Blogging About Blogging.

What’s strange about this particular lapse in blog updates is that I’ve been blogging my ass off.

I mean, the first and most obvious location I’ve been blogging is my Disney Blog, where I recently talked about all the latest news surrounding the closure of Epcot’s Test Track for refurbishment.

Most of my blogging has been behind the scenes, though, where I’ve been working on three huge movie blogs. It’s just that none of them are ready for print yet, so I thought I’d put a little interim blog together… about the 3 blogs I’ve been working on.

Blog 1 is the second half of my “BEST Best Picture” of the past 20 years. As of now, I’m down to eight finalists, and I’m still not totally sure how to pair them up. I think it’s gonna end up being a random tournament where I draw up a bracket and have essentially 3 more rounds of competition ending with a final round pitting to top two “Best Picture” winners. The idea is that.. there’s not really a good or bad draw for any movie, since the quality of the movies don’t change based on the matchups. If Movie A is better than Movie B, it will always win. That also would mean Movie B would not EVER win this tournament.

In fact… Let’s announce the bracket now… (The matchups were randomly determined by a co-worker who didn’t know what he was picking.

Schindler’s List vs. No Country for Old Men
Unforgiven vs. Forrest Gump
The English Patient vs. The Return of the King
American Beauty vs. The Hurt Locker

So… stay tuned for the final half of that tournament.

Blog 2 is my explanation of why I hate the movie “Titanic” so much. This one is taking a while for two reasons. Partly because I feel like I’ve made this argument so many times over the past 15 years that I almost feel like my points are too plentiful at this stage, so I’m working on narrowing it down to just a couple of key reasons. I’ve been accused of hating it for reasons that I don’t hate it also, so it’s important that I focus on my actual reasons, and not worry about refuting.

Partly, and more importantly, I keep debating whether I want to go see it in 3D in this recent re-release in order to a) give it one more chance and b) to better pinpoint the exact things I hated. I’ve only seen it one time, after all. It’s hard to believe, isn’t it? The movie I tout as being the worst of all time, and I’ve only seen it once.

What I find most interesting, though, is that people seem to be less enthralled with it in this re-release. I’m kind of curious as to that too.

Blog 3 is a new one that my friend Alan (The Brawny Hombre) got me started with last night. It’s probably the longest winded one of all, and I have absolutely NO idea how this is going to work in practice, but he’s so intrigued by the Best Picture blog that he’s encouraged me to write a whole separate blog about the Best Movie Overall of that same time period.

That’s an insanely daunting task. So far we’ve started by listing our top three movies for each year, beginning in 1990 (Goodfellas, Edward Scissorhands, Total Recall) and going all the way through to 2011. We spent the whole night (He also has a third shift job, so we regularly bounce e-mails back and forth when our shifts line up), and we only made it through 2003 (Return of the King, Pirates of the Caribbean, Seabiscuit). Not only do we have 3 movies listed for each year, but we have a huge list of “Also considered” movies, which is currently almost 70 movies all on its own. The idea is… once we’ve determined the best 3 for each year, and we have the giant pool of also considered, we’ll go through and see if there are any things that have to be swapped out. Then we have a good old 64 movie extravaganza.

It’s all very scientific, I assure you.

So far, some quotes from the discussion include:
Me regarding the possible inclusion of “Contact” in the best movies of 1997:
“Absolutely, unequivocally, no. Contact is not ever in the top three movies of that year. I’m almost positive that Jodie Foster would agree.”

Alan regarding the fact that the discussion lasted through till morning:
“We should probably table this for now.  It's hitting the busy morning period when the buffoons begin waking up and inflicting their ineptitude on the world around them (i.e., me). “

I’m already finding a glaring hole in the matrix (Not ‘The Matrix’), which is that Royal Tennenbaums neither made the final cut for 2001, nor was it mentioned at all. Mistakes all over the fucking place. Embarassing.

So… You’ve all got those blogs to look forward to, in some order. Almost certainly the Best Movie Tourney will be last, and potentially in a series of posts as opposed to one 50,000 word monolith. Maybe I should just compile the discussion and make a book out of it.

I have every intention of writing about something other than movies at some point, but until The Crucible is done (next week), I’m pretty wiped out creatively.

I was considering writing a blog about the HBO show ‘Girls’, which I find bad, almost to the point of being repugnant.

Harried Muchacho

I’ve been so consumed with the production of The Crucible I’m directing, that I’ve found it difficult to get fired up about anything enough to make a blog out of it, and when I do think of something to write about, I’ve been having a difficult time really pinning it down in a logical way. For this blog alone, I’ve thought about the following:

- Favorite fictional characters from Television
- Favorite shows I watch while working overnight.
- Things I hate about renovating.
- The weird feeling I have when people I know, or have known for years, show up in national commercials, or when they show up in movies. This has been happening quite a lot lately. Enough, in fact, that the TM keeps asking me “Do you know that person?” whenever I perk up at a thing on TV.
- A Reds season preview/another meandering blog about baseball and the importance of it in my life.
- The phenomenon of celebrity.

I mean… some of these have legs, and some of these don’t, but I’m not super inspired by any…so in true Muchacho tradition, I’ve decided to write a quick update about various things in my life. Nothing like culling my day to day for material, right?

Vegetarian Stuff…
In case you wondered, I am still a vegetarian. I’m still allowing myself fish/shellfish/seafood so it’s sort of a loose vegetarianism, but I haven’t had red or white meat for a full 3 months now, and I actually no longer even remember what the last meat I had was…
Do I miss meat? Sort of… I miss it more as an idea than I do in practice. I haven’t been a big meat eater for several years, but I find myself frustrated by not being able to even have most “Soups of the Day” or having to pick off the delicious bacon that comes on the top of cream of potato soup. (Not loaded baked potato soup, where you’d expect bacon). That was sort of heartbreaking…to fastidiously remove the bacon. I’ve been careful to ask beforehand now, because that was fairly torturous, and was certainly the closest I’ve come to saying “fuck it.”
When we’re at home, the TM and I are pretty good about making various vegetarian foods and keeping it pretty interesting. She’s developed a fantasic recipe for bean enchiladas that continues to evolve. I made some pretty decent vegetarian chili. I’ve eaten tofu hot dogs at least a couple of times without wanting to kill myself.

Progress…

Could I do it forever? I dunno… I think I could definitely do like… 80-90%, but damnit do I miss bacon. It’s not even that I had bacon that often, but the prospect of bacon is appealing in itself. It’s also pretty depressing to go to the local barbeque places and not even be able to enjoy the fucking baked beans because they’re made with ham hock.

Wood Working Stuff…

I succeeded in completing my first project in February… a manly as hell workshop light that wasn’t particularly complicated, but definitely required some muscle. It took me a solid 2 days to make it, and I really do like it. It’s created a very bright workshop for future projects.

As for those future projects… I feel like it’s a bit of a cop-out to even say this, because I should have spent more time researching the hobby ahead of time, but damnit is this an expensive way to pass the time. Tools are really pricey, and it seems that each project requires like… 5 tools that are specific to that one kind of project only. I had been registered for a dovetail joint workshop, but ended up having to drop out, because even though the workshop was listed as being 110.00, which I paid… once I started reading more about it, I realized that I also had to bring like… 4 pieces of equipment I don’t already have. It would have ended up costing about 300.00 to do this 100.00 workshop. So…I canceled. It, admittedly, has taken the wind out of my sails at least a little, though I am working on something now that I hope to be completed by the end of the month. At this point, I’m a month behind on my projects, and maybe some of my readers were right… 11 pieces was optimistic. Not in terms of workload, but in terms of cost.

House stuff…
The TM and I have spent the last 3 months having stuff done to our house, and I’ll be honest with you…. As nice as many of the things are, and as necessary as the rest was… I’m so fucking tired of having people in the house. No offense at all to the contractors who are super nice and very professional, but I just want to sit around the house on my off days without my pants on, and your presence has hindered that a great deal.

That said, though… We have at least 3 super fantastic upgrades to the house that will increase the value if we ever decide to sell, and will certainly increase the enjoyment we have while we stay.

First, we re-did the deck in the backyard. This was a huge deal, since the old deck was nice, but was also rotting and falling down. The new deck is a good deal bigger, and has some cool features like a cutout for a tree in the middle, with a great bench surrounding it. I LOVE the new deck.

Also in the backyard, we removed all of the pieced –together sections of fencing and installed a 6 foot privacy fence all around the yard. This sounds so isolationist, but we’re getting a dog in the fall, so dog-safety is paramount. Also it does look so nice compared to the old fence.

Lastly (of my favorite upgrades), we knocked out the windows in our dining room, and had French doors installed in their place. These open up onto the deck, which now extends over far enough for that to actually work. Previously, the deck ended a good 10 feet to the left.

I guess what I’m saying is that our back yard is now really fucking awesome. We managed to take a largely forgotten space (also featuring some of the most hellacious weeds on the planet), and turn it into a really nice, extra living space that will be great for us, for our future dog, and for future residents if we decide to leave.

I mentioned the weed issue… well… through no real fault of anyone, and largely because last Summer was so insanely busy, the back corner of the yard (more like the back right QUARTER) became completely overgrown. Like… unpassable. So last Wednesday, I also managed to adhere to one of my resolutions, and did some house improvement work by tearing that shit down. It was hard, and it was hot, and I may have dulled the blades on the lawn mower, but I have to say I’m pretty pleased at the result.

I can also wager a guess that this corner of the yard will continue to be problematic. The yard slopes downward toward that corner, and water seems to flow that direction. Away from the house, which is good, but toward that corner… tending to make it a muddier, swampy area. This is bad for walking and enjoying, but really really good for plants. Those irksome weeds especially. Expect more updates on this once the play is over, and we’re back from our vacation.

Oh… That blogging thing.
My other resolution was that I’d be blogging more this year… I am pleased to say that I’ve pretty successfully stuck to my one-blog-per-week routine, though I’ve been delayed in posting until later in the week a couple of times. I am giving myself a pass on that.

In fact… I have basically committed to blogging EVEN MORE because of my new Disney-themed blog, which launched last week. If you’re interested in just my Disney blogs, check it out. I’ll post a link here every time I blog over there, so don’t worry… but if you want to add it to the blog roll now, the URL is:

http://beefydisney.blogspot.com

This has turned into a lot of babbling, so I’ll cut this off now… Some blogs to look forward to:

Imagineering Disney - A (hopefully) recurring segment on rides or attractions I’ve thought up. To be posted on BeefyDisney.

The Muchacho Tattoo… My resident Muchacho Artist, Tony Doench has completed my tattoo design, so now I just have to find a time to schedule the session. I’m hoping Jake (the tattoo artist) will let me time lapse the process. Either way, I’ll blog about it.

The Reds/Baseball blog. I just have to think of a good angle.

I’m always thinking about posting serialized original fiction as I write it…sort of like a workshop. We’ll see if that comes together.

Happy April!

Presenting the Disney Blog

Hey Folks-


I invite you to visit my all new Disney Blog.

Just click here!

Pardon Our Dust

Hi everyone!

I'm sorry for the lack of post this week, but I've been working on getting my Disney blog up and running.

I fully expect to simulcast my first Disney post this week.

I sincerely hope you all tune in to the launch. I've rarely been this excited for a completely inconsequential thing.

While you wait... some random thoughts.

- I'm running myself ragged right now working on directing The Crucible for my local theatre group. This is the first experiment with being fully involved with a show while working my overnight shift at work. I'm fine most of the time, but I have very little extra time to like... DO anything. It's a good thing it's almost done. We open in just over a month.

- The Cincinnati Bearcats ended their season last night with a tough loss to Ohio State. It's been one of the more enjoyable seasons of basketball in my memory. I wouldn't place it with the iconic early 90s seasons when there was nowhere to go but up, but it was a lot of fun, and they proved themselves worthy of wearing the "C". I loved this team far more than I expected to at the start of the season. Hopefully, we're on another great upswing.

- I'm starting to wonder if all of my Disney blog planning is a great idea for my psyche. I normally can get a solid 8 months of satiation from a visit, and this most recent one in October was a particularly long visit, so I was hoping the hankering would hold off for a year... Sadly no. I'm in full-on Disney-Reverie. I feel bad for the Tofu Muchacha... We're not planning to go until January of 2014. I'm not sure I'll be able to take it.

- I'm super excited for baseball season to get started. I'm feeling good about the Reds this season, and I think I'm going to be at a fever pitch for a good amount of the year. It'll be fun times. I'm very excited about Mat Latos.

Anyway... More blogging coming soon.

A Disney (Ad)Venture

Hey Everyone!

The regularly scheduled blog post about some such nonsense, and my lack of ability to screen my own language will be coming later this week, but I wanted to take today’s blog to announce something extremely exciting!

In 2 weeks I will be launching my new blog adventure! A new blog dedicated expressly for Disney and the Disney lovers out there.

This is planned to be a sister blog to this site, so any Disney related blog will be linked on this page, and will appear in full on the new Disney blog.

I’m not ready to announce the name of the new endeavor yet, though I have created the blog URL for it, and we’re on track to start in a couple of weeks.

Why am I doing this?

Well… as any attention whore worth their salt, I love getting comments, especially those left by complete strangers who just happened by. In order to have more comments, I need more consistent readers. From everything I’ve read about gaining traffic on your blog, you need to specialize.

Don’t get me wrong… I love this blog. It is a ton of fun to write about all manner of things here, and not worrying about appealing to everyone. It’s very liberating. I have every intention of this remaining my primary blog where all of my thoughts on random things like parking and Jesus having Christmas stolen from him by those rude Jews, and whatever sports related thing nobody seems to care about.

Still… I crave feedback, and I crave attention (yeah… I admit it). The purpose of the Disney only blog is to create a space that features focused content, likely more PG language, and hopefully get more readers who have a passion for Disney and Disney parks.

It certainly remains to be seen how this will work. Whenever I’ve created offshoot blogs in the past, they were short-lived. Of course, that was mainly due to a lack of content, and I believe I’ve proven that there’s barely a limit to my willingness to discuss Disney ad-nauseum.

I hope to have regular segments;
Movie reviews… New ones when they come out, and old ones in between.

E-mail Debates

Polls

Park Plans

Ride Reviews

And, as they say, much much more.

Also exciting is that my friend, the incredibly talented Tony Doench will be designing a new version of the Beefy Muchacho, with Disney in mind. It’s going to be epic. He’s the artist behind the original iconic Muchacho image displayed on the header of this blog.

So there ya have it. I’m very excited for this new blogging endeavor. I hope to see everyone visit and enjoy the Disney-Exclusive content.  

Blog Failure

Here’s the blog where I finally break the internet by holding the mirror up to the mirror.

I’m always thinking about blog topics, especially now that I have the pressure of having to get at least one posted per week. About 2 weeks ago, I started noting how annoyed I was getting at commercials, and how they always seem to play into the same base desires of people. I found it insulting that they seemed to be saying that all women could be plied with chocolate and diamonds. That all men just wanted to avoid their women. That women’s problems were trivial enough that a good shopping trip could solve them. That men were essentially alcoholic morons.

I started thinking that I wanted to turn that observation into a blog entry. I’ve been working on it all week, and it never came together. It eventually became something weird about how people take the easy jokes instead of pushing themselves to be more creative.

There were points where I was writing whole television commercials and Jay Leno monologues and  I went into this whole long rant about this dude I used to work with who sang “Danny Boy” at me every day (because my name is Dan.)

The problem with this idea, is that it was just an idea. I didn’t have a real coherent concept behind it, so while I could come up with a couple of cute quips, I was basically doing what I was criticizing. There wasn’t any real insight to what I was writing, so I was just super rambling and unfocused. It never really came together

Of course, what is a blog if not hyper self aware, so I've decided to post the shitty, unfinished blog and let you all see a little bit of my process.

Here’s my blog about way too many things, while at the same time not being about enough. I can’t figure out how to say what I want in an entertaining way. I worked it over 4 or 5 times, and it still sucks, but hopefully that’s kind of interesting in itself.

In italics are the original blog. In regular type are my retrospective comments on said failed blog attempt.

#####

What compels us to take the easy road? I mean… aside from it being easy.

Here’s every commercial targeted at women on TV right now:

“Whoa ladies, chill the fuck out! Since you don’t have real problems, have this delicious chocolate! That should calm your simple little brain. “

“What’s that? The chocolate didn’t do the trick? How about everyone’s guilty pleasure… Shopping! Oh, don’t you worry about that job interview. Nothing can cure a shitty day like buying some shoes! Am I right?”

“Now that you’re bellies are full of chocolate, and your feet are swathed in soft, supple leather, it’s time for some kayaking… you know… since it’s your time of the month. So, put on some white pants and have a fucking ball!”

It’s right about here where I start to lose my train of thought. I mix up tampons and Valtrex. I got too amused with my fake lady commercials and I miss my own point.

It’s not just the ladies… Here’s every commercial targeted at men:

Hi Men… Women are the worst! Have a beer in your man cave while you plan your golf outing.

I toyed with “Hi Men, Women are the Worst!” and just leaving it at that. I think that would have been better.

You know who should be insulted most? Creativity.

The same products going back to the same tired wells over, and over, and over again.

Of course, it’s as much our fault as theirs… We all let them get away with it, by going to Facebook and posting about how we “Need… Chocolate….Now.” or “Just had a fight with [our] boss, so [we} bought some new shoes and [we’re] feeling better already.”

Weak examples. I’m not sure why I decided on these. I think I tried being vague so as not to point fingers at specific people.

I’d wanna say that we’re better than that, but maybe I’m not so sure. If we truly were better than that, we wouldn’t be bombarded with the lowest common denominator advertising.  Why are we not demanding more?

I get frustrated, though, because even though the creative option is right there for the taking, everyone reaches for the “low hanging fruit”. It’s just all so fucking lame and tired and easy.

I keep wanting to make a “Low hanging fruit” joke, but I never get around to it.

It’s not just advertising, though. There’s absolutely nothing I hate more than the guy who constantly makes the easiest joke. I dunno.. I’m a snob I guess. What fun is it to make the first joke that comes to your mind? It doesn’t take skill, or smarts, or timing to hear someone say something is “hard” and throw out a “that’s what she said”… It requires no more thought than saying the pledge of allegiance. We hear the key word, and our mouth starts moving before even considering the how fucking lazy it is... I admit it… I do it do, but I try not to. I try to let someone else take the easy joke.

Don’t worry… Someone will make the joke. You won’t be left hanging. You know these people. They laugh at their own jokes. They hear that my name is Dan, and they sing “Danny Boy” as a greeting. They speak in made-up accents, and use tired puns, and generally try working the room like it’s fucking 1964 in the Catskills. You get the idea that they walk around hearing the rimshots as they spew quotes from Anchorman.

I like this portion of the blog. It’s not at all what I planned to write, but I find it at least vaguely promising, conceptually. The douchebag who personifies the copier guy on SNL. Always saying the dumbest, easiest thing possible.

They watch Jay fucking Leno.

Once upon a time, I thought Jay Leno was funny… but then I  turned 12, and realized that if I read the newspaper, I could literally play Celebrity/Joke Book mad libs, and figure out his monologue every night.

What’s that? Lindsay Lohan does drugs? The joke becomes:

 “So…did you hear this new thing about Lindsay Lohan? Apparently her drug problem has gotten so bad, she was recently seen snorting Splenda. Yeah… Well.. She heard it was Diet Coke!”

This was originally a Whitney Houston joke, but after she died, I felt the need to change it. I guess mentioning that now sort of undercuts the gesture. Sorry..

It’s cute, but it’s not funny. It’s not clever. It’s an easy joke, but it’s not comedy.

So anyway… It’s no surprise that companies advertise to our stereotypes. We let them.

Longest digression ever? Perhaps.

Doritos thinks they’re being original by having a murdering dog bribe a man with chips, but really they’re just doing the whole “Men are dumb and are always swayed by their libido and their appetites” bit. Also falling into this category are the “Nationwide” commercials where the dumbasses conjure food and prostitutes by singing the jingle. GoDaddy thinks they’ll sell domain names simply based on the promise of Danica Patrick under-cleavage. Taco Bell constantly depicts morons who are so blinded by the desires of their stomachs that they can’t make it out of the car before eating their girlfriend’s Chalupa.

Another example of some sort of riff where I don’t really know what I’m saying, so I hope the volume and turn of phrase sort of masks that point. I do like the phrase “under-cleavage”a fair amount.

#####
And that’s where I stopped. I couldn’t figure out how to get back to the main idea. I wasn’t even still sure the main idea had enough meat to make a full blog out of it. Seems more like a short bit in a hacky stand-up special, which… kind of undercuts my point about taking the easy way, doesn’t it?

Like… Even my observations on taking the easy way were easy.

 It’s my preference to post blogs that are fully formed, and edited and gone over a few times, but sometimes it’s not in the cards. This week, I tried making a blog out of some half-baked ideas and unfocused thoughts, and I failed.  It’s kind of a bummer, but it is a part of the process.

Next week?

The Disney E-mails return for “Proposed Attractions” where I post a couple of original concepts for Disney attractions, and I poll the readers on the best one.

That New Year's Thing

There are different schools of thought on the New Years’ Resolution thing.

There are those who think New Years’ Resolutions are bullshit. In a kneejerk situation, I’d say that I fall into that camp, but it’s not true.

There are those who like the idea of resolutions, make them, and then immediately fail to complete them. This… sadly… is more like me. I have a lot of ambitions come January 1^st, but my resolve isn’t as strong as the resolution. (My favorite was my resolution to force myself to run a marathon BECAUSE I hated running. Good one, Muchacho!)

There are those who make the resolutions and even keep them. These are the Tofu Muchacha’s of the world. The people with staggering discipline and resolve. I admire them.

Among the people who make resolutions, there are sub sets. Do you tell people, or do you not? Does telling people make it more likely to complete the resolution, or just more likely you’ll feel dumb for making them and failing?

I guess we’ll find out together, because here are my five resolutions… for all the world (or my 3 loyal readers) to see.

The TM and I have both made 5 resolutions for 2012. I won’t spoil hers for you, but here are mine… In no particular order.

Resolution #1:
Post a new blog every Monday.

There was a time, a couple of years ago, where I was blogging regularly 10-20 times a month. That was when I didn’t have a girlfriend, and had a regular job where I could blog at work…. Er… I mean… think about my blog so that I knew what I’d write after-hours. Nowadays, if I blog 3 times in a month, that’s a lot. I’d like to think that the quality of the blogs I do post are better, overall, but I’m not even sure that’s true.

In any case, I really like to blog. I like writing, and I think that the “blog” is a totally unsung medium for creative writing. It’s a very raw venue to write, and I like that sort of unpolished quality about it. Even the better pieces of mine weren’t meditated over for weeks, but rather hours. I like that sort of immediacy.

Anyway, I don’t have specifics for content, but I’d like for them to be enjoyable for everyone, so I’ll try to mix it up, and post different stuff, and most importantly focus on the writing itself, because I have to believe there’s a unique voice in there somewhere.

Resolution #2

Build 11 pieces of furniture.

That may sound like a very specific and incongruous number of furniture pieces, but my thinking on it is that I’m not QUITE ready to start by January. You see… I just started becoming very interested in woodworking, and furniture making. The artistry of it appeals to me. The tactility of it. I love the smell of wood, the feel of the grain. It’s just a very appealing outlet for me. So far, I’ve made a table. It’s cool, but it’s not the kind of woodwork that I’m really talking about. I’m looking to learn how to traditional joinery (dovetails, dowels, etc…) and to do it by hand. I want the pieces to be useful, but also attractive.

Thanks to the generosity of my peeps over the holiday season, I’ve managed to amass pretty much all of the power tools and equipment I need to put together a solid woodworking shop.

The goal is to spend the month of January practicing some of the basic skills needed (joints, angles, routing) to hit the ground running for February. I’m extremely excited about this one.

Resolution # 3

Do one “home improvement” task per week.

I’m not looking to cop-out here by changing a light-bulb and calling it a week. I’d like to get the yard into shape. I’d like to re-do the light fixtures in the front of the house. I’ve got stair sanding, garage cleaning, house spraying. All kinds of things to do. I’ll be partly relying on the TM to give me tasks, but I don’t see why I can’t keep busy. I’m always looking to add to my personal skill-set, and I think this could also contribute to that.

Not very exciting, I know, but those gutters ain’t gonna clean themselves, and maybe I’ll be able to blog about how I fell off the roof, or was attacked by birds or something. Filthy fucking birds.

Resolution # 4

Become a vegetarian* for a full year.

I told my buddy Alan about this one last week, and when he asked me why, I honestly told him “I don’t know”.

I’m still not totally sure. It’s not a health thing, I think. I find myself generally bored by vegetarian fare (with the exception of what the TM tends to make), and I’m interested in expanding my cultural and epicurean horizons by exploring foods and recipes that can make being a vegetarian accessible.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE meat. Bacon is delicious. Pretty much any style of chili is great. I love it. But, meat doesn’t really agree with me all that well, and I can’t go through life eating things that make me feel sick just because I think they’re fucking delicious. That’s not a sane thing to do. I’m led to believe that being a vegetarian can be just as satisfying, and from a personal perspective, I find myself feeling much less like throwing up after a salad than a steak. So… I guess I figure, might as well give it a shot.

There are some additional features of this vegetarian thing… that really make it not entirely vegetarian.

1) I’m taking my mom to a steakhouse, and while I’m not sure I WILL get steak, I am reserving the right to do so without feeling guilty that I’m breaking the Vegetarian Code. I know I am, and I’m planning it ahead of time. From the start.

2) I am allowed one seafood item per week. It can be any sort of animal of the sea (other than lion or otter). The only qualifier is that it can’t be fried. Sushi? Yes. Traditional Fish and Chips? No. (additional note: this isn’t a fried food thing. If I want a French fry, I’m allowed). The reason for the “No fried fish” thing is that if I’m going outside of the vegetarian thing, I’m not going to undercut the potential protein and nutrient infusion by muddying those waters with fried batter. Just feels weird.

3) I am not cutting out eggs, cheese, or any other dairy. I’m also allowed to eat soups that utilize chicken or beef stocks. Again… I’m not against meat consumption. I’m just getting it out there from the beginning.

Resolution # 5
Get into good enough shape and condition to run the Turkey Day 10K run on Thanksgiving.

This is coming from the guy who planned to run a marathon, while openly hating running. I still hate running. But the truth of the matter is… I want to challenge myself. I always like exercise when I have time to do it, and having a specific goal will be helpful.

To this end, I am getting a personal trainer to help whip me into shape, and provide me with a training plan. My ideal would be to work away from the running track/road for as long as possible. Strengthening my core, and my knees, enough so that once I start working on the running (hopefully mid Summer?) that my knees and back can handle the pounding of the pavement. I’ve got pretty shitty knees. They’ve been bad for a while, and I even went to an orthopedist a couple of years ago who said that they’re bad enough that I could elect to have surgery on them to scope them out. For me, it’s a matter of how much pain I am willing to accept, and strengthening first is the best way to minimize the pain. My back hasn’t been right since I fell off that horse back at Blue Jacket in the Summer of 2001.

Anyway, this isn’t a weight-loss goal, so I won’t be reporting on my weight or whatever. This is a conditioning goal.

So there they are… I invite any of you to check in with me as I go, though to help with resolution #1, I plan to blog about a lot of these things. Expect photos of my furniture and my house projects when applicable. Expect profanity laced rants about my trainer. Expect long, flowery stories about how much I miss bacon.

Most of all, expect a shitload of bitching about all of it, because those who know me know that almost every unpleasant thing I voluntarily do is simply a way to have an excuse to complain.

I AM the Duke of Negativity, after all.

Let the resolving begin.

National Blog Insensitivity

The Tofu Muchacha mentioned to me the other day that there's some sort of movement for a "Blogger Day of Silence" all blogs on March 18th in an act of support for Japan.

How in the ever living hell does a "Blogger Day of Silence" solve anything? Who believes that the people of Japan give two shits about whether I talk about what Disney movies I've enjoyed lately, or what outfit The Tofu Muchacha wore today, or what Jordan Baker thought about the latest episode of Top Chef? You know who believes the people of Japan cares?

Bloggers.

Blogging is, inherently, a self-centered activity. Sure, there are some bloggers who have developed significant followings, but 99 out of 100 blogs out there started as a person talking to themselves. Only bloggers would believe that the populace of a country ravaged by natural disaster, (where people are DYING, and homes are destroyed, and oh... internet connections are being interrupted everywhere), would ever even know that a handful of self-important bloggers in the safe and warm confines of their respective homes DIDN'T blog. It's so fucking dumb.

I know, I know... It's a symbolic gesture. How bout this... if you feel that you need to make a gesture, how bout you donate to the relief funds? How about you use your blog for it's actual purpose, and write a post about how you've been affected by the circumstances you've observed in Japan.

Part of the beauty of a blog is that you can talk about whatever you want. Whatever you feel. On this blog I've talked about all kinds of nonsense just for the sake of talking about it. If I felt the need to make a blog related gesture on behalf of the millions of people who don't know I exist, I'd be more likely to go the cathartic route, and write something reflective about the tragedy.

Instead, I've felt the need to comment on the meaninglessness of a suggested gesture. And, you know, show the world (or my 11 readers) that I'm just an insensitive dick. Whatever.

You know... while I'm at it...

I've heard tell of bloggers talking about being actually offended that people on Twitter and Blogs had the unmitigated nerve to actually tweet and blog about.... NOT Japan. I know! How dare @redreporter talk about what happened with The Cincinnati Reds!?!?! How DARE Alan Sepinwall blog about TV on his TV blog?!!!?? The Nerve! The Gall!!

Listen... I understand feeling the need to all sit in a corner and cry when you can't do anything about something so horrible you can't really even comprehend the scope of it. I get it. 9/11 was like that too. Everyone just sat, transfixed, weeping and wringing their hands, and that made everyone feel so much better. But you know... it really didn't. What made people feel better? When football started back up again. And when Letterman made jokes on TV that weren't about terrorists and death.

The thing about people is... they get obsessive. We all have a need for diversion. Diversion doesn't mean we don't care. It just means we don't go crazy with grief and sadness.

And you know... if you don't want to be offended by the lack of FOCUS on TWITTER (the single least focused media outlet in the history of the world), maybe... I dunno... don't fucking go to mother fucking Twitter.

If I was all:

"I am so upset, and I really need to talk it out. I need to go somewhere where everyone is focused on talking about the exact same thing with the exact same amount of gravity I am."

You bet your ass I wouldn't go to Twitter.

All of that said...

The disaster in Japan is one of the saddest, scariest events of my lifetime. The magnitude and reach of the tragedy makes me breathe harder, and makes my hands shake whenever I see anything about it. My heart goes out to the people of Japan. I pledge to post this blog today in the hopes to let you know how trivial I acknowledge my blog to be, in comparison to just about everything. At this moment, especially when comparison to the suffering of the millions of people, this dumbass rambling should mean even less.

Make a real difference, instead of NOT blogging:
Click here to donate real money to the relief efforts.

I'm a bad, bad blogger.. Football Picks

Hey Folks.... My latest lull in blogging has actually cost me followers. I'm sorry everybody! I've been so, so busy with work and with a show that I've just had no time. The show is done, and I am about to have a bunch of shit to talk about... Bear with me!

Anyway, here are my Football picks:

CHIEFS
VIKINGS
PATS
SAINTS
GIANTS
STEELERS
BENGALS
RAVENS
TEXANS
REDSKINGS
JAGUARS
COLTS
CARDINALS
CHARGERS
JETS
PACKERS

Fingers crossed.

Blog Biz

Here are all of the posts that I'm working on/planning/thinking about.

I know I normally don't do this, but I need to help remind myself as much as entice you.

- Disney Movie Review # 2 (Pinnochio). The Tofu Muchacha won't watch this one with me, because we tried watching it last year right after I got it on BluRay and she couldn't get through it. Of course, the fact that it was after 10pm when we started and her feet were turning back into pumpkin vines and her skin was becoming a familiar orange color may have had something to do with it.

- A brief rundown of the movies from my "2010" list (over to the right). Sort of as a summary of why they stand where they stand, and also as a chance to really re-evaluate where I'd place them. For the most part, my method has worked surprisingly well, and has stayed true to form.

- A deeper discussion of the movie "Inception". Maybe not the best movie I've seen this year, but certainly among the most thought provoking. This may also finally be my chance to discuss Hot Tub Time Machine in an organized way.

- A review of Victor Gischler's book "Vampires A G0-Go". I should be done with it shortly. I do really like his books.

- A recap of the creativity event the TM and I are attending in Michigan this coming weekend. I'm really looking forward to this, if just to spend some time in Three Oaks, Michigan, but not just that... The event sounds really sweet.

- I'm debating whether or not to discuss LeBron James. Here are the cons: 1) It's been discussed a lot already. 2) I never get any comments on my sports blogs, which leads me to believe what readers I DO have aren't really sports fans. Do any of you have any thoughts?

Oh.. and lastly a question for you all to answer in the comments...

If I were to drive cross country from Seattle to Cincinnati, what route would you take, and why? Let's say I have 9 days.

Finally Snapped

Hey Everybody!

I'm in a bit of a creative lull these days due to work being insanely busy, and much of my personal life being tied up with running from one event to another.

So, after talking to my dawg Nate (of Redheaded Stepchild notoriety), I've decided to do what all good artists do when they've run up against a wall...

I'm going to dive into some things that I find creatively stimulating and talk about them ad nauseum.

In the coming weeks (and likely months) I'm going to start at the beginning of the great Disney Animated Film Catalog and watch each and every one of the feature animated films released by the Disney company. In some cases, it's been years since I watched these movies, and so I'm going to write a new perspective review of each of them.

I'll start with Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Soon. Stay tuned.

Also, I read the sequel or, as the pretentious may call it the "companion" novel to/of The Forest of Hands and Teeth. I'll probably be talking about that sooner or later too.

After the Break

I slept late this morning, and now I'm all wired. And bored. The Tofu Muchacha is slumbering peacefully, having earned a solid rest after a day of running (10 miles!) and rehearsal. I accidentally deleted "Ultimate Recipe Showdown" before I watched it. The Cardinals/Brewers game is quietly in hand. I'm bored.

As I waited through the commercials, a couple of them struck me, so I've decided to write a short post about some of my issues with the growing weirdness of television advertising.

Screaming. Two of Three commercials featured men screaming. Staples is currently running these crazy ads where this idiotic business man is standing in the aisle of the store and just absolutely insanely shouts "WOW!! That's a low price!". Then he repeats this several more times as he sees all of the low prices the store offers. It's utterly ridiculous. The other screaming man commercial features George Takei. 'Nuff said.

How is having a man scream like a crazy person suddenly something that would make me think your product is good? I've been blown away by some low prices in my time (though, to be fair, never at Staples), and I've never felt the urge to scream like Howard Dean at a Prince concert.

Sand. I don't understand what it is about the beach that 1) makes people suddenly feel sexy like in those Cialis commercials or 2) makes ladies feel like their period is going better like in just about every tampon commercial. Sand isn't sexy. In fact, I am struggling to think of more than two or three things LESS sexy than sand. It gets in your crevices. It's used to grind things down. That really is all you should know about sand before determining you don't want it incorporated into your love making. And yet... Cialis will have you believe that when you take their magical pill you'll want to be transported right down onto the closest sandy beach for your middle-aged love making. I really enjoyed the Kotex commercial where the girl was all sarcastic about how the first thing she wants to do during her period is run around on the beach. At least they're aware of how stupid most tampon commercials can be.

Shame. Did you know that Infinity is currently running an ad campaign for one of their cars that brags the interior has silver dust polished into the wood. SILVER DUST. Like, first of all... how is this even remotely reasonable? Not to rip off a David Cross bit, but THIS is why most of the world hates us. Our fancy cars aren't fancy enough. We have to rub precious metals into the wood grain. Does it make our car run better? Does it conserve fuel? Does it smell like springtime? No. It's just a completely retarded thing. It's rare that I'm offended by oppulence (I mean... I work for a private jet company.) This isn't in the league of the 300,000 dollar watch that doesn't tell time, but it does make me think of it.

While I'm on the subject... Is it just accepted at this point that functionality is no longer the primary selling point in a product. I'm pretty convinced that something doesn't even have to work at all if it looks cool or has diamonds buried in it, or it smells like poppies or whatever. Moen wants you to buy their faucets because they look nice. Volkswagen wants you to buy their cars because they no longer look like toasters. Of course, Honda wants you to buy their cars because they DO look like toasters, so I don't know what to think.

The one thing I'm absolutely positive about is they don't even have to talk about how well their products work. This is amazing to me.

I've managed to blog myself into sleepiness. I leave you with one final thought...

DVRs are wonderful things.

This blog brought to you by the new Nike Air Muchachos
Oh yes. Those are real.

Recent Activities

My apologies for the lack of posting the last few days... I'll be back blogging around on Wednesday evening... Here are the things I'll be discussing...

- Time Travel questions raised by Hot Tub Time Machine.

- My eyelid has decided to stage a revolt.

- A book review of The Forest of Hands and Teeth.

- More rants on the behavior of other people's kids

- A review of the Denver Zoo.

- The opening day of baseball season.

Also, I'm tossing around a writing idea that would be a bit larger in scale. If anyone is interested in reading it piece by piece as it evolves, let me know. Maybe the knowledge that people are reading will make me actually do my page per day.

That should keep me busy for a while.

A Triumphant Return... to Picking Football Games

Hello!

I'm getting ready to come out of my great big blogging break with a couple of blogs... One about the Top 5 things about my Disney trip (not including the Tofu Muchacha who would hold all 5 spots), the Top 5 things that drive me crazy while I'm trying to enjoy Disney, and an intro to my NaNoWriMo project.

Until then, though, we're going to have to settle for a football picks blog. Last week, in my absense, I went 8 and 5, and 2 weeks ago I went 8 and 6, so now my record is 71 -32. Still pretty good.

Here we go for this week:

Texans
Bears
Cowboys
Lions
Broncos
Colts
Dolphins
Eagles
Jags
Chargers
Cardinals
Packers
Saints

This week is pretty tough. We'll see how it goes.

6 Days & 7 Blogs

In my "6 Days to Disney" blog coming up later today I've been forced to make a very tough decision.

You see... I've got 6 more Disney Blogs to write, and I have 7 topics. Not only that, but I've sort of painted myself into a corner, because I've built up this "Top 5" thing and now I've got 7 more things I want to discuss and 6 more days. I'm a little crazy, apparently, because I'm going to feel genuinely sorry about leaving out the 7th thing. So I've come to a decision... I'm going to blog about all 7, and they're not going to be ordered.

Looking back, I've already written about a bunch of things that I could have placed in my top 5. It was just asking too much of myself to take all of the thousands of things I love, or have loved about Walt Disney World, the non-person thing I've loved most in my life, and take them and actually rank them in some sort of un-scientific way.

Now... I think that, given a set of Disney things, I could actually rank them in order (if also given categories), but I didn't do that... Too late for that. So anyway, I'm going to give you my Final 7 items.

The Haunted Mansion
Pirates of the Caribbean
Hidden Mickeys
Pin Trading
Kilimanjaro Safari
Soarin'
Journey into the Imagination

My god... A daunting list. Exactly why I've decided to go this route. How can I possibly pare down such a group? I can't. You're looking at perhaps the heart and soul of the Disney Experience for me.


So anyway... 2 more for tomorrow, and then one more a day through Sunday to complete my quest....and then...on to Disney World.

Oh..one final thing... I went to the Ohio Renaissance Faire yesterday and had me a Giant-ass Turkey Leg. I did this only for the purposes of a post following the trip wherein I compare and contrast the Turkey of Renaissance-era Ohio and that of Walt Disney World, circa 2009. Here's a sneak peak: