Slot Machines and Hookers: The New Au Pairs

Your friendly, Vegas-Approved Childcare Providers

As some of you know, I returned recently from a long trip to Las Vegas.

Much fun was had, and little money was lost, which are the two absolute best things that can happen to a person in Las Vegas. They'll tell you other good things can happen there, but that's not true. Trust me. Fun and NOT getting wiped out are the best you can hope for.

I've spent a good amount of time on this blog talking about the things I love about Vegas. The shows, the food, the people watching... and this trip was full of all of those things.

I saw "Ka". The Cirque du Soleil show at the MGM Grand Hotel, and let me tell you... that shit will blow your fucking mind. Now... I have a fairly broad sense of theater and showmanship and production...or so I thought, but here comes this show with it's 100 flawless performances of extremely demanding physicality, and it's 100,000 pound stage that moves on an arm as though it weighed about 40 pounds and then rotates and then changes axis altogether to literally make you gasp in your chair (if you can even sit at all with the sheer magnitude of what you're seeing), and then they take it all down to a tiny, simplistic spot light and shadow puppets and you're suddenly a 4 year old child, completely amazed at the beauty of it all.

Seriously. Go see "Ka" and tell me it's not the most incredible thing you've ever seen.

The food? Well... the food is difficult for me, generally, but I still managed to eat pretty well. The highlight would be The Mesa Grill (Bobby Flay's restaurant.) I had the Blue Corn Pancake with Barbeque Duck, and the Spicy Chicken and Sweet Potato Hash (with poached egg). Pretty amazing stuff. I see why the guy is where he is. We also went to The Bellagio buffet, which is great, but totally wasted on me, and The Carnegie Deli, which is something to behold. (Incidentally, while there, I saw 2 girls with the collectively most inappropriate outfits of the entire trip, which says something. Also, there's absolutely no way they'd touch any single thing on that menu, so I don't know what they were playing at. I'm almost certain this was a mail order bride situation.)

And Ooohhhh the people watching... It was glorious. As always, people watching is not meant to be discussed later, because one can never do it justice, truly, but I will say that the amount of ludicrously short skirts was at an all time high on this trip. The amount of class at an all time low.
Some highlights include:

- The completely drunken guy with nothing but a backpack and a literal fist of cash searching for the bus stop. He passed us again 5 minutes later. This time with no cash.

-The Jamaican guy who sat down next to me at the Pai Gow table, smoked an entire cigarette in 3 drags, lost 75 dollars in one hand, and got up and left. I don't remember how I know he was Jamaican, but he was. He ended up coming back about an hour later, losing another large chunk of cash, and leaving again.

- The strange conflence of old douchebags and young who met up in the sort of courtyard area in front of Ceasars. It was odd, because they all sort of matched up, and they all had slutty women with them of appropriate age. It was like some sort of time warp where they were running into themselves as the time-space continuum overlapped.

- The completely friendly and insanely unsettling people at Mermaids Casino. They were nice. They were also likely high on LSD.

But anyway... That's not why I'm blogging about Vegas. Really, it's all about a single question that I have:

Why, for the love of all that is holy, would you bring a child to Las Vegas?

I honestly don't understand it.

Is it the wholesome surroundings like GAMBLING? and PROSTITUTION? and FREE ALCOHOL EVERYWHERE?

Is it all of the wallet friendly food options? I believe that the cheapest meal I had (and trust me, since I can barely eat anything, I can generally eat pretty cheap) was the bowl of soup and coke I had at the Ceasars Palace Food Court that came in at around 12.00.

Let me get this straight... You bring your whole effing family to a place where minors are not even allowed to ENTER most areas of almost every place you can go. The kid-related things are so awful and overpriced, (because I guess they're prisoners already, may as well squeeze every sucker cent out of them), that the most interesting kid-friendly attraction I saw was a roller coaster at the Sahara that was ten dollars PER RIDE . There's actual pornography being passed out on the sidewalk of every street where you're not likely to get mugged. At least half of the shows have nudity. The other half are at least 100 dollars a ticket, if you even planned far enough in advance to get 4 seats together. There are literal prositutes hanging around common areas, which are some of the only areas kids are allowed. You're basically encouraged to start getting drunk by ten in the morning. Smoking is also not only allowed, but promoted by the oh-so-classily dressed strolling vendors in every Casino (if the little tykes happen through from the elevator to the pool. )

As far as I can see, the only thing a kid can do in Las Vegas inexpensively is roast like a fucking tomato drenched in olive oil at the giant, over-crowded casino pools. A priviledge that probably costs the same for your 4 day trip as a lifetime pass to the neighborhood pool. Oh... and the odds of swimsuit tops coming off at some point in the constant drunken debauchery surrounding them are so high that the wager has been taken off the board.

So you get what I'm saying right? If you have the means to pay for these boat anchors to wander around with you during your trip to Vegas, you certainly have the means to send the poor kids to fucking camp where they can learn useful skills such as macrame and having dirty dreams about the girls from the camp across the lake. You know... as opposed to happening across that same scenario re-enacted at 1 AM on Cinemax on your complimentary premium hotel cable, though not with quite the same childlike innocence, if you know what I mean.

Does that stop the hoards and hoards of people from bringing every one of their offspring to middle of the god forsaken desert to torment every adult who wants to have a fun, child-free time? No. In fact, I'm almost entirely certain that The Excalibur Hotel AND CASINO is likely the real mouth of hell. There were points when I saw toddlers walking, unsupervised, across a casino floor at one in the morning. I'm sure there was some guardian or parental figure nearby... or am I?

It all comes down to this my friends:

If you want to have a fun, adult oriented vacation where you may drink a little. You may gamble a little. You may take in a gawdy show with boobies... Go to Vegas.

BUT, if you have kids, and you have this strong need to take your kids with you on your vaction, perhaps take a gander at my blog. There's this other place that I mention occasionally where you're certain to spend a lot of money (just like Vegas) only your kid may have an actual good time... it's called Walt Disney World. (I've provided a link.)

Good day.

Additional Adornments

Hey Folks!

Remember me? Well... I'm sorry to have been so quiet all these many weeks (I know how hard it must have been for everyone.)

Here are some of the things I did, some of which have inspired me to think about blogging.

-- I opened and closed another show. This one went really, really well. The audiences seemed to really love it. The cast was fantastic to work with. My dad directed the show, which is a rare treat for me. The Tofu Muchacha ushered many a night. It was an excellent time.

-- My sister's 21st birthday present from my parents was a trip to Las Vegas. I tagged along. For a week. Maybe a week is too long. I'll be discussing this and other Vegas topics in a Vegas blog coming soon. Maybe even tomorrow. We'll see.

-- I started another show. This one is a classic... Romeo and Juliet. I'm playing Lord Capulet... Yes, I'm a little young, I suppose, but since it's a love story about 13 year olds getting married, I'm pretty sure my ripe-old-age of 29 isn't really that insane. What is insane is my complete and utter disregard for the fact that I really need to learn my effing lines. Like... whoa.

-- Oh... and I got a new tattoo... Well... not NEW exactly. I had an Icon Mickey tattoo on my leg. Sort of looked like this:

So you at least get the idea. It was basically just Mickey...floating there. I ripped this picture from a picture you'll see later, so it's not taken straight on, so don't worry; the Mickey is symmetrical.

I just felt like it was too lonely..too floating in the middle of nowhere. I wanted to give it context. So I started thinking about how I'd fix it up. You know...fancy it up a bit. Give it some class.

I got the initial tattoo in May of 2006 and in the span of this last 3 years I've grown to truly admire Walt Disney, so I knew I wanted to honor him in some way in the update. I thought about his birthday, but that's dumb. I thought about going crazy fancy with like a silhouette of Walt himself all looming over the mouse, but that would be expensive and sounds better in my head than it could ever be in real life. I settled, after a while on his initials in that classic Disney script. It took me a while to find the font, but here it is:I also wanted to sort of frame it up and give it some texture. I had it in my head that I just wanted sort of a simple antiqued metal look. Like wrought iron. Kinda like this:


Not the big flower, but that leaf really appeals to me. I love the texture and coloration of it, and I felt it would nicely incorporate into the green and black too.

So I came up with a general design that I gave to the artist so that he knew kinda the shape and general idea of what I was looking for:


I didn't really like the leaves in this one, or how it connected at the top, but it got the idea of it across pretty well...

After talking it over with him, and looking at pictures, and after an hour of work on my leg, we came to this: Pretty fantastic, no? I'm super pleased with how it came out. The guy that did it, Jake Lewis (of Queen City Tattoos in Milford, OH) is an exceptionally talented guy. He did my fish tattoo last year too. I highly recommend him for any of your tattooing needs.

Here are some further pictures of the process, for your enjoyment.

Jake working on the leg.


The Collection of Inks.


Jake wiping the excess ink away.


My bloody, not yet wiped, completed tattoo.

P.S.: A special prize for the person who can guess where the leaves came from...

P.P.S: Photos courtesy of The Tofu Muchacha

The Omnivore's 100

Hey Folks-

So my friend at Wine Me, Dine Me (a Cincinnati Food Blog) (linked here and also at the right), posted her own version of the "Omnivore's 100".

The Omnivore's Hundred is an entirely subjective list of 100 items that Andrew Wheeler, co-author of the British food blog Very Good Taste, thinks every omnivore should try at least once in his life. I've decided to do my own version. May I think Wine Me, Dine Me for giving me the idea...by doing it herself.

He offered this list as the starting point for a game, along the following rules:1. Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.2. Bold all the items you’ve eaten3. Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.4. Optional extra: post a comment on Very Good Taste, linking to your results.

I've not tried nearly as many as I'd like to have, considering how much I love food, and how I'm pretty much unafraid to try anything once. (Though, when Bear Grylls from "Man vs. Wild" drank the moisture from a clump of elephant poo, that went over the line.)

The ones I've tried are in bold. My comments are in parentheses.

1. Venison (thanks Gramps!)
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile (I have had alligator.)
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue (What a weird fad. My family still does the fondue at Xmas.)
8. Carp
9. Borscht (I really need to though. I just referenced it at lunch the other day)
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari (Delicious.)
12. Pho
13. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich (Roman meal bread, strawberry jelly, crunchy pb)
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart (I'll contend it's the perfect meal)
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes (Strawberry)
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream (Another fave of my mom's)
21. Heirloom tomatoes (Just had one for the first time 2 weeks ago. They really are better.)
22. Fresh wild berries (The ride to the hospital was awesome. Kidding.)
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper (What is the point of doing this?)
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters (Not a favorite.)
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas (If I ever have a craving, my friend at work keeps them on her desk.)
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut (Something I hated when I was a kid, but love now.)
35. Root beer float (Oh my god. When I was in Vegas I wanted one so fucking bad.)
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly
39. Gumbo (when done well, one of my top 5 favorite foods)
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk (In cheese form...and at Sun Rock Farm. In "from the teet" form.)
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more (Totally wasted on me.)
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel (Sushi variety only, but I liked it well enough.)
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal (Sigh)
56. Spaetzle (more fun to say than to eat.)
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV (Trois Pistoles. Check it out. It's Canadian.)
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores (hate 'mallows, but it's hard getting through childhood without at least one S'more)
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian (Wow... Stinky.)
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake (no, yes, no, yes)
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain (oh yeah. Awesome.)
70. Chitterlings or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill (I only assume.)
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
85. Kobe beef (While in Vegas, I checked out a ton of menus. Bradley Ogden in Ceasars had the most expensive single dish... Kobe Beef filet at 39.00 per OUNCE)
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam (Apparently deep fried is great.)
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox (I was eating them as young as 4 or 5 years old.)
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake (Tastes like chicken. Incidentally, I think that things don't really taste like Chicken. Chicken doesn't have a distinct flavor of it's own. It just sucks up the flavors around it, really...things don't taste like chicken, chicken tastes like them.)

How about you? Feel free to copy it in the comments.

Las Vegas... Hookers and missionaries on every corner.

Hey Folks!

I am returned from Las Vegas. With that... a few thoughts.

1) I alluded to my love for Las Vegas previously. That love has not diminished. That said, I never realized until this trip exactly how singular Vegas is. I mean... I knew it wasn't a normal place. I knew that you could see things there that you'd never see anywhere else. I guess I never thought about the depths of such things. Allow me to explain by offering 5 things that make Vegas the most unique place in America.
a) At "Mermaids Casino" downtown, (immediately next to the hot dog/ fried twinkie stand where my dad was enjoying both of those delicacies at that moment), I saw a cocktail waitress so drunk/high that she stumbled into the restroom, barely making it. It was... 11 AM.
b) As I rode the monorail back from the MGM Grand to my hotel, a man sat next to me. He then put his arm around me. I was too shocked to react at all. I figured it was best.
c) For a place that is so completely devoid of entertainment geared toward children, there sure are a ton of them. At the Bellagio for "O", I sat next to a family of 6. The poor bastard who purchased the tickets paid 173.00 per person for their family. The child closest to me sat still for MAYBE 10 minutes of the 100 minute show. And that show might be the most kid friendly thing I saw all week.
d) Nowhere else can you see a person winning a huge amount of money on the slot machines, and not only NOT act happy in any way, but actually look pissed because the credits are taking too long to tally, and they want to get back to their mind-numbing slot machine-ing.
e) The only place in the entire world where in the span of one block you walk past a girl on roller skates and a thong, a homeless man admitting he only wants beer, an Asian family taking pictures (again with the insanely inappropriate presence of children), 5 latinos passing out brochures for neighborhood prostitutes, a gaggle of drunken 40 year-old women who haven't been to bed yet (at 11AM), and a living statue.

2) As much as I love Vegas, the gambling part has lost a tad-bit of it's luster. Perhaps it's because the slot machines totally obliterated me. Perhaps it's because I'm mad at myself for not playing more Pai Gow Poker (I killed that game this week.) But the thing is... All of those things I mentioned above are reason enough to make Vegas a yearly stop. The gambling is fun, but is also a decided bummer if you're losing. The place is pricey enough as it is.

3) Another reason to check out this place? The sheer, ridiculous size and scope of the whole place. You see pictures, and since the casinos are all next to eachother, you don't realize how fucking huge these places are. The MGM Grand takes 15 minutes just to walk from one end to the other without stopping. Ceasars Palace is so big it's entirely conceivable that you not only could get lost in the casino itself, but you'd probably be wise to factor the time it takes to get from room to lobby when making any plans. The Forum Shops at Ceasars has more stores in which I couldn't afford a single item than all of the stores in Cincinnati. Fendi, Ferragamo, Jimmy Choo, Cartier, Gucci...all of them. It's actually quite insane. The new "City Center" is the single largest private construction project in American history. 8 BILLION dollars. There are more hotel rooms in the MGM Grand alone than there are in the entire city of Cincinnati. It's hard to even put it into perspective. All I can say is that nothing looks like it'd be a long walk, but it ALWAYS is.

4) I have a vague feeling of embarrasment about the place. It's like.. In one place, there is every single excess and display of ridiculous oppulence that seems to make everyone hate Americans. When Bin Laden was talking about our priorities being misplaced, I wouldn't be surprised to find out he'd just come from Vegas. That said... I'd say that EASILY half of the people there are not American. So... who exactly is there to witness my shame? It's a place built on foreign money. Yo go past the high-rollers area at most places and it's dominated by non-Americans. Usually with a hot blonde on their arms. So... there's a cognitive dissonance to Vegas that is hard to wrap my brain around. On the one hand, you're embarassed to be a part of it, but on the other hand... everyone else seems to be playing along, so... who cares?

5) I'm still astounded by the number of quintessential "Vegas Style" shows that are around. Today, after I left, Dad and Dee Anne went to see this. There are the same tired comedians. The same weirdo shows with people like Cher and Bette Midler who both...I don't know if I'm right about this... might be in their 90s. It's just so odd when everything else is geared toward drawing in the younger crowd with their clubs and music things...but they still name Danny Gans (the impressionist) Entertainer of the Year. It's like... 2 worlds colliding, but only...happily.

6) GOD DAMN was it hot. I mean...seriously. I believe we hit 109 yesterday. And yeah...the old joke "It's a dry heat" is funny, and mostly true. I was significantly more comfortable there in that heat than I would in Cincinnati were it 20 degrees cooler with the humidity. Now, in honor of my dad, who may not have made up this joke, but sells it pretty well...

Guy 1: Damn...it's fucking hot.
Guy 2: Yeah, but it's a dry heat.
Guy 1: Great. So's an oven.

I digress... I'm not sunburned either, despite my not wearing a hat for much of the trip, and being out in the Sun.. that's a good thing.

Lastly...

6) The food thing is a real bummer. As you all know, I have a difficult time eating these days, after the surgery. So... previously, if I'd been in Vegas it'd be all about the Buffets and the steaks and the deli and burgers and whatever else. Deep Fried Oreos perhaps. Well...now I'm lucky if I am able to finish a bowl of soup. It's discouraging to not be able to eat all of these great things.

In any case, I wanted to thank my Dad and Dee Anne for being awesome this week. I had a great time, and I look forward to another...or maybe Disney.

The Age-Old Question

Hey folks...

Tonight while hanging with my sister, who will be 21 next May, a question has arisen, and I am feeling the need to sort out my thoughts.

First, a little background. My dad and step-mom have made a sort of tradition of taking us kids (Yes...I'm 28...shut it.) on special vacations when we turn certain ages. When I turned 18, I went to New York where I saw Chicago, Ragtime, and 1776. A great trip. When I turned 21, they took me on my first trip to Vegas. When my sister turned 18 they took her (and fortunately me as well) to Disney World. So... now the time has come to start thinking about where she's gonna go next year when she turns 21. The de-facto option, and ultimately where she'll go is Vegas. Seems obvious really... I don't blame her. I love Vegas. The parents love Vegas. She's a Vegas type of chick.

Still...that got me thinking... What vacation spot do I like better? Disney World or Las Vegas?

I know that it would seem to be an obvious answer, what with my Mickey Mouse tattoo and my insanely detailed knowledge of everything about and surrouding Disney. Well... granted. I love that fucking place.

That said though... Vegas appeals to my adulty, debaucerous side as much as Disney appeals to my childlike, innocent, idyllic side. So I'm gonna try to do this scientifically...

Weather:
Orlando is pretty effing hot. Seriously. And it's humid. Las Vegas is pretty effing hot. And it's dry. So, I'd be inclined to say that Vegas wins, because sweating sucks ass, and while you sweat in both places, at least the air isn't working against you in Vegas. BUT... Orlando has days when it's NOT 90 degrees. I've been there in November, December, and January when it's absolutlely beautiful and not sweltering hot. So... DISNEY

Priciness:
Let's face it...both are pretty fucking expensive. Disney gets you on all of the hotels, entry fees, souvenirs, air-fare, and food. Vegas gets you on some of those things, but I'm gonna give the advantage to Vegas here, because while both are pricey, when last I checked, in Disney you don't at least have a shot to bring more money home than you left with. VEGAS

Kitch:
Both have unbelieveable kitch-value attractions. The Magic Kingdom is full of silly, dated attractions that are vaguely racist and offensive. Definitely misogynistic. The Carousel of Progess alone can provide a sarcastic person more material than they'd ever need. Vegas, on the other hand, may actually be the world capital of Kitch. The LIBERACE MUSEUM. Elvis' Wedding Chapel. Sigfried and fucking Roy. Celebutainers. Seriously...it's the most ridiculous (and awesome) place on earth to see cheesy things that probably were never cool, but definitely aren't cool now. Except that they ARE cool, because of how fucking sqaure they are. Get what I'm saying? VEGAS

People Watching:
This would seem to be a no-brainer, because after-all, Vegas passes out free alcohol in every casino and encourages as many drunk people to walk around in the street as possible at all hours. And yeah...that's fun and all, but let's be honest...I don't really LOVE watching drunk people after like..the first dozen. On the other hand, at Disney you have the wonderful experience of people from every foreign land you can imagine, taking in the wonders of the most homogenized American experience you'll find anywhere. The Latin ladies who are clearly in charge of their macho husbands. The weird Germanic dudes wearing what amount to be not much more than a glorified speedo. The Japanese family eating at the Japanese restaurant in Epcot, and sighing with relief at the first familiar food they'd eaten in a week. The older British couple who appears to be enjoying people watching just as much as you. True, you're unlikely to watch the beautiful Comedia d'ell Arte piece of drama unfold in front of you when the "incognito pimp" tells his "incognito ho" to "make some mo'fucking money" at Disney World, but you're unlikely to see a little child take a sloped corner a little too fast in his wheely shoes and wipe out into a topiary while in Vegas, and that's just something that can't be missed. DISNEY

Founding Visionaries:
Sammie will probably have issue with me not meaning Billy Wilkerson here, but for Vegas, I'm assigning Bugsy Siegal. For Disney..well... Disney obviously. And really that's the crux of the argument here. I realize I'm biased, but I think the most amazing thing about Disney World (Disneyland too) is that it was basically conceived by one dude. Walt Disney. The man single-handedly orchestrated the greatest public entertainment project ever created. He created the Theme Park as we know it today. His parks essentially created 2 major cities. (Anaheim and to a larger degree Orlando). I could go on about his specific ideas about marketing, and tourism, and entertainment for hours, but I won't. Just know that I'll do my best to argue for Bugsy, but he's gonna lose. Bugsy was basically a mobster who came up with a place close enough to Los Angeles to attract all of his rich friends. He didn't invent the idea of Vegas (Wilkerson did, with the legalized gambling and off-track betting), but he did sort of glamorize that, and he paved the way for Trump, and Steve Wynn, and Sheldon Adelson and you gotta hand it to whomever it was. Vegas is pretty fucking amazing. Still... Walt.. DISNEY.

Re-visit-ability
This is a hard one (that's what she said). I think that the majority of people will say Vegas is obviously more re-visitable, and they're probably right. Unless you're an insane person like me, there probably is a limit to the number of times you experience The Great Movie Ride before you know the dialogue and can critique specific performers, and that limit comes long before you can do that. With Vegas, however, things are constantly evolving. New shows, new entertainment, new hotels. And more importantly, there's SO MUCH to do that you probably could take a whole vacation and never leave the Bellagio and have a good time. It's just so fucking big. That does have an appeal. So...as much as it pains me, if I'm looking at it objectively...VEGAS

Food
This one's easy...Vegas has every restaurant that Disney does, and Vegas also has about 40 extremely high-end restaurants that Disney doesn't. There's great food at Disney, especially in the Hotels, but c'mon people... VEGAS

Family-Friendliness
As much as Food was a home run for Vegas, this category might as well have "Disney" engraved into it as part of the question. Like... "The Disney World Memorial Family Friendly Award" or something. Vegas ain't the place for tykes. In fact, one of the bid draws of Vegas is that the kids are typically few. (I venture to say, though, that if the category was about how many kids were conceived, Vegas would kill it.) DISNEY

The Verdict.
In EIGHT categories, we end up tied. I love them both. I would go to both each year if I could. The question really comes down to where I'd go if I could only go to one. And for me... It's Disney. The reason is that for whatever reason, I have this nostalgia about Disney that Vegas will never provide. I'll never forget my first trip there when I was 13 (maybe even a little too old to love it as much as I did). Still my favorite vacation I've ever had. In fact, I think it's safe to say that of the top 5 vacations I've ever had, Disney has 3. Vegas has one. My road trip is probably the other. I have so many fond memories of driving down with my family. Of seeing Epcot (E.P.C.O.T. at the time) for the first time after years of seeing Mickey waving from on top. I mean... The first game of slots I played at Ceasars Palace back in 01 was pretty fucking sweet, and Mystere is still the greatest thing I've ever seen. They just don't have the same profile in my memory.

So I'm glad I did this. It was closer than I thought. Go ahead...commence the mockery.