After the Break

I slept late this morning, and now I'm all wired. And bored. The Tofu Muchacha is slumbering peacefully, having earned a solid rest after a day of running (10 miles!) and rehearsal. I accidentally deleted "Ultimate Recipe Showdown" before I watched it. The Cardinals/Brewers game is quietly in hand. I'm bored.

As I waited through the commercials, a couple of them struck me, so I've decided to write a short post about some of my issues with the growing weirdness of television advertising.

Screaming. Two of Three commercials featured men screaming. Staples is currently running these crazy ads where this idiotic business man is standing in the aisle of the store and just absolutely insanely shouts "WOW!! That's a low price!". Then he repeats this several more times as he sees all of the low prices the store offers. It's utterly ridiculous. The other screaming man commercial features George Takei. 'Nuff said.

How is having a man scream like a crazy person suddenly something that would make me think your product is good? I've been blown away by some low prices in my time (though, to be fair, never at Staples), and I've never felt the urge to scream like Howard Dean at a Prince concert.

Sand. I don't understand what it is about the beach that 1) makes people suddenly feel sexy like in those Cialis commercials or 2) makes ladies feel like their period is going better like in just about every tampon commercial. Sand isn't sexy. In fact, I am struggling to think of more than two or three things LESS sexy than sand. It gets in your crevices. It's used to grind things down. That really is all you should know about sand before determining you don't want it incorporated into your love making. And yet... Cialis will have you believe that when you take their magical pill you'll want to be transported right down onto the closest sandy beach for your middle-aged love making. I really enjoyed the Kotex commercial where the girl was all sarcastic about how the first thing she wants to do during her period is run around on the beach. At least they're aware of how stupid most tampon commercials can be.

Shame. Did you know that Infinity is currently running an ad campaign for one of their cars that brags the interior has silver dust polished into the wood. SILVER DUST. Like, first of all... how is this even remotely reasonable? Not to rip off a David Cross bit, but THIS is why most of the world hates us. Our fancy cars aren't fancy enough. We have to rub precious metals into the wood grain. Does it make our car run better? Does it conserve fuel? Does it smell like springtime? No. It's just a completely retarded thing. It's rare that I'm offended by oppulence (I mean... I work for a private jet company.) This isn't in the league of the 300,000 dollar watch that doesn't tell time, but it does make me think of it.

While I'm on the subject... Is it just accepted at this point that functionality is no longer the primary selling point in a product. I'm pretty convinced that something doesn't even have to work at all if it looks cool or has diamonds buried in it, or it smells like poppies or whatever. Moen wants you to buy their faucets because they look nice. Volkswagen wants you to buy their cars because they no longer look like toasters. Of course, Honda wants you to buy their cars because they DO look like toasters, so I don't know what to think.

The one thing I'm absolutely positive about is they don't even have to talk about how well their products work. This is amazing to me.

I've managed to blog myself into sleepiness. I leave you with one final thought...

DVRs are wonderful things.

This blog brought to you by the new Nike Air Muchachos
Oh yes. Those are real.

Adventures in Abdominal Distress

About a week and a half ago, I gave made my second foray into burger town.

The first time around wasn't what I'd call an unreserved success. There were cooking issues and texture issues. I gave it a "B-". I'll be honest and say that I was a little discouraged. I know that's utterly ridiculous. You can't create a masterpiece the first time out. But I was discouraged nonetheless.

So anyway, I did what I could to shake it off and planned another burger experiment, and got started with the planning...

I really like the idea of a spicy burger. Something that has a good amount of heat to it, but is still really flavorful. Not just hot. My solution on how to accomplish that was to cut the usual ground beef with a spicy ground italian sausage. Keeping in mind that the last burger was waaaaay too greasy, and knowing that sausage wouldn't exactly help the situation, I went with some good ol' Laura's Lean Beef. It's a 93/7 ratio. To that mixture I also added cayenne pepper and diced onion.

To top the sausage burger, I went with a hot pepper cheese and some more of that hot banana pepper and tomato relish I made the last time, only adding a couple of features. More on that in a moment.

Once again... the burger came out real, real pretty.

Oh, and it tasted pretty good. I am almost 100% certain that the Tofu Muchacha liked it better than Burger # 1.

Ugh... I'm totally bored with talking about this thing... It was alright. It wasn't great. The sausage flavor was good, but not spicy enough. For me it was a bit too much like a breakfast burger... not that that wouldn't be a valid thing to eat for breakfast, but while the pork sausage provided a nice richness, it wasn't exactly the right kind of spiciness. Next time, I think I'm going to try to mix in some sort of spice mix as opposed to multiple kinds of meats. I think the mixed mediums once again made regulating the cooking of patty too difficult to gauge, much with the cheese the last time. No more of that for a while.

Also, I liked the flavor of the hot pepper cheese, but it didn't melt very well. The Tofu Muchacha suggested creating a "steam hood" around the burger to help the melting along. I actually, think the burger would have cooked through as well.

All in all, once again the highlight of the burger was the relish. I tossed finely diced 2 roma tomatoes and a handful of hot banana peppers. To that mixture I added some spicy mustard, honey, Franks Redhot, and fresh grated ginger.

I think I've hit on something with the relish. It's effing delicious.

Now... All of that said, this burger was pretty okay. It wasn't spectacular, but I liked it. I liked it well enough to bring one to work the next day. That turned out to be a mistake. It's possible the second burger didn't cook enough, and the pork was a little raw. It's possible that it made me a little sick. All I know is that I felt completely insane the rest of the day at work. I felt like I was slurring words, and I know for a fact that I was having a difficult time focusing on tasks.

Then I barfed.

If not for the barfing, I'd give it a "B-". I think barfing automatically lowers the grade. "C"

A Journey of 1000 Miles Begins with a Single Burger

For whatever reason, one of my life dreams is to open a really good, really fun burger restaurant. The goal is to provide an inexpensive but awesome burger to people. I'd stay open late. I'd have live music. Most importantly, I'd have some seriously kick-ass burgers. I even have the best name for it... Beefy Muchachos! (It's no accident that my logo is an anthropomorphic jalapeno)

Actually... that's just about the only thing I have. I don't have any real cooking expertise (I mean... I'm good in the kitchen, but I certainly wouldn't say I'm any better than the above average hobbyist.) I don't have the capital. I don't have the business sense. I don't have a location. I don't have a menu.

Well... Some of these are long-term issues... The money and location and business sense will be things that may never become easier or more available, but I can be damned sure that if I ever do get those ducks in a row that I'd have the menu and expertise in my pocket.

I made a resolution that once every 2 weeks I'd try a new burger recipe, and I've made the Tofu Muchacha agree to be my test subject.

Oh... I probably should mention that while I've certainly eaten my share of burgers in my time, I've never actually made a burger from scratch before. Ridiculous, I know. Probably even more ridiculous considering my ambitions, but nobody ever told me I was sane.

Last night was the inaugural burger making adventure. (What better way to celebrate Valentine's Day with a possibly disgusting burger and The Wolfman?)

I'd seen a burger on Diner's, Drive-Ins, and Dives (on the Food Network) where this restaurant put the cheese inside the burger, and it oozed out. I loved this idea, and wanted to make my own version of it. Mine was the Inside-Out Bacon Cheeseburger.

My burger mixture included finely chopped onions, salt, pepper, and ground chuck. I cooked some bacon strips, finely chopped them, and then mixed the cooked bacon into the mixture as well. I sliced quarter-inch chunks of cheddar cheese and folded them into the center of my portioned out beef. Each patty was about a quarter-pound of beef. Then onto the griddle they went.

For a condiment/topping I made a quick mix of chopped hot banana peppers and roma tomato (drizzled with a little bit of honey).

They sure looked pretty:

Oh...those are sweet potato fries tossed with olive oil, Frank's Red Hot, salt and pepper.

Aaaand here are the critiques...

The Good:
-- The onions were really, really tasty. They added a great texture and really created a good depth to the flavor of the meat.
-- The relish was super tasty. It was a little over-powered by the burger, but that seemed to be more a function of the proportions of the whole thing.
-- The cheese inside worked really well. It kinda bled out some, but that's okay, because it created a kind of cheesy crust in the places where it exploded.
-- The bacon flavor was really nice. I'll talk more about the bacon in a moment.
-- The flavor of the sweet potato fries was really good. The kick the Frank's Red Hot provided was excellent.

The Bad:
-- Because of how thick the burgers were, and how the cheese on the inside melted pretty readily, it was hard to tell when the burgers were done completely. I ended up under-cooking them on the griddle (even though the outside was perfect). I ended up having to microwave them, which bummed me out.
-- The bacon texture didn't come through as much as I'd have liked. It's possible that in order for the texture to stand out enough, I'd have to pre-cook the bacon a lot more to make it super crispy beforehand... but I'm not sure how that'd work in regards to not overcooking it within the beef.
-- The burger was too thick in general. I watched that burger episode again on the Food Network, and I kinda see that those folks make 2 thin burgers, place the cheese in the middle, and then seal the edges. I'll try that the next time for sure.
-- As I mentioned, the relish was a little over-powered. I think that can be fixed by making the burger thinner. We'll see...
-- The bun. It was just a generic "honey" burger bun. I think it might have been better with sesame or poppyseed. Something a little more dynamic.

Overall I think we're looking at a B- for the first effort, which really isn't all that bad. If we're snowed in tonight, which I think we will be, I'm going to try a couple new things (this time with ground turkey...because that's what we have.) The idea of the burger still really appeals to me, but the execution needs work.

Oh... lastly... The sweet potato fries were super tasty, but I wasn't able to bake them and make them crispy on the outside. Does anyone know how to avoid frying them, but still getting them crispy on the outside?

Big News

Hey Folks-

I'm very excited to announce that my old website http://www.beefymuchacho.com/ will be back up and running again soon.

There you'll be able to listen to pod-casts and enjoy some other more random stuff that I'm doing and working on that doesn't quite fit here.

Just working on re-doing the layouts and revamping. It was originally there as a test site for items on SiteRightNow.com who has agreed to host the site for free.

I'm especially excited to be unveiling a new logo partially designed by Tony Doench, a friend of mine from my theatrical exploits.

More on here soon. Probably about the Reds. Or Disney.

Why Scar? Because I said so.

Day 3: What's New, Buckaroo?

Hey Folks-

Sorry it's taken so long to get this update out. My interwebs have been acting up, as has my laptop. Basically, I know that's a lot of excuses, but they're all totally valid and true and real. In fact, my laptop upon which I am currently writing this blog is so besieged by viruses that it's almost audibly weeping at me.

In any case, here I am, about to discuss Day 3 of my Disney adventure, which was now almost a full month ago. In fact, I arrived in Disney exactly 4 weeks ago today. That's too long to write 3 blogs.

On Day 3, I decided to spend the day at Epcot (with my mystery guest). Now...when I say that I spent the whole day there, I mean... I spent the WHOLE day there. I was there for 12 hours, which is really about as long as one can be at any given park. It was awesome as always. In any case, as with every day at Disney, there was a theme for this day.

The theme for Day 3, my day at Epcot, was "What's New?". I've counted Epcot as my favorite park for a while now, and I've experienced almost all of it. Oddly, though I managed to experience several new things at Epcot this time around... or at least new to me.

I shall talk about those "New" things....
The Living Seas with Nemo and Friends
For some reason, I rarely visit The Living Seas exhibit. I don't know why, exactly, as I've always been fascinated by the sea and it's creatures and whatnot. I think that once Soarin' opened at The Land, making my way over to Future World East has been all about that and Journey into Imagination. I also usually skip Honey I Shrunk the Audience... In any case, I think that The Living Seas has been awesomely improved by adding the Finding Nemo characters. The "Shell" cars are very similar to the Haunted Mansion ride vehicles, and they gradually take you downward into the aquarium "proper". As they take you past characters being projected very realistically onto the actual aquarium glass, they play music from the Nemo stage show from Animal Kingdom. I'm going to give it a 7 out of 10. Up from a 5.5 out of 10. (please keep in mind that this is all on a Disney-only scale. It's unfair to compare Disney attractions to non-Disney attractions. )

Spaceship Earth's Refurb
I visited Disney in late 2005 and in anticipation I did blogs listing my top 35 favorite things at Disney World. I am nearly certain Spaceship Earth was in my top 10. In any case, I love this ride. There's that moment toward the top where the ride vehicle rotates and the Earth is revealed and the music swells... it literally made me emotional every time. Now... in February of 07, they closed Spaceship Earth down for months to redo the interior and add some new features. And guess what? No more big crescendo moment. I was very disappointed in that. That said, there were some cool new additions. They do this thing where they ask you where you're from and you enter it right into the ride vehicle. At the end of the ride, they show you WITH YOUR PICTURE zooming into the location you say you're from. It's pretty cool. I also liked some of the new animatronics. (Though they did remove the repeating chariot horse). All in all, I liked the changes, except I miss the old music and old ending. I'll give it an 8 out of 10, down from a 9.5 out of 10.

Mission Space
Now... I'd been to Disney 4 times since Mission Space had opened, and I'd never been on it. Either out of fear (the first 2 times) or the fear of my companions (the last 2 times). In any case, I was determined to ride it this time, and while I did the "Mild" option, I still totally dug it. It was a lot of fun, and pretty intense. I loved Gary Sinise's part as the mission commander. I loved the effects. It's hard to explain, in a way, because it sort of gives you this feeling of you being in control of the simulator in a very clever way. Also, I can't imagine what they do for the Intense version of the ride, because that shit was already pretty rough. In any case I'd recommend the mild version for pretty much anyone. I didn't even feel dizzy when I got off, which I had prepared myself for. 9 out of 10.

Gran Fiesta Tour (fka El Rio del Tiempo )
So I totally loved what I dubbed The Mexico Boat, and that hasn't changed at all. In fact, I think of all of the refurbs, this one was the best. Mostly because the spirit of the ride itself didn't change at all, and all of the additions only served to enhance the parts that had sort of fallen into datedness. I loved the addition of the characters and the Donald Duck plot they added to it as well. Funny, and appropriate to the Mexico theme. 9 out of 10. Formerly a generous 7 of out 10.

In addition to the new rides, I also dined at 2 restaurants in World Showcase that I'd never tried before.

Germany (Biergarten)
This was a buffet/Smorgasbord that I really enjoyed. The diners eat at large communal tables that I think are really cool to associate with the other diners. It's neat to chat up some strangers while great polka music is played live by a pretty awesome band. I'd give it a 7 out of 10 in the World Showcase Restaurant Survey. (I'm gonna do a while one soon.)

Morocco (Marrakesh)
The food here is awesome.... as long as you like Middle Eastern food, which I do. The atmosphere is really hectic, because it was totally packed, and the servers move like lightning. Also...belly dancers. This was the meal where I most wished I still had a full stomach. I rate it an 8.5 out of 10.

All in all, it was a great day. We had a great time, and perhaps best of all, I got a new Beefy Muchacho picture. It's not a trip to Disney without one.