Day 4 Medford to Sacramento: Shasta Ain't Just a Discount Soda

Day Four of the trip was memorable for a couple of reasons...

1) We saw unexpected wildlife

2) We got a slight preview of terrain to come.

3) We encountered a mountain named after a beverage.

4) We unexpectedly saw a totally incredible achievement of engineering.

5) We ate at the most bizarre of the Triple D locations

Just after we crossed the border into California, we stopped at a rest stop where a river ran along one side.
It was definitely in the top 5 prettiest rest areas. Well, we were sort of strolling around and enjoying the scenery, and I noticed this black cat run through the brush, and into the bushes. I even exclaimed "Oh look! A Cat!" Somewhere along the line here, I realized that the cat I saw looked suspiciously un-cat-like, and then I though even deeper and realized that it was pretty unlikely that a cat would be living in the bushes alongside a river in Northern California. I sort of made a quick turn and headed quickly in the opposite direction, dissuading the TM from seeking out the aforementioned cat.

I'm starting to understand why Pepe le Pew was always so fucking confused about chasing that dumb girl cat around. Cats and skunks are hard to differentiate when you have a rip-roaring cold. It was during Day Four where my sense of taste started fading in and out. It was also during day four when I could have filled a bucket full of phlegm if I'd had a bucket. It was gross.

I digress...

I think this is a good time to point out that the sense of smell is underrated. Not just because it helps you taste your horseradish potato chips. For the rest of the trip we detected an alarming number of skunks on the roadways of our beautiful country.


As we continued to drive, I started noticing unfamiliar signs. Things like 6% Downgrade Next 8 Miles. I started feeling how sluggish our truck could be when going up a steep hill for miles at a time. I started to feel edgy (no pun intended) when we went around curves and the ground gave way to my right or left.

That's right... We'd entered some mountains. Let me just say that I don't like driving in the mountains. I don't like the idea of brakes being so integral. It makes me nervous. Little did I know that these mountains were like a sneeze compared to the hurricane we'd encounter later. It did afford some pretty unsettling views. Here's us driving, literally, into the clouds:

Shortly after our first major brush with the mountains, we can around a clearing and low-and-behold there was this big fucking mountain just sitting there, like a giant pimple on the chin of a pre-ProActiv Jessica Simpson.
I was all "What the hell is that?"

She was all "I think that's Mt. Shasta."

I was all "They named a mountain after that shitty drink they sell at K-Mart?"

She was all "Yeah".

Well... that might not be the most accurate transcript, but there was a lot of joking about the name of the awesome Mt. Shasta. All kidding aside, it was exceptionally pretty.

As we were passing Mt. Shasta and going past Lake Shasta, we started to see signs for the Shasta Dam, so we decided to have our picnic lunch (including apples) at the dam herself (Her? is a Dam a "she"? I know a Dame is a she, and a Damme is a she, but is a Dam?) I'd vaguely heard of Shasta Dam before, which after seeing it in person seems almost embarrassing. That place is UN-BELIEVABLE. It's freaking enormous. It's... I mean...

I learned that Shasta Dam (where they make the soda) is the 2nd largest Dam in the United States, second only to the one those giant beavers made in the creek behind our house.

It was really, really pretty at the dam, and also the perfect location for a dam picnic.

It's a little weird to go from discussing the special picnic at the special dam to talking about another meal, but after we left the dam, the drive to Sacramento was nothing all that interesting.

The Triple D restaurant we planned for this day was the one that I anticipated the most anxiously, the Squeeze Inn. I can't really explain exactly why in a coherent way, so I'll just provide you the link to the segment on the show.

Got the idea? Yeah... It was pretty much exactly as the show portrays it. Burger. Cheese. MORE CHEESE. Cheese skirt. Insanity.

Was it delicious? Yes. Was it something I could eat regularly? Hell no. I felt like I'd eaten a balloon after my HALF a Squeeze with Cheese. It was daunting. I told myself that I had to try it, and really the skirt of cheese was worth the experience. Was it the best burger I've ever had? No.

The TM gave it a 6 out of 10. She loved the cheese skirt, but felt the rest of it was pretty good, but not great. She did make the good point that the atmosphere was lacking a little. Probably more than it used to be. I gave it a 7. The burger may not have lived up to the hype, but yeah... not even the 3rd best place we ate on the trip.

After the dinner at The Squeeze Inn, we took a leisurely drive to the movie theater and watched The Social Network. I liked it a lot. TM hated it, but she tolerated it because I didn't protest her smuggling a sixer of Fat Tire Beer into the theater.

That pretty much wraps up Day 4. Oh... One other thing..

Did everyone know that California performs vehicle inspections on every car entering the state in order to regulate agricultural importing. I found that very interesting. The guy was very fast and friendly, but still... Like... it might be a problem to bring in Oregonian bananas? That's a weird place, that California.

Day 3 Longview to Medford: Aunt Buddy and A Solution to Unemployment

Day 3 was largely the last day of the trip where we had a really leisurely drive ahead of us, which was by design, since one of the best perks of the trip was the chance for the TM to visit with her sister (We'll call her The Tofu Amiga) and her family.

We'd arrived fairly late the night before, and were content to chill at the house (the same house in which the TM grew up) and catch up with some light chit-chat, and watching the Tofu Amiga's kids run around adorably. On the morning of Day 3, we had the opportunity to hang out a little more, and even had the chance to go to the very pretty Lake Sacajawea to a new "All Abilities" playground. The TM was even able to do a little swinging with her niece. It was a really nice time.

I did have to buy new shoes, though.

When I put on shorts that morning, I looked through all of my bags and couldn't find my sneakers. All I had was a pair of shoes that really only works with long pants. I mean hey... I may wear hats a majority of my free time, but I have SOME standards for the love of god. I figured I'd left them at the hotel in Seattle, and I even called to see if they had them. No luck. So we stopped off at Payless and I scoped out a pretty sweet pair of tan colored Airwalks. I'd always wanted Airwalks when I was a teen, and never had any. I was finally cool enough to do some skateboarding.

Of course, when we arrived home, the first thing the TM points out are the sneakers set out by the front door. I'd clearly forgotten to pack them at all. Obviously.

Aaaaanyway, I really enjoyed meeting the Tofu Amiga, the Beefy Amigo, and their children, and I know that the TM had a great time catching up. One of my favorite things about their relationship is the familiar way in which they greet each other. They call each other "Buddy". In fact, the Tofu Amiga has got her kids calling the TM "Aunt Buddy". It's freaking hilarious.

The best is when the TM's niece saw her green tights (pictured above) and said "Aunt Buddy has green legs!!!". The girl was AMAZED by tights. It was hysterical.

We headed out in the late morning, after a great time at the park, and started our journey South to Portland.

We had planned our first Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives meal at Pok Pok, a mainly Thai inspired cooking

We wound our way around the East side of Portland, and parked in a cool-seeming neighborhood and walked to the restaurant.
One of our favorite restaurants at home is a place called Thai Nam Tip, and it really is one of the best Thai restaurants in town. That and The Lemon Grass (regularly named the best Thai restaurant in Cincy) are my two primary frames of reference for good Thai food. The TM has actually been to Thailand. We were both super excited to check out this place.

I went with the Phat Si Ew Muu, which is a broad noodle pork dish. It was really excellent. I especially liked the garlic in the black soy sauce.

The TM had the Khanom Jiin Kaeng Kiaw Waan. It's as complicated as it sounds. There are noodles, fish balls, boiled eggs, and pan fried anchovies in coconut milk. It's like... insane, and very spicy too. Please note the tiny little fried fishies.

We split the Green Papaya salad, which was also crazy spicy and pretty delicious, although I had a really sour first bite of lime.Nice food photos, huh? We're awesome like that.

I decided to rate on a scale of 1 to 10 each of the restaurants we visited along our route. I gave the place an 8.0. The food was excellent. I only marked off points because I am pretty sure I was just sour over my bite of lime (Buh dum bum!) I liked the setting a lot too. The TM gave the place an 8.5. She says it would have been higher, but felt the meal was a little pricey for lunch at what is supposedly a "dive" restaurant.

After being fully satiated, we continued down the I-5 toward Medford, Oregon. The rest of the drive wasn't particularly eventful that day, except for 3 things.

1) We both started getting wicked colds. Actually... The TM was about a full day ahead of me, so hers was in close-to-full swing at this point. Starting in Olympia, we went through almost 2 full boxes of Puffs tissue by the end of the trip. Aunt Buddy had a red nose.

2) After we went grocery shopping in Medford (we planned to eat "picnic" style a lot of the time when we weren't at the Triple D places), we got carry-out Chinese food. I guess we hadn't completely relieved our Asian food cravings, but we also believed that some good spicy soup would make our throats feel better. It turns out that in the same day I went from having one of the best Asian meals I'd ever had to easily one of the top five worst. I can't get into it without making myself gag, but my impression primarily is of a spicy snot-like substance. This didn't stop the TM from saving 2 large cups of this crap for multiple days in our cooler, supposedly planning to re-heat it. My guess is that she'd simply lost her mind.

3) I learned that the state of Oregon may have secretly discovered the way to solve the nations employment issues.

They don't let you pump your own gas! They have old-timey pump attendants at every gas station in the state. It's totally amazing! Our very first fill-up in the truck was completed at a Pilot station by a complete stranger, while I wandered around the store with nothing to do. This was an usual situation for me since I'm normally busy at the gas station... you know... pumping gas. Don't believe me? Here's proof:The identity of the Pilot employee has been conveniently protected by the squeegee. Also, note the aforementioned Puffs.

I'm dead serious about this whole "Oregon solves Unemployment" thing. I know it's not high-brow or whatever, but pumping gas is a profession that was once wide-spread. As self-serve stations arose, thousands of jobs were eliminated. The Great State of Oregon has completely ignored this fad and preserved jobs for people in every town in the state. And I say, good for Oregon.

FACT: I have no evidence that the unemployment rate in Oregon is different than in any other state.

Day 2 Seattle to Longview: Creating a New Rhetorical Question

Day 2 was really the true kick-off of the Great Piano Adventure. It was the day we picked up the rental truck, the day we picked up the piano itself, and the day we started our long and perilous drive.

We had a ton of time to kill on Day 2.

Oh wait... I can't believe I haven't mentioned this already...

I planned the route to do accomplish a couple of things. First, I wanted to see as many places that I'd never been as possible. Second, I chose our particularly out-of-the-way route in order to see the California Redwoods (more on that on Day 4). Third, I'd heard of people going on road trips and going to restaurants featured on the TV show Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives and that sounded like a ton of fun, so after the route was planned, I looked for places we could stop.

Okay... back to Day 2.

So, we had all this time to kill, and we were looking for a place close to the hotel to eat breakfast, so we found our way to The Mecca Cafe. The Mecca Cafe hasn't been featured on any television shows, and I'd never heard of it before we walked in, but let me tell you.. One of the best breakfasts I've ever had. The food wasn't overly fancy. Even the TM's Salmon Eggs Benedict wasn't too frilly. I mean... it was served with about a zillion pounds of hash browns... not exactly snooty, but it was fucking delicious. I had some pancakes (well... I ordered some pancakes, and I hate only 1. It was HUGE!) and some thick cut bacon. Let me just say... yum.




We both feel like The Mecca Cafe deserves to be submitted to Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives. The place is absolutely tiny, and I know that it's often easy to assign the lable "charming" or "full of character" to these tiny little restaurants with quirky wait-staffs and whatnot, but in this case, it's totally try. I wouldn't call it without its grit, either, and that grit lends an authenticity that some of the other "Dives" we'd try seem to try to cultivate instead of just cultivating it over time. It's one of those places I would go back to in a heartbeat. It was awesome.

After eating and checking out of the hotel, we got a cab to the truck rental, and we finally laid eyes on our truck. Or you know.. so we thought. The guy was all "Here's the truck" and we're all "Where's the ramp? What about those wheel-wells? Will a piano fit?" and he's all "No Ramp, no fucking way will a piano fit..." (imagine this in a South African accent).

This was troubling since getting the piano into the truck was the whole point of the trip. The dude must have sensed our distress, because he gave us the ol' comp upgrade. To a larger truck. With a ramp. Let me just say that the first truck was daunting enough, and was barely larger than a pick-up. The new truck was almost a joke, it was so big. He had to remind us that the cab was 11 feet high. There are no pictures of the truck currently available, but here's a link.

After some errands we headed into Olympia, the capital of Washington, and spent a couple of hours walking around the state capitol, which was really incredible. I've seen some state capitols over the years, and this one is by far the most ornate and grand. It was really pretty. Even in the rain.




Okay... that's out of the way. Now it's time to talk about the most amazing person. Ever.

When we were waiting to meet the piano movers, they called us. I answered and talked to a gentleman who sounded old and a little confused. After I hung up the phone, I commented to the TM that I hoped the old man I spoke with was sending someone who wasn't liable to crumble into a pile of dust any moment.

And yet, who showed up? Just two men whose combined age had to be close to 125 years old. The old man and his one, middle-aged assitant/son or something. I was busy readying the truck and just glimpsed the old man as he slowly passed the truck, with the assistant guiding him and I had to stop and let that register. The old man was being guided physically. That didn't seem like a good sign.

I jumped down off the truck, and went to meet the movers. It was at this point that we realized there was another something a little off about the old man. He shook our hands, but didn't look at us. Then he started sort of feeling around with his hands and feet.

What's when we figured it out.

The dude was 100% blind. I'm not talking "has blurred vision." I'm not talking "Needs big, thick glasses and forgot them." I'm talking CAN NOT SEE A THING totally fucking blind.

And then he starts wandering around, feeling the piano. Feeling the truck. Feeling the ramp with his feet. His assistant would only occasionally call out "a little to the left, John" and things like that. The old guy was zipping around, feeling for everything, chatting it up, making jokes (I don't pay for anything I can't see!") .

After a few minutes of feeling things out, these 2 men simply tipped the 900 pound piano (literally) onto a dolly. It was at this point where the TM nearly passed out. She was absolutely terrified this ancient blind man would be crushed under the weight of this giant piano. She was right to be nervous. The guy was half the size and twice the age of his assistant, but seemed to be shouldering a lot of the physical burden.

If you're wondering if I video-taped this. I did. When I have the chance to sort and edit, I'll post the clip.

Watching the old blind man pushing a huge piano up a truck ramp, being verbally guided by his assistant was one of the most amazing things I've ever witnessed. This man should have a television special. This man should have a statue. This man is so awesome he's inspired me to created a new rhetorical question...

When someone asks you a question for which the answer is "YES", instead of wheeling out the old "Does a whore sweat in church?" you should totally go for "Can an old blind man move a piano?".

The rest of the day was a bit of a blur. We met the TM's old friend from her college days at a Starbucks inside an Albertsons grocery store for a quick latte, and then made the 70 mile drive South to the TM's home town of Longview, Washington. It was there that we started a lovely visit with the TM's sister "Buddy" and her husband and kids. They are really excellent people. I'd never met them before, and they were incredibly welcoming and friendly.

I'll talk more about them in the Day 3 blog, since we spent more time hanging out then, but I can definitely say it was cool to see the TM in her natural habitat. It was a lot of fun watching her hang out with her sister.

Still... more than anything, I'll remember this day as the day I witnessed a creaky old blind man muscle a piano into the back of a moving truck like it was just a leisurely walk along the lake.

Was I amazed?

Can an old blind man move a piano?

Me at Burgerville, preparing for the picnic the TM and I had at the elementary school she attended. That was fun times.

Day 1 in Seattle. Like the Fonz

I'd only been to Seattle one other time, back in May of 2004. Oddly, that visit was on the back side of my other cross country adventure. The time my buddies and I drove from Cincinnati to Seattle along I-90. We basically arrived into Seattle the evening before we flew home, and I barely got a chance to see the city at all. It was one of my biggest regrets of that trip that I didn't plan another day or two in the Emerald City.

When the T.M. and I originally planned the Great Piano Adventure, we knew we were planning to fly to Seattle and go from there, but we'd originally planned to fly in, land, and immediately get the truck and head out. We adjusted the plan to hedge against the perils of stand-by travel, and decided to make a first attempt the day before, and if we made it we'd have a whole, glorious day, in Seattle.

The T.M. can verify that the hour of waiting prior to us getting on the flight was easily the crankiest I was for the entire trip. I was fucking edgy, and I totally admit it.

We did end up making it on the flight with minimal suspense, and while I can't sleep in anything moving, the T.M. PTFO (Passed the fuck out) and basically woke up as we started our descent into the Seattle area.

Seattle is effing awesome.

We stayed in the Queen Anne district at a place called The Mediterranean Inn (That picture in the header was taken on the roof). The Inn is walking distance from the Seattle Center, which is home to the iconic Space Needle.

We'd really wanted to check out the Needle and Pike Place Market. I mean... we ARE tourists, after all. ( As evidenced by our still AND video cameras). So we walked to the Space Needle and hitched the very inexpensive monorail to downtown Seattle, only a 5 minute walk to the market. You know the market? That place that you see in every Seattle establishing shot in every movie set in Seattle? No? Here's a picture:

OOooooh. Now you remember.

The place is pretty amazing. Most people think of that crazy fish throwing shit, and while that's definitely happening, it almost gets lost in the absolute madness that is the market as a whole. There were shops of all kinds. Fruits, flowers, swag, products, jewelry, and pretty much everything else. Oh.. and it's set directly on the absolutely beautiful Puget Sound:

So yeah... I mean, I could go on about the Market, or the Sound, or the awesome dinner we had with the T.M.'s work friend, Dan (cool based on name alone, right?). We ate at a place down on the piers called Ivar's, and on top of having pretty solid seafood (especially the chowder), it also had this view:
Yeah.. I could go on and on about all of that, but what I loved most about Seattle, and what I really want to talk about was the life. The people. That place is just incredibly alive. We had some incredible luck with the weather, and it was something like 75 degrees and sunny the whole day we were there, so we spent a good amount of time just hanging out on this little park behind the market. More of a grassy knoll (minus the Cuban assassins) than a park, we sat in the grass, surrounded by hundreds of people from all facets of life.

There was the group of Emo-Hippie kids right in front of us, with their pot of community noodles (or rice or lentils or whatever it was) that they were giving away for free, as they rollicked in the grass in their usual self-aware, yet uninhibited way (is that possible?).

There was the strangely compelling street magician, who juggled chainsaws and knives and mocked the ever-growing crowd in a very jovial, good natured way. He HAD those people. And he was funny!

There was the goth lady (who had just before been posing for pictures with all manner of people from foreign lands at her leather jewelry booth) and her short-shorts, Punk-Tuck haircutted boyfriend.

I realized, sitting there, that we were witnessing more diversity in a single square block than we typically see in 2 months in Cincinnati. I'm filled with Cincy pride, but when it comes to non-conforming life-styles and ethnic diversity, Seattle has us in spades. I felt unusually uncool, but also at home there. Like... while I'm a big nerd, I'm confident I'd have a whole cadre of other big nerds to hang out with on the green, and make a pot of something or other, and pass it out to strangers. It's like a dream world where EVERYONE fits in. It's amazing.

It was hard to top this revelatory experience the rest of the day, but as we walked back to the hotel from the monorail, we decided that the line to the observation deck of the Space Needle was short enough to justify checking it out.

I've been scared of heights my whole life, and I've worked on conquering this fear one observation deck and roller coaster at a time. It's a slow process.

The Seattle Space Needle was worth the trial in terror. It was absolutely stunning at the top. The night time view of Seattle and the surrounding area was beautiful:
The heights weren't really even that scary. I felt far more secure in the outdoor observation deck there than I did at the CN Tower in Toronto. Of course, I'm a lot older and less of a wuss. I didn't even mind the swaying (scroll down half-way or so). The T.M. didn't believe me that the thing swayed, but it definitely does, and maybe it seems unlikely that I could feel it, but I COULD, DAMNIT!

We even saw an old man at the top who was angrily cussing at no one in particular. Like.. violently, beligerently, body-jerkily cussing. We wondered for a while what prompted this anger, and how in the world they let him enter an elevator with sane people. I do not have a picture.

[EDIT: I was reminded by my buddy Dave (one of the travelers on the 2004 trip) that we also encountered an angry, cussing man the last time we were in Seattle. He was a small, Southeast Asian man on a bicycle, and he was standing in traffic cussing at cars as they went by. I can't put it any better than Dave did, so: "Seattle: a utopia where everyone fits in... and it really fucking irritates a couple people." ]

It was a truly wonderful day in a wonderful city, and we barely saw any of it still. It's on my list of places to visit again soon.

I can honestly say that while I've always found people cool. Cars cool. Movies cool. I've never before found a whole city cool. After spending the bulk of a day in Seattle, I can say definitively that Seattle is the Arthur Fonzarelli of cities. It's fucking cool to the core.
Coming Up: Day 2 (Seattle to Longview)

The Piano Trip: A Prologue

The Tofu Muchacha was born and raised in the Pacific Northwest. She grew up in Longview, Washington and went to college at Western Washington University in Bellingham. During her time in college she found herself at a garage sale and ended up purchasing an old, antique piano. She had it and played it for about two years, and then as she migrated elsewhere in her life, the piano stayed in Washington.

The piano stayed there for over a decade.

Until last Sunday, when The TM and I rented a large moving truck and had the beast loaded in. In Olympia, Washington.

That's was just the start of our adventure. Over the past week and a day, we drove the moving truck and piano from Seattle to Cincinnati. We saw America. We saw family. We ate some really fucking good food. We stayed in a variety of middle-to-low end hotels. We took an absolute shitload of pictures.

Over the upcoming days, I'll be writing about each day of the trip. Relating stories and telling tales of one of the best times I've ever had.