On a Mission

I guess I can be kinda single-minded sometimes.

After doing that "Mature" survey last week, and then being sorely disappointed in the whole thing, because let's face it... it was as lame as every other survey, I've been on a hunt for an actually interesting one. I'm not going to make my blog a survey machine or anything, but until my shows are over (Saturday!!) I'm not going to have a ton of time to ruminate on other things, so call it laziness or whatever you want, but here's the best one I've found so far. If I don't find one better by the weekend, I'm doing my own. (I know Annie... I've said it before.)

Oh and also... If anyone thinks this isn't just an excuse for me to talk about myself in some sort of pseudo-introspective way...you've not been reading my blog very long.

1. What is more difficult for you; looking into someone’s eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone’s eyes when they are telling you how they feel?

I guess I'd have to say that it's harder for me to look someone in their eyes when I'm telling them how I feel. It's odd though, when I'm telling someone how I feel I usually have a very strong urge to look straight at them, and when I'm listening, I want to look away. It always ends up being the opposite in practice.

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry?

I've been pretty mad at work a few times lately, but not like REALLY angry. I don't know. My mom has made me pretty upset, but that's more exasperation than anger. I don't think I get super angry very often.

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You get enough time to make ONE phone call. Who would you call?

Before I answer this, I wanna know why the question feels compelled to provide a city pair for this imaginary flight. I think the situation would be the same whether I was on an 8 hour flight (like the one mentioned) or a 2 hour flight like Cincinnati to Orlando (far more plausible for me.) I mean.. come on Survey! Get out of your own way...you're doing so much better than the others so far.

Aaaaaanyway... I'm not sure I could call anyone in my family. I mean... my first inclination would be to call my dad, but if I'm reading the rules right I would only be able to talk to him, and then my mom would live with the idea that I didn't call her, and Dee Anne too... not that she'd expect she'd be the first call, but I wouldn't like knowing there was that proximity without being able to talk. Maybe Briana... Because she's my sister and I think I could say everything I needed to say to her, and she'd report it faithfully to all of the parties and nobody would feel slighted. Then again... maybe I'd call someone totally random... like I'd just call work or something. Tough question.

4. You are at the doctor's office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. (A) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? (B) What do you do with your remaining days? (C) Would you be afraid?

This is a good survey so far, but dark...geez.
a) I tell at least a couple of people. I don't know who, but I don't think I could keep it to myself. I do like attention sometimes...
b) I'd first make sure that everyone important to me knew exactly how much they mean to me. The challenge there is to do so in a way that isn't obvious or just because I'm dying (even though technically I wouldn't be doing it if I weren't). People need to know they're loved. Then I'd go to Disney.
c) I think so.

5. You can have one of the following two things: trust/love?

I think that if it means I'm only capable of one or the other, I'd go with love. If it means I'd only be either trusted or loved, I'd still go with love... I think. I don't necessarily think they are mutually exclusive.

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. Do you save the dog?

I absolutely save the dog. No question. No choice at all. And c'mon... if your boss is the kind of person to fire you when you show up soaking wet, covered in dog hair, after saving a pooch... that job sucks anyway.

7. You are unfaithful to your spouse/significant other. Do you tell him/her?

I don't know... It's never been an issue before. Guilt does tend to make me sick, so I guess if it did happen, I'd eventually come clean, but I've never had the urge to cheat.

8. Think of the last person who you really knew that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you do it?

I don't think so. That's not always the answer, but in this case... when the person in question didn't want to be living anyway, I think I'd keep my year.

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

I try to be that kind of friend. I really try. Sometimes I fail... I recently missed out on something particularly important because I was bad at communicating. It makes me really sad actually.

10. Does love = sex?

I mean... the simplest answer is no. Love does not equal sex. I do think that sex is an important aspect of romantic relationships. Not just the having of sex, but the not having as well. Lack of sex can sometimes be a telling sign of problems. Sometimes it can be a sign of respect, or sincerity, or true feelings. Often sex and love aren't tied at all, and that creates problems too... People feel used, or neglected, or objectified. It's not a simple answer at all though... Sex and Love are related, but they are not equal. They can't be.

11. Your boss tells your co-worker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your co-worker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company?

No. I've been without a job, and it absolutely sucks, but unless you know for a fact they'd do the same for you... It's too hard to find a job these days.

12. When and how was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt?

Wednesday night of this week. And as for "how"? I guess only time will tell. My general feeling on the subject is that it's always better to lay it out there and hope they can handle it, as opposed to keeping it in and feeling all bound up.

13. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?

Definitely the latter. If I love someone, they'll know it soon enough. I have a difficult time keeping that particular light under that particular bushel. It hasn't happened often, though, which is good. On the other hand... I am absolutely terrible at telling people bad news when emotions are involved. Or at least when I know them personally. I think I'd be a great patient advocate at a hospital, because I hear I'm very comforting, but when my own feelings are part of it, when it's something that I am doing directly... it's hard for me.

14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up?

I think my voice. Not just singing, but in general. I talk a lot. I love the English language. I love being able to articulate my thoughts as they are happening. That would be very difficult.

15. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Wednesday night as well. A different portion of Wednesday night. I'll just say that I have good friends and I love them. I was going through something and they gots my back. This question could either be really cool or really boring...depending on how close you are with your family.

16. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you have "no regrets" what would you change?

First... I do have regrets. I don't believe people who say they don't. Second... I don't think I can pick just one, so I'm going to do 2, which is still not even close to covering it.

a) I would absolutely have shopped colleges a bit more. After I got in to Wright State, my first choice (and least expensive that I'm aware of) I sort of stopped looking. That was a mistake.

b) I would absolutely have done everything I could to keep teaching. I left on my own because I was broke, but looking back, it was the only job I've had that mattered. And I liked it. And I was good at it.

17. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. Who do you call?

I don't think I'd call anyone. I don't see myself calling anyone. Yeah... definitely not.

18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?

This is tricky, because I don't know CPR, so... I'd likely do more harm than good. Assuming I did know it... yeah... I'd do it. Dirt washes off. Anti-biotics are readily available.

19. You are holding onto your grandmother's hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. Which one do you save?

Sorry Grandma. I'd save the newborn. I'd like to think that you'd agree with my choice.

20. Are you old fashioned?

In some ways I'm VERY old fashioned. In many ways, I'm not. I'd say that I've got a fairly liberal world view, which is not old-fashioned at all. (The drag queens I call friends would agree). I am a firm believer in love, which is old fashioned. Some would even say antiquated. I'm a hybrid...but I'd like to think the good kind.

21. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a heart break or have never loved before?

Absolutely, 100%, without a doubt... I choose love. Heart break is a fact of life. It sucks a whole, whole lot, but it's a sweet pain, because it tells you that you can feel. God that's sappy, but it's true. If you have lived a life where you can feel heart break, that means you lived a life with love. I'd rather that any day.

22. If you could do anything OR wish for anything that would come true, what would it be?

I think that, at the moment, I'd wish for financial independence. From whatever. I don't mind work at all, but I think the freedom to do whatever I wanted to do and not worry about money would be nice.