Saturday, May 1, 2010

Because I'm Wearing White Pants

Once again, here I am late at night, being alternately appalled and amused and creeped out by television commercials.


Did you know that it's now totally cool to advertise vibrators during prime time? Apparently it is. Trojan is now spouting about their "finger massagers" and they have all kinds of super enlightened ladies talking about how amazing their lives have become after they find their ways to the "finger massager". It's weird.

This reminds me... I've been wanting to ask this for a while.. I don't know if anyone else listens to the radio anymore, but there are these ads for The Lion's Den or something like that, and they offer "a special gift so sensual we can't even talk about it".

What could this possibly be? I am fascinated. First, what is so sensual that it can't be discussed on the radio? What an odd choice of words... They're not saying "so graphic" or "so anally" or "so orgasmic". They say "So sensual"... Aren't we talking candles and massagers and oils and stuff? I mean... just tell us. I want to know. If, after all this wondering, it turned out to be a pocket kama sutra or something, I'd be effing pissed.


I continue to be amused by the Kotex ads that basically make a whole commercial out of the stupid and manipulative commercials of other tampon brands. I particularly love the line "You'll buy Kotex tampons because I'm wearing white pants and have great hair. It's hilarious every time.

Yes... I'm vaguely obsessed (can someone be "vaguely obsessed"?) with tampon commercials. They are CRAZY. They always feature women doing all kinds of fun things, and dancing around, and wearing weird stuff. I think that's why I love these Kotex commercials so much, because they totally just put all of the silly things right out there for all the world to see, and then comment on it.


Taco Bell is creeping me the fuck out. The whole "Is Denise there" commercial series, I think, is trying to be funny, implying that these dumbasses think that cute Taco Bell employees would have any interest in giving them some secret deal. Instead, because this "Denise" character is played (in only the first commercial...she doesn't appear in the other one) by a cute, teenagery girl, and the idiots are played by middle-aged idiots who just come across as mentally retarded creepos.

KFC. What in the hell are you playing at? I mean, for god's sake have a shred of decency. You're making a bacon and cheese sandwich with FRIED CHICKEN SERVING AS THE BUN. I... I just... How can you possibly justify this. I'm pretty sure Dr. Atkins just had to change his underpants, because there can be no positives otherwise derived from this unholy abomination of meat and grease. Honestly, it's just disgusting. Also, I want one.

Oh... some updates...

-- As of 1 hour ago, I'm a vegetarian, until August 1st at the earliest. It's going to be difficult, but worth it (in the end).

-- There has been positive progress on the issues I discussed in my hope blog on Monday night. Nothing concrete as yet. You'll all be the first(s) to know. Right now, I'm going to be an optimist and say 51%.

-- Lastly, I'd like to conduct an informal poll...

Earlier today, after we finished taking the Tofu Muchacha's blog photos, we were walking back to my car at Mt. Airy Forest. There was a group of people gathered in the area, and they were sort of loitering all around my car. Including a lady who had her water bottle sitting on my trunk, and another 2 dudes leaning/sitting on the side of the car. As we walk closer, they take note of us coming, but don't move away. As I realize they're not moving, I say "Can I help you guys?" and when they just look at me quizzically, I say "My car's not a table."

1) I admit that I was grumpy.
2) I admit that they likely didn't realize what they were doing.
3) No damage was done to the car.
4) I will readily admit that I wasn't especially friendly in my tone.

So the poll..
Was I out of line?
Yes, but it's complicated
No, but it's complicated free polls


Unknown said...

I would like to know if you are going full on vegetarian or not. For instance, what about chicken broth, lard in tortillas, etc? Or are we just talking actual meat here?

Anonymous said...

How is it going? Update please.

Beefy Muchacho said...

There's been some internal debate here at Beefy Muchacho Industries regarding what exactly constitutes being a vegetarian. It's been determined that Chicken Broth is not okay, but lardy tortillas is... I don't really know why this is the case, but whatevs...

In any case, it's been 10 days with no meat, and it's not so terrible.

I've eaten my first vegetable protein dog. To be honest, it's only slightly less flavorful, but still tastes about the same. The texture isn't quite right, but you know... it's a hot dog, not Filet Mignon.

I've found tht mexican restaurants have some pretty solid selections for vegetarians. I'm also eating more salad.

As for the other thing.. the "Secret" if you will... Still no word, so... as far as I'm concerned The Secret can Suck-it. Unless of course I do end up hearing.

djphob said...

Why shouldn't they advertise a vibrator during primetime? They can advertise goddamn Cialis! It's ok for dudes to get off but god forbid we discuss females getting a little enjoyment. I like it. Keep moving forward and all that.

Beefy Muchacho said...

2 things...

1) I am definitely NOT a fan of Cialis or Viagra or Extenz or any of the other male "enhancers" that are advertised. I could definitely talk about the bathtub by the sea and all that crazy shit, but I kinda felt like that was fairly well-trod territory, so I talked about the ads I'd just noticed.

2) The biggest difference is that while we all know what Cialis is hawking, they pretend it's for sexual dysfunction... so there's a (barely) plausible deniability there, where they say they're selling a medical product for helping a disorder. Not so much with the vibrator.

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