Wednesday, July 1, 2009

A Cat Conversation, Episode 2

They're Cats! Yeah!
Adorable Cats! Yeah!
Chasin' String, and Eatin' Fish, and Sucking Thumbs!
They're Cats! Yeah!

It is a partly cloudy Sunday morning as Bear, noblest of cats, lounges on the back deck of his caretaker's home. He is full from a feast of the freshest toon-toons and Iams. As the sun breaks through the trees, and the mosquitoes lightly buzz by his head, a disturbance in the foliage to the right slightly catches his attention.

Suddenly, out bounds Sammie. Sammie is a cat who can best be described as "resting on his looks". The caretaker has taken a fancy to him due to his perma-kitten features, but Bear has little patience for his perpetual stupidity...

Sammie: Hehwoooaaaahhhh Behweeee!

Bear: For the love of God... It's Bear. BEAR. It's not that hard to say.

Sammie: Dats whut I am sayin' Behwie. (Slowly, deliberately...) Beh -- wie. See?

Bear: (Sighs) What do you want Samuel?

Sammie: Behwie.. I seen me wunna dem fiwfy snakes swiverin' aw ovew da' pwace. I want you to hehwp me catched it!

Bear: Did you say Snake?

Sammie: Yep. I seen that siwwy fing swippin' an' swidin' aww ovew da' pwace just a few bits ago!

(Bear's ears perk up. He loves catching snakes)

Bear: Samuel, now you're speaking my language. Or well... an approximation of it. I'll tell you what. You show me where you saw this snake, and I'll show you how to catch the filthy thing.

Sammie: You wiwwy mean it Behwie!? Dat would be da bestest day of my wife!

Bear: I really mean it. Let's go!

(Sammie and Bear trot around to the front yard where another of their housemates, Smunchy, is dozing on the hood of the caretaker's car. They take no notice of him.)

Sammie: (pointing a wet paw) Do you see it Behwie?? It's white dehr!

(Bear looks to where Sammie is pointing. Sighs deeply)

Bear: Samuel... that's a fucking garden hose. God I hate you sometimes.

Sammie: No! No Behwie! Wite necks to da gawden hoes! He's wite dehr!

Bear: (Looking again, finally sees a flick of scaly tale slip between the coils of the hose). Well.. I'll be damned. Good work Samuel! Okay... You ready for a lesson?

Sammie: (barely containing his glee) Oh Behwie! I been waitin' my hoe wife!

Bear: (Chuckling) Okay okay... Calm down. You have to be quiet and still to catch a snake. They're sneaky bastards. Now... crouch down my friend....

Sammie: (with tears in his eyes) Am I wiwwy yew fwiend Behwie?

Bear: (Smiling) You're really my friend Sammie. Now... you ready? Let's catched us a snake...

As the theme music swells, we see the two friends bound into action...

They're Cats! Yeah!
Adorable Cats! Yeah!
Chasin' String, and Eatin' Fish, and Sucking Thumbs!
They're Cats! Yeah!

Shortly after writing the first Cat Conversation, Bear the Cat passed away unexpectedly. I didn't know him long, but in the time I did he captured my imagination with his spunk and personality. He was a truly sweet cat, and I know he'll be missed.

The above picture is of Bear sitting by one of those filthy bastard snakes he liked catching so much.

1 comment:

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