No Vaccination for Stupidity

Al Cohen

Al Cohen contracted Polio in 1939, at the age of 15. Only 1 out of 200 people who get the disease show severe symptoms, and Al was one. He spent time in the hospital, and in an iron lung. He lost muscle strength, and was unable to move.

Even after recovering, he never fully regained strength in his arms and shoulders. From 1939, until his death in 2006, he couldn’t raise his hands over his head. When World War II broke out, he was unable to enlist in the military, and was instead confined to a department store window, where he read the war news to passersby.

Jonas Salk developed the first truly viable vaccine for Polio in 1952.  Too late for Al to have lived a normal life.

It wasn’t all bad for Al. One could certainly make the argument that were it not for these events, he’d have never met Marilyn Melnikoff, and would have never become the man I knew as “Grandpa”.  He was a warm, funny guy. Brilliant, and ahead of his time, in many ways.  I loved him a great deal, and one of the most memorable things about him was that he never let his physical impairment define him, or really even limit him much of the time. He did what he wanted, and he did it on his terms. Except for having green towels. Marilyn wouldn’t allow that.

Still… I can’t help but wonder what his life would have been like had that vaccine been available to him. Maybe he doesn’t marry Marilyn. Maybe he joins the Army and dies in Northern Africa. Either scenario would have made it very difficult for you to read this blog right now, since I would never have been born, but even as much as I love my life, a part of me is sorry he never had those options.

Whenever I read about people opposing vaccines, I think about my grandfather, and what he’d say today if he heard someone willingly rejecting the very treatments that could have completely changed his life.

I have to believe he’d feel as I do… That the anti-vaccination movement is ridiculous and baffling and really damned scary.

Some claim that vaccines cause autism, and those people are wrong, but even assuming for a second it was true, the idea that tetanus (deadly), or polio (potentially crippling), or smallpox (deadly) are preferable to autism is patently absurd.  I know that Autism can be very challenging to manage in some cases. Some kids have a true difficulty communicating. Some have impairment when it comes to relating to the world. Autism is not something to be taken lightly, but even if it were caused by vaccinations, Autism isn’t deadly.  Is the completely mythological chance of your child maaaybe developing autism with potentially exposing them to measles or diphtheria or polio?

Some folks are philosophically against vaccines for a variety of reasons… because they don’t think it’s right that “big pharma” gets rich off of them, or because they don’t want the government or pesky doctors telling them what to do, or because they read somewhere that homeopathic remedies were better… You know what I say to that? Express your convenient, hipster libertarianism on your own time, and stop risking the lives of others. No matter what you can think of, someone is getting rich from it. Your toilet seat? Someone patented that design.  If you don’t like taking the advice of doctors on a public health matter, about what else is it okay to ignore them? If your kid had cancer, would you give them chemo? It’s real easy to roll the dice with the measles, because who fucking gets measles anymore, right? Well… as it turns out, more people all the time, because of dumbasses like you.
Read that link. Read those statistics. It’s NOT FUNNY, and yet we have websites like THIS pretending that it’s no big deal because hardly anybody dies from it. Seriously. That’s what it says. Only read it if you plan on getting furious. By the same logic, let’s just throw 3 million kids in a tank with sharks, because only 500 of them will die, so what’s the big fucking deal?

When I was a kid, I remember that we weren’t allowed to show up to school without proving that we were vaccinated. Nowadays, every state has their own list of exemptions, ranging from religious to philosophical, allowing parents to bring their unvaccinated children to school. My aunt posted a meme on Facebook that essentially said “If my kid can’t bring peanut butter to school because your kid is allergic, why can you bring your unvaccinated child to school?” It’s not often that I see a meme and think “Damned right!” but that’s what I thought. How in the world are schools allowing potentially infected kids to come to school. Freaking Disneyland was the epicenter of a fucking measles outbreak. DISNEYLAND.

“Well, it’s not even 100% effective in all people, so why risk the side effects?”

Good question… There’s something called “Herd Immunity” and it works for everyone, vaccination resistant or not, as long as a large enough portion of the population has been inoculated.

“Oh, well then… I’m good, right? Because even if I don’t get vaccines, enough other people have!”

Well, no. That’s not how society works. There are enough uneducated rubes like you running around to ruin it for everyone. All a virus needs is one hospitable host to keep perpetuating its life. When the community is 99% vaccinated, even with varying degrees of efficacy, the chances of that virus finding that 1% are very low. As it is now, we’re at 84%. That means that out of every 100 people a virus comes in contact with, it can infect 16. Now say those 16 people go to 16 other groups of 100… Now we’ve got an EXPONENTIAL exposure, and FUCK YOU.

“Well… my kid got some unexplained illness, and she was vaccinated shortly before she got sick, and even though doctors insist they’re unrelated, I know in my gut they are connected. They have to be, because there’s no other explanation.”

Let’s talk about coincidence for a minute… well, not really coincidence as much as the obsession with “Why”, and our inability as a society to accept that some things have no explanation. The inability to accept coincidence. This belief is not based on evidence, but rather the lack of evidence of anything else. That’s not the way science works. That’s the way religion works. Do not endanger everyone else, because you can’t accept that coincidences happen.

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The more I think about it all, and the people actively deciding to go without vaccinations for themselves or their children, the angrier I get. Well… Angry isn’t the right word. Embarrassed.

There’s that joke since 9/11 where whenever we Americans do something particularly decadent someone says “this is why the terrorists hate us”. Well… This actually IS why the terrorists hate us. Have you ever heard of a more American thing than actively rejecting preventative treatments that millions of people in the world, not only have no access to, but would do anything to get?

That is embarrassing. 

It makes me ashamed to live in a place so privileged that people would even think to reject all scientific advancement in exchange for a quick spin around WebMD message boards, and the arrogance to believe we’re somehow immune just by virtue of our wealth and national comfort. We’ve lived in a world free from these illnesses for so long that we’ve become complacent in our privilege, and if you’re not going to vaccinate your kids, you’re rolling the dice for all of us.  

One of my dearest friends, Melissa, send me this link. I encourage you to read it, but there’s one passage I want to share, because this (understandably terrified) father says it perfectly.

"You have stood on the shoulders of our collective protection for too long. From that high height, we have given you the privilege of our protection, for free."

The Grey Days of Penn State; The Death of Honor

If you asked me today to name the two men my grandfather revered more than any other, I may have been wrong, but I wouldn't have hesitated in answering. John Wooden and Joe Paterno.

I grew up rooting quietly for Penn State football as a sort of nod to the blood connection I have to central, small town Pennsylvania. My grandpa grew up in Wilkes Barre. My grandma in Mansfield. I remember so many Saturdays of my childhood sitting near my grandpa (Little Kings in hand), and hearing him talk in soft, awed tones about Joe Pa...

So it's in that context I've been following the horrible story at Penn State for the last few days with growing disgust and sadness.

There are certainly parts that are undeniable; beyond argument...

The abuse Jerry Sandusky subjected those boys to is terrible. It could be argued that it's the worst thing imaginable, and it is more than clear not enough was done to stop him from abusing others. Penn State Officials didn't do enough, and instead were worried about protecting the school's image.

Those three facts, to me, are black and white.
To me, though, maybe there's some grey as well.

Most people I've heard from would disagree. They'd say that the Mike McQueary should have physically stopped Sandusky mid-act when he witnessed it. They'd say that Joe Paterno, after being told of the incident by McQueary, didn't do enough by merely reporting the incident to Penn State officials, and should have followed up to make sure something was done.They'd say that Paterno failed as a human being and should never coach another game at Penn State. They'd say that he's forever tarnished his legacy.

I am not, in any way, saying that the way things were handled were even remotely adequate. With all the outrage, I'm sure that's a difficult thing to do, but I wonder what was going through McQueary's and Paterno's minds at the time.. I don't blame people for not trying to see their perspective. So many of the facts are irrefutably horrible, that it's easy to say "they are all I need to know".

I hope my readers will give me some leeway to try to play devil's advocate for a few. I have to believe that most people are fundamentally good. I refuse to give Sandusky that benefit of the doubt, but I'm going to look at McQueary and Paterno for a minute...

Mike McQueary is a guy who grew up in State College, PA. He knew Jerry Sandusky his whole life. He knew him as the father of his classmates, as a walking legend on the football team he dreamed of playing for, as a mentor while he finally played at that college, as the founder of a charity benefiting poor children.

Try to imagine knowing someone your whole life, and not just knowing them, but deifying them. This is, as Michael Weinreb so interestingly said, a man they worshipped in stand-up form. Is it at all plausible, even if not right or okay, that factoring all these things in, maybe it wasn't as easy to step in as we'd all hope it would be? That a person might freeze, even for a minute, when faced with seeing a thing they'd never expected to see.  I've heard dozens of people on the radio saying that they unequivocally would have stepped in right at that moment, and ushered the child to safety. That's great for them, and hopefully true, but I have a hard time listening to what other people would do in someone else's experience. I'm sure that, in hindsight, that McQueary wishes he'd done more, too. I just think it's too easy to say that McQueary should have had the presence of mind in that moment to set aside every bit of history and act as everybody else deems that he should have.

To be clear... I think he should have too, but I don't know that I make him a villain for hesitating. Or even retreating. He reported the incident, which I agree is the dirty bare minimum, but I do think it's better to do the right thing eventually as opposed to not at all.

I, personally, have seen kids getting spanked or slapped in grocery stores and parking lots, felt like it was excessive, and I've done nothing. I've been upset with myself afterward for doing nothing. I've regretted doing nothing. But I still did nothing.

I was talking to my buddy Alan this evening and his lovely girlfriend, Lesli, and she brought up this time when she saw her nephew walk into a fire and everyone froze for a minute. She said she even looked away, just as a gut reaction. She then used a phrase I've used before on this blog, and I think it really applies here.

'Cognitive Dissonance' is a discomfort felt when you hold two conflicting ideas simultaneously. The fight in your brain between what you expect to see, and what you really do see. Could McQueary's hesitation in that moment be attributed to cognitive dissonance? Could he have, in that moment, frozen while he simultaneously saw a devastatingly horrible act perpetrated by a man who he looked up to as a father figure and a legend?

Okay... That's enough about Mike McQueary. I've provided more of an argument on his behalf than he rightly deserves. In the end, the argument against him is too strong. A child can't defend themselves. McQueary was a big, healthy 28 year old man who could have stopped it. End of story.

Okay... deep breath.

I think the great Joe Paterno has some explaining to do.  Do I think he deserved to be fired? Probably, in that the public as a whole, at least outside of State College, would never have let it pass...

When I started this blog earlier today, 12 hours ago or so, I was going to try to ease off the throttle against Paterno. I was truly going to say that those who say Paterno failed as a human being and should never coach another game at Penn State, or that he's forever tarnished his legacy were not looking at the grey of the situation.

I was wrong. I was struggling with my own cognitive dissonance.

I have written 10 different excuses for Paterno tonight. I've deleted them all. I can't talk myself into any of them. There is no idolatry to fall back on. There is no reasonable excuse.  I want, so badly, to preserve the honor of this man I've respected for literally my whole life. This man my grandfathered spoke of in reverent tones. I simply can't do it.

Joe Paterno sat in his seat of ultimate power, and he did the bare minimum under the law. For the life of me, I don't know why. Maybe it's because Jerry Sandusky was his lifelong friend. Maybe it's because he didn't want to believe such horrible things about someone he knew for so long. Maybe he truly did feel embarrassed that he was "fooled".

Fuck that.

Joe Paterno was God. There are many people who would call him the most famous and respected man in Pennsylvania. The men he reported the crimes to were his superiors in name only, and everybody knows that. Joe Paterno's subsequent inaction after his token report is, in my mind the second greatest sin of the whole sordid affair. Maybe it's my strong desire to give Joe Paterno a small window of absolution, but t I keep trying to come up with a reason he wasn't responsible, but I've failed. Joe Paterno failed those children. Joe Paterno failed every person who looked at him as a moral compass.

I started today hearing how Joe Paterno's legacy was tarnished forever, and I didn't want to believe it, but it's true. JoePa may be the greatest coach in any sport, ever, but he'll never again be the paragon of blue collar honor and virtue we all believed him to be.

I'm sad for the boys who were abused, and that the firing or legacy of a football coach is overshadowing their experience.

The death of the honor of Joe Paterno isn't the greatest tragedy of the Penn State story, but it is a tragedy.

A Triumphant Return!

The Tofu Muchacha and I have made our Disney World reservations for our next visit. It's still a long way away.... 4 more months. So long that I'm almost embarrased to be as excited for it as I am. It would be like an 8 year old being excited for their wedding.

I've promised myself to be a little staid in regards to my Disney Trip blogs until the trip gets closer, but in honor of our wonderful, upcoming travels to The Happiest Place on Earth, I've decided to a list of my top 5 favorite restaurants at Disney World (a topic requested by The Tofu Muchacha, who is WAY more excited about the trip than she is letting on.)

So, here we go... Instead of ranking them, I'm going to give you my winner in each of five categories.

The Beefy Muchacho's Five Favorite Disney World Restaurants:

Favorite Resort Restaurant:

Boma at The Animal Kingdom Lodge. I first tried this place kind of on a whim when I was in Orlando for work, and I turned my 1 day work thing into a 4 day trip to Disney. I was by myself, and didn't have a time-table, so I drove my rental car over to the newly opened Animal Kingdom Lodge. After wandering around for a while, I made my way down the stairs where the two restaurants, Jiko and Boma are located. I looked at the prices at Jiko, and headed right in to Boma. Boma is an African-cuisine inspired buffet, and it is really freakin' incredible. The food quality is comparable to a high-end buffet you'd find at The Bellagio or The Wynn in Vegas, and the food itself is really unique and really delicious. In fact, I've requested 3 recipes at Disney World ever, and 2 of them came from Boma. This delicious soup called Mulligatawny (which isn't just a joke on The Soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld), and this peanut butter rice dish. Crazy good. It's good enough that I plan on enticing The TM to get over her anti-Buffet sentiments (if only for a night) and try it out. I haven't been there in a couple of visits.

Favorite Restaurant Theming (non-chain)

Sci-Fi Dine-in at Disney's Hollywood Studios. Let be honest... the food at the Sci-Fi Dine-in is mediocre. The burgers are good, but not great. The fries are good, but not great. The seating is odd, and the wait-times are legendarily bad. BUT... that doesn't take away from one of the coolest restaurant themes anywhere. You walk through the doors, and you're transported back into the 1950s Drive-in Culture. Your dinner tables are all situated inside of 1950s era cars. All of the seats face the movie screen, and the screen shows a long and amusing loop of the old, terrible sci-fi movie trailers of the time. The seats aren't particularly comfortable, but man, is that place fun to sit in for an hour, of the hot air, and sipping on truly average milkshake. I can tell you that I've visited it several times over my visits and not once has it been for the food. But it IS worth a visit. By the way, I had to make this a "non-chain" category, because The Rainforest Cafe wins every day.

Favorite Restaurant View

The Coral Reef at Epcot. While not exactly a traditional view, the scenery here is so spectacular that I had to count this as the best restaurant view in all of Walt Disney World. It's fairly unexpected when you walk in, as it just seems like you're going into this luminescent cavern. Cool sounding enough, I know... but it doesn't prepare you for the actual vista Disney lays out before you... A giant wall of glass, and beyond it an amazing, enormous aquarium of fish and coral and turtles and all kinds of amazing sea creatures. The dining room is laid out like one of those old school cabana clubs, with the tables lined up in semi circles around a proscenium stage, only instead of a stage there's this amazing fish tank. Maybe I was spoiled since my first visit ever to the Coral Reef featured this awesome view:

Favorite Place to Crash Without Reservations**

The Rainforest Cafe in Downtown Disney. Look... I've never made a secret about loving my Rainforest Cafe. It's a guilty pleasure, I know. But then, I think one of the things that has always made me go back is that while it's usually a total, freaky madhouse with hundreds of families all gorging themselves and lining up around the block to get a table, the Rainforest Cafe has this awesome bar under a giant mushroom (don't judge), and there are almost always seats to be had with no wait whatsoever. To give you an idea of how awesome that is... Disney lets you make dinner reservations 180 days in advance of your trip. I, being the totally insane lunatic I am, called on that exact date to make our reservations. This of course requires me to know exactly where we're going each day of the trip six months ahead of time, but there it is. So anyway, as I went through and made each of our reservations, I was able to get just about all of the ones I wanted, at the times I wanted. It was awesome. The ONLY restaurant that was fully booked up was the Rainforest Cafe at Downtown Disney. And yet, I did not fret. I knew I would be able to eat at my favorite chain restaurant of all time, thanks to that good old bar under that big-ass mushroom.


** The only caveat is that you really can't rely on this for more than 2 people, unless you're willing to sit apart.

Favorite Restaurant, Overall

This is a tough one. I have been so many times, and tried so many places. It's difficult to choose a single place that best sums up all of the things I look for in a Disney Restaurant. The food has to be good. The setting has to be unique. It has to evoke a memory or three that probably blurs my judgement a little.

All of the restaurants listed above could be contenders. Boma is an incredible place with incredible food, and I even have some great memories there. I've even requested recipies from there (and tried one, though it was difficult to follow). Sci-Fi is probably the most fun in terms of setting, but as I mentioned above, the food is just okay. Rainforest's food and theme are great, but I don't think I could really give the title to a chain, no matter how much I love it. The Coral Reef... probably has the best shot at the title... The food is great, the setting is beautiful, and maybe best of all, I spent my one and only visit there with my love, the amazing Tofu Muchacha. I can't deny that I'm tempted to call it the winner...

And maybe it's just that my all time favorite restaurant at Disney is the only one I can ever remember closing, but I may never have another Alfredo's. The now gone Italian place in Epcot that I spent some awesome times with Tofu Madrastra (Step mom), who may love Disney almost as much as me. It's a tough place to replace, and I don't know that a clear answer has shown itself yet.

So... I'm going to say that for now, my favorite is The San Angel Inn, located in the Mexico Pavilion at Epcot.

Kind of out of left field, right? Well...

Food: Outstanding. More authentic than almost any Mexican food that you'll find anywhere in America outside of the far South West, but not so authentic that you worry you're possibly eating roasted ant eggs or goat (though, goat is, admittedly, delicioso!).

Setting: Pretty much the most visually stunning of all the Epcot country pavilions, and the restaurant has the best seats for the view.

Memories: Well... It doesn't necessarily stand out more than The Coral Reef, but I gave it the victory in this category, because the TM and I love us some Mexican food. I have been thinking about writing reviews of local Mexican restaurants because we try so many.


Maybe my reasons are lame for this last one... I wonder if it's because in the end, I really am always holding out hope that the next visit to Disney will help me discover my new favorite place to replace good old Alfredo's.

Later this week (hopefully): The Best Unintentionally Scary Places at Disney World.

Day 8 Denver to Manhattan: Not as Boring as Advertised.

Sorry for the brief hiatus. I've found that blogging about the trip, much like the trip itself, after Denver a little fatigue set in.

The drive on Day 8 started late, but for a very good reason. The T.M's family resides in Denver, and we couldn't pass through without at least saying hello. We did more than that, and had breakfast with a whole mess of them at a place called Benedicts. The trip coincided perfectly with the birthday of one of the T.M.'s sisters, so it was a doubly pleasant occasion. It's always very interesting to see the T.M. with her fam. I like meeting people who knew her before she was her. When she was, you know... turning into her.

The birthday girl, Carissa is in white. The other sisters are Cynda (the dark hair and black shirt) and Ping (The red hair and glasses). The TM's mom is on the far right, and Carissa's boyfriend Nate is on the end. As always, I am behind the camera. (you can tell, because people who gaze upon me always smile like that.)

And then we drove. And drove. And drove. A long fucking way. We had almost 500 miles to drive that day, and we got on the road around 10:30 am.

Oh... and as you can see by the sign above... most of it was through Kansas. The dreaded Kansas. My mother told me that Kansas was the greatest test of a relationship. When I posted on my Facebook wall a request for suggestions for things to do, I received things like: "Nothing". "Get through it as fast as possible." "Count the trees." Not exactly a glowing endorsement.

I even went on Kansas' tourism website to get suggestions for things to see along I-70. I gathered several ideas and off we went.

First thing I'll say about Kansas is that the welcome center was freaking sweet. It was huge, and full of brochures, and had fancy cement patterns outside the building.

In fact... you know what? I should have taken the Welcome Center as a sign that Kansas is a little self-conscious of their reputation. I mean... those fuckers are trying HARD to convince people that their state is awesome. I decided to reserve judgment until I'd spent more than 10 minutes there.

One of the goals for our time in Kansas was to find some cool antiques to fill the back of the giant truck we were driving. We kinda felt silly driving around in an empty truck, and according to the Kansas Tourism website, and our pre-conceived notions of what people in Kansas do... we thought there'd be a lot of antiques. The first place that was recommended on the website was in a town called Goodland, and it was closed. Not just closed like... for the day, but closed as in "boarded up".

Not a great start for the state of Kansas.

On the other hand, we did happen across another oddity... One of 3 current (of 7 planned) giant Van Gogh paintings in the world. Read about it here.

I mean... yeah. It was huge, and in the middle of Goodland, Kansas. Who'da thought?

We kept driving after taking pictures of the giant picture. We kept going and going, and eventually we DID find an antique "mall". I don't really remember where it was, exactly, but that's for the best, as it was mostly just creepy as hell...

It DID have a giant selection of racist collectibles. Lovely, isn't it? I mean... I don't believe that any particular item holds some sort of evil power, but man... a whole wall of whimsically racist salt shakers and piggy banks. It gives one pause. If anything, the casual way it was presented was troubling.

Kansas actually wasn't all that bad. It was a long, flat drive. Full of wind and grass and a bunch of cows (but not as many as you'd assume, you judgmental bastards...sheesh). But there was plenty of stuff to see and talk about. The thing I most looked forward to seeing was outside the town of Oakley, named after Annie Oakley herself.

It was a giant statue of Buffalo Bill Cody. I've been interested in Wild-West culture for a long time, and Buffalo Bill was a huge part of the glamourization of the Wild West. The town of Oakley is home to this amazing statue:

I've included this photo that featured the TM to show the scale of the thing. It was really, really cool. I'd probably rank this statue among the five coolest things we saw on the trip.

It also marked the start of a trend of us sticking our fingers in things and taking pictures. You'll see it continued on Day 9.


After the Buffalo Bill statue, we really didn't stop again. Even for gas. We drove into the night and ended up in Manhattan, Kansas. Home of Kansas State University. It was a pretty cool little town from what small part of it I saw, but I will say this...

It took me a single visit of about 12 hours to determine that something was definitely going on when Bob Huggins managed to convince 3 of the biggest college basketball recruits in the country to play in that place. Not exactly South Beach.

We're heading into the home stretch. Only 2 more days and 2 more blogs.

Day 7: Not a Road Trip Without Snow

After the abject terror of the drive down Highway 6 in the pouring rain the day before, Day 7 of the trip greeted us in Green River with beautiful, clear skies. We set out bright and early and started the long journey East on the legendary Interstate 70. According to Wikipedia, I-70 was the first interstate highway project, and is considered an engineering marvel based on the mountain passes and tunnels in Colorado. I can honestly say that while there were some pretty scary, stressful portions (more on that later), if I had to point to the 5 most stunning views of our trip, at least 3 were laid out before us on Day 7 in Utah and Colorado.

We'd barely gone 50 miles when nature called, and we made our way to a rest area. On a completely separate note, I wish I had tracked exactly how often we stopped due to "nature". I'll just say that the TM drinks a TON of water.

Anyway, I digress...

This rest area was easily the coolest one of our trip. The one near Mt. Shasta was pretty sweet because the river was right there (and the skunk), but for sheer impressiveness there's not even a close second to this rest area in Utah.

Facing North:


Facing North again:

Facing South:

Facing South again:

I mean... I don't want to go all hyperbolic about things, but I could seriously just set up a tent and live at this place. I loved it. I could have spent all day there.

I used to think about the kinds of places I'd love to go if I didn't have to worry about money and could just live somewhere and write and think and do art and whatnot, and I always imagined my back yard as looking a lot like this place. Not just the rest area, but this particular brand of Rocky Mountains. I absolutely love it.

After we left the rest area, we made our way into Colorado, and decided to stop in Grand Junction for gas and Starbucks. Grand Junction is just about the last flat(ish) area on I-70 before entering into the intense moutainy area, and we felt like having a full tank of gas might be a good decision.

It was in Grand Junction that we had the only real Piano-Related scare of the drive. I'd gone into the gas station to buy a shot glass, and the TM was going to drive over to Starbucks to meet me. As she circled past some parked cars, and waved at me, we heard a big bang. Keep in mind... I am not in the truck, but rather 25 feet away. She hits the brakes, and the dude whose truck she passed nearly had a heart attack checking the condition of his ride. All was fine, we found a good out-of-the-way spot to park, and opened the back of the truck. Terrified. Turns out it was just the board that goes between your knees and the strings that fell off... So we strapped that down and continued on our way.

It doesn't sound scary, but it was pretty effing traumatic at the time.

Our next stop was in Rifle (another "Nature" stop) and it wasn't particularly eventful, but we did see some really, really dirty hitchers get picked up. These people were true hippy hitchhikers. Down to their lack of shoes and their surplus of hair.


We continued on, through Western Colorado, enjoying the scenery. It was really beautiful. I mean, I know this isn't the most interesting post when all I talk about is how pretty it all was, but there it is.


We eventually stopped again, but this time for lunch. I'd really been interested to see Eagle, Colorado, because it plays such a big part in my job on a day to day basis, so we stopped there. Eagle was nice enough, but I don't really get the fuss. I guess it's because Eagle is close to Vail, and that's where all the good skiing is, but still...Eagle just seemed kind of blah to me. Except for the downtown area, which I loved. It was full of personality. We had lunch at a place called The Red Canyon Cafe, and then we stopped into this antique store, where the TM picked up some owl book-ends.


You'll note that starting this day, I'll talk about us stopping at antique stores a lot. We decided that it would be a waste of this giant-ass truck we were driving around mostly empty if we didn't at least LOOK at the antique stores for things that we normally wouldn't be able to get on a vacation.

After lunch, we made the final push toward Denver for the day. We were only about 100 miles away, but we had the scariest portion of the mountains left to drive. I was pretty stunned at the majesty of the mountains we drove toward. It sounds so cheesy, but it's true.


As we drove toward the fabled Eisenhower Tunnel (the highest point in the Interstate Highway system at over 11,000 feet), the mountains grew taller and more snow-topped.

We made another stop at the rest area at Vail Pass. Partly to answer "Nature's Call" but also to enjoy the amazing scenery. The weather wasn't really cooperating with us. When we left the hotel that morning it was 70 degrees. When we ate lunch in Eagle, it was 70 degrees. I'd be amazed if it was higher than 40 degrees at Vail Pass. Oh... and below is a picture of Vail Pass when we got there:


And here is a picture from the exact same spot 5 minutes later. This has not been doctored in any way. Obviously, this didn't fill my soul with quiet since we were driving straight that direction.
I don't have any more photos of the drive into Denver. The reason? Because right after we left Vail Pass we were plunged into a winter storm. That's right.. It was October 8th and we found ourselves in a driving rain/sleet/hail/snow storm as we climbed to the very top of the mountain. Needless to say I was fucking petrified again, and needless to say I was too busy gripping anything I could to take a lot of pictures. It wouldn't have done any good anyway. Here's a re-enactment photo:
Yeah... The TM even had be bust out the video camera again. Clearly I'm like a penguin with a flashlight. I just get distracted enough to ignore my pending doom. In the end, we did survive, and the snow stopped and dried as we descended into the Denver area.

Oh... I should also mention that I am now 2 for 2 in experiencing driving snow on a non-winter cross country road trip. Seems crazy. The last time was May in Wyoming.

We'd planned to meet up with my Aunt Barb, Uncle Lane, and my cousin (and reader) Abbey for dinner the night we arrived into Denver, and because there was no Triple D Restaurant in Denver, we left the location up to Abbey.

She recommended a crazy burger restaurant called the Cherry Cricket which, as it turns out, was featured on 2 other TV shows. Aaron Sanchez recommended it on "Best Thing I Ever Ate" and they also had it on "Man vs. Food", so the place does have some TV credits. Let me tell you... While the Squeeze Inn had all the build-up and anticipation, the Cherry Cricket served the best burger I've ever eaten. It was delicious. The gimmick is that you get a burger, and then choose the toppings a la carte. I had herbed cream cheese, bacon, and green chiles on my burger, and it was fucking delicious.

The TM had some super good, super spicy green chili. Both of our meals are pictures below, along with an order of "Frings" (Fries and Rings):

The bowl of chili really was that size. The TM ended up saving it in a quart container, and finishing it at home a few days later. I can tell you that this was a completely un-anticipated meal, because we didn't even know where we were going until that day, but it was awesome. I'd go there again in a heart beat.

In the end, Day 7 was a pretty great day. We had took a spectacular drive through some of the most beautiful land in America. We saw the best rest area, drove the highest point, and ate the tastiest burger. We saw family, we revisited Denver (one of my 2 favorite cities), and started the longest stretch our our journey along America's first interstate.

It was, indeed, a pretty great day.

Day 3 Longview to Medford: Aunt Buddy and A Solution to Unemployment

Day 3 was largely the last day of the trip where we had a really leisurely drive ahead of us, which was by design, since one of the best perks of the trip was the chance for the TM to visit with her sister (We'll call her The Tofu Amiga) and her family.

We'd arrived fairly late the night before, and were content to chill at the house (the same house in which the TM grew up) and catch up with some light chit-chat, and watching the Tofu Amiga's kids run around adorably. On the morning of Day 3, we had the opportunity to hang out a little more, and even had the chance to go to the very pretty Lake Sacajawea to a new "All Abilities" playground. The TM was even able to do a little swinging with her niece. It was a really nice time.

I did have to buy new shoes, though.

When I put on shorts that morning, I looked through all of my bags and couldn't find my sneakers. All I had was a pair of shoes that really only works with long pants. I mean hey... I may wear hats a majority of my free time, but I have SOME standards for the love of god. I figured I'd left them at the hotel in Seattle, and I even called to see if they had them. No luck. So we stopped off at Payless and I scoped out a pretty sweet pair of tan colored Airwalks. I'd always wanted Airwalks when I was a teen, and never had any. I was finally cool enough to do some skateboarding.

Of course, when we arrived home, the first thing the TM points out are the sneakers set out by the front door. I'd clearly forgotten to pack them at all. Obviously.

Aaaaanyway, I really enjoyed meeting the Tofu Amiga, the Beefy Amigo, and their children, and I know that the TM had a great time catching up. One of my favorite things about their relationship is the familiar way in which they greet each other. They call each other "Buddy". In fact, the Tofu Amiga has got her kids calling the TM "Aunt Buddy". It's freaking hilarious.

The best is when the TM's niece saw her green tights (pictured above) and said "Aunt Buddy has green legs!!!". The girl was AMAZED by tights. It was hysterical.

We headed out in the late morning, after a great time at the park, and started our journey South to Portland.

We had planned our first Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives meal at Pok Pok, a mainly Thai inspired cooking

We wound our way around the East side of Portland, and parked in a cool-seeming neighborhood and walked to the restaurant.
One of our favorite restaurants at home is a place called Thai Nam Tip, and it really is one of the best Thai restaurants in town. That and The Lemon Grass (regularly named the best Thai restaurant in Cincy) are my two primary frames of reference for good Thai food. The TM has actually been to Thailand. We were both super excited to check out this place.

I went with the Phat Si Ew Muu, which is a broad noodle pork dish. It was really excellent. I especially liked the garlic in the black soy sauce.

The TM had the Khanom Jiin Kaeng Kiaw Waan. It's as complicated as it sounds. There are noodles, fish balls, boiled eggs, and pan fried anchovies in coconut milk. It's like... insane, and very spicy too. Please note the tiny little fried fishies.

We split the Green Papaya salad, which was also crazy spicy and pretty delicious, although I had a really sour first bite of lime.Nice food photos, huh? We're awesome like that.

I decided to rate on a scale of 1 to 10 each of the restaurants we visited along our route. I gave the place an 8.0. The food was excellent. I only marked off points because I am pretty sure I was just sour over my bite of lime (Buh dum bum!) I liked the setting a lot too. The TM gave the place an 8.5. She says it would have been higher, but felt the meal was a little pricey for lunch at what is supposedly a "dive" restaurant.

After being fully satiated, we continued down the I-5 toward Medford, Oregon. The rest of the drive wasn't particularly eventful that day, except for 3 things.

1) We both started getting wicked colds. Actually... The TM was about a full day ahead of me, so hers was in close-to-full swing at this point. Starting in Olympia, we went through almost 2 full boxes of Puffs tissue by the end of the trip. Aunt Buddy had a red nose.

2) After we went grocery shopping in Medford (we planned to eat "picnic" style a lot of the time when we weren't at the Triple D places), we got carry-out Chinese food. I guess we hadn't completely relieved our Asian food cravings, but we also believed that some good spicy soup would make our throats feel better. It turns out that in the same day I went from having one of the best Asian meals I'd ever had to easily one of the top five worst. I can't get into it without making myself gag, but my impression primarily is of a spicy snot-like substance. This didn't stop the TM from saving 2 large cups of this crap for multiple days in our cooler, supposedly planning to re-heat it. My guess is that she'd simply lost her mind.

3) I learned that the state of Oregon may have secretly discovered the way to solve the nations employment issues.

They don't let you pump your own gas! They have old-timey pump attendants at every gas station in the state. It's totally amazing! Our very first fill-up in the truck was completed at a Pilot station by a complete stranger, while I wandered around the store with nothing to do. This was an usual situation for me since I'm normally busy at the gas station... you know... pumping gas. Don't believe me? Here's proof:The identity of the Pilot employee has been conveniently protected by the squeegee. Also, note the aforementioned Puffs.

I'm dead serious about this whole "Oregon solves Unemployment" thing. I know it's not high-brow or whatever, but pumping gas is a profession that was once wide-spread. As self-serve stations arose, thousands of jobs were eliminated. The Great State of Oregon has completely ignored this fad and preserved jobs for people in every town in the state. And I say, good for Oregon.

FACT: I have no evidence that the unemployment rate in Oregon is different than in any other state.

Day 2 Seattle to Longview: Creating a New Rhetorical Question

Day 2 was really the true kick-off of the Great Piano Adventure. It was the day we picked up the rental truck, the day we picked up the piano itself, and the day we started our long and perilous drive.

We had a ton of time to kill on Day 2.

Oh wait... I can't believe I haven't mentioned this already...

I planned the route to do accomplish a couple of things. First, I wanted to see as many places that I'd never been as possible. Second, I chose our particularly out-of-the-way route in order to see the California Redwoods (more on that on Day 4). Third, I'd heard of people going on road trips and going to restaurants featured on the TV show Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives and that sounded like a ton of fun, so after the route was planned, I looked for places we could stop.

Okay... back to Day 2.

So, we had all this time to kill, and we were looking for a place close to the hotel to eat breakfast, so we found our way to The Mecca Cafe. The Mecca Cafe hasn't been featured on any television shows, and I'd never heard of it before we walked in, but let me tell you.. One of the best breakfasts I've ever had. The food wasn't overly fancy. Even the TM's Salmon Eggs Benedict wasn't too frilly. I mean... it was served with about a zillion pounds of hash browns... not exactly snooty, but it was fucking delicious. I had some pancakes (well... I ordered some pancakes, and I hate only 1. It was HUGE!) and some thick cut bacon. Let me just say... yum.




We both feel like The Mecca Cafe deserves to be submitted to Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives. The place is absolutely tiny, and I know that it's often easy to assign the lable "charming" or "full of character" to these tiny little restaurants with quirky wait-staffs and whatnot, but in this case, it's totally try. I wouldn't call it without its grit, either, and that grit lends an authenticity that some of the other "Dives" we'd try seem to try to cultivate instead of just cultivating it over time. It's one of those places I would go back to in a heartbeat. It was awesome.

After eating and checking out of the hotel, we got a cab to the truck rental, and we finally laid eyes on our truck. Or you know.. so we thought. The guy was all "Here's the truck" and we're all "Where's the ramp? What about those wheel-wells? Will a piano fit?" and he's all "No Ramp, no fucking way will a piano fit..." (imagine this in a South African accent).

This was troubling since getting the piano into the truck was the whole point of the trip. The dude must have sensed our distress, because he gave us the ol' comp upgrade. To a larger truck. With a ramp. Let me just say that the first truck was daunting enough, and was barely larger than a pick-up. The new truck was almost a joke, it was so big. He had to remind us that the cab was 11 feet high. There are no pictures of the truck currently available, but here's a link.

After some errands we headed into Olympia, the capital of Washington, and spent a couple of hours walking around the state capitol, which was really incredible. I've seen some state capitols over the years, and this one is by far the most ornate and grand. It was really pretty. Even in the rain.




Okay... that's out of the way. Now it's time to talk about the most amazing person. Ever.

When we were waiting to meet the piano movers, they called us. I answered and talked to a gentleman who sounded old and a little confused. After I hung up the phone, I commented to the TM that I hoped the old man I spoke with was sending someone who wasn't liable to crumble into a pile of dust any moment.

And yet, who showed up? Just two men whose combined age had to be close to 125 years old. The old man and his one, middle-aged assitant/son or something. I was busy readying the truck and just glimpsed the old man as he slowly passed the truck, with the assistant guiding him and I had to stop and let that register. The old man was being guided physically. That didn't seem like a good sign.

I jumped down off the truck, and went to meet the movers. It was at this point that we realized there was another something a little off about the old man. He shook our hands, but didn't look at us. Then he started sort of feeling around with his hands and feet.

What's when we figured it out.

The dude was 100% blind. I'm not talking "has blurred vision." I'm not talking "Needs big, thick glasses and forgot them." I'm talking CAN NOT SEE A THING totally fucking blind.

And then he starts wandering around, feeling the piano. Feeling the truck. Feeling the ramp with his feet. His assistant would only occasionally call out "a little to the left, John" and things like that. The old guy was zipping around, feeling for everything, chatting it up, making jokes (I don't pay for anything I can't see!") .

After a few minutes of feeling things out, these 2 men simply tipped the 900 pound piano (literally) onto a dolly. It was at this point where the TM nearly passed out. She was absolutely terrified this ancient blind man would be crushed under the weight of this giant piano. She was right to be nervous. The guy was half the size and twice the age of his assistant, but seemed to be shouldering a lot of the physical burden.

If you're wondering if I video-taped this. I did. When I have the chance to sort and edit, I'll post the clip.

Watching the old blind man pushing a huge piano up a truck ramp, being verbally guided by his assistant was one of the most amazing things I've ever witnessed. This man should have a television special. This man should have a statue. This man is so awesome he's inspired me to created a new rhetorical question...

When someone asks you a question for which the answer is "YES", instead of wheeling out the old "Does a whore sweat in church?" you should totally go for "Can an old blind man move a piano?".

The rest of the day was a bit of a blur. We met the TM's old friend from her college days at a Starbucks inside an Albertsons grocery store for a quick latte, and then made the 70 mile drive South to the TM's home town of Longview, Washington. It was there that we started a lovely visit with the TM's sister "Buddy" and her husband and kids. They are really excellent people. I'd never met them before, and they were incredibly welcoming and friendly.

I'll talk more about them in the Day 3 blog, since we spent more time hanging out then, but I can definitely say it was cool to see the TM in her natural habitat. It was a lot of fun watching her hang out with her sister.

Still... more than anything, I'll remember this day as the day I witnessed a creaky old blind man muscle a piano into the back of a moving truck like it was just a leisurely walk along the lake.

Was I amazed?

Can an old blind man move a piano?

Me at Burgerville, preparing for the picnic the TM and I had at the elementary school she attended. That was fun times.