What is the World Coming To? (and other dangling prepositions)

So... I go into the trunk of my car tonight to get out some boxes. Wait... I need to go back further...

Back in July I agreed to to props for The Drama Workshop's Fall show "Lend Me a Tenor". I don't know exactly what prompted me, aside from wanting to be more involved than just showing up to act. Well... I've been collecting these props for about a month now, and keeping them in a box and a bag in the trunk of my car.

Every time I open my trunk I sort of inventory the props that I've already obtained, and I also check to make sure nothing's been damaged by my insane driving.

So... I go into the trunk of my car tonight to get out some boxes. I take the boxes out and, because it's dark, I glance quickly in and start to turn away. Then I realize what I'd just seen...or rather...what I'd just NOT seen. The props are all gone. I ask the Tofu Muchacha if she'd moved them.

"No."

I ask the Tofu Muchacha if she remembered me moving them into the backseat for some reason (already knowing the answer).

"No."

So that pretty much leaves only one actuality here... My fucking car was violated. Sodomized. Raped.

I've been robbed before. I'd actually put 3 separate CD players into my old Dodge (Simon the Silver). For some reason, this one feels worse, because like... those had all been on a street, or in the parking lot of my apartment complex. This one was in a driveway. Meaning that the bastards had to go onto private property to do it.

Oh...and also... stealing a CD Player is logical. They have some (if minor) value on the black market. I can't, however, even see the point in sifting through my trunk (oh yes... there were things left, so they took their time to fucking shop) and stealing, among other things a 1930s era radio that doesn't work at all. An old telephone. Some glasses. Oh..and my Disney Villains bath towel that happened to be in there. The mother fuckers.

I hope they die.

There's just no point to it. I hope they fucking enjoy the 19 dollars worth of shit they stole from me, because let's be honest... if your life is at the place where a broken vintage radio is the last thing between you and blowing old men for crack money...well... I guess you needed it more than Tito Merelli.

At least they didn't steal my Blue Ash Idol trophy. That would have really bummed me out.

Labor Day and Thanksgiving in one!

So... Monday was Labor Day and for once I didn't have to work, and I didn't have any big plans, so the Tofu Muchacha and I went to a couple of thrift stores (looking for various things, including some decor type props for the show I'm collecting for that opens in a little over a month.

First, let me tell you something about "thrifting"...

I enjoy the occasional jaunt to the local Valley Thrift or St. Vincent De Paul, and I'm told that Mondays, in general are the a good time to go, since there are often sales. Well... Combine a Monday and a day where most people are off work and you have what can only be described as outright fucking lunacy.

Anyway, this day I prepared myself to go thrifting:
We got there around 10:20 in the AM and not only was there a near-riot in the parking lot to find a space (we ended up eschewing the lot altogether and parking up the street in a residential area), but when we walked in, there was an effing mob scene at the checkouts. It was insane. At least 4 times while we were there (about 45 minutes or so) someone got on the loudspeaker to annouce that such and such a car was illegally parked and that they'd be towed. There was also an announcement that went something like this:

"Will the owner of a silver van, license plate # AH52JS please come to the front. You have been hit."

And then the entire throng....the blood thirsty mass of bargainers...they laughed.

After leaving there (and finding some pretty snazzy silver plated stuff in the process) we grabbed lunch and hit another store.

At some point, the Tofu Muchacha decided that I needed to bake again (as it was Monday). Since it's fun, and I'm certainly not against sweets (I'm no communist!), I agreed. Her only request was that I make a cheesecake. Another thing I'd never made before... I don't know why, but I've been hesitant to try making cheesecake so far, because it always has struck me as being more complicated than regular type baking. I dunno...

So I looked through The Book, and found nothing of particular interest (I KNOW!) and then turned my search to the Food Network website once again. After about 14 seconds, I'd found a highly rated recipe for Pumpkin Cheesecake...By the sexiest Southern gal I know...Paula Deen. I love her.

In my last blog, I stated my reasons for disliking Emeril (despite his food all being so good), so it's only fair that I talk about Paula. Oh..Paula. She's great for all of the same reasons Emeril is getting so, so old.

1) While she's become arguably as famous as the Emeril, she seems to have somehow avoided picking up any bit of pretense.


2) She's unabashed about her cooking style. She's from the South and she likes fatty foods. I was once told that a Southern "health food" was deep friend green beans. She just cooks what she likes and doesn't apologize. I love her for that. I was saw her bake the craziest breakfast casserole anyone's ever seen. I don't recall all of the details, but I know it included large quanities of the following: Ham, Cheddar Cheese, Bananas, Eggs, Potatoes, AND POTATO CHIPS. Baked in a pan.


3) She just seems like she's always having fun. Perhaps because she's drunk, but who cares. She took a bite out of a fucking chunk of butter on live TV.

So anywhoo....we went to the store and picked us up some food type supplies, and got to work immediately on creating another masterpiece.

Here is the mise en place:

So..the primary change I made in the recipe this time, (because what would a Beefy Muchacho Baking Adventure be without a diversion), was to replace the regular honey graham crackers with chocolate graham crackers. The Tofu Muchacha approved of this decision. In fact, she approved enough to volunteer to make the crust her own self. It was a sight to behold. That's for sure...Like I said... Beautiful and Terrifying.


Frankly, I don't see why you wouldn't add chocolate to something, and this is no exception. This is my favorite innovation I've come up with so far.

As for the filling, there's not really much to say... aside from it was waaaaay easier than I expected. Oh...and make sure of 2 things when making cheesecake filling:

1) Make sure that the cream cheese is super, super soft before you start mixing it, or you'll have a hell of a time with the mixer, and... When I saw this mess, I couldn't really picture it ever looking even remotely appetizing.

It looks way better now, and it also tasted pretty good raw. I know that sounds gross, and I'm probably dying of some sort of egg-bourne illness and I don't even know it, but it was worth it. I could have eaten it with a spoon. Instead I used my fingers.

2) Make sure that your computer with the recipe is out of splatter range.Yeah... That happened.

So, if you see above, that's a pretty large bowl of goo, right? I would have never thought, in a million years, that it would all fit nicely into that 9 inch springform pan... but Paula Deen has her shit on lock, and it fit like O.J.'s glove. (Nothing like a nice current reference, huh?)

There she is... ready to go in the oven. (at 350 for an hour). It was a pretty moist day outside, so I didn't put any water in the oven with it, hoping that it wouldn't crack. In fact, I didn't even know that cracking was likely. Shows how much I know, right? Because, an hour later I had a veritable canyon of cheese in the oven...
Now how can I possibly serve my co-workers completely free dessert that looks like that? I know they are folks of high standards. So, the Tofu Muchacha came up with the idea of a Chocolate/Sour Cream icing (which, I may end up using again when I make the May-hican Pecan Pie again.)

It's not that interesting, but basically I melted about a 1/3 cup of chocolate chips, 1/3 cup of sour cream and some confectioner sugar (added by the T.M.). It ended up looking a little like this (from melty chips to the top of the cake):

Not bad, eh? I have to say that I am especially pleased with this improvisation. It makes me feel like I should just have that in my back pocket at any time. It's really, really tasty. It's not too heavy. It's simple to make. Yum.

So, we let it cool, and worked on our Romeo and Juliet lines while we waited. I knew we would be pushing it a little bit, but I really wanted to taste it before bed.

Yep. It was that fucking good. I am most pleased with this one of all of the Beefy Muchacho Baking Adventures.

Here's I detail the successes, the failures, and things I may try the next time...

Successes:
The chocolate additions (crust and icing) were both awesome, and honestly I can't imagine this cake without them. A little plain, I would think.

Failures:
I would have liked for the cake not to crack like the fucking streets of Pompei. I realize that this failure resulted in the greatest triumph of the dish, but still... aesthetically it pissed me off.

Things I may try next time:
I kinda like the idea of maybe a fruit icing... like baked apple or something else Autumn-y. I dunno. It was pretty effing good. I'd definitely plan on a topping from the outset.

The other big "first" of the day came during dinner. I had my surgery in January of 2008 and have not since had a single hamburger or anything like that. Well... Sammy the cat (of the Sammy and Bear conversation) finally catched him a Mo', and brought it into the house, so it seemed a perfect time for the Tofu Muchacha to make those Mole (pronounced Mo-lay for those pretentious people out there)Burgers she'd been wanting to try.

Personally, I was a little nervous about eating a burger, as my stomach is still sensitive to complex proteins, and I would think that Mole meat would be pretty tough (what from all of the digging). All of my fears turned out to be unfounded, because the combination of the special Mexican Mole seasoning (apparently moles are quite a problem down there), which I believe included Chocolate and chilis among other things. The thing went down smoooooth. Seriously. It was my favorite burger I've had in 2 years. It was super tasty, and I felt fine after. Even fine enough to have some cheesecake.

'Twas a good day.

Rejoice, Rejoice and be exceedingly glad. Football is come.

Hey Folks-

It's late. I'm tired, and I'm going to bed here soon. Still.. I forgot to put up my NFL Picks before the game started this evening, so better late than never, right?

I've been told that my picks are boring and people skip the posts where I post them, but Alan and I have been doing it for 4 years now, so I'm not going to stop entirely.

My picks for this week are:
Steelers. I hate them, but fortunately I think they won't be as good this year, and nothing makes me happier than Steelers fans shutting their fat faces.

Falcons. Matt Ryan was recently determined by a scientific study to be the best looking NFL player...because he's symmetrical. That's a true fact.

Bengals (I know, right?) Look... I don't have much to say about the Bengals now, because there's a full blog coming, but just know this from the start. They are on a one year contract right now. The Saints are licking their lips.

Vikings. God.. it's weird, because I want them to do well, but I want Favre ( my one-time favorite player) to die. Maybe he'll get hurt, and we can all be happy.

Colts. the fuckers.

Saints. My favorite team in waiting.

Cowboys. Zzzzzz. Big numbers from Romo are all I care about.

Panthers. I don't have much of an opinion on them, but I'd like to see their running game succeed.

Ravens. I hate them. That's all.

Texans. Andre Johnson is on my fantasy team. Mario Williams makes me smile (because he makes Reggie Bush haters smile) with every sack he gets. Connor Barwin is the first impact Bearcat in years. What's not to like?

Giants. A Manning I don't hate.

Cardinals. A bit of a rubberband back to the upper-middle, but still good enough to beat the Niners.

Rams. My sleeper this year. Don't ask me why.

Packers. Considering what a douche Favre turned out to be, I want Aaron Rogers to be great. I think he will be this year.

Patriots. Back to being the best team in the league. Funny what a Brady will do.

Chargers. Odd what a bitch L.T. has turned out to be. I hear he's complaining about Adrian Peterson getting respect. How fucking dumb.

Pie... Mexican Style

Hey Folks... Hold on to your hats.. it's PIE TIME!

After the overwhelming response from both my readership (Hi Abs!) and the eaters of the peach/berry pie, I was encouraged to bake another pie this past weekend.

So I did.

This time I didn't even have to open The Book to decide what kind of pie to bake, because the Tofu Muchacha (aka T.M.) noted that I had all of those pecans left from the previous pie (not to mention the 2nd frozen crust) and thus... a pecan pie was the most logical choice.

Now... I should say that I am not a fan of the pecan pie, particularly. I like the ones with chocolate or something else going on, because it's just got a weird texture otherwise that I cannot abide.

T.M. suggested I make a black bottom pecan pie, and I was briefly appalled and I whispered "We call them African Americans now." She did not laugh at this joke. Nor should she have. What she was actually suggesting was that it would be a pecan pie with a chocolate layer, which... sounds better than just regular ol' pecan pie.

Strangely, The Book didn't really have a great recipe for one of these types 'o' pies... either they were too complicated with all kinds of chilling and pouring and time involved, or they included meringue (another weird texture thing), or they just seemed kinda boring. I found myself trolling the corners of that Gommorah known as "FoodTV.com" for chocolate pecan pie recipes and came across one that sounded good. "Rich Chocolate Pecan Pie".

It took me a little while to notice that the pie recipe was that of one "Emeril Lagasse". He of the "Pork Rules" bumper stickers and pseudo-Nawlins accent. That same Bam- spouting huckster who both make Food popular and made us all eventually want to kill ourselves just to escape his ever-increasing omni-presence.

Let me just say 3 things about good ole Emeril...

1) I used to love the guy, and I still think his food looks fantastic... He's just more over-exposed than Dave Matthews Band was way back in my freshman year dorm.
2) His recipes are usually pretty complex, though have always yielded success in the past. This one was simple.
3) I think I'd have a lot more tolerance for him now if he seemed like he still enjoyed himself in even the tiniest way.

Anyway... back to the recipe. Turns out the T.M. had most of the ingredients already, so I really only had to purchase the Chocolate Chips.

Here's the Mise en place:


Those fancy blue jars have sugar and brown sugar. Also, you'll see on the left some of my special spices... those aren't in the recipe. Cinnamon and Cayenne are part of a special addition of my own. Because, frankly Emeril's recipe is a little pussyfied. I'll get to that later.

The thing about this recipe is that it's so simple, as written, that I won't have much to say between steps this time around, so let me just lay it out there and I'll comment as necessary.

The first thing I did was take a cup and a half of pecan halves and a half cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips and I poured them into a bowl, mixed them up, and then poured them directly into the bottom of that shameful frozen pie crust....

Mark my words: I will NOT use a frozen crust for my next pie. No way. No how.

I digress... you'll see below what that looked like.

That lovely and terrifying creature is the actual Tofu Muchacha. A rare sight indeed, and in her natural habitat of being fantastic in her kitchen... attempting to eat a raw, choco-nut pie. Fortunately, I warded her off so that I may finish my creation.

After wrastlin' things away from her, I mixed the remaining ingredients in a bowl and poured (the admittedly gross-looking mixture) into the pie.
Sugar, Brown sugar, 4 eggs, vanilla, and a pinch of salt

You'll see from the second photo, that the counters are a little unlevel. This was a little troubling for me... I didn't know what it would do to the pie itself...probably nothing really (I was wrong in thinking that), but it kinda looked sloppy. I just have to make sure the next time that I'm pouring on a more level surface. Ah well.

So I put it in the oven at 375 for an hour.

Have you guys seen Mad Men? That show is effing awesome. I've been trying to catch up on it so that the T.M. and I can watch the new season together soon. I really, really like John Hamm. He's great in that show. And Christina Hendricks? Ssssmokin. Seriously. If you're doing a show with period costuming or with period dialogue...watch Mad Men. Their attention to detail is amazing.

After an hour, I took the pie out of the oven, and it looked pretty freakin good, if not all that interesting. In reference to the un-even pie filling, it seemed to burn a little where it'd spilled over. Not a big deal, really considering the twist:

Oh...so what's the twist and turn this week to make Emeril's Pussyfied pie a little less so?

I decided to make a Milk Chocolate/Chili Power Glaze for the top. I know, right!

I took some milk chocolate chips, cayenne pepper, and cinnamon and melted them down (with a little butter and milk) and poured that delicious melange over the baked pie.

This mixure of pepper, cinnamon, and chocolate is what makes this pie "Mexican". The Tofu Muchacha was telling me about a Mexican coffee she had, and it included all of those ingredients. I think it's odd that I came up with that exact combination 4 days before I'd heard of this beverage, but anyway, that's the name.

After letting that thing cool (yes Abbey... I let it cool), we dug in. The final pie, cut and on a plate looked a little something like this:

Yes... it was delicious. I'll not deny that. I will say that it was a more reserved success than the previous pie.

1) The chocolate topping was delicious and spicy and kicky and whatnot, but it hardened when it cooled, and it didn't seem to mesh that well with the rest of the pie. Gilding the lily a bit, if you ask me.

2) The pecans should have been chopped up a little. The recipe called for pecan halves, but that's probably too chunky for a pie. It was tasty, but as the T.M. said "It's more chewing than I like in my pie."

3) The un-even counters caused that one edge to burn slightly with all of the sugar. Fortunately, it still tastes lovely, but it caused a slightly crispy texture along the edge and the coloration was off on that side.

What else would I consider doing to improve it?

1) If I decided to add a topping again, I'd use something a little less sweet or rich. I don't know what, but something lighter would be nice.

2) I may cut the semi-sweet chocolate chips with some milk chocolate to again lighten the flavor a little.

3) I'd use light brown sugar instead of dark.

4) No cayenne, but maybe like... Ancho chile powder instead. It's got a slightly sweeter heat to it.

Counting Down

Hey folks... a quick one here to point out a new feature on the blog.

If you look to the right of the page, you should see my "Days to Disney World" countdown clock. It's pretty awesome. That's how many days until I smell the sweet, sweet air of Walt Disney World.

Starting at 30 days out, I'll be posting a special blog entry every day, harkening back to my old Xanga blog where I did a "35 Days to Disney" extravaganza of blog posts where I listed 1 of my favorite things about Disney each day for 35 days prior to one of my trips. I've been 4 times since then, and experienced a lot of new things. Because of that, I've decided to do it again. I'm going to do everything I can to not refer back to the previous list, and then when I'm done, I'll compare.

You've got a little time before you have to endure it, but this is your warning. I'll still blog about other stuff (like football and things that annoy me, or...in that probable venn cross-section, the Cincinnati Bengals.)