Sunday, October 4, 2009

15 Days to Disney: More Laughing at the Pain of Children

So you've probably noticed that I'm not above laughing at children. To my critics, I have a couple of things to say about that:

1) They're more then welcome to laugh at me, and let's be honest... They have a lot more material from which to harvest their mirth.

2) They're pliable. I read somewhere that a child's bones don't solidify until the hit puberty. (No...that's not a boner joke, but to those who went there... kudos). Because their bones are soft and bendy (out of the gutter I say!!) they are not easily damaged, so really the only thing that's injured are their prides.

3) If they had better balance, and if they weren't putting themselves in these precarious situations, I would have nothing to laugh at, so they have only themselves to blame.

4) Fuck you.

Why all of this preface? Because there's another thing I absolutely love to do at Disney when I need a breather.

First... you know those stupid-ass shoes the kids wear with the little wheels in the heels? I hate them. They are annoying. The kids seem to have absolutely no awareness of where they are in relation to all of the other people around them. All they care about is zipping around on those damned shoes.

Well... God has an equalizer. I've explained it to the Tofu Muchacha, and she now calls it the Hill of Doom. And that's really not bad.

So anyway... When I'm tired, and want to just chill for a minute while I'm at Epcot, I'll go to the Coca-Cola tent, grab me a Diet Coke, and go sit on this little innocuous bench over by Spaceship Earth.

The thing is... there's this slight little incline there on both sides on Spaceship Earth, and there are benches there to sit. For some reason, and I can't explain exactly why this is, because you'd think the kids with the damned shoes would be adept at navigating terrain, but I've seen more kids wipe out there than all other places combined. They come around the corner, and start to head down the hill, and I guess the grade is deceptive, because they just tumble headlong constantly.

No joke, I've seen 3 kids fall there. One of them careened into the bushes. If I had a full day at Epcot where I didn't feel the need to do everything (which is exactly what I'll have when I live down there and have my annual pass), I'd definitely just bring a picnic lunch and sit on that bench and laugh and laugh and laugh at those stupid little kids with their stupid little shoes. I know it's sadistic, but they deserve it. And their parents deserve to hear their stupid crying.

Here's the thing... Most of the things I love about Disney are very pure and nice and lovely. A few of them better serve my puckish side, and this is one of those.

And now... The Disney Trivia Question of the Day

Question: In Spaceship Earth, the character in the "Greek Play" scene is delivering lines from what play?

If you think you know, please send an e-mail to

Everyone with the correct answer will receive a point. An incorrect answer gets 1/2 a point. The person with the most points will get a Limted Edition Pin purchased during my stay.

Standings are being updated daily at on the "Contests" page.

I'll repost the questions with the answers at the end of the contest.

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