Friday, October 2, 2009

17 Days to Disney: Bugs are Scary Motherfuckers

I know I've spoken on this before, but one of the absolute highlights of any trip to the Animal Kingdom is going to see "It's Tough to be a Bug", the excellent 3-D movie housed in the Tree of Life.

I have to admit, though, that it's not my love of animated insects and 3-D film that makes it a highlight for me.

I've long been on the record as being a bit overly zestful when it comes to seeing children cry and fall down and whatnot. I think it's funny. I'm sorry if that makes me a bad person. It probably does. I'm sure that were it my kid falling down, I wouldn't laugh long or as hard.

Well... It's Tough to Be a Bug seems to be one of the most utterly terrifying experiences for a child. On the surface, it's hard to know why, exactly, but when looking at it more critically I think I can break it down for you...

1) It's dark. Children hate the dark. The setting for the attraction is the inside of a tree, and it's pretty well detailed. I know that if I had seen something like Pan's Labrynth when I was a kid, I'd be terrified I'd run into a giant frog inside the tree at some point.

2) Bugs are fucking gross and scary and at this point, A Bug's Life is 11 years old. The children don't necessarily have the direct frame of reference they may have with Wall-E or Remy the Rat (both of which could also potentially be scary.. I mean a non-speaking, garbage crushing robot, and a chef (respectively).) They haven't seen how cute and adorable that German Caterpillar is...they probably hear "German Caterpillar" and expect it to pee on them.

3) Even if they have seen the movie and are familiar with those characters, Hopper is a bad mother fucker. He's super mean. There's a point in that movie where he tries to crush the baby one's skull for god's sake. Then he pops up out of that weird hole in the stage (during the attraction, not the movie) and he's a giant 6-foot tall robot grasshopper. I think it almost made ME cry a little.

Anyway, by the time that robot pops up, those kids are fucking done. They're sobbing and screaming and pounding on the exit doors, begging for salvation.


Gee... I hope I haven't built this up too much for the Tofu Muchacha. She's the one person who loves to see a kid cry more than me.

And now... The Disney Trivia Question of the Day

Question: How many triangles make up the Geodesic dome that is Spaceship Earth?

If you think you know, please send an e-mail to

Everyone with the correct answer will receive a point. An incorrect answer gets 1/2 a point. The person with the most points will get a Limted Edition Pin purchased during my stay.

Standings are being updated daily at on the "Contests" page.

I'll repost the questions with the answers at the end of the contest.

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