Ongoing Olympic Coverage

Hey Folks...

I mentioned this with the Phelps post, but just thought you should know... I fucking LOVE the Olympics.

A quick thought for this afternoon...

Men's Gymnastics kinda rocks. There's something impressive about the way those dudes fling themselves around.

Specifically there are 2 events that are like... I don't care how long I practice, I could NEVER do that. The rings and the high bar.

The rings... I mean what kind of cruel bastard comes up with this. I am not certain that I could hold myself just hanging from the rings at all...these guys are flipping around, twisting and then hoisting themselves into strange contortions that look so effing painful that I want to cry just looking at them. Still...there's few images in sports that are as striking as a well executed Iron Cross.

The high bar.... are these guys INSANE? They're swinging around and tossing themselves up in the air and flipping and twisting and all that nonsense, and the craziest thing are those "release elements". I don't know how to even describe it exactly. It's just that they are swinging around and suddenly they shoot up in the air and do something crazy, and then they have to somehow have the presence of mind to grab the bar again or... plummet to their deaths? I dunno. They rarely miss.

Watch that shit.

Poetry. Inspiration. Greatness

Hey Folks-

So I wanted to get this post in before any of the events had occured, because I don't want any of my copious readers to think that my opinion was in any way built around this Olympics.

As it is, the men's 400 Individual Medley has literally just started, and I'm about to watch Phelps get his first gold medal (I assume)

I'm a huge sports fan. I follow a lot of different ones. Swimming is among my favorites, but it's clearly not the most popular of the ones I follow.

Here's the thing... Michael Phelps is the greatest athlete of all time. Seriously...like...in any sport.

This post is going to include a lot of statistics, because let's be honest no sports argument is worth much without stats.

First, some facts about Phelps in general...

--The race I just watched...the one that he claimed would be his toughest race of his quest to win 8 Gold Medals in China. He won by a solid 2 seconds and broke the world record by almost that amount. No athlete I've ever seen consistently performs so flawlessly under pressure.

-- He currently holds the world record in 6 separate events.

-- He has set separate records 26 times (including tonight).

-- He has NEVER lost the 400 IM. In the 6 years of his swimming that race at that distance, no one has ever beaten him.

-- There are 4 different events where he holds at least 5 of the top 10 times EVER in those events.

-- In the 400 IM, he's set the last 7 world records

-- Same with the 200 IM.

-- The last 6 200 Butterfly records.

-- In 2007 he attempted to win 8 Gold Medals at the World Championships. He won 7. The race he lost was a relay where his teammate caused the USA to be disqualified in an event they were heavily favored.

-- At 15, he was the youngest American man to qualify for the US swim team for 68 years.

-- He currently (with his gold medal tonight) has 7 career Olympic Gold medals and 9 overall. With 3 more Golds at this Olympics, he'd be the all time leader not just in swimming, but over-all. If he medals in each of his events he'll move into 2nd all time with 16 total medals.

-- Keep all of that in mind, and then remember that he's only 23. He will certainly be still in his prime in 2012 at the age of 27. It's conceivable that he swims in 2 more Olympics after this.

Here's my argument:
No athlete in any sport has been as dominant at an age that should by all accounts be BEFORE their prime. Michael Phelps was widely considered to be the greatest swimmer in the world at the age of 18. Most great International swimmers swim in 2 Olympics and compete in 3 or 4 events at most. He's doing 8, and is favored to win them all. He'll have the most gold medals of any athlete ever if he wins half of the events. People can always say "sure...great...the Olympics." Well yeah. The Olympics. Imagine the pressure of working toward a goal that only happens every 4 years. You work that hard for that long and one fuck-up and your dream is done. Over. Yet, the guy comes through every time. He's totally focused. It's unreal.

Lastly, and perhaps my biggest argument. Please name for me an athlete that not only was the best in their sport, but the best by such a great distance. Jordan had Drexler and Magic and Barkley who were not as good as him, but not miles behind. Tiger has had his challengers. Federer has Nadal. There's no one. NO ONE that comes close to Michael Phelps. He's so much better than everyone else that Rowdy Gaines was criticizing him for not coasting in a preliminary because his presence in the finals was already such a foregone conclusion that he should just relax.

People talk about other athletes...
Michael Jordan
Wayne Gretzky
Tiger Woods
Roger Federer
Jim Brown
Muhammed Ali

Yes...those guys are all in the conversation, but lemme break it down for you..

Michael Jordan: A good choice, but arguably not the greatest ever in his sport. There are too many other options that make sense. The Big O? Russell? Bird? Wilt? Also, while Jordan was truly great, he was always but one man on a team of 12. Not until he became slightly less selfish with the arrival of Scottie Pippin and Phil Jackson did he ever WIN anything. Essentially... I don't believe anyone in a team sport can be the greatest, because they always rely on others to ultimately succeed.

Federer: Totally dominant for years at a time? Yes. So far above the rest that no one even challenges him? Raphael Nadal would say no. He's never won the French Open. He's great, but not even yet the definitive best tennis player. It's an individual sport, yes, so he has an edge, but it's a little hard to argue for him this week, as Nadal just overtook him in the World Rankings.

Tiger Woods. Speaking of World Rankings... Tiger is so far ahead of everyone else in the golf rankings that he's going to be number one at the end of the year, even though he won't even play in 70% of the events for the year. Of course... Golf's not a sport, it's a game, so he's not really an athlete as much as a "gamer". He's clearly the worlds greatest gamer though.

Jim Brown... Not dominant for long enough. Team sports. Those are the things against him. For him? In the argument for "Greatest Athlete" in 2 sports. LaCrosse and Football. It's close, but his 8 years in the NFL just isn't enough of a sample.

Ali... An interesting argument could be made for Ali... Gold medalist, several heavyweight titles, longevity. Those are all in his favor. The biggest thing I'd say against him...he was legitimately beaten on the big stage a couple of times. My buddy Alan could weigh in on Ali better than I could. The thing with Ali is that there's a mystique that seems to sort of create a "greatness" aura in his favor. It's hard to say though.... He's the one that I think gives Phelps the biggest race, but I have a hard time separating the actual athletic performance and the legend.

Gretzky... He definitely fits the bill as far as being miles ahead of his contemporaries in HIS sport. He's got the records. He's got the championships. He's got the trophies. If Gretzky's performances hadn't been dependent in any way on teammates, I'd give it to him. He's so clearly the greatest hockey player ever that he transcends a sport I hate and made me want to watch on a occasion. He gets credit for that. Still... there's no way to judge him 100% as an individual because he was never on the ice alone.

Michael Phelps just amazes me. The scariest part though? He's maybe only half done in his career. Dara Torres is 41 and is a favorite in the 50 Freestyle. If he swims in 2 more Olympics after this one, he could potentially have 15-20 gold medals. That would be more Golds than all but one person has MEDALS at all.

Anyway, I know this was a boring one, but I wanted to throw it out there before the hype gets crazy if he breaks Spitz's record.

Gone Fishin'

Hey Folks...

Tattoo thoughts....

1) My sister is a total badass. That tattoo is huge, and on her ribs (a notoriously painful location) and she handled it like a champ.

2) I am so fucking happy with my tattoo it is ridiculous.

3) My leg is gonna be sooooore.

4) I love the little touch that Jake (The coolest tattoo artist I know) added by making her koi's eye the color blue (the color of my koi) and my koi's eye the color pink (the color of her koi). It provides that further connection between the two. The guy is awesome. Go to him. I'll give you his number.

So without further ado... Briana and Dan's Matching Tattoos. (Pictures taken with my cell phone....please excuse the quality. And my pasty leg.)


Yes... Those are bubbles on my leg. Cute little watery bubbles.

How's that for badassery? I can't decide if I think hers is cooler or mine, but I know that it's a close contest either way, and neither of us lose.

Happy Birthday Briana.

Further Trivialities

Hey Folks...

Nothing much to report for the last few days, but I do have a couple of quick hits...so...here we go.

-- Briana and I are getting our tattoos later today. I'm a little nervous. Why? I'm not gonna front... Tattoos HURT. They hurt like a mother fucker. It's never stopped me before, though, so it's gonna happen. I'm gonna get some pictures posted tonight, I hope.

-- I've noticed how much more I want to go on vacation now that I've JUST been on vacation. It's very similar to falling off the "diet wagon". It's really not hard to stick to a diet as long as you don't slip. That sounds obvious, but hear me.... Will-power is an interesting beast. When you start a diet, it's new...it's fresh...it's really not that hard for the first week or so, and then if you get through the first week, there's often a pretty good period where you can coast. The biggest thing is... you can not cheat AT ALL. Every time you cheat the resolve to NOT cheat weakens. Trust me on this. Vacation is the same way. Sure.. before I went to Vegas, I was really excited to go and all that, but now that I've just been on vacation, all I think about is where and when I can go next.

-- I have an audition this Saturday for 1776. I'm singing "Old Red Hills of Home" from Parade, and I'm using a monologue by Craig Wright from The Pavilion. I'd really like it to go well, though I admit that I feel pretty much at peace with my plan to only accept 2 roles. If I don't get one of those, I'm fine with doing something else. Cross your fingers for me.

-- I have been thinking that I should e-mail Brett Favre's agent and offer my company's private jet charter services. The guy flies CONSTANTLY. I've been trying to get a good look at the planes he's been getting on and off, but I'm having a tough time getting a good view. It'd be helpful to know if he's a Hawker guy or a Citation guy.

Thats all. I keep thinking there was something I really wanted to talk about on here, but I can never remember what it was. I have to learn a monologue.

Las Vegas... Hookers and missionaries on every corner.

Hey Folks!

I am returned from Las Vegas. With that... a few thoughts.

1) I alluded to my love for Las Vegas previously. That love has not diminished. That said, I never realized until this trip exactly how singular Vegas is. I mean... I knew it wasn't a normal place. I knew that you could see things there that you'd never see anywhere else. I guess I never thought about the depths of such things. Allow me to explain by offering 5 things that make Vegas the most unique place in America.
a) At "Mermaids Casino" downtown, (immediately next to the hot dog/ fried twinkie stand where my dad was enjoying both of those delicacies at that moment), I saw a cocktail waitress so drunk/high that she stumbled into the restroom, barely making it. It was... 11 AM.
b) As I rode the monorail back from the MGM Grand to my hotel, a man sat next to me. He then put his arm around me. I was too shocked to react at all. I figured it was best.
c) For a place that is so completely devoid of entertainment geared toward children, there sure are a ton of them. At the Bellagio for "O", I sat next to a family of 6. The poor bastard who purchased the tickets paid 173.00 per person for their family. The child closest to me sat still for MAYBE 10 minutes of the 100 minute show. And that show might be the most kid friendly thing I saw all week.
d) Nowhere else can you see a person winning a huge amount of money on the slot machines, and not only NOT act happy in any way, but actually look pissed because the credits are taking too long to tally, and they want to get back to their mind-numbing slot machine-ing.
e) The only place in the entire world where in the span of one block you walk past a girl on roller skates and a thong, a homeless man admitting he only wants beer, an Asian family taking pictures (again with the insanely inappropriate presence of children), 5 latinos passing out brochures for neighborhood prostitutes, a gaggle of drunken 40 year-old women who haven't been to bed yet (at 11AM), and a living statue.

2) As much as I love Vegas, the gambling part has lost a tad-bit of it's luster. Perhaps it's because the slot machines totally obliterated me. Perhaps it's because I'm mad at myself for not playing more Pai Gow Poker (I killed that game this week.) But the thing is... All of those things I mentioned above are reason enough to make Vegas a yearly stop. The gambling is fun, but is also a decided bummer if you're losing. The place is pricey enough as it is.

3) Another reason to check out this place? The sheer, ridiculous size and scope of the whole place. You see pictures, and since the casinos are all next to eachother, you don't realize how fucking huge these places are. The MGM Grand takes 15 minutes just to walk from one end to the other without stopping. Ceasars Palace is so big it's entirely conceivable that you not only could get lost in the casino itself, but you'd probably be wise to factor the time it takes to get from room to lobby when making any plans. The Forum Shops at Ceasars has more stores in which I couldn't afford a single item than all of the stores in Cincinnati. Fendi, Ferragamo, Jimmy Choo, Cartier, Gucci...all of them. It's actually quite insane. The new "City Center" is the single largest private construction project in American history. 8 BILLION dollars. There are more hotel rooms in the MGM Grand alone than there are in the entire city of Cincinnati. It's hard to even put it into perspective. All I can say is that nothing looks like it'd be a long walk, but it ALWAYS is.

4) I have a vague feeling of embarrasment about the place. It's like.. In one place, there is every single excess and display of ridiculous oppulence that seems to make everyone hate Americans. When Bin Laden was talking about our priorities being misplaced, I wouldn't be surprised to find out he'd just come from Vegas. That said... I'd say that EASILY half of the people there are not American. So... who exactly is there to witness my shame? It's a place built on foreign money. Yo go past the high-rollers area at most places and it's dominated by non-Americans. Usually with a hot blonde on their arms. So... there's a cognitive dissonance to Vegas that is hard to wrap my brain around. On the one hand, you're embarassed to be a part of it, but on the other hand... everyone else seems to be playing along, so... who cares?

5) I'm still astounded by the number of quintessential "Vegas Style" shows that are around. Today, after I left, Dad and Dee Anne went to see this. There are the same tired comedians. The same weirdo shows with people like Cher and Bette Midler who both...I don't know if I'm right about this... might be in their 90s. It's just so odd when everything else is geared toward drawing in the younger crowd with their clubs and music things...but they still name Danny Gans (the impressionist) Entertainer of the Year. It's like... 2 worlds colliding, but only...happily.

6) GOD DAMN was it hot. I mean...seriously. I believe we hit 109 yesterday. And yeah...the old joke "It's a dry heat" is funny, and mostly true. I was significantly more comfortable there in that heat than I would in Cincinnati were it 20 degrees cooler with the humidity. Now, in honor of my dad, who may not have made up this joke, but sells it pretty well...

Guy 1: Damn...it's fucking hot.
Guy 2: Yeah, but it's a dry heat.
Guy 1: Great. So's an oven.

I digress... I'm not sunburned either, despite my not wearing a hat for much of the trip, and being out in the Sun.. that's a good thing.

Lastly...

6) The food thing is a real bummer. As you all know, I have a difficult time eating these days, after the surgery. So... previously, if I'd been in Vegas it'd be all about the Buffets and the steaks and the deli and burgers and whatever else. Deep Fried Oreos perhaps. Well...now I'm lucky if I am able to finish a bowl of soup. It's discouraging to not be able to eat all of these great things.

In any case, I wanted to thank my Dad and Dee Anne for being awesome this week. I had a great time, and I look forward to another...or maybe Disney.