Sad Face

I went to a movie on Monday, and I found myself getting a little weepy during the trailers. That’s right… The trailers.

Well.. One trailer specifically. It was for a movie called “Bully”. It’s a documentary that addresses the growing issue with bullying in our country, and specifically focuses on a young kid currently dealing with being bullied as well as the families of two young men who killed themselves over excessive bullying. One who suffered from Aspergers Syndrome, when he was 17, and one who hung himself at age 11. Fucking ELEVEN.

What can I say? I was affected.

I better clarify right off the bat. I was never, myself, truly bullied in school. I was always a nerdy, overweight kid, but I had just enough sports aptitude and just enough ability to bullshit that I was never the biggest target in any room, and I normally fit in adequately enough to avoid being the brunt of any bullying attack.

That said, very few things make me more profoundly sad and angry than when I hear about kids being so upset by bullying that they take their own lives.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe kids today just simply aren’t as equipped to handle themselves as they were even as short a time ago as the late 80s and early 90s when I was a grade-schooler. The more I think about it, though, the more I think the bullying actually is worse, and I start to wonder what life would have been like.

I never had a friend kill themselves because they were bullied, and I don’t remember even hearing about it happening anywhere at all, but I also didn’t grow up in a time when you can’t escape your bullies, even in your home.

I recently had a birthday where I was so overwhelmed by the positive messages I received that I declared Facebook the greatest thing to ever happen to birthdays. That may be true, but the advent of instant messaging and social media has had an ugly side effect where kids can’t escape their bullies.

Once upon a time, we were all told that the best way to stop a bully was to stand up to them. Maybe give them a good pop to the mouth. It’s not so easy anymore. Bullying can not only be remote, but anonymous. I know that when I get a negative anonymous comment on this blog, it upsets me, and I have the ability to recognize that people who hide behind their anonymity are way sadder than I’ll ever be. Try telling that to a 10 year old who’s suddenly had their Facebook page bombarded by cruel comments. I used to sort of laugh at the notion of internet bullying, but I don’t anymore. I have come to see how oppressive something like that can truly be. And it makes me sad.

It makes me angry too. It makes me angry that in spite of the growing evidence, that schools continually chalk up bullying to “boys being boys” and “girls are just mean at that age”. Honestly, if they believe it’s just part of growing up to be harassed and tormented, I’d like to put them through it for a while and see what it’s like when “Men are being men, and women are just being mean.”

So anyway, I’m watching this movie trailer before the start of this dumb comedy that I didn’t even get to see all the way through because of a power outage, and I find myself crying. There’s nothing quite like sitting alone in a movie theater and crying at a fucking preview.

It’s okay… you can make fun of me for getting emotional. If you don’t get at least a little gut-kick feeling when you see old photos of a kid who’s now dead over something so fucking preventable as being pushed around on the playground, I feel sorry for you.

I’m still not to my main point…

The movie has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA), which means that any kid under 17 can’t get in without being escorted by an adult, and even worse the film won’t be able to be screened in Middle Schools and High Schools without permission slips being sent home and signed. That is… the worst thing ever.

Everything about this bothers me, and I’m not alone. A 17 year old girl in Michigan started a petition to get the rating changed to PG13, and has garnered over three hundred THOUSAND signatures. Among the signers are state governors, CEOs of movie theater chains, and many movie stars. The MPAA has so far declined to change the rating.

I started thinking about how myopic the MPAA has decided to be on this issue, and how offensive that is to me…

It’s easily arguable that the most important demographic to see this film are 13-17 year olds. How many hundreds of bullied kids could benefit from just the thought that they’re not alone in the world, or that people care about them?

Maybe there are just as many bullies who could see a real family, truly affected by the death of a kid who was mercilessly bullied. Maybe just one or two of them will realize that telling a kid they should be dead isn’t the best way to conduct themselves.

Maybe, and excuse me for being dramatic, but a life would be saved.

It makes me so sad to think about those kids who probably just wanted to go about their lives, and get through the high school with the least amount of friction, just like the rest of us. How they were threatened and tormented, and taunted until they couldn’t take it anymore.

A quote from Tyler Long’s (the 17 year old) father breaks my heart…. “They took his pride from him. He was a hollow person.”

I’m sorry, but no 17 year old kid should be hollow. Especially at the hands of some other 17 year old kid who, had the breaks gone slightly another way, could have been in that same position of having the never-ending gall to be different.

It just seems to be getting worse, and more pervasive, and aggressive, so the fact that the MPAA has decided to be sticklers on this issue of content offends me to my core.

I remember when I was 15 being showed Schindler’s List. I defy a single parent to say 15 is too young to learn about the Holocaust. I guess I needed a permission slip, though I admit I was just as likely to have signed it myself at that age. I don’t remember either way.

Kids should have to watch “Bully”, just like I had to watch “Schindler’s List”. Don’t get me wrong… they should have to watch both, really. They should be forced to hear the pained interviews of friends and family when they talk about Ty Smalley, who was 11 years old when bullies made his life so miserable that he hung himself after school. And yeah, I’ve read that the kid could give as much as he could take or whatever, but fuck that. He’s the one who they broke. It should never have happened. I don’t care if he was a Junior Hell’s Angel. He’s the broken one at the end.

I don’t want to belabor a point unnecessarily, but think about your life when you were eleven. I was in 5th or 6^th grade. I had my first kiss the Summer in between. I performed in my first play. I had crushes on various girls I don’t even remember now. I had some good teachers, and good friends, a cat named Chip and 2 crazy-ass beagle dogs, and generally my life was pretty solid.

If someone told me a kid in my class had killed themself, I am pretty sure I wouldn’t have totally even understood the concept. How does that happen?

How does it happen?

The kids who are causing this insurmountable pain need to see. They shouldn’t be allowed to wait until they’re seventeen based on the MPAA. They should be forced to watch as Ty Smalley’s father says this:

There's answers out there. ... I don't know what the answers are, but there are people who do. There are people that have the answers. We need to get the world involved. We need to find those people. We need to find that one person that can make a difference. And if we can't find that one, we're going to find 100,000 of them. And we're all going to put our heads together and we're going to come up with a solution ... if you really want to learn what suicide by bullying is all about, talk to the people who are living the nightmare. We haven't done Ty's last load of laundry, because it still smells like him. We haven't washed his sheets because I can go in there and lay on his bed and still smell my boy. You want to learn what bullying and suicide is all about, you talk directly to the people that it affects the most.

 
First and foremost I hold myself completely responsible for what has happened to my son. Ultimately my son's safety rested in my hands. I was responsible for my son's safety. I'm his DAD! ... It's my job to protect him. No matter what. No matter where he was. It was my job to protect him.

I’m sorry this is a little rambling, but I’m upset. I don’t understand how the stupid MPAA can be so obtuse about this. It’s not South Park they’re talking about. It’s a documentary about kids being bullied. It’s a real thing. A problem.

I admit that I find some of the celebrities speaking out about this to be somewhat disingenuous and maybe that’s my own cynicism, but it doesn’t mean they’re wrong. They’re, in fact, completely right. The MPAA needs to adjust this. Make the movie unrated. But the fact that they’re saying things like “It’s our job to warn parents…”. It’s bullshit. It’s offensive. For my money, there’s not a single parent out there who should object to their kids seeing this movie.

For the kids who are bullied, I’ll say it again… They need to know they aren’t alone. They need to know that people in positions of power care about them, and they need to know that they’re safe. Not just when they go to school, but when they log-in to their computers in their homes to do homework or even to watch videos of great dunkers on YouTube. They should be safe not to fear a constant barrage of torment.

Just as importantly, the bullies themselves need to know they aren’t protected from punishment just because they fall back on the excuse of “boys will be boys”. They need to see the consequences.

So that’s enough. I’ve vented, and now I want you to think about it, and if you agree with me, click through here and electronically sign the petition to lower the MPAA rating. I realize you may not have seen this movie. I’m stating my opinion that it doesn’t matter.

It should be shown.

Click here to Sign

When the Dumbasses go Marching In

Okay... So the Saints won the Super Bowl. It's pretty much the best thing that's happened to me in regards to sports in well... just about ever. That and the Reds winning the 'Series in '90. That's not what I'm blogging about tonight, though.

So here I am at 11 at night, sitting on the couch, enjoying the post-Super Bowl glow for the first time in my life, and what comes next?

BANG BANG BANG

I jump a little. I turn and look through the windows at the very top of the front door. I can see the screen door slightly opening and closing. Look... call me a pussy, but any time there's a loud banging on the door at an odd hour, it makes me nervous. I've seen too many episodes of Criminal Minds, maybe, because I'm not too keen on home invasions and whatnot. Anyway, I don't get up right away. I figure if I don't answer, they'll go away.

They do not.

BANG BANG BANG

So now, I'm irritated and also vaguely terrified, because while I know SOMEONE is there, I have no idea WHO since I can't see them through the door.

I get up and walk around the couch to the door. I peek out the windows at the top, when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but 3 pre-teen dumb-asses with snow shovels.

My fear assuaged completely, and my ire raised more than anything, I unlock the door and the following exchange unfolds:

Them: Can we shovel your driveway for twenty dollars?

Me: Guys, what are you doing? It's eleven o'clock at night.

Them: No it isn't.

Me: Um... yeah it is. You've gotta go.

Them: It's eleven?

Me: Yeah. It's time for you to go.

Them: On the dot?

Me: (Pause) (Pause)... Does it matter?

Them: Yeah

Me: No. You have to go now. Go on.

Them: (As they walk away) We're just trying to make some money dude. Damn

Me: (Closing Door)

At this point I'm just completely blown away, but the next thing that crosses my mind is that they were making a direct line for my car, and I really start hoping they leave it alone. I still haven't been out there, so it's very possible that my car has been ransacked and the tires have been slashed.

I take some comfort in the knowledge that these 3 are probably too stupid to put two and two together and figure out that the car in the driveway is connected to the dude in the house.

I'm going to end the story there. Sometimes the rant writes itself.

Slot Machines and Hookers: The New Au Pairs

Your friendly, Vegas-Approved Childcare Providers

As some of you know, I returned recently from a long trip to Las Vegas.

Much fun was had, and little money was lost, which are the two absolute best things that can happen to a person in Las Vegas. They'll tell you other good things can happen there, but that's not true. Trust me. Fun and NOT getting wiped out are the best you can hope for.

I've spent a good amount of time on this blog talking about the things I love about Vegas. The shows, the food, the people watching... and this trip was full of all of those things.

I saw "Ka". The Cirque du Soleil show at the MGM Grand Hotel, and let me tell you... that shit will blow your fucking mind. Now... I have a fairly broad sense of theater and showmanship and production...or so I thought, but here comes this show with it's 100 flawless performances of extremely demanding physicality, and it's 100,000 pound stage that moves on an arm as though it weighed about 40 pounds and then rotates and then changes axis altogether to literally make you gasp in your chair (if you can even sit at all with the sheer magnitude of what you're seeing), and then they take it all down to a tiny, simplistic spot light and shadow puppets and you're suddenly a 4 year old child, completely amazed at the beauty of it all.

Seriously. Go see "Ka" and tell me it's not the most incredible thing you've ever seen.

The food? Well... the food is difficult for me, generally, but I still managed to eat pretty well. The highlight would be The Mesa Grill (Bobby Flay's restaurant.) I had the Blue Corn Pancake with Barbeque Duck, and the Spicy Chicken and Sweet Potato Hash (with poached egg). Pretty amazing stuff. I see why the guy is where he is. We also went to The Bellagio buffet, which is great, but totally wasted on me, and The Carnegie Deli, which is something to behold. (Incidentally, while there, I saw 2 girls with the collectively most inappropriate outfits of the entire trip, which says something. Also, there's absolutely no way they'd touch any single thing on that menu, so I don't know what they were playing at. I'm almost certain this was a mail order bride situation.)

And Ooohhhh the people watching... It was glorious. As always, people watching is not meant to be discussed later, because one can never do it justice, truly, but I will say that the amount of ludicrously short skirts was at an all time high on this trip. The amount of class at an all time low.
Some highlights include:

- The completely drunken guy with nothing but a backpack and a literal fist of cash searching for the bus stop. He passed us again 5 minutes later. This time with no cash.

-The Jamaican guy who sat down next to me at the Pai Gow table, smoked an entire cigarette in 3 drags, lost 75 dollars in one hand, and got up and left. I don't remember how I know he was Jamaican, but he was. He ended up coming back about an hour later, losing another large chunk of cash, and leaving again.

- The strange conflence of old douchebags and young who met up in the sort of courtyard area in front of Ceasars. It was odd, because they all sort of matched up, and they all had slutty women with them of appropriate age. It was like some sort of time warp where they were running into themselves as the time-space continuum overlapped.

- The completely friendly and insanely unsettling people at Mermaids Casino. They were nice. They were also likely high on LSD.

But anyway... That's not why I'm blogging about Vegas. Really, it's all about a single question that I have:

Why, for the love of all that is holy, would you bring a child to Las Vegas?

I honestly don't understand it.

Is it the wholesome surroundings like GAMBLING? and PROSTITUTION? and FREE ALCOHOL EVERYWHERE?

Is it all of the wallet friendly food options? I believe that the cheapest meal I had (and trust me, since I can barely eat anything, I can generally eat pretty cheap) was the bowl of soup and coke I had at the Ceasars Palace Food Court that came in at around 12.00.

Let me get this straight... You bring your whole effing family to a place where minors are not even allowed to ENTER most areas of almost every place you can go. The kid-related things are so awful and overpriced, (because I guess they're prisoners already, may as well squeeze every sucker cent out of them), that the most interesting kid-friendly attraction I saw was a roller coaster at the Sahara that was ten dollars PER RIDE . There's actual pornography being passed out on the sidewalk of every street where you're not likely to get mugged. At least half of the shows have nudity. The other half are at least 100 dollars a ticket, if you even planned far enough in advance to get 4 seats together. There are literal prositutes hanging around common areas, which are some of the only areas kids are allowed. You're basically encouraged to start getting drunk by ten in the morning. Smoking is also not only allowed, but promoted by the oh-so-classily dressed strolling vendors in every Casino (if the little tykes happen through from the elevator to the pool. )

As far as I can see, the only thing a kid can do in Las Vegas inexpensively is roast like a fucking tomato drenched in olive oil at the giant, over-crowded casino pools. A priviledge that probably costs the same for your 4 day trip as a lifetime pass to the neighborhood pool. Oh... and the odds of swimsuit tops coming off at some point in the constant drunken debauchery surrounding them are so high that the wager has been taken off the board.

So you get what I'm saying right? If you have the means to pay for these boat anchors to wander around with you during your trip to Vegas, you certainly have the means to send the poor kids to fucking camp where they can learn useful skills such as macrame and having dirty dreams about the girls from the camp across the lake. You know... as opposed to happening across that same scenario re-enacted at 1 AM on Cinemax on your complimentary premium hotel cable, though not with quite the same childlike innocence, if you know what I mean.

Does that stop the hoards and hoards of people from bringing every one of their offspring to middle of the god forsaken desert to torment every adult who wants to have a fun, child-free time? No. In fact, I'm almost entirely certain that The Excalibur Hotel AND CASINO is likely the real mouth of hell. There were points when I saw toddlers walking, unsupervised, across a casino floor at one in the morning. I'm sure there was some guardian or parental figure nearby... or am I?

It all comes down to this my friends:

If you want to have a fun, adult oriented vacation where you may drink a little. You may gamble a little. You may take in a gawdy show with boobies... Go to Vegas.

BUT, if you have kids, and you have this strong need to take your kids with you on your vaction, perhaps take a gander at my blog. There's this other place that I mention occasionally where you're certain to spend a lot of money (just like Vegas) only your kid may have an actual good time... it's called Walt Disney World. (I've provided a link.)

Good day.

Las Vegas... Hookers and missionaries on every corner.

Hey Folks!

I am returned from Las Vegas. With that... a few thoughts.

1) I alluded to my love for Las Vegas previously. That love has not diminished. That said, I never realized until this trip exactly how singular Vegas is. I mean... I knew it wasn't a normal place. I knew that you could see things there that you'd never see anywhere else. I guess I never thought about the depths of such things. Allow me to explain by offering 5 things that make Vegas the most unique place in America.
a) At "Mermaids Casino" downtown, (immediately next to the hot dog/ fried twinkie stand where my dad was enjoying both of those delicacies at that moment), I saw a cocktail waitress so drunk/high that she stumbled into the restroom, barely making it. It was... 11 AM.
b) As I rode the monorail back from the MGM Grand to my hotel, a man sat next to me. He then put his arm around me. I was too shocked to react at all. I figured it was best.
c) For a place that is so completely devoid of entertainment geared toward children, there sure are a ton of them. At the Bellagio for "O", I sat next to a family of 6. The poor bastard who purchased the tickets paid 173.00 per person for their family. The child closest to me sat still for MAYBE 10 minutes of the 100 minute show. And that show might be the most kid friendly thing I saw all week.
d) Nowhere else can you see a person winning a huge amount of money on the slot machines, and not only NOT act happy in any way, but actually look pissed because the credits are taking too long to tally, and they want to get back to their mind-numbing slot machine-ing.
e) The only place in the entire world where in the span of one block you walk past a girl on roller skates and a thong, a homeless man admitting he only wants beer, an Asian family taking pictures (again with the insanely inappropriate presence of children), 5 latinos passing out brochures for neighborhood prostitutes, a gaggle of drunken 40 year-old women who haven't been to bed yet (at 11AM), and a living statue.

2) As much as I love Vegas, the gambling part has lost a tad-bit of it's luster. Perhaps it's because the slot machines totally obliterated me. Perhaps it's because I'm mad at myself for not playing more Pai Gow Poker (I killed that game this week.) But the thing is... All of those things I mentioned above are reason enough to make Vegas a yearly stop. The gambling is fun, but is also a decided bummer if you're losing. The place is pricey enough as it is.

3) Another reason to check out this place? The sheer, ridiculous size and scope of the whole place. You see pictures, and since the casinos are all next to eachother, you don't realize how fucking huge these places are. The MGM Grand takes 15 minutes just to walk from one end to the other without stopping. Ceasars Palace is so big it's entirely conceivable that you not only could get lost in the casino itself, but you'd probably be wise to factor the time it takes to get from room to lobby when making any plans. The Forum Shops at Ceasars has more stores in which I couldn't afford a single item than all of the stores in Cincinnati. Fendi, Ferragamo, Jimmy Choo, Cartier, Gucci...all of them. It's actually quite insane. The new "City Center" is the single largest private construction project in American history. 8 BILLION dollars. There are more hotel rooms in the MGM Grand alone than there are in the entire city of Cincinnati. It's hard to even put it into perspective. All I can say is that nothing looks like it'd be a long walk, but it ALWAYS is.

4) I have a vague feeling of embarrasment about the place. It's like.. In one place, there is every single excess and display of ridiculous oppulence that seems to make everyone hate Americans. When Bin Laden was talking about our priorities being misplaced, I wouldn't be surprised to find out he'd just come from Vegas. That said... I'd say that EASILY half of the people there are not American. So... who exactly is there to witness my shame? It's a place built on foreign money. Yo go past the high-rollers area at most places and it's dominated by non-Americans. Usually with a hot blonde on their arms. So... there's a cognitive dissonance to Vegas that is hard to wrap my brain around. On the one hand, you're embarassed to be a part of it, but on the other hand... everyone else seems to be playing along, so... who cares?

5) I'm still astounded by the number of quintessential "Vegas Style" shows that are around. Today, after I left, Dad and Dee Anne went to see this. There are the same tired comedians. The same weirdo shows with people like Cher and Bette Midler who both...I don't know if I'm right about this... might be in their 90s. It's just so odd when everything else is geared toward drawing in the younger crowd with their clubs and music things...but they still name Danny Gans (the impressionist) Entertainer of the Year. It's like... 2 worlds colliding, but only...happily.

6) GOD DAMN was it hot. I mean...seriously. I believe we hit 109 yesterday. And yeah...the old joke "It's a dry heat" is funny, and mostly true. I was significantly more comfortable there in that heat than I would in Cincinnati were it 20 degrees cooler with the humidity. Now, in honor of my dad, who may not have made up this joke, but sells it pretty well...

Guy 1: Damn...it's fucking hot.
Guy 2: Yeah, but it's a dry heat.
Guy 1: Great. So's an oven.

I digress... I'm not sunburned either, despite my not wearing a hat for much of the trip, and being out in the Sun.. that's a good thing.

Lastly...

6) The food thing is a real bummer. As you all know, I have a difficult time eating these days, after the surgery. So... previously, if I'd been in Vegas it'd be all about the Buffets and the steaks and the deli and burgers and whatever else. Deep Fried Oreos perhaps. Well...now I'm lucky if I am able to finish a bowl of soup. It's discouraging to not be able to eat all of these great things.

In any case, I wanted to thank my Dad and Dee Anne for being awesome this week. I had a great time, and I look forward to another...or maybe Disney.