In January of 1989, The Cincinnati Bengals made me cry. This was before I had real reason. They had finished their most glorious season with a heartbreaking loss, but there was truly nothing to cry about. They had promise. A young quarterback with nerves of steel and blonde, flowing locks. A brash running back tandem, one of whom fathered an end-zone dance craze so ridiculous we all should have known it wouldn't last. A defense... well... the defense wasn't spectacular, but man that offense was fun to watch.
We had it good. We had years of prosperity to look forward to at the helm of the S.S. Ickey and Boomer.
I was not even 9 years old, but I bled Orange and Black. They had me.
Then, not even a year later the legend behind the scenes, the great Paul Brown, passed away. Little did we know how devastating a loss it would be.
The next 20 years have been well documented. 2 more winning seasons. 2 more playoff berths. And 18 other seasons of being just about the shittiest team on Earth, and since the idiot son Mike Brown was at the command, things continued to look bleak.
There was a brief time in recent years when things seemed like they may be getting better. Marvin Lewis drafted Carson Palmer. Chad Johnson (that's right) broke out into stardom. It was exciting for a while, but the curse continued. The sole playoff appearance started with a blown knee and went down from there. Nothing close since. Frankly the whole thing has been torture.
Hard to really put the last 20 years into words that do them justice. We've had misfortune and mistakes of all kinds. They drafted great players wisely and fucked them up (somehow) like Dan Wilkinson. They've drafted great players unwisely and things went just how you'd expect (Reinard Wilson and KiJana Carter). They've passed up whole drafts of picks to take Akili Smith.
If I listed every terrible game. Every terrible moment. Every terrible player or pick, I'd be here all day, and frankly my buddy Alan is much more encyclopedic in his knowledge of those stats and facts. I'm a more emotionally driven fan. I'm not rational (see: my hatred of Adam Dunn).
Based on those feelings, and my absolute exhaustion at every gut-wrenching game and play and decision, I made a decision.
I put the Bengals on notice. During last season, I selected a new "favorite" team to follow and cheer along with the Bengals. That team was the New Orleans Saints. I love the way Drew Brees plays. I like Sean Payton. I want to see a downtrodden city like the Big Easy have something good happen to them. I needed a team to root for that wouldn't kick me in the nuts at every possibly opportunity. The Saints haven't exactly been the best team in the world in my lifetime either, but they seem to make good moves. They seem to be at least TRYING to win.
After the season, I gave the Bengals one more season (a one year contract, if you will) to show me something. To make me believe. I made one caveat. "No receivers or running backs in the first round". They took Andre Smith, so they passed the test.
I was willing to do double rooting duty again this year with my Saints and my Bengals and see what happened.
Then the Bengals played the Broncos in the first game of the season, and then this happened:
Is that not the most sickening thing you've ever seen? Well... It was at that moment that I knew the Bengals would never love me the way I loved them. They'd always be the team where the third stringer set the world on fire. They'd always be the team where shit like that happened against them.
Well... I have a choice. Just because I'm from Cincinnati doesn't mean that I have to suffer. I won't do it anymore. I'm divorcing the Bengals.
I know they're 4 and 2. I know that they have a chance this season, but I don't care. If they do well, that's great. I'll be happy for them. I'll never root against them. I'll root for them casually... I'll never cry for them again. I'll never let them ruin another otherwise gorgeous Sunday. It won't happen.
So here I am. A Saints fan in Cincinnati. It's okay. Everything will be okay. Just remember... It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.
At the time of this posting, I'm likely to be enjoying my first sights of Disney on my trip. I'll be at the Magic Kingdom first, so please enjoy this totally amazing video a friend sent to me:
Correct me if I'm wrong, but that shit is amazing. This was a video done by Disney to celebrate the Magic Kingdom's birthday (on October 1st).
The real business of today is to announce the winner of my trivia contest. For each day of my countdown, I tossed out a trivia question. I asked my readers to e-mail me answers if they knew them, and I had a pretty good turnout overall. The final tally will be available on my website on the Contests Page.
I'm proud to announce my cousin, Abbey, as the winner. With 3 days left, she had more points than anyone else could possibly gain based on her number of correct answers.
She has requested a pin with a "Goofy" theme, and it will now be my mission to find this pin. I have no idea if there will be one of those, but you can bet I'll search. She's pictured above as a kid wearing her Goofy Hat and hanging out with the dog himself.
Here are the answers to the 31 Disney Trivia questions I've set forth over the last month.
30 Days: (Magic of Disney) QUESTION: What was the price of 1 Adult Admission ticket at the time of Walt Disney World's Grand Opening in October 1971. ANSWER: $3.50. That was only for park admission only. Rides were more.
29 Days: (Music in the Parks) QUESTION: Why is the height of many buildings inside the parks at Disney World only 199 ft high? ANSWER: In Florida, any structure 200 ft or higher requires a red light on top for overflying aircraft. Disney avoids this whenever possible due to aesthetic reasons.
28 Days: (Turkey Legs) Question: Approximately how many of these Giant Turkey Legs are eaten every year at Walt Disney World? ANSWER: 1.4 Million of those fuckers.
27 Days : (Carousel of Progress) Question: The Earful Tower, Hollywood Studios water tower landmark wears a Mickey Ears Hat. What's the Hat Size? ANSWER: 342 3/4ths
26 Days: (Spaceship Earth) Question: The Fountain at Innoventions Plaza in Epcot can shoot water 150 ft in the air (only 30 feet lower than the top of Spaceship Earth. If all of the water cannons were fired at once, how much water would be in the air? ANSWER: 2000 Gallons at once!
25 Days: (The Views) Question: How many stones and bricks were used in the Building of Cinderella's Castle? ANSWER: NONE. They used almost all fiberglass over concrete framing to simulate the look of concrete.
24 Days: (The Great Movie Ride) Question: Walt Disney World houses the World's largest sand-bottom pool at 750,000 gallons of water. Where is it, and what is it called? ANSWER: Stormalong Bay at The Beach Club Resort
23 Days: (Customer Service) Question: On average, how many pairs of Sunglasses are turned into the Lost and Found every day at Walt Disney World? ANSWER: 210 Pairs. (I have no idea why they keep this statistic.)
22 Days: (Costumed Characters) Question: What is the name of the singing, animated parrot over the entrance of Pirates of the Caribbean? ANSWER: Peglegged Pete
21 Days: (American Idol Experience) Question: Fantasmic Theater at Hollywood Studios seats how many guests? ANSWER: 6900 Guests.
20 Days: (Splash Mountain) Question: How tall is the Summit Plummet Water Slide at Blizzard Beach? ANSWER: 120 ft, or 12 stories.
19 Days: (Ponchos) Question: What Magic Kingdom attraction was the first to be run by computer? ANSWER: Space Mountain
18 Days: (World Showcase) Question: What is vomit called at Disney World? ANSWER: Protein Spill
17 Days: (It's Tough to be a Bug) Question: How many triangles make up the Geodesic sphere that is Spaceship Earth? ANSWER: 11,324
16 Days: (Celebrity Guests) Question: Who plays Dr. Grant Seeker on Dinosaur!? ANSWER: Wallace Langham
15 Days: (Kids Falling Down) Question: In Spaceship Earth, the character in the "Greek Play" scene is delivering lines from what play? ANSWER: Oedipus Rex
14 Days: (Big Thunder Mountain) Question: Name the 5 Mountains of Walt Disney World, and place them in order according to height, tallest to shortest. ANSWER: Forbidden Mountain (Expedition Everest), Big Thunder Mountain, Space Mountain, Mt. Gushmore, and Splash Mountain
13 Days: (Tomorrowland Transit Authority) Question: What is the name of the robotic lounge singer in Tomorrowland's Cosmic Rays restaurant? ANSWER: Sonny Eclipse
12 Days: (Holidays at Disney) Question: In order to play Sulley from Monsters Inc. in the parks, what is the height range a person must fall within? ANSWER: 6'2" to 6'4"
11 Days: (it's a small world) Question: Only one nations name is actually spelled out in "it's a small world". What country is it? ANSWER: "MEXICO". It's on a sombrero on the right. Seriously.
10 Days: (The Rainforest Cafe) Question: The gift shop at the exit of Star Tours is currently called ____? ANSWER: Tatooine Traders
9 Days: (Monsters Inc Laugh Floor) Question: What is the highest rank you can attain on Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin? ANSWER: Galactic Hero
8 Days: (Mickey's Philharmagic) Question: What is Donald's Boat in Toontown called? ANSWER: The Miss Daisy
7 Days: (Expedition Everest) Question: What is the name of the mountain you're riding on in Expedition Everest? ANSWER: The Forbidden Mountain
6 Days pt 1: (Kilimanjaro Safari) Question: Approximately how many branches does the Tree of Life have (I'll accept a round number) ANSWER: 8000 is the general answer I would have accepted. My cousin Abbey got crazy specific on it though.
6 Days pt 2: (Haunted Mansion) Question: Who is the voice of the "Ghost Host" in the Haunted Mansion at Walt Disney World? ANSWER: Paul Frees
5 Days: (Journey Into Imagination) Question: What company has sponsored Journey Into Imagination since it's inception? ANSWER: Kodak. They've actually sponsored the entire pavilion.
4 Days: (Hidden Mickeys) Question: What other character's face is viewable by satellite image of Hollywood Studios? ANSWER: Pluto's face is visible in the courtyard area outside the main entrance.
3 Days: (Pirates of the Caribbean) Question: Of the 126 Animatronic Figures in Pirates of the Caribbean at Walt Disney World, how many are pirates? ANSWER: There are 69 Animatronic pirates on the ride.
2 Days: (Pin Trading) Question: What is the name of the Sea Serpent made of legos in Downtown Disney? ANSWER: Brickley
1 Day: (Soarin') Question: How many different scents can you sniff (aside from the ones made by your co-riders) as you ride Soarin' and what are they? ANSWER: 4. (Orange blossoms, Sagebrush, Ocean, and evergreen)
Well folks... We've done it. We've made it to the end of the Disney Countdown, you and me. It's been a crazy ride, has it not?
Not so fast, though... There's still one final Disney thing to talk about before we but this bitch to bed.
It's interesting to me that the top item on the whole shebang this time around is a ride that had just opened right before I wrote the first countdown in 05, and I didn't know a single thing about it. THAT'S how much I've been blown away by Soarin' at Epcot. To make that kind of impression on me in that short amount of time is pretty amazing to me.
I am hesitant to talk too much in specifics about the ride itself, because there's no way to do it justice. It sounds so...regular. I think that's theme of this year's countdown... Disney has mastered making things that sound completely simple and unimpressive become so amazing based on two very specific goals they seek out to attain every time.
1) The difference is in the details. Soarin' is basically a flight simulator. There are simulators all over the place at dozens of amusement parks around the world. Disney has taken this "regular" thing and made it so specific and detailed in every facet, from the entry area to the waiting queue (with Patrick the Flight Attendant) to the scents and breezes you smell and feel as you "Soar". It's simple, but amazingly elegant because of the detail.
2) They execute it perfectly. Aside from the detail of the experience, the efficiency each individual aspect of the ride makes the experience go so smoothly that it sets it apart from any other experience of it's type. The mechanics of the ride vehicle are one of a kind. The movement is crisp and seamless. The loading and operations are hitch-free. If you think you'd get that same level of elegance at Universal or Pidgeon Forge or whatever else then you've not been reading this whole time.
When I first rode Soarin' in 2005 I was blown away. It went by so quickly that I had barely enough time to process it. I rushed back around and rode it again right away. It was mid December, so the crowds were light. Then I got a fast pass and rode it again later that day. It's just beautifully done from start to finish. It's the first ride I want to go on every time I visit Disney.
So... with that, I bring my countdown to an end. This time tomorrow I'll be on a 737-800 flying down to Disney World and an amazing vacation with the Tofu Muchacha, who has had to deal with my insane Disney obsession first hand, and doesn't have the option of simply not reading the blog for a couple of days to take a break.
Thanks for reading along with me. I can't wait to tell you all about the trip next week.
And now... The Last Disney Trivia Question of the Day
Trivia: How many different scents can you sniff (aside from the ones made by your co-riders) as you ride Soarin' and what are they?
If you think you know, please send an e-mail to blog@beefymuchacho.com
Everyone with the correct answer will receive a point. An incorrect answer gets 1/2 a point. The person with the most points will get a Limted Edition Pin purchased during my stay.
Answering Cut-off will be at 9:00 PM tonight, and the Contest Wrap-Up Blog will be posted tomorrow, with the winner announced and all of the answers posted.
Way back over Christmas in the year 2000, my family spent the holiday at Disney World. It was an overall fantastic trip. I loved pretty much everything about it. The weather was great. I was feeling good. The parks were amazingly decorated. It was awesome. The only shitty thing was how insanely crowded the whole place was.
Probably the most lasting experience from the trip, however, was my discovery of what would eventually become my one true obsession... Disney Lapel Pins.
I know it's confusing to those people who aren't giant Disney fans, but Disney has created a huge number (like in the tens of thousands) of Enameled Lapel Pins, and those bitches are like crack.
The beauty of them, or the evil, depending on where you're coming from is several-fold:
1) They are inexpensive individually. It seems like you're getting off light when you buy 2 pins. They're 8.95 apiece. Not bad for a Disney souvenir. Of course, due to the aforementioned "cracklikeness" of them, it's hard to buy just one or two or ten or twenty. So... they get their money in the end. Don't you worry.
2) They make them for every park, every attraction, every movie, every character. Everything under the Sun. They have an unlimited field of subject matter from which to cull their nifty little trinkets.
3) Because they are so varied, they can basically appeal to just about anyone. Only like Goofy? That's alright, because there are literally thousands of Goofy Pins out there and available. Not just in the parks, but on eBay and to be traded and everything.
4) They are small and easily ported. On my last trip in February I bought... several. and they basically fit in a small bag that I could put in my backpack. They don't even seem to notice them at security at the airport, which is odd since there's enough pointy little barbs in that bag to give the world tetanus.
You see... I'm a magpie. In my life I've collected several things. Autographed baseballs, antique maps, Disney Snowglobes... These are all pricey and large and difficult to amass discreetly. Take one look at the shelves in my bedroom, and you'll see 18 GIANT-ASS SNOWGLOBES. It's cumbersome to say the least. So the pins appeal to me on many levels.
I have several active Pin quests going usually. I'm always on the lookout for good Captain Hook pins. In fact, this may be a bold statement, but I believe I may have the most extensive Captain Hook pin collection anywhere in the world. I know I have several Hook limited edition pins with very small edition sizes.
I also collect Expedition Everest pins and Figment... And Soarin. And a few others.
I've ranked this so high on my list because Disney basically found a way to cater to my 2 favorite things.... Disney and Obsessive Hoarding. Disney has even been so kind as to place kiosks and full-blown shops selling pins and pins alone about ever 40 feet on property. They require cast members to wear pins, and to trade them (without the luxury of haggling) to anyone who wants to trade. It's the best.
And now... The Disney Trivia Question of the Day
Question: What is the name of the Sea Serpent made of legos in Downtown Disney?
If you think you know, please send an e-mail to blog@beefymuchacho.com
Everyone with the correct answer will receive a point. An incorrect answer gets 1/2 a point. The person with the most points will get a Limted Edition Pin purchased during my stay.
Standings are being updated daily at http://www.beefymuchacho.com/ on the "Contests" page.
I'll repost the questions with the answers at the end of the contest.
