Well done Cincinnati. Well done.

Once again, my hometown city of Cincinnati has done me proud. Cincinnati... home of race riots, and Mapplethorpe protests, and possibly racially motivated killings by police. The place so out-of-touch Mark Twain once quipped that if the world ended, he wanted to be in Cincinnati, because it wouldn't happen here for another 20 years.

Once again I'm super pumped to be from such an enlightened place.

The world renowned political artist Shepard Fairey is here in town. There will be a retrospective of his 20 years of work at the Cincinnati Contemporary Arts Center, and as a part of his show, he's been installing some of his political murals around the Cincinnati area.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to see one of his more controversial pieces up close and personal when he installed it directly across the street from the theater where I was directing A Piece of My Heart...




So there it is.

Clearly Shepard Fairey is a flaming racist. Right? Clearly by posting this mural containing the word "OBEY" in a predominantly African American neighborhood, he's trying to subjugate black people. Right?

Apparently there were a number of people who would agree with the above statements, because almost immediately after the mural was completed on May 20th, there were loads of people in the neighborhood threatening to deface it or paint over it, because they feel discriminated against somehow.

Oh... then there were the white people who apparently walked by and assumed the artist was black. They threatened to paint over it too. Because they didn't want to be the victims of reverse racism.

(For the record, Shepard Fairey is a 40 year old white man.)

Now... I spent a pretty good amount of time taking in this particular mural... I've searched and searched for a single anti-black image. I've searched for a single anti-WHITE image.

What I did see was images of peace (note the guns with the flowers). I saw commentary on the power of propaganda. I saw an ironic statement about listening to the masses instead of trusting our own eyes.

I really dug it.

Sadly, it's no more. The above image is what you'd see today if you drove past. Some fucking ignorant idiot painted over it last night. They don't know who did it. It was just as easily a white person as a black person. Just as easily a man as a woman. One thing we do know is that the person who did it is far more close-minded and foolish than the artist they believe they are silencing.

When the Tofu Muchacha told me about the painting-over, I found myself profoundly sad. It's so typical of this fucking town to knee jerk to this level. Then I come to find out that it's the SECOND of his murals to be defaced in the area in the past 2 weeks. I mean... GOD DAMNIT.

Please people... before you make fools of yourself by "protecting" the populace from this supposed racism, maybe you should look up the statements of the artist.... I dunno... crazy.

Oh... it should also be mentioned that aside from this horribly racist, anti-black mural, Shepard Fairey is also the artist responsible for the Barack Obama "HOPE" posted. What a bigot! Am I right?

Anyway, I don't want to go on and on. I just want to congratulate my city for embarrassing itself... yet again.

Kudos Cincinnati.


PS... I haven't even gone into the whole part about how the defacing of the mural is, in itself, a crime... you know... since the mural was on private property, and it itself has value due to the artist being a hugely famous dude. So... not only did the idiots miss the point. Not only did they kill art. They also will probably go to jail for it. Good protesting folks!

I'll Annoy Birds Whenever I Like, HAWAII.

Hey Folks-

I decided to try a writing exercise where I asked for a blog topic and tried to come up with something coherant without preparation.. I'm not sure how it'll go...we'll see.
So...the suggestion:

Where would I live if I could live anywhere, if I break it down and decide by categories?

Places (in America) Dan Would Live...

Based on Signature Food
Let's assume I could eat what I wanted for the purpose of this exercise. There are a ton of foods I love. I love barbeque, so I could easily find myself settling in Kansas City or Memphis or North Carolina. I love mac and cheese so I could see myself living in Wisconsin. Tex Mex is fantastic so San Antonio would make sense. Chowder? Boston for sure... For me though... the choice is easy. There's nothing more delicious, to me, than a good Chicago style pizza. Pizza is great in any form, but the deep and gooey Chicago style is my favorite. Pizzeria Uno or Giordanos...damn it's good. A large pizza could easily feed 4 people, and probably shouldn't feed any fewer... Chicago gets bonus points because they also have a signature hot dog that happens to be my favorite dog iteration as well. (Dog, Mustard, relish, onions, pickle spear, tomato slices, celery salt.) Good on you Chicago...Good on you.

Based on Funniest Law
This is a tough one... I'd love to go to Honolulu, but I'd clearly be arrested immediately, because it's illegal to annoy any birds in Honolulu. So...Hawaii's out. I have some friends in Hollywood, but it'd be hard for me to move in there, because it's illegal to drive more than 2000 sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time. I can tell you I'd never move to Newcastle, Wyoming, because it's illegal to make love in a freezer. In Pinecrest, Florida citizens can't tow a sled behind their bicycles. Here in my home state of Ohio it is illegal to get a fish drunk. No no... While all of those places are very appealing to me, despite their laws, I clearly would move to Colorado where it is officially LEGAL to tear the tags off of pillows and mattresses.

Based on Sports Teams

Basically, what I'm saying here is that the Bengals and Reds are an embarrasment and I want live in a city that isn't the perpetual doormat that Cincinnati is, athletically speaking. Clearly, Boston would be the best choice. The Red Sox are great. The Celtics are great. The Patriots are great. But seriously...where's the fun in that? I mean... if I was from there, it'd be one thing. I'd have earned the success. There are a few places I can't live.... Indianapolis. Peyton Manning is probably the devil. New York and LA also have athletes whom I despise. (Kobe...A-Rod...I'm talking to you.).. No no... I think I have to go with New Orleans. The Saints are a likeable team with a likeable star (Drew Brees not Reggie Bush). They do all of the things the Bengals don't *cough* Sedrick Ellis *cough*. And then there's Chris Paul and the New Orleans Jazz (Hornets). The biggest drawback is that there's not baseball very close by, but it's not like there is here in Cincinnati either *Rimshot*.

Based on Night-Time Activities

This clearly isn't a choice, right? Isn't the clear answer here Las Vegas?

Based on Day-Time Activities
Much like the last one...this one is a no-brainer without any real second choices for me.. Orlando for sure.

Based on Educational Experiences
Well, I suppose it's sort of dependent on what you consider educational experiences, or what educational experiences you consider valuable... Do you value the proximity of educational institutions? Well, then Massachusetts is the place for you. Do you like going to museums? Washington D.C. may be the way to go. If you like actual historic sites, maybe Philadelphia. I'm definitely a Washington D.C. guy. There's soooo much to see. The Smithsonians. The monuments. The memorials. The infrastructure of government. In fact, I've been wanting to go back again. I haven't been for a while.

Based on Scenery

Another one that is dependent on the meaning of the category... If you're into cleavage and the pretty ladies maybe Malibu or Miami Beach is right for you. For the record, this is not the scenery I'm referring to. I am referring to nature's scenery. Maybe you go in for a rushing river... in that case Montana might be right. Or a beautiful beach... Malibu again? St. Augustine? Hilton Head? Rocky coast line... Maine maybe.. Oregon? I personally like mountains and prairies, which puts me squarely in the Jackson Hole, Wyoming camp. Just feast on the vistas... Sigh...

Hmm.... Any other categories?

Il Mio Italiano è Orribile.

Hey Folks-

So, I think I mentioned in a previous blog that Briana, my sister, is going to Italy for 4 months. She's leaving a week from Monday. I'm gonna miss her.

Anywhooo... She had a going-away party the other night at the homestead, and I told her that I had a few ideas of gifts that she could bring back for me. Being the thoughtful brother that I am, I tried to come up with things that would certainly get her arrested for taking into the airport. Even if they ended up being totally innocent.

So, in honor of Briana's awesome upcoming adventure, I give you:

The Top 5 Gifts Suspicious Enough to Get Briana Questioned and or Arrested.


1) This one is double awesome... She could get arrested just procuring the gift in the first place... I want her to take a heavy duty file and collect some good white powdery dust from the Collosseum. Then she should take the white "pillar powder" and put it in a zip lock bag in her carry-on.

2) A small Italian child. I don't know what the purpose of this would be, but Briana's a little weird, and it's the thought that counts.

3) One of those monkey's with the hats that dances to the hurdy gurdy. I don't need the hurdy gurdy itself.

4) A crucifix from the Vatican. Not like... from the gift shop(pe) but an actual one. Like...from the Pope's private crib.

5) *Courtesy of Briana's boyfriend Drew... She could bring me back a "bowling ball candle". Just picture that going through the x-ray machine... Allow me to provide a visual:

In any case, Buona fortuna Briana. I'll miss you.