thing.<br />
<br />
While you wait... some random thoughts.<br />
<br />
- I'm running myself ragged right now working on directing The Crucible for my local theatre group. This is the first experiment with being fully involved with a show while working my overnight shift at work. I'm fine most of the time, but I have very little extra time to like... DO anything. It's a good thing it's almost done. We open in just over a month.<br /><br />- The Cincinnati Bearcats ended their season last night with a tough loss to Ohio State. It's been one of the more enjoyable seasons of basketball in my memory. I wouldn't place it with the iconic early 90s seasons when there was nowhere to go but up, but it was a lot of fun, and they proved themselves worthy of wearing the "C". I loved this team far more than I expected to at the start of the season. Hopefully, we're on another great upswing.<br /><br />- I'm starting to wonder if all of my Disney blog planning is a great idea for my psyche. I normally can get a solid 8 months of satiation from a visit, and this most recent one in October was a particularly long visit, so I was hoping the hankering would hold off for a year... Sadly no. I'm in full-on Disney-Reverie. I feel bad for the Tofu Muchacha... We're not planning to go until January of 2014. I'm not sure I'll be able to take it.<br />
<br />- I'm super excited for baseball season to get started. I'm feeling good about the Reds this season, and I think I'm going to be at a fever pitch for a good amount of the year. It'll be fun times. I'm very excited about Mat Latos. <br />
<br />
Anyway... More blogging coming soon. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-47031702006764736312012-03-14T08:51:00.000-04:002012-03-14T08:51:12.144-04:00Sad Face<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3gLNKrkwIbtZB3nAXx_ZdAibJflCCljD_C1IoW83irOPF0xDduezEoenIPCQ9qqYNS60emNaMkXhJMot-Yr0ha5a2e7ru3gUjVcKdkEHE66nrcJ5iP_GUlS6VFVEveVEP1yjeZFeJcdJy/s1600/lego-sad-face.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3gLNKrkwIbtZB3nAXx_ZdAibJflCCljD_C1IoW83irOPF0xDduezEoenIPCQ9qqYNS60emNaMkXhJMot-Yr0ha5a2e7ru3gUjVcKdkEHE66nrcJ5iP_GUlS6VFVEveVEP1yjeZFeJcdJy/s320/lego-sad-face.jpg" width="295" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I went to a movie on Monday, and I
found myself getting a little weepy during the trailers. That’s
right… The trailers.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Well.. One trailer specifically. It was
for a movie called “Bully”. It’s a documentary that addresses
the growing issue with bullying in our country, and specifically
focuses on a young kid currently dealing with being bullied as well
as the families of two young men who killed themselves over excessive
bullying. One who suffered from Aspergers Syndrome, when he was 17,
and one who hung himself at age 11. Fucking ELEVEN. <br /><br />What can
I say? I was affected.<br /><br />I better clarify right off the bat. I
was never, myself, truly bullied in school. I was always a nerdy,
overweight kid, but I had just enough sports aptitude and just enough
ability to bullshit that I was never the biggest target in any room,
and I normally fit in adequately enough to avoid being the brunt of
any bullying attack. <br /><br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
That said, very few things make me more
profoundly sad and angry than when I hear about kids being so upset
by bullying that they take their own lives. <br /><br />Sometimes I
wonder if maybe kids today just simply aren’t as equipped to handle
themselves as they were even as short a time ago as the late 80s and
early 90s when I was a grade-schooler. The more I think about it,
though, the more I think the bullying actually is worse, and I start
to wonder what life would have been like. <br /><br />I never had a
friend kill themselves because they were bullied, and I don’t
remember even hearing about it happening anywhere at all, but I also
didn’t grow up in a time when you can’t escape your bullies, even
in your home. <br /><br />I recently had a birthday where I was so
overwhelmed by the positive messages I received that I declared
Facebook the greatest thing to ever happen to birthdays. That may be
true, but the advent of instant messaging and social media has had an
ugly side effect where kids can’t escape their bullies.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />Once upon a time, we were all told
that the best way to stop a bully was to stand up to them. Maybe give
them a good pop to the mouth. It’s not so easy anymore. Bullying
can not only be remote, but anonymous. I know that when I get a
negative anonymous comment on this blog, it upsets me, and I have the
ability to recognize that people who hide behind their anonymity are
way sadder than I’ll ever be. Try telling that to a 10 year old
who’s suddenly had their Facebook page bombarded by cruel
comments. I used to sort of laugh at the notion of internet bullying,
but I don’t anymore. I have come to see how oppressive something
like that can truly be. And it makes me sad.<br /><br />It makes me angry
too. It makes me angry that in spite of the growing evidence, that
schools continually chalk up bullying to “boys being boys” and
“girls are just mean at that age”. Honestly, if they believe it’s
just part of growing up to be harassed and tormented, I’d like to
put them through it for a while and see what it’s like when “Men
are being men, and women are just being mean.”<br /><br />So anyway,
I’m watching this movie trailer before the start of this dumb
comedy that I didn’t even get to see all the way through because of
a power outage, and I find myself crying. There’s nothing quite
like sitting alone in a movie theater and crying at a fucking
preview.<br /><br />It’s okay… you can make fun of me for getting
emotional. If you don’t get at least a little gut-kick feeling when
you see old photos of a kid who’s now dead over something so
fucking preventable as being pushed around on the playground, I feel
sorry for you.<br /><br />I’m still not to my main point…<br /><br />The
movie has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America
(MPAA), which means that any kid under 17 can’t get in without
being escorted by an adult, and even worse the film won’t be able
to be screened in Middle Schools and High Schools without permission
slips being sent home and signed. That is… the worst thing
ever.<br /><br />Everything about this bothers me, and I’m not alone. A
17 year old girl in Michigan started a petition to get the rating
changed to PG13, and has garnered over three hundred THOUSAND
signatures. Among the signers are state governors, CEOs of movie
theater chains, and many movie stars. The MPAA has so far declined to
change the rating.<br /><br />I started thinking about how myopic the
MPAA has decided to be on this issue, and how offensive that is to
me… <br /><br />It’s easily arguable that the most important
demographic to see this film are 13-17 year olds. How many hundreds
of bullied kids could benefit from just the thought that they’re
not alone in the world, or that people care about them? <br /><br />Maybe
there are just as many bullies who could see a real family, truly
affected by the death of a kid who was mercilessly bullied. Maybe
just one or two of them will realize that telling a kid they should
be dead isn’t the best way to conduct themselves. <br /><br />Maybe,
and excuse me for being dramatic, but a life would be saved. <br /><br />It
makes me so sad to think about those kids who probably just wanted to
go about their lives, and get through the high school with the least
amount of friction, just like the rest of us. How they were
threatened and tormented, and taunted until they couldn’t take it
anymore.<br /><br />A quote from Tyler Long’s (the 17 year old) father
breaks my heart…. “They took his pride from him. He was a hollow
person.”<br /><br />I’m sorry, but no 17 year old kid should be
hollow. Especially at the hands of some other 17 year old kid who,
had the breaks gone slightly another way, could have been in that
same position of having the never-ending gall to be different. <br /><br />It
just seems to be getting worse, and more pervasive, and aggressive,
so the fact that the MPAA has decided to be sticklers on this issue
of content offends me to my core. <br /><br />I remember when I was 15
being showed Schindler’s List. I defy a single parent to say 15 is
too young to learn about the Holocaust. I guess I needed a permission
slip, though I admit I was just as likely to have signed it myself at
that age. I don’t remember either way. <br /><br />Kids should have to
watch “Bully”, just like I had to watch “Schindler’s List”.
Don’t get me wrong… they should have to watch both, really. They
should be forced to hear the pained interviews of friends and family
when they talk about Ty Smalley, who was 11 years old when bullies
made his life so miserable that he hung himself after school. And
yeah, I’ve read that the kid could give as much as he could take or
whatever, but fuck that. He’s the one who they broke. It should
never have happened. I don’t care if he was a Junior Hell’s
Angel. He’s the broken one at the end. <br /><br />I don’t want to
belabor a point unnecessarily, but think about your life when you
were eleven. I was in 5th or 6<sup>th</sup> grade. I had my first
kiss the Summer in between. I performed in my first play. I had
crushes on various girls I don’t even remember now. I had some good
teachers, and good friends, a cat named Chip and 2 crazy-ass beagle
dogs, and generally my life was pretty solid. <br /><br />If someone told
me a kid in my class had killed themself, I am pretty sure I wouldn’t
have totally even understood the concept. How does that happen? <br /><br />How
does it happen?<br /><br />The kids who are causing this insurmountable
pain need to see. They shouldn’t be allowed to wait until they’re
seventeen based on the MPAA. They should be forced to watch as Ty
Smalley’s father says this:<br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en"><i><br />There's
answers out there. ... I don't know what the answers are, but there
are people who do. There are people that have the answers. We need to
get the world involved. We need to find those people. We need to find
that one person that can make a difference. And if we can't find that
one, we're going to find 100,000 of them. And we're all going to put
our heads together and we're going to come up with a solution ... if
you really want to learn what suicide by bullying is all about, talk
to the people who are living the nightmare. We haven't done Ty's last
load of laundry, because it still smells like him. We haven't washed
his sheets because I can go in there and lay on his bed and still
smell my boy. You want to learn what bullying and suicide is all
about, you talk directly to the people that it affects the most.</i></span></span></div>
<div style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% rgb(255, 255, 255); margin-bottom: 0.1in; margin-top: 0.02in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en"><i><br />First and foremost I hold myself
completely responsible for what has happened to my son. Ultimately my
son's safety rested in my hands. I was responsible for my son's
safety. I'm his DAD! ... It's my job to protect him. No matter what.
No matter where he was. It was my job to protect him</i></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial,serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en"><i>.</i></span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I’m sorry this is a little rambling,
but I’m upset. I don’t understand how the stupid MPAA can be so
obtuse about this. It’s not South Park they’re talking about.
It’s a documentary about kids being bullied. It’s a real thing. A
problem. <br /><br />I admit that I find some of the celebrities speaking
out about this to be somewhat disingenuous and maybe that’s my own
cynicism, but it doesn’t mean they’re wrong. They’re, in fact,
completely right. The MPAA needs to adjust this. Make the movie
unrated. But the fact that they’re saying things like “It’s our
job to warn parents…”. It’s bullshit. It’s offensive. For my
money, there’s not a single parent out there who should object to
their kids seeing this movie. <br /><br />For the kids who are bullied,
I’ll say it again… They need to know they aren’t alone. They
need to know that people in positions of power care about them, and
they need to know that they’re safe. Not just when they go to
school, but when they log-in to their computers in their homes to do
homework or even to watch videos of great dunkers on YouTube. They
should be safe not to fear a constant barrage of torment. <br /><br />Just
as importantly, the bullies themselves need to know they aren’t
protected from punishment just because they fall back on the excuse
of “boys will be boys”. They need to see the consequences. <br /><br />So
that’s enough. I’ve vented, and now I want you to think about it,
and if you agree with me, click through here and electronically sign
the petition to lower the MPAA rating. I realize you may not have
seen this movie. I’m stating my opinion that it doesn’t matter.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It should be shown. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.change.org/petitions/mpaa-don-t-let-the-bullies-win-give-bully-a-pg-13-instead-of-an-r-rating">Click
here to Sign</a><br /><br />
</div>Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-16204029649861734362012-03-07T07:45:00.000-05:002012-03-07T07:45:00.087-05:00All the Wasted Time<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSQyP8Q1NFp3BhZsy4Fr8qersBmagJkcrr9AhrmffmYYRNG4KEeAyoM-Xm6S4mBkNJsJlqB83qrfmphPADfwJskDFcPqUWz18X4uuEc2kPusxh09LjcUdWEKrUfn9kfk4Dnw5KfQ-x7Nz7/s1600/mouthguard.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSQyP8Q1NFp3BhZsy4Fr8qersBmagJkcrr9AhrmffmYYRNG4KEeAyoM-Xm6S4mBkNJsJlqB83qrfmphPADfwJskDFcPqUWz18X4uuEc2kPusxh09LjcUdWEKrUfn9kfk4Dnw5KfQ-x7Nz7/s320/mouthguard.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
And to think, I could have been smoking meth all this time.<br />
<br />
All these years, the pull of crack and meth was strong, but the one thing
that deterred me was that old thing they tell you about how your teeth fall
out. <br />
<br />
If I'd known that my teeth would just pop the fuck out of my mouth all on
their own, I'd have picked up the pipe long ago. <br />
<br />
So... You all might recall my previous post about my issues with my <a href="http://beefymuchacho.blogspot.com/2010/12/tooth-dust.html" target="_blank">dentist
(the aptly named "Crotchety Bastard" and my teeth.</a> It seems
that despite all of the work the old coot put in on my one problem tooth, that
low and behold he fucked it up, and suddenly... without pain or warning, my
one-year-old crown just decided to rebel from my jaw and fling itself free from
my mouth altogether.<br />
<br />
Now, I don't mean to be all dramatic and whatnot, but let me just tell you
that there is nothing quite so jarring as your teeth falling out with no
inkling ahead of time. I think I'd prefer to be in a knife fight. At least
that's a voluntary violation.<br />
<br />
So there I was last week, getting settled in at work, when my crown pops the
fuck out. I call the Old Crotchety Bastard to make an emergency appointment,
and in what may turn out to be the most fortuitous happenstance of all, I come
to find out that the OCB doesn't take my new employer's insurance.
Glory-fucking-hallelujah. Finally, I have an excuse to leave that old mother
fucking crotchety bastard.<br />
<br />
Here’s where I find that almost everyone else on the planet freaking LOVES
their dentist. I posted about my dental despair on Facebook, and got a dozen
dentist recommendations within 2 hours. It was amazing. <br />
<br />
I decided, after long and careful thought, to go with the TM’s dentist. Partly
because she’s got no complaints. Partly because he had an appointment
miraculously open THAT DAY, and partly because he DOES take my new insurance. <br />
<br />
All that decided, off I head to my new tooth-man, with my old crown
clickety-clacking around in a disposable condiment container, because I’m
nothing if not classy. I could do nothing but keep my fingers crossed that the
new guy wasn’t also some shriveled old coot with nothing better to do than to
mouth-violate me.<br />
<br />
Things started off promisingly enough… As I entered the office, I noted that
his examining room was festooned. Not with the candid shots of the recently
empained, but rather with framed news articles, autographed photos, and other
commemorative material surrounding my beloved Cincinnati Reds. “This…”, I
though to myself, “…is a good sign.”<br />
<br />
I won’t accuse my new guy of a good bedside manner, because that would be
false. He’s a younger guy, and tall and stocky, much like your very own Beefy
Muchacho. He took a cursory look at the tooth in the plastic container, and
then an even more cursory look at the gaping chasm in my mouth where said tooth
once resided, and he said…<br />
<br />
“You just got this put in a year ago?”<br />
<br />
(Oh… I should pause here to mention that my new dentist sort of talks like
Shaquille O’Neal does in interviews. All low resonance, and fast words, and
hard to make out at first. So, picture Shaq saying this stuff to me while you’re
reading. I have to admit that I found the notion that for the first time, the
guy with the fingers in his mouth was the one who was easier to understand. )<br />
<br />
Back to the conversation…. <br />
<br />
I replied, “Yeah, almost exactly.”<br />
<br />
“Who? I mean… Who did this?”… I could sense the disgust in his voice. His deep,
mumbly voice…<br /><br />
“Dr. Crotchety Coot Bastard, DDS… up in Coot Land.” (I’m paraphrasing here. )<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />“I don’t understand why… He should have known this would never last. I am
surprised it lasted this long. <br /><br />They don’t do it this way any more, because it
just doesn’t last.”<br />
<br />
This was, obviously, not what I wanted to hear… I really didn’t want to know that not only did the Old
Crotchety Bastard have a less-than-light touch when it came to literally
everything, he was using fucking antiques on me. Like… apparently just for
fucking fun. <br />
<br />
What would he have done with me had I stayed his patient forever? Would he have
started shoving tooth-shaped pebbles into my mouth? Would he have asked me to
pick up a good whittlin’ stick on the way over to his office, so he could “Carve
me a chopper?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Or maybe he’d go the other way, and just be all:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You know, son… We seem to be having considerable trouble
with this one tooth. I say we just yank-em all out. I’ve already got you fitted
for the George Washington 5000 model dentures… Now lean back and listen all
about how Mitt and I are old fishin’ buddies. This is gonna hurt!”<br />
<br />
In about 10 seconds, my new dentist, who I’m going to call “The Big Orthodontal”
or “The Big O” in honor of his Shaq tendencies, was able to tell me that The
Old Coot had fitted me with a fucking bygone era war button or something, and
now the real man was going to fix me all up. Only… it’s gonna take a few weeks
to hear from my insurance company to see if they’ll cover the implant he’s
gotta put into my jaw.<br />
<br />
In the meantime, The Big O's plan was to just stick the old musket ball back into my
mouth as a place holder. As he was reading the area, he kept making these
mentions about how I need to be careful with it, or I could possibly knock it
out in my sleep and choke on it. <br />
<br />
As I was thinking about how I could possibly avoid doing something in my sleep,
(especially after I asked him if I could use a bite guard, and he said no…), he
took one final look at the bit of triceratops bone the Old Coot carved out for
me, he tossed the idea and told me to just go Santorum (Toothless) while we
waited. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s just too much risk that
I could lose that fucking crown down my throat. Or, you know… choke to death. Apparently in that order.<br /><br />
So, here I am. A toothless, grinning idiot. A yokel. And I have
no crack., and this is pissing me off. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
More to come... I'm sure. </div>Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-53315493588671209652012-02-27T09:00:00.000-05:002012-02-27T09:00:09.940-05:00Leave it Alone<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZJeO13oK0YOWpmpLU7j7Tyn_rFd1_PxlEycurXVD1e1ra1U2GqCcrW1WMgLbSDpER3ACZx3tTS7_-RvKIVQpZE1eIz_iIcNfQc69gQpwobI-6L5hkk5DUCzGZ2egUYUbJmBAtkEtQQEVY/s1600/theArtist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZJeO13oK0YOWpmpLU7j7Tyn_rFd1_PxlEycurXVD1e1ra1U2GqCcrW1WMgLbSDpER3ACZx3tTS7_-RvKIVQpZE1eIz_iIcNfQc69gQpwobI-6L5hkk5DUCzGZ2egUYUbJmBAtkEtQQEVY/s320/theArtist.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I started writing a blog about The Oscars, but I couldn’t
bring myself to care about any of the winners all that much. I will say that in
a lot of years I would be outraged that <i>The Artist</i> won over something that will
ultimately be seen as a far greater movie, since you know…<i>The Artist </i>is all
flash, and no substance, but you know… I look at the other movies nominated,
and while I really liked <i>The Descendants</i> and <i>Moneyball</i>, it’s pretty difficult
to argue that they’re much better than The Artist, so… congratulations
Frenchies! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course, the Oscars did get me thinking about movies, and
the nature of them, and whatnot, and they’ve convinced me to finally write my
blog about my current biggest pet peeve in the realm of movie making.<br />
<br />
Does anyone remember the absolutely insane fervor of May 1999 when the first
<i>Star Wars</i> prequel was released? It was fucking CRAZY. Like… There were
articles, and news items, and interviews. Rumor of a new trailer would sell out
a theatre for some afternoon show of some horrible March release movie. I
remember going to meet my friends for the Midnight show, and sitting in the
theatre for hours. People were dressed up. Getting crazy. My friends were
asking<i> Star Wars</i> trivia. It<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>was the
first enormous midnight release movie, paving the way for every tween who stays
up for days for <i>Twilight</i>. <br />
<br />
I remember the lights going down, and the incredible electricity in the air.
The palpable anticipation of the start of the movie many of these people had
waited 18 years to see. The opening titles started “A long time ago…” and
people went insane. It was so loud I remember involuntarily laughing at the
whole business. It was like a rock concert. <br />
<br />
Every light saber resulted in cheers. Every throwback reference resulted in
knowing laughter. Every time we saw a character we’d come to love it was
greeted with raucous applause. Every moment was met with baited breath.<br />
<br />
When the final credits rolled, the place was like a madhouse. People were
cheering and shouting and chanting “Show it again” and before I knew it, there
were light saber fights in the aisles and people leaving the theatre and
getting in line for the first showing in the morning, and all of the rest. It
was a fucking sensation, and I was just as caught up in it as anyone else. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nobody bothered to tell any of us how incredibly shitty it
was. <br />
<br />
It wouldn’t have mattered. We were too invested. We were too far down the
rabbit hole of a sycophantic fugue state. We NEEDED it to be good. There was no way it would register otherwise. <br />
<br />
That state must have lasted all Summer, because I am fairly certain I saw it 5
more times in the theater, and I loved it each time.<br />
<br />
I ignored the discussions about how boring the politics were (“They set up what
comes next”, I’d say). I paid little attention to the complaints about the
acting of Jake Lloyd (“He’s just a little kid!”). I defended Jar Jar Binks
against the onslaught of racial criticism (“Um… He’s funny!”)<br />
<br />
Then, through all of the haze, I didn’t watch it again for 13 years.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the meantime, I watched <i>Attack of the Clones </i>and found
myself bored through a lot of it. I watched “Revenge of the Sith” and found
myself groaning over the dialogue and the huge holes in logic and continuity. <br />
<br />
I started questioning those movies more and more. The haze and excitement and
anticipation started to diminish, and the harsh light of reality started
beating down. Part of this, I have to believe, has to do with The <i>Lord of the
Rings</i>. These were highly anticipated movies that absolutely killed it from beginning
to end in terms of writing, acting, effects, and overall story telling.
Arguably the fans of these books were as rabid as any George Lucas ever
encountered, even if the volume wasn’t as high. As every <i>LOTR </i>fan left each
film with a sense of pride and satisfaction, the true feelings of the <i>Star Wars</i>
fans became more raw and haggard.<br />
<br />
Then… to top it all off… I went to see the re-release of <i>The Phantom Menace</i>,
hoping that the 3D would somehow bring it all together.<br />
<br />
It didn’t. <br />
<br />
That movie is fucking atrocious. <br />
<br />
I’m sorry to say it. I believe I really did love it once upon a time, but
either my tastes have matured, or the halcyon days of anticipation had truly
clouded my thoughts (much like a Jedi). <br />
<br />
The script is one of the worst I’ve ever heard. The acting, outside of Liam
Neeson, is unbelievably bad. (Jake Lloyd, who at one time garnered defense is…
completely indefensible. There had to have been better child actors out there.
There had to have been. I can’t accept otherwise). The effects are great, that’s
true, but there are too many. Back in the day, Lucas had to be creative to make
visually interesting scenes. This movie makes him lean on the effects too
much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s not even talk about how
self-referential it all is… The totally Americanized sports announcing team
might be the dumbest throw-in I’ve ever seen in a movie. <br />
<br />
And then there’s Jar Jar. The problem with Jar Jar is that his character DOES
serve a purpose, but my god… So offensive. I know that Lucas attributed a lot
of the Jar Jar dialogue to his little kid, and maybe that’s true, but if it is…
that little kid needs to do some self examination, because they are racist as
shit.<br />
<br />
Anyway… All of that, and I haven’t even articulated my pet peeve.<br />
<br />
Despite all of the anticipation and excitement, nobody was sitting around
waiting for another <i>Star Wars</i> movie. The story was done. Nobody really cared
all that much about where Darth Vader came from, unless they were huge <i>Star
Wars</i> fans, and they already knew. There was no clamoring until silly George
Lucas announced he was working on the prequels. It was dead. It was resting.
The most controversial thing to come up in the <i>Star Wars</i> universe was whether
Lucas ruined the originals by doctoring them in the re-releases. Han shot
first. So the fuck what? <br />
<br />
So, without active demand, why in the world couldn’t he have made a better
movie? The pressure was off. He could have had a damned contest for the best
screen play and gotten 500 great scripts from all of those obsessive <i>Star Wars</i>
fans who probably know the universe better than Lucas does at this point. He could
have done literally anything he wanted to make the best possible version of
that story, and instead we end up with damned “Mr. Tambo” Jar Jar Binks, and
Jake Lloyd shouting “Yippee” like a youth from the 1960s. (Long time ago
indeed). <br />
<br />
That’s my pet peeve. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
With no pressure, and no clamor, why in the hell can’t they make better
unanticipated sequels?<br />
<br />
I touched on it briefly during my movie recap for 2011… One of the reasons
<i>Pirates of the Caribbean</i> was my worst movie of the year was due to this
phenomenon. <br />
<br />
The Pirates trilogy was over. They’d wrapped the story. There was no need or
specific demand for more, and yet they pushed through another Jack Sparrow
story without so much as a single story editor. Without even the teensiest bit
of passion. It’s so disappointing when all semblance of guise is dropped, and
the money grab we all know it to be is just bared to the world. <br />
<br />
My other favorite example of this is the <i>Indiana Jones Disaster</i> of 2008.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<i>Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade</i> came out in 1989, and was pretty much
universally loved by anyone that cared about those kinds of movies. It’s
certainly my favorite one from start to finish. It’s still 100% watchable. And
while there’d been rumors for years of another installment for years, the
answer they always gave was “We’re always interested, but we’re really waiting
for the perfect script.”<br />
<br />
I wonder if they’re still waiting somewhere, because ALIENS? Are they fucking
serious? I’m still furious. One of the most interesting and timeless things
about the Indiana Jones movies is how neatly they intertwined religion,
archeology, and mysticism. Throwing in fucking aliens stretches credulity.
Giving Indy some dumbass, greaser son (played by one of the least likable
actors in Hollywood) only weighed it down. Bringing back Karen Allen, looking
bizarre, was just a bad choice. <br />
<br />
Look.. I get that Harrison Ford isn’t getting any younger, so it makes sense
that they had to account for that… except that they didn’t <i>have </i>to. They didn’t have to
make it at all. So… why make something totally shitty? <br />
<br />
<i>The Hobbit</i> is coming out soon. The first trailer got something like 8 bazillion
hits on YouTube. Another movie where there was interest, but not necessarily
demand. It’ll have been 9 years since <i>Return of the King</i>. Hopefully Peter
Jackson recognizes the opportunity to come in and stick the landing. <br />
<br />
I’ve heard rumors for years about another <i>Ghostbusters </i>movie. I can tell you
that I’m not holding my breath, but if they do get it together, they better do
it right. I have faith that they’ll wait til the right script comes along. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway, this is my plea… If you don’t have to make a sequel
(<i>Twilight, Harry Potter, Hunger Games)</i>, then wait until you have good reason to
make one. Don’t be <i>Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides</i>” or <i>Indiana Jones
and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull</i> or <i>Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.</i> I’m
begging you. <br />
<br />
If you cared about the first ones, care about the others. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And since I can’t help myself, here’s a small observation on
the Oscars.<br />
<br />
<i>The Artist</i> won, making yet another Best Picture winner I was rooting against. I’ve
been really actively following the Oscars for about 20 years, starting with
<i>Unforgiven</i>’s win in 1993. Here are some personal opinion stats.<br />
<br />
Of the Best Picture winners, I’ve only agreed with 6. (<i>Unforgiven</i>, S<i>chindlers
List, Braveheart, American Beauty, Return of the King, </i>and <i>No Country for Old
Men</i>). <br />
<br />
I’ve actively disliked 4 (<i>Titanic, Shakespeare in Love, The Artist, </i>and <i>Crash</i>).<br />
<br />
I’ve been outraged for various reasons (shut up, I’m dramatic) by 5 (<i>Titanic, Shakespeare in Love,
Crash, Chicago, </i>and <i>A Beautiful Mind</i>).<br />
<br />
My favorite film of the year has not even been nominated a few times… (<i>50/50,
Children of Men, Road to Perdition, Pan’s Labyrinth</i>). <br />
<br />
Some other thoughts…<br />
<br />
There were some good years… The year <i>The Departed </i>beat <i>Little Miss Sunshine</i>.
The year <i>Million Dollar Baby</i> beat <i>The Aviator, Finding Neverland, </i>and <i>Sideways</i>
(Wow). The year <i>Forrest Gump</i> beat <i>Quiz Show, Pulp Fiction, </i>and <i>Shawshank</i>… (Holy…)<br />
<br />
At least one year featured a winner that could arguably have been the WORST
nominee:<br />
<i>Titanic</i> beat out <i>As Good as it Gets, The Full Monty, Good Will Hunting, </i>and
<i>L.A. Confidential. </i><br />
<br />
If I’m having a “BEST” Best Picture Winner of the Past 20 years, the Nominees
are:<br />
<br />
<i>Unforgiven, Schindler’s List, Forrest Gump, Braveheart, The English Patient,
Titanic, Shakespeare in Love, American Beauty, Gladiator, A Beautiful Mind,
Chicago, The Return of the King, Million Dollar Baby, Crash, The Departed, No
Country for Old Men, Slumdog Millionaire, The Hurt Locker, The Kings Speech,
</i>and <i>The Artist</i>…<br />
<br />
You know what… That’s for another blog. Stay tuned for the Best Picture
Tournament.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-5877430180262181002012-02-21T09:00:00.000-05:002012-02-21T09:00:00.694-05:00It's Lin-Mazing! No..wait...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP2ogEMLgPiRawwjAGAhsQ_Fi6m17DnSD50c5NRg7hIgwL8Iv8BCH04Mk6CM3ie6PKvS8p9S-uH7eIsnyLX891A-CG1bAFVUtz_Ni1e55BQu5dE5QDLsadSW758osQjbFOI3LLQCGpxZzA/s1600/Lin-Sign.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP2ogEMLgPiRawwjAGAhsQ_Fi6m17DnSD50c5NRg7hIgwL8Iv8BCH04Mk6CM3ie6PKvS8p9S-uH7eIsnyLX891A-CG1bAFVUtz_Ni1e55BQu5dE5QDLsadSW758osQjbFOI3LLQCGpxZzA/s320/Lin-Sign.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">I think we can all agree. This is the best kind of word play. </span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What? Nobody likes a good pun anymore?<br />
<br />
If you’re a sports fan, you’ve definitely heard of Jeremy Lin. The first
Asian-American player in the NBA… or at least the first one anyone ever heard
of… and nobody’d even heard of him a month ago.<br />
<br />
That’s when Lin burst onto the scene, playing exceptionally well for an
exceptionally disappointing New York Knicks team, and making the city of New
York excited about something for once. (You know… aside from the perpetual
contention of the Yankees, and the new Super Bowl champion Giants). <br />
<br />
Good lord do people fucking love this Jeremy Lin character. And for whatever
reason, they love him in the most twee way possible. It’s like a non-stop
contest to see who can come up with the best play on words using his last name.<br />
<br />
“All I do is Lin Lin Lin”<br />
<br />
“Linderella Story”<br />
<br />
“It’s Lin-Credible”<br />
<br />
“Lin-spiring Story”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And of course, the most pervasive nonsense since Tebow-mania
swept the country two whole months ago:<br />
<br />
“Lin-Sanity”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, look… I love a pun as much as the next guy, but it’s
getting a little out of hand with Jeremy Lin. People are looking to wedge as
clever a pun as possible into every story, and sign, and t-shirt, and headline.<br />
<br />
Whenever something like this happens in the media (the story, not the puns),
the natural progression dictates that sooner or later someone will go too far.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After the Knicks suffered their first loss of the Jeremy Lin
era, a loss where Lin had a subpar game (his first), the ESPN Headline read:<br />
<br />
“Chink in the Armor”<br />
<br />
That’s right. ESPN actually made a Chinese racial slur in an article about a
Chinese athlete. <br />
<br />
It’s kind of amazing that it got through at all, but the guy who wrote the
headline (since fired) said he didn’t even think about it. That it was meant to
be an innocent headline. And in fact, that’s at least vaguely plausible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My buddy Alan mentioned having seen the
headline, it not registering one way or the other, and moving on to a more
interesting story.<br />
<br />
Alan didn’t immediately look at it and gasp and say “Oh no he di’nt”, because
in this case, the word “chink” has multiple meanings, and there’s literally
only one context it would have been considered offensive. If you’re not geared
to look for the epithet there, it’s very possible it just doesn’t register.<br />
<br />
Of course, nobody believes that it was accidental. The writer rolled the dice
that it would sneak by, because it was clever, and word play is apparently so
fucking popular now. And make no mistake. It was clever. And as Aziz Ansari
pointed out on Twitter, there is something kind of hardcore about the guy finding
literally the WORST slur and making it a headline on ESPN. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I actually sort of wonder if the constant pun
making has made some people feel like they have a little additional license to
be loose with the language.<br />
<br />
I was once accused by a guy I worked with of playing “Mental Chess”, because he
thought I would say things that could be taken innocently or not, depending on
the audience, and that I relished living in that zone. I can’t say he was
altogether wrong. It sure seems to be where the ESPN writer is trying to
reside. The only problem is that he’s a professional writer. He should have
been fired even if it wasn’t intentional, because his job is to be a master of
the language. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The situation leads me to a lot of questions…<br />
<br />
Like… what if, instead of having a bad game, Lin had a great game. What if the
headline was “Lin Finds Chink in Hornets Armor”? Would the guy have been fired
then? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If Jeremy Lin was a black player, you could never call his fans
the “Lin Mob” or tout a huge performance by saying “Jeremy Lin-ches the Heat”. No
matter how positive the intent, the meaning of the words is too negative, but…
If he were a black guy playing in a sport dominated by black athletes, the line
gets a little further away<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if Michael Jordan<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>had a great defensive performance against Phoenix… Could you write “Jordan
Blacks Out the Suns”? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Arguably yes,
because Jordan being black isn’t the first thing anyone mentions. Race is
barely part of the discussion.<br />
<br />
When Justin Tuck, a black defensive end for the New York Giants hounded Tom
Brady for the entirety of the Super Bowl, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>could you write “Justin Tuck Spooks Brady”? It’s
a little more obscure, sure, but as a slur it’s just as bad as “chink”… but I
imagine that gets printed, without a problem, and without incident. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again… Justin Tuck being black isn’t part of
the discussion. The last time I looked, the NFL was comprised of about 70%
black players.<br />
<br />
It’s when someone does something unexpected that race comes into play, and the
ice gets thinner.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Asians aren’t exactly known for being great NBA players, so
his race becomes part of the conversation. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Serena Williams should historically be known as a great
tennis champion, but more likely she’s historically going to be known as the
greatest black tennis champion. When she handily beat Lindsey Davenport 500
times, the headline every time could be “Serena Gives Lindsey a Whipping”, but
I wonder if the opposite would have been acceptable. Can a white tennis player
(the majority) be said to have whipped a black one? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Of course, these divisions still exist in small part because the parties all
want them to. Sandy Koufax is often known as the greatest Jewish baseball
player, and even though he hasn’t thrown a pitch in almost 50 years, every
baseball loving Jew in America knows Sandy Koufax. They’re proud of him as
being a shining representative of their people. Even still.. If, after his
perfect game against the Cubs, the following headline appeared, I imagine there
would have been big problems:<br />
<br />
“Sandy Koufax Jews Down Cubs”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Can you imagine the uproar? It could be argued even that it’s
a compliment. Like… Sandy Koufax implemented the talents of his race to mow
down the cubs. <br />
<br />
I wonder if it’s one of those things where if you’re on the inside, it’s okay
to say…<br />
<br />
Personally, though.. I don’t think it’s offensive because being called a Jew is
supposedly offensive. I don’t think it’s offensive because Jeremy Lin’s people
have traditionally been called Chinks derogatorily. <br />
<br />
I think it’s offensive, because doesn’t it marginalize what Jeremy Lin is doing?
Floyd Mayweather decided to chime in on the discussion and said something like “If
Jeremy Lin was black, people wouldn’t be going so nuts about it”. Sadly… he’s
probably right. At least partly.<br />
<br />
(I especially hate it when Floyd Mayweather is right, because he’s just about
the worst, and there’s even some other ickier parts to this particular
situation since he spends most of his time on twitter trying to bait an Asian
guy into fighting him…. But I digress.)<br />
<br />
He’s right, because it wouldn’t be the sensational story it is. There likely
wouldn’t be puns and the fervor. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What he’s wrong about is that the insanity doesn’t make
Jeremy Lin a better basketball player. What he’s doing between the lines has
nothing to do with his race. He’s just dominating compared to any standard. His
performance would be remarkable if he was black, or white or whatever else. <br />
<br />
So anyway ESPN took it to that place, and thus fucked themselves over, because
they missed the mark. The better story isn’t that he’s Asian, so calling him
Jeremy “The Asian Sensation” Lin is also sort of missing the mark . The story
is that Jeremy Lin is playing like a fucking badass and nobody knew about the
guy a month ago. That’s a story. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The goal, I believe, is to minimize race as a descriptor in
any way. If people were all enlightened beings, words would just go back to
being words. Chink would just be a dent or blemish. Fag would just be an
English word for cigarette.<br />
<br />
Of course.. There’s one other part to the story, and here’s where I’m certain
to get myself into trouble.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Isn’t the point of all these puns to make people laugh? It’s
FUN to be clever and witty and whatnot, and I think that occasionally you cross
some lines for the sake of a joke. <br />
<br />
Daniel Tosh says more offensive things literally every day. So does David
Cross. Richard Pryor did too. So in a lot of ways the platform makes all the
difference. If I call myself a comedian I can get away with a lot more than I can
if I call myself a columnist. Just look at Jon Stewart, right?<br />
<br />
Anyway, since I am equal opportunity, and I have this sort of desire to offend
people, I’ve come up with some other potentially offensive headlines (I had a
good time coming up with my examples I used earlier, so I may as well make it
way worse, right?)<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alan and I have enjoyed making up vaguely ethnic alliterative
nicknames for baseball players of Jewish or Canadian descent. We like these,
because really those are the last 2 frontiers in terms of baseball ethnicity,
and literally every time a player from one of those groups excels, his heritage
is mentioned. <br />
<br />
Here are some of my favorites…<br />
<br />
For Jewish Baseball Players:<br />
- The Joltin’ Jew<br />
- The Hebrew Hammer<br />
- The Levite Leviathan<br />
<br />
For Jewish baseball players accused of steroid use:<br />
- The Juicin’ Jew<br />
- The Pharmaceutical Pharisee (Alan’s creation…and my favorite)<br />
<br />
For Canadian baseball players:<br />
- The Clubbin’ Canuck<br />
- The Mashing Maple Leaf<br />
- The Splinterin Saskatchewanian</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
BUH-DUM CHH!</div>Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-45782387305755448732012-02-20T09:30:00.000-05:002012-02-20T09:30:03.031-05:00A Disney (Ad)Venture<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2j2uJdVVFLLWWShx9dz4P5HwWlEZemxmv7Lf_8IYRM7ZPeiyuegxqLQ_Pp_KO5sgWokZNW898lm2rrIRWW0FwVR1xA4eIDVUkDMRzOjvvDXvUgnb9ZHWQkXU6XysscRE2lPhcIHOv7bvY/s1600/disney.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2j2uJdVVFLLWWShx9dz4P5HwWlEZemxmv7Lf_8IYRM7ZPeiyuegxqLQ_Pp_KO5sgWokZNW898lm2rrIRWW0FwVR1xA4eIDVUkDMRzOjvvDXvUgnb9ZHWQkXU6XysscRE2lPhcIHOv7bvY/s320/disney.jpg" width="269" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hey Everyone!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
The regularly scheduled blog post about some such nonsense, and my lack of
ability to screen my own language will be coming later this week, but I wanted
to take today’s blog to announce something extremely exciting!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In 2 weeks I will be launching my new blog adventure! A new
blog dedicated expressly for Disney and the Disney lovers out there.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is planned to be a sister blog to this site, so any
Disney related blog will be linked on this page, and will appear in full on the
new Disney blog. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not ready to announce the name of the new endeavor yet,
though I have created the blog URL for it, and we’re on track to start in a
couple of weeks.<br />
<br />
Why am I doing this?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well… as any attention whore worth their salt, I love
getting comments, especially those left by complete strangers who just happened
by. In order to have more comments, I need more consistent readers. From
everything I’ve read about gaining traffic on your blog, you need to
specialize. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Don’t get me wrong… I love this blog. It is a ton of fun to
write about all manner of things here, and not worrying about appealing to
everyone. It’s very liberating. I have every intention of this remaining my
primary blog where all of my thoughts on random things like parking and Jesus
having Christmas stolen from him by those rude Jews, and whatever sports
related thing nobody seems to care about. <br />
<br />
Still… I crave feedback, and I crave attention (yeah… I admit it). The purpose
of the Disney only blog is to create a space that features focused content,
likely more PG language, and hopefully get more readers who have a passion for
Disney and Disney parks. <br />
<br />
It certainly remains to be seen how this will work. Whenever I’ve created
offshoot blogs in the past, they were short-lived. Of course, that was mainly
due to a lack of content, and I believe I’ve proven that there’s barely a limit
to my willingness to discuss Disney ad-nauseum.<br />
<br />
I hope to have regular segments;<br />
Movie reviews… New ones when they come out, and old ones in between. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
E-mail Debates </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Polls</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Park Plans</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ride Reviews</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And, as they say, much much more. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Also exciting is that my friend, the incredibly talented
Tony Doench will be designing a new version of the Beefy Muchacho, with Disney
in mind. It’s going to be epic. He’s the artist behind the original iconic
Muchacho image displayed on the header of this blog. <br />
<br />
So there ya have it. I’m very excited for this new blogging endeavor. I hope to
see everyone visit and enjoy the Disney-Exclusive content. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-950097146074968395.post-41301245025752687422012-02-13T09:15:00.000-05:002012-02-13T09:15:00.417-05:00Blog Failure<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJCj4rES3D3Byne6JAyD__7-TfDTS544rno3g1lL2OMmqHcc0p3DjnWpPhNmB-KIPnI3_NwfFEQ6t3b-6aIWxhWOlW8VVAt-8se_b5iZ6U75MwQFBsrKChf8QDjeRtTJKXFKaF1R_pZFps/s1600/FailBlog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJCj4rES3D3Byne6JAyD__7-TfDTS544rno3g1lL2OMmqHcc0p3DjnWpPhNmB-KIPnI3_NwfFEQ6t3b-6aIWxhWOlW8VVAt-8se_b5iZ6U75MwQFBsrKChf8QDjeRtTJKXFKaF1R_pZFps/s320/FailBlog.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s the blog where I finally break the internet by holding the mirror up to
the mirror. <br />
<br />
I’m always thinking about blog topics, especially now that I have the pressure
of having to get at least one posted per week. About 2 weeks ago, I started
noting how annoyed I was getting at commercials, and how they always seem to
play into the same base desires of people. I found it insulting that they
seemed to be saying that all women could be plied with chocolate and diamonds.
That all men just wanted to avoid their women. That women’s problems were
trivial enough that a good shopping trip could solve them. That men were
essentially alcoholic morons. <br />
<br />
I started thinking that I wanted to turn that observation into a blog entry. I’ve been
working on it all week, and it never came together. It eventually became something weird about how
people take the easy jokes instead of pushing themselves to be more creative. <br />
<br />
There were points where I was writing whole television commercials and Jay Leno
monologues and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went into this whole
long rant about this dude I used to work with who sang “Danny Boy” at me every
day (because my name is Dan.)<br />
<br />
The problem with this idea, is that it was just an idea. I didn’t have a real coherent
concept behind it, so while I could come up with a couple of cute quips, I was
basically doing what I was criticizing. There wasn’t any real insight to what I
was writing, so I was just super rambling and unfocused. It never really came together</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course, what is a blog if not hyper self aware, so I've decided to post the shitty, unfinished blog and let you all see a little bit of my process.<br /><br />Here’s my blog about way too many things, while at the
same time not being about enough. I can’t figure out how to say what I want in
an entertaining way. I worked it over 4 or 5 times, and it still sucks, but
hopefully that’s kind of interesting in itself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
In italics are the original blog. In regular type are my retrospective comments
on said failed blog attempt. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
#####</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What compels us to
take the easy road? I mean… aside from it being easy. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Here’s every
commercial targeted at women on TV right now:<br />
<br />
“Whoa ladies, chill the fuck out! Since you don’t have real problems, have this
delicious chocolate! That should calm your simple little brain. “</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“What’s that? The
chocolate didn’t do the trick? How about everyone’s guilty pleasure… Shopping!
Oh, don’t you worry about that job interview. Nothing can cure a shitty day
like buying some shoes! Am I right?”</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Now that you’re
bellies are full of chocolate, and your feet are swathed in soft, supple
leather, it’s time for some kayaking… you know… since it’s your time of the
month. So, put on some white pants and have a fucking ball!”</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br />
</i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">It’s right about here where I start
to lose my train of thought. I mix up tampons and Valtrex. I got too amused
with my fake lady commercials and I miss my own point. </b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It’s not just the
ladies… Here’s every commercial targeted at men:<br />
<br />
Hi Men… Women are the worst! Have a beer in your man cave while you plan your
golf outing. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I toyed with “Hi Men,
Women are the Worst!” and just leaving it at that. I think that would have been
better.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You know who should be
insulted most? Creativity. <br />
<br />
The same products going back to the same tired wells over, and over, and over
again. <br />
<br />
Of course, it’s as much our fault as theirs… We all let them get away with it,
by going to Facebook and posting about how we “Need… Chocolate….Now.” or “Just
had a fight with [our] boss, so [we} bought some new shoes and [we’re] feeling
better already.” </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Weak examples. I’m
not sure why I decided on these. I think I tried being vague so as not to point
fingers at specific people. </b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br />
I’d wanna say that we’re better than that, but maybe I’m not so sure. If we
truly were better than that, we wouldn’t be bombarded with the lowest common denominator
advertising. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why are we not demanding
more? </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br />
I get frustrated, though, because even though the creative option is right
there for the taking, everyone reaches for the “low hanging fruit”. It’s just
all so fucking lame and tired and easy. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I keep wanting to
make a “Low hanging fruit” joke, but I never get around to it.</b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br />
<br />
It’s not just advertising, though. There’s absolutely nothing I hate more than
the guy who constantly makes the easiest joke. I dunno.. I’m a snob I guess. What
fun is it to make the first joke that comes to your mind? It doesn’t take
skill, or smarts, or timing to hear someone say something is “hard” and throw
out a “that’s what she said”… It requires no more thought than saying the
pledge of allegiance. We hear the key word, and our mouth starts moving before
even considering the how fucking lazy it is... I admit it… I do it do, but I
try not to. I try to let someone else take the easy joke. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Don’t worry… Someone
will make the joke. You won’t be left hanging. You know these people. They
laugh at their own jokes. They hear that my name is Dan, and they sing “Danny
Boy” as a greeting. They speak in made-up accents, and use tired puns, and
generally try working the room like it’s fucking 1964 in the Catskills. You get
the idea that they walk around hearing the rimshots as they spew quotes from
Anchorman. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I like this portion
of the blog. It’s not at all what I planned to write, but I find it at least
vaguely promising, conceptually. The douchebag who personifies the copier guy
on SNL. Always saying the dumbest, easiest thing possible. </b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">They watch Jay fucking
Leno. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Once upon a time, I
thought Jay Leno was funny… but then I <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>turned 12, and realized that if I read the
newspaper, I could literally play Celebrity/Joke Book mad libs, and figure out
his monologue every night.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br />
What’s that? Lindsay Lohan does drugs? The joke becomes:<br />
<br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“So…did you hear this new thing about
Lindsay Lohan? Apparently her drug problem has gotten so bad, she was recently
seen snorting Splenda. Yeah… Well.. She heard it was Diet Coke!”</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br />
</i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">This was originally a Whitney
Houston joke, but after she died, I felt the need to change it. I guess
mentioning that now sort of undercuts the gesture. Sorry..</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It’s cute, but it’s
not funny. It’s not clever. It’s an easy joke, but it’s not comedy. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br />
So anyway… It’s no surprise that companies advertise to our stereotypes. We let
them. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Longest digression
ever? Perhaps.</b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br />
<br />
Doritos thinks they’re being original by having a murdering dog bribe a man
with chips, but really they’re just doing the whole “Men are dumb and are
always swayed by their libido and their appetites” bit. Also falling into this
category are the “Nationwide” commercials where the dumbasses conjure food and
prostitutes by singing the jingle. GoDaddy thinks they’ll sell domain names
simply based on the promise of Danica Patrick under-cleavage. Taco Bell constantly
depicts morons who are so blinded by the desires of their stomachs that they can’t
make it out of the car before eating their girlfriend’s Chalupa. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Another example of
some sort of riff where I don’t really know what I’m saying, so I hope the
volume and turn of phrase sort of masks that point. I do like the phrase “under-cleavage”a
fair amount.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
#####<br />
And that’s where I stopped. I couldn’t figure out how to get back to the main
idea. I wasn’t even still sure the main idea had enough meat to make a full
blog out of it. Seems more like a short bit in a hacky stand-up special, which…
kind of undercuts my point about taking the easy way, doesn’t it? <br />
<br />
Like… Even my observations on taking the easy way were easy.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s my preference to
post blogs that are fully formed, and edited and gone over a few times, but
sometimes it’s not in the cards. This week, I tried making a blog out of some
half-baked ideas and unfocused thoughts, and I failed. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s kind of a bummer, but it is a part of the
process. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Next week? <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Disney E-mails return for “Proposed Attractions” where I
post a couple of original concepts for Disney attractions, and I poll the
readers on the best one.</div>Beefy Muchachohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03030529703415235545noreply@blogger.com5