If I Had a Billion Dollars

Hey Folks-

I had a dream the other night where I found a Genie, and it granted me 3 wishes. My first wish was infinite wealth. Why did I choose that over anything else, like... World Peace, Immortality, a killer bod. Well....essentially, I think I could use my other 2 wishes for those things, and also... I think my infinite wealth would cover a lot of bases.

So, in the spirit of my dream, and to take a long-lost blog post a step farther, I give you...

First, some rules:
1) I can't ever run out of money, so there's no such thing as being irresponsible.
2) For the purposes of this game, my money doesn't effect the world's financial balance in any way. For example were I to purchase all of the gold in Serbia from the Serbian government at 150% retail, that wouldn't immediately make Serbia a super-power.
3) Assume that I've already helped out the parents and siblings and friends with their needs.

And now...

5 Things Dan Would Do with Infinite Wealth.

1) Buy an NFL Team. Yeah... I would totally buy an NFL team. First, I should mention that this is what I did in my dream, so even if it's not totally in my top 5, I guess subconciously it is. There are a lot of reasons I'd do this. a) The Bengals...my "team of choice" are a fucking horrendous nightmare, and I feel that this is directly related to the idiot owner (Mike Brown). Yes.. I think I could be a better owner. b) I don't LOVE Mark Cuban in general, but I do kinda envy his lifestyle, and I love that he just got really rich and immediately bought himself a franchise, like it was Fantasy Basketball or something. Now he hangs out with rock stars and athletes and he seems like he has fun all the time. I couldn't deal with the basketball players...they kinda drive nuts. Baseball players are boring. I think football is the perfect sport in which to own a team. So...there's another addition to this one.. I wouldn't want to run the team. I would want to be involved on a semi-day to day basis, but I think that my buddy Alan could be a better GM than almost anyone in the league now, so instead of paying off his house directly, I'd hire him as General Manager of our team. Give him 3 years and we're a contender. I guarantee that. That would be awesome.

2) I'd donate a full scale, fully equipped theater facility to Thomas More College (my Alma Mater). I have reasons for this too...and conditions. a) I really think that the long-time head of the drama department at TMC deserves more than to see his program stagnate and die. He's a living legend, as far as I'm concerned. b) The department is fading, and I think that's mostly because there's not a lot of public attention on it. People don't even know it's there. A new state-of-the-art facility would solve that issue. c) They really need a new space. Versatile. d) I fully believe in giving back to the places that affected you and your life in a positive way. TMC Drama did that for me. Now...the condition? I'd get to be managing artistic director. For life. I'd want to see that my donation was being used wisely. I'd want to see a great effort in attracting local theater prospects. I don't want it to compete with CCM or NKU exactly... I think a BA is still valuable. But they need a larger group. A group that is less a club and more a department.

3) I'd purchase an Island. On this island, I'd build a giant home. Much like my Billionaire Role Model, Richard Branson. I don't have much to say about this, because I think it's pretty self explanatory. Actually..this item involves the purchase of several properties around the world. I'd have my island paradise. NOT Orlando (see item #4). I'd have a condo in Vegas (though there IS something to be said about staying in those crazy suites... I'd have a home in Cincinnati. That's probably it. I like the idea of having homes.

4) Disney World for LIFE. I'd call up Steve Jobs (CEO of Disney) and I'd ask him what I needed to do to get a lifetime pass to Disney World (with Golden Fast Pass) and a permanent suite just for me at whatever resort I wanted to stay in at that time. A million dollars? A billion? Does it matter? Nope. I'd pay them a million a year forever. I just want unlimited access to the parks for the rest of my life. I think that I've said enough.

5) I'd buy a ranch and a herd of horses. Probably in Wyoming or Colorado. It'd be open to guests. My cousin Abbey would run that portion for me, and she could live there. I'd have my own part of the property there too, but for the most part, it'd just be a really cool, beautiful place to visit that would make my cousin happy. I've always been drawn to the idea of being able to go somewhere peaceful and beautiful and clean and somewhat secluded. I think that with all of my responsibilities with all of my money, a place like that would be important.

So...there it is..what would YOU do?

Il Mio Italiano è Orribile.

Hey Folks-

So, I think I mentioned in a previous blog that Briana, my sister, is going to Italy for 4 months. She's leaving a week from Monday. I'm gonna miss her.

Anywhooo... She had a going-away party the other night at the homestead, and I told her that I had a few ideas of gifts that she could bring back for me. Being the thoughtful brother that I am, I tried to come up with things that would certainly get her arrested for taking into the airport. Even if they ended up being totally innocent.

So, in honor of Briana's awesome upcoming adventure, I give you:

The Top 5 Gifts Suspicious Enough to Get Briana Questioned and or Arrested.


1) This one is double awesome... She could get arrested just procuring the gift in the first place... I want her to take a heavy duty file and collect some good white powdery dust from the Collosseum. Then she should take the white "pillar powder" and put it in a zip lock bag in her carry-on.

2) A small Italian child. I don't know what the purpose of this would be, but Briana's a little weird, and it's the thought that counts.

3) One of those monkey's with the hats that dances to the hurdy gurdy. I don't need the hurdy gurdy itself.

4) A crucifix from the Vatican. Not like... from the gift shop(pe) but an actual one. Like...from the Pope's private crib.

5) *Courtesy of Briana's boyfriend Drew... She could bring me back a "bowling ball candle". Just picture that going through the x-ray machine... Allow me to provide a visual:

In any case, Buona fortuna Briana. I'll miss you.

The Omnivore's 100

Hey Folks-

So my friend at Wine Me, Dine Me (a Cincinnati Food Blog) (linked here and also at the right), posted her own version of the "Omnivore's 100".

The Omnivore's Hundred is an entirely subjective list of 100 items that Andrew Wheeler, co-author of the British food blog Very Good Taste, thinks every omnivore should try at least once in his life. I've decided to do my own version. May I think Wine Me, Dine Me for giving me the idea...by doing it herself.

He offered this list as the starting point for a game, along the following rules:1. Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.2. Bold all the items you’ve eaten3. Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.4. Optional extra: post a comment on Very Good Taste, linking to your results.

I've not tried nearly as many as I'd like to have, considering how much I love food, and how I'm pretty much unafraid to try anything once. (Though, when Bear Grylls from "Man vs. Wild" drank the moisture from a clump of elephant poo, that went over the line.)

The ones I've tried are in bold. My comments are in parentheses.

1. Venison (thanks Gramps!)
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile (I have had alligator.)
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue (What a weird fad. My family still does the fondue at Xmas.)
8. Carp
9. Borscht (I really need to though. I just referenced it at lunch the other day)
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari (Delicious.)
12. Pho
13. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich (Roman meal bread, strawberry jelly, crunchy pb)
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart (I'll contend it's the perfect meal)
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes (Strawberry)
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream (Another fave of my mom's)
21. Heirloom tomatoes (Just had one for the first time 2 weeks ago. They really are better.)
22. Fresh wild berries (The ride to the hospital was awesome. Kidding.)
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper (What is the point of doing this?)
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters (Not a favorite.)
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas (If I ever have a craving, my friend at work keeps them on her desk.)
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut (Something I hated when I was a kid, but love now.)
35. Root beer float (Oh my god. When I was in Vegas I wanted one so fucking bad.)
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly
39. Gumbo (when done well, one of my top 5 favorite foods)
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk (In cheese form...and at Sun Rock Farm. In "from the teet" form.)
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more (Totally wasted on me.)
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel (Sushi variety only, but I liked it well enough.)
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal (Sigh)
56. Spaetzle (more fun to say than to eat.)
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV (Trois Pistoles. Check it out. It's Canadian.)
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores (hate 'mallows, but it's hard getting through childhood without at least one S'more)
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian (Wow... Stinky.)
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake (no, yes, no, yes)
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain (oh yeah. Awesome.)
70. Chitterlings or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill (I only assume.)
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
85. Kobe beef (While in Vegas, I checked out a ton of menus. Bradley Ogden in Ceasars had the most expensive single dish... Kobe Beef filet at 39.00 per OUNCE)
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam (Apparently deep fried is great.)
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox (I was eating them as young as 4 or 5 years old.)
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake (Tastes like chicken. Incidentally, I think that things don't really taste like Chicken. Chicken doesn't have a distinct flavor of it's own. It just sucks up the flavors around it, really...things don't taste like chicken, chicken tastes like them.)

How about you? Feel free to copy it in the comments.

Ongoing Olympic Coverage 3

Okay...so Phelps is now 6 for 6 with World's Records in each. I'm sure I'll mention him again.

Tonight, I want to mention one of the things I love most about the Olympics...embodied by Nastia Luiken, the new American female Olympic champ.

I love the Olympics because there are people who realize lifelong dreams. There's nothing BETTER to do in the sport of gymnastics than win a gold medal. When you put a kid in gymnastics at age 5, the best you can hope for is that. Not so with basketball or baseball. Those sports have higher places to go. More money. All of that.

I love watching people achieve the most absolutely possible in their sport.

Ongoing Olympic Coverage 2

Hey Folks-

I just watched the Men's 400M Freestyle relay.... pretty unbelievable. Phelps' quest is still alive, and it's already being called the greatest relay race ever raced. I'm inclined to agree. The 5th place team swam faster than the world record. The winners broke it by 5 seconds.

Go USA. Jason Lesak is awesome.